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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24566272">Decide Your Destiny</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsSmitty/pseuds/MsSmitty'>MsSmitty</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Stranger Things (TV 2016)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>1980s, 80s nostalgia, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coming of Age, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Hormones, Maybe They'd Find Hopper if it Weren't for the Hormones, Minor Eleven | Jane Hopper/Mike Wheeler, Minor Mileven, Mutual Pining, Past Eleven | Jane Hopper/Mike Wheeler, Post-Season/Series 03, Rated for future smut, Sexual Content, Slow Burn, Sorry Not Sorry, Teenagering is Hard, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Wileven, Will Byers &amp; Eleven | Jane Hopper Friendship, Will Byers Deserves Love, Will Byers-centric, minor jancy, too many 80s references</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 03:22:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Underage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>115,045</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24566272</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsSmitty/pseuds/MsSmitty</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Teenagering is hard, especially after nearly two years of fighting interdimensional monsters and having their lives turned upside down by the Upside Down.  Now Will and El face their most daunting adventure yet -- the ups and downs of puberty, navigating high school and making friends in a new town, and a journey of self discovery that leads them to a place neither of them ever imagined.  And they might even stumble across Hop along the way.</p><p>(a.k.a the Season 4 Wileven story no one but me seems to need, so I decided to write it myself!)</p><p>I'm building a playlist on Spotify: <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7uDm5Fv2WhkpXTWUIdKH4F?si=qmpc8kkZRYmrRK3cB1Evew">Listen Here</a></p><p> </p><p>  </p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jonathan Byers/Nancy Wheeler, Will Byers &amp; Eleven | Jane Hopper, Will Byers/Eleven | Jane Hopper</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>289</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>108</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. We are Fa-mi-ly</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Spotify Playlist: <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7uDm5Fv2WhkpXTWUIdKH4F?si=qmpc8kkZRYmrRK3cB1Evew">Listen Here</a></p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for joining me on this fun little ride!  It will likely be 20+ chapters in the end. I have about 12 written now (best chapters so far aren’t posted yet!), but with quite a few holes I need to fill in between, plus the action/adventure part that will probably be about a third of the story at the end.</p><p>Thanks for your time, and hope you enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> October 12, 1985 </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Dear Mike, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Here are the pictures Jonathan took the day we moved. I’m sending three of each so both Dustin and Lucas can have copies too.  Sorry it took so long, but it took a while for Jonathan to get all his dark room stuff unpacked and set up next to his room in the basement. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> We all look kind of sad in the pictures, but I guess that’s because the day we moved was a really sad day.  But these are the last pictures the whole Party took together, so I thought everyone should have one. Who knows when we’ll all be together again.  I’m mailing copies to Max in California too.  But not the one of you and me. I have the only other copy of that one. I think you look so handsome, but the look in your eyes is just so sad it makes my heart break all over again. </em>
</p><p><em> I talked to Max on the phone a few days ago and she is still super sad too, and misses Lucas tons -- ALMOST as much as I miss you!  I wasn’t supposed to tell you, but the reason they left Hawkins so quickly last week was that Neil attacked her mom. He beat her so badly, she was scared for her life, so she made Max pack her bag and they just got in the car and</em> <em> drove all the way back to California. Neil didn’t even know they were leaving (but promise not to tell anyone, I’m not supposed to tell you).  They’re staying with Max’s grandparents, and their house is near her old one, so at least she'll be going to school with all of her old friends. </em></p><p>
  <em> What have you been doing the past few weeks? I’ve been watching a lot of TV and movies with Will and Joyce, reading and decorating my new room. We watched the Neverending Story! I cried when Atreyu had to leave Artax in the swamp!! Will wouldn’t sing the song at the end with me, but at least I know what you were all singing about now. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I finished setting up my room this week. Jonathan helped me paint the walls light purple and hang 2 black lights in my room, and Will helped me stick the stars to the ceiling, hang up my posters and a cork board. I pinned up my copies of these pictures, our picture from the Snow Ball, everyone’s school pictures, and a drawing Will made me of you. It looks JUST like you! There’s space for lots more, so be sure to send me your new school picture and I’ll send you mine. It will be my first school picture ever! </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I’m also reading this really good book called Are You There God? It’s Me Margaret by Judy Blume.  It’s about a girl who moves too, and Joyce thought it would be good for me to read. The main character Margaret is a little younger than me, and some of the things that happen are really embarrassing, but funny too.  And she thinks about a lot of the things I wonder about too. Me and Joyce talk about the book together and she always answers any questions I have, and asks me what I think too.  She’s a really good mom, and I’m really thankful that Joyce let me come live with her.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Me and Joyce are both still really sad about Hop. But I think moving has helped her alot. She said it’s easier when she doesn’t see so many things and places that make her think about him all the time.  It helps me too, I guess. We’re still visiting Dr. Matthews to talk about how we feel about it all. Jonathan calls him a shrink, but he’s really pretty tall. It’s weird being able to talk to someone about everything that’s happened. We talk a lot about my future, and a lot about Hop. Mostly I feel mad now. Just when I don’t think I can't cry anymore, I sometimes get really mad and that makes me cry again too.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Most of us are pretty angry about it all, but Will just still seems kind of sad. He still has nightmares too. We all have journals we’re supposed to write in about things we think and worry about, but Will mostly draws in his instead. He calls it a sketch journal. He says he feels like it’s helping, but I can still hear when he has a nightmare through the wall at night.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> At least Joyce doesn’t have to worry so much about money any more. That’s another thing Jonathan is mad about it.  He says we got ‘hush money’ so the government could lie about what happened at Starcourt.  But the hush money paid for our house, and better cars for her and Jonathan. Joyce also said we won’t have to worry about paying for college either. I don’t know if I want to go to college, but Jonathan and Will do for sure. If we all went to Notre Dame, it’s so close we could practically walk to school! </em>
</p><p>
  <em> We’re going to register for school on Wednesday. I really hope I pass the assessment test this time. Everyone spent so much time helping me the past few months, I want to make them proud. I’m excited, but kind of scared too. I really want to go to school, but it feels kind of scary knowing it will just be Will and Jonathan there, and not the whole Party like we planned. I hope I have some classes with Will.   </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Did he tell you about the pact we made? We were talking about fitting in at the new school and Joyce said the whole point of the move was to make a fresh start, so we should decide who we want to be, and just be those people. If we want to be cool, we just act cool. If we want to quiet, be quiet. If we want to join a team, we just try out. No one knows us here, there’s no Troy or other mouthbreathers who are out to get us, so we shouldn’t be afraid to try new things.   </em>
</p><p>
  <em> So we made a list of all of the things we promised to do: </em>
</p>
<ol>
<li><em>Be friendly and introduce yourself to everyone. Smile!</em></li>
<li><em>Don’t be afraid to ask for help</em></li>
<li><em>Avoid the mouthbreathers, but look them in the eye if they bother you. Don’t be a target.</em></li>
<li><em>Find at least one club to join (Jonathan is going to check out Yearbook club and Will thinks Art Club, but I don’t know yet)</em></li>
<li><em>Stay away from the losers and weirdos</em></li>
</ol><p>
  <em> I think #5 is mean, but we decided that if we don’t want the mouthbreathers to bother us, then we need to stay away from the kids that they already pick on. Jonathan and Will have kept up with exercising this summer, and have even started lifting weights so they could get stronger and defend themselves if they needed to. They built a gym in the basement with a weight bench and a punching bag we found at a yard sale, and they even got some karate videos to learn self defense like in the Karate Kid. They lift weights and go running every morning! I go running with them some days, but I don’t lift weights.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I can’t believe that I wrote so much! I wish we could talk more often, and that Jonathan and Nancy weren’t always hogging the phone. I hate that the walkies aren’t working like we thought they would. Will says we probably need an antenna on our end to make it work right. I hope we can build one soon. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> I really really really really miss you a lot! Just 45 more days until we can be together again, and I can’t wait to see you on Thanksgiving.  Tell Lucas and Dustin I said hi! </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Love, </em>
</p><p>
  <em> El   ♡♡♡ </em>
</p><p>“What are you doing up so early?” yawned Will, shuffling into the living room where El was sitting on the floor at the coffee table. Her new purple stationery was scattered across the tabletop along with her trusty pocket dictionary, Saturday morning cartoons flashing brightly on the TV.  Jonathan got her the dictionary a couple of weeks after she moved in with them, so she could keep it with her and look up any words she didn’t understand. It also came in handy when she wanted to write something and needed help with spelling.</p><p>“Just getting the photos Jonathan developed out to everyone, and writing a letter to Mike.” </p><p>“Don’t you think we’re a little old for the Smurfs?” Will smirked, with a jerk of his chin toward the little blue figures dancing across the TV.</p><p>“Sorry, I haven’t been watching cartoons <em> my </em> whole life. Plus, Smurfette rocks.”</p><p>“Oh, yeah, I guess so,” Will’s smirk dropped at her response. It was so easy to forget sometimes how many of the things he took for granted were still new to El. “I always wondered why Smurfette was the only girl. I mean, how do they make more Smurfs? She didn’t seem to be anyone’s mom, so…” Will shrugged.</p><p>“Leave it to you to overthink a kids’ cartoon,” El rolled her eyes. “Maybe you should talk to Dr. Matthews about your concerns over the Smurf reproductive cycle,” she teased, carefully folding Mike’s letter into thirds.</p><p>“Ha, ha, yeah sure," Will deadpanned, rolling his eyes. He lazily rubbed his hands through his sleep-mussed hair, causing it to stick up in all directions. "Hey, I was thinking about riding my bike down to that park by the river, and running on the path down there this morning. Mom and Jon both had early shifts, so do you want to come with me?”  Will languidly stretched his new, longer frame, his white t-shirt riding up a few inches from the gray sweats slung low on his hips. He had grown about 3 inches this summer, and between the growth spurt, running and lifting weights, his muscles often felt tight and stiff in the mornings.</p><p>Joyce probably could have gotten by financially without going back to work, but Dr. Matthews had suggested the routine might be a good way to keep her thoughts occupied with something other than her grief and anxiety.  She got another retail job, this time at Sears in the Mishawaka mall, and Jonathan got a position in the Sears Portrait Studio to get some more professional photography experience. They tried to get the same shifts whenever they could so they could carpool.</p><p>“Yeah, it would be nice to get outside in the sun today. You want to hang out down there for a while? I could make a picnic lunch for later,” El offered, sliding the folded letter and photos into an envelope.</p><p>“Sure. I’m just going to grab some breakfast and do my reps, and then we can go. Maybe a half an hour?”</p><p>“Sure, that’s plenty of time. I guess I should start getting ready.” El licked the edge of the envelope, wincing at the bitter, slightly minty taste of the glue, and sealed her letter to Mike. She unfolded her long, lean limbs from under the table and bent down to gather her stationery and her dictionary.</p><p>Will quickly turned and headed to the kitchen before El caught his gaze. She had a habit of sleeping in Hop’s old t-shirts, but they were starting to get a little short. As she leaned over to pick up her things, the shirt rose up her thighs, and he got just a peek of her white cotton panties. </p><p>Will tried really hard not to look, but he hadn’t spent much time around girls his age, and his burgeoning teenage hormones sometimes got the best of him. It didn’t help that El didn’t have much in the way of modesty. Having never been allowed such a personal luxury for most of her life, she just didn’t think about covering up, and certainly wasn’t concerned with showing too much skin. Joyce had to remind her more than once to take her clothes with her to the bathroom when she showered, and to dress before she came out.  She still forgot sometimes, making for a few awkward hallway encounters between her and her new “brothers.”</p><p>It was difficult for Will to really think of El as his sister. He’d never had a sister, plus he barely knew her when she moved in last July. Pretty much all of the time they had spent together before involved a demogorgon, the Mind Flayer, or Mike. Even the time after she closed the gate was fuzzy for Will, as his connection to the Mind Flayer kept him in a semi-dream state, struggling to ignore both the waking and sleeping nightmares. Needless to say, making new friends during that time wasn’t really a priority, even if El had saved his life a couple of times. </p><p>Soon after El moved into the Byers’ old house in Hawkins, they discovered their first unpleasant bond -- night terrors. Will didn’t think his mom or Jon got hardly any sleep those first few weeks, sometimes one in each room trying to calm both El and Will down at the same time. After seeing how haggard his mom was looking, Will tried his hardest to stop calling out for her in the night. One night, while he lay there in his own cold sweat trying to catch his breath and quiet the pounding of his heart, he heard El’s cry through the wall. She was caught in her own horrific dream, whimpering and calling out “no, not my friends!”</p><p>Will jumped from bed and ran into El’s room, shaken out of his own panic by his concern for her. He knew just how real the dreams could seem, so he flipped on her light as he burst through the door, scooping her up in his arms like his mom and Jonathan did to him.  He held her tight and rocked her against his chest, “El, wake up, it’s just a dream. You’re safe, El, I got you. It’s just a dream, wake up, you’re safe.”</p><p>“Nooooo! Take me...not them, I’m sorry Papa, I’ll come back!!!,” she cried, eyes open but unseeing at first, clawing at him and gasping through her tears. After she realized Will was there and began to calm, she shakily admitted her dream was about the bad men coming to get the Party and take them all back to the lab for testing, to serve in her place. </p><p>“I tried to save them, but without my powers there was nothing I could do. There were men with guns, and Papa was there. He said he didn’t want me anymore, that I was no use to him anymore, but that he knew my friends were special. And then...then Papa was gone and instead it was Hop,” a ragged sob tore through El’s chest. “And he said the same thing, that he didn’t want me anymore, so he left with Papa to go after all of you…”</p><p>“That’s how you know it was a dream El. You know that could never be real. Hop saved you and hid you all that time because he loved you! He loved you like his own daughter, and that’s why he gave up his life for yours. He would have never left you if he had any other way to save you,” Will reassured her. </p><p>El slowly controlled her tears, they lay in her bed together the rest of that night, talking through their most common nightmares. El’s were mostly about being back in the lab with Brenner, or not being able to save her friends in time from a demogorgon, the Mindflayer or the bad men from the lab.  Will’s were usually about being back in the Upside Down, trapped away from his family and friends, or being chased and attacked by one of the monsters they had encountered.</p><p>El and Will decided that they needed to give his mom and Jon a break, and that they could help each other through the bad nights. They started sneaking into each other’s rooms after everyone was in bed, so they would wake each other up with their bad dreams before either of the other two could hear.  Surprisingly, they found they both had fewer nightmares when they slept together.  </p><p>Joyce figured it out after about a week, once she realized she had been getting more sleep than she had in months.  Once her brain was firing on all cylinders again, she decided to peek in on Will late in the night. She was surprised to find El curled up next to him in bed, head to toe, each with their own blanket and pillow, and the most serene expressions she’d seen on either of their faces in weeks.  It was innocent enough, so she decided to let it slide for now and worry about it after the move, <em> God knows we could all use the rest.  </em></p><p>They didn’t acknowledge what they were doing, or hardly talk at all during the three months before the move. But night after night, without fail, one would slip into the other’s room after the house had gone quiet, and the other would silently slide over in the bed so they could both settle in and rest easier. It was a strange sort of intimacy, bred out of fear and desperation rather than friendship or desire.</p><p>They also discovered that their shared trauma in the Upside Down, and working together to find the Mind Flayer, gave them each a unique perspective into the other’s psyche. They instinctively knew the horrors that flashed in the other’s mind when Joyce or Jonathan ran late coming home from work. Or when they saw a new smiling face in the missing kid panel on the back of the milk carton (his mom finally realized the problem and started buying the plastic jugs instead). And especially when dark thunderclouds roiled through the skies or the electricity flickered during a storm.</p><p>It wasn’t until they arrived in the quaint Sunnyside Manor neighborhood of South Bend, Indiana that El and Will started to really get to know each other beyond the haze of horror and their assigned roles in the Party.  Without knowing anyone in the neighborhood yet, or having the rest of the Party around, they had little choice but to spend time together. They spent the first couple of weeks unpacking and helping each other shop for decor for their new rooms, gradually getting to know each other better and realizing how much they had in common.</p><p>El learned that Will’s interests extended well beyond D&amp;D and Star Wars. Sure, he liked sci-fi and fantasy films and comics, but his personal style was a bit more mature for a boy of not-quite 15.  He chose a bedspread in a calming blue-gray, and opted for wall art reproductions of M.C. Escher and Salvador Dali prints over movie posters like Mike (or half-naked girls like El had seen in Billy’s old room).  El had never seen pictures like those before, that bent and twisted reality in a way that confused her eyes and brain. She saw something new every time she looked at them. They also hunted yard sales on the weekends to find a desk and chair for Will’s room, so he would have a space for drawing and studying. </p><p>Will was surprised that El fell in love with black lights when she saw how they worked. She liked the idea of her room being lit up with all of the bright colors, even in the dark. They hunted the mall stores like Spencer’s Gifts to find posters with fluorescent colors, glow-in-the dark stars for the ceiling, and any other brightly colored accessories that would glow under the black light. They even found a white bedding set in a splatter-paint print of fluorescent green, orange and pink, and a matching cushion for a papasan chair for the corner of her room.</p><p>El and Will’s rooms were next to each other on one side of the new house, with a shared bathroom across the hall. They decided to put their beds against the wall that divided their rooms, so they could better hear if the other was having a nightmare, and check on each other through the wall using Morse code. Their rooms were separated from Joyce’s room and the kitchen on the far side of the house, with the living and dining rooms in between. Jonathan took the bed and bath in the basement, which he shared with the common space they made into the gym, a small sitting area with a loveseat and his own TV, and his dark room in a storage closet.  </p><p>Unpacking and setting up the new house really did provide a welcome distraction from the fear and anguish that had become their default state of existence. The shiny newness of it all and long to-do lists gave them something to look forward to each day, and helped chase away the shadows of haunting memories that still crowded thickly in and around Hawkins. </p><p>As Will and El worked together to get everything in place, they found they liked a lot of the same music. While El liked more of the Top 40 like Madonna, Whitney and Wham!, and Will liked more of the rock bands like Rush, Aerosmith and Pink Floyd, they found they both really liked a lot of the new wave and punk bands like Tears for Fears, Duran Duran, The Clash, The Ramones and The Misfits.  After a long day of unpacking, Joyce would sometimes find them sprawled out on the floor of El’s room under the glow of the black lights, singing along to an album and just feeling the bass from the tall speakers of El’s new stereo reverberating through their bodies.</p><p>Other nights, the new family could be found eating dinner on TV trays in front of the latest episodes of <em> Diff’rent Strokes, Facts of Life, Who’s the Boss?, Growing Pains, Silver Spoons, </em> or whichever lineup of family sitcoms was on that night. Joyce also tried to institute a weekly game night, but after a 3-day Monopoly marathon where she found the three kids on the floor, sleeping on top of their cash and property to protect them, she decided maybe just a friendly game of Uno every now and then would suffice.</p><p>A pack of Uno cards from the previous evening’s game night still sat on the table as Will sat down to eat his bowl of cereal.  He was looking forward to running in Seitz Park again, just a few minutes’ bike ride down the street from their house. He and Jonathan had found it earlier in the week, and he couldn’t wait to show El the trails along the river. </p><p>Will rinsed his bowl and was putting it in the dishwasher as El walked into the kitchen, dressed in purple sweat pants and a white long-sleeved t-shirt, hair pulled back in a banana clip.  The chill of fall had taken hold of these October mornings. “Do you want turkey or bologna?” she asked, opening the refrigerator door for the sandwich ingredients.</p><p>“Bologna, of course,” Will grinned, knowing it was El’s favorite too. “If we still have Cheetos, let’s take some of those too, please.” Will’s eyes unintentionally dropped to El’s backside as she bent over to pull the items out of the fridge. He wiped a hand over his face to break his wandering gaze. </p><p>“Ok, go finish working out so we can get going,” El got to work on the sandwiches, cutting the crusts off like Hop used to do for her. She didn’t really mind the crusts anymore, but she couldn’t let go of some of the little things Hop had done for her, as a way to keep at least a small part of him with her. She wrapped the sandwiches in foil, then grabbed up all the leftover sandwich fixings to put them back in the refrigerator. Arms full, she turned toward the fridge and stopped short, realizing she didn’t have a free hand to open the door.  </p><p>El focused all of her concentration on the door, willing it to open with her mind. The refrigerator mocked her in its stillness, and El groaned in frustration. There were so many simple tasks like this that her powers had added a small convenience to, that it felt she was now constantly having to stop and take extra steps in everything she did. And each time was another reminder of everything that she had lost.</p><p>She put down the jar of mayonnaise so she had a free hand to open the door, and then put everything away inside the fridge. She pulled out a couple of cans of Coke before kicking the door closed with her foot, and then found the Cheetos in the pantry, along with some raisins. She grabbed them a couple of bananas, some napkins, and piled everything into a small red and white lunch-sized Igloo cooler. Finished with packing their lunch, she headed down to the basement to wait for Will.</p><p>“Hey, I’m almost done,” Will said as he saw El coming down the stairs, putting down the curl bar. “I just did one set of each this morning, so we can get going. Can you come hold my feet real quick for sit-ups? That’s all I have left.”</p><p>“Sure,” El said, crossing the room and dropping down to place her knees on Will’s feet, wrapping her hands around his ankles. “How many today?”</p><p>“I’m up to 50!” It may not have sounded like many, but for a kid who had practically failed P.E. the year before and was coughing up interdimensional slugs just a few months ago, 50 was impressive.</p><p>El watched Will’s approaching and retreating torso, proud of how dedicated both he and Jonathan had been to their exercise routine so far.  Will kept his eyes closed as he kept count, and El let her eyes linger on his face.  Brows furrowed in concentration, a light sheen of sweat on his forehead and lip. His expression was intense, as though he were trying to work through the answer to a difficult problem in his head. </p><p>Her eyes slid down Will’s body, to his knees just under her chin. She noticed Will’s legs were now sparsely dusted with dark, coarse hair all the way up his calves. It suddenly felt like they were in a very intimate position, and Will’s face seemed to loom ever closer with each sit-up.  </p><p>“48...49...50! Whew!” Will’s eyes snapped open with a grin. El froze, startled, feeling like she was somehow caught doing something she shouldn’t be. Will flopped back onto the floor, arms flailing out to the sides. El watched Will’s heaving chest and stomach, noticing a little flutter in her stomach before his voice broke her gaze, “I think...I think it’s getting a little easier! I mean...I couldn’t...I could barely do 10 sit-ups when we started a few weeks ago. So, that’s progress!”</p><p>“Uh, yeah, that’s great Will,” El realized her hands were still wrapped around Will’s ankles. She jumped up, stepping back to give herself some space. “I’m really proud of both of you for sticking to your plan.”</p><p>Will reached his hand out to El, “Thanks! Help me up?” El reached down and helped heft Will up, who lost his balance with the momentum and stumbled forward a step into El. Their arms wrapped around each other as they tried to catch their balance and prevent themselves from tumbling back into the wall.</p><p>Time seemed to stop, as they both braced for a potential fall, but realized they balanced out before stumbling further.  Will and El's eyes met as they realized they were in each others’ arms, and then both immediately took a quick step back to open the space between them.</p><p>“Whoa, that was close. Are you okay?” Will asked El, noticing she looked a bit shaken, and that her breathing seemed labored.</p><p>“Uh, yeah, thanks, fine. I just... thought we were going to fall for a second,” El tried to cover, but she was still reeling a bit at having Will’s body wrapped around hers just moments before.  <em> What’s wrong with you?! </em> she thought to herself. <em>  It’s just Will! You act like you were just wrapped up with Ricky Shroeder or something! </em></p><p>“Well, I’m done down here. Are you ready to head out?”</p><p>“Yeah, um, sure. Let me just grab my windbreaker,” El said, grateful to escape up the stairs, and away from her unsteady feelings.</p><p>It was a beautiful, brisk morning with a cool sunny afternoon expected, the fall foliage kaleidoscoping the trees along their bike ride to the park.  El followed Will down East Lasalle Avenue, taking in the homes that lined the street as they leisurely pedaled toward the park, appreciating the opportunity to let the crisp breeze clear her scrambled thoughts. </p><p>Riding her bicycle was one of El’s favorite things to do. Just one of the little things that helped her feel more like a normal kid.  She loved how she could pedal fast and then just let herself coast along, breeze blowing through her hair as she sped down a street. She could almost imagine she was flying.  She sometimes had to fight the urge to close her eyes and just <em> feel </em> the motion, like she sometimes used to when she would ride behind Mike on his bike, the feel of her arms around his chest and the scent of his shampoo, his mom’s Tide detergent and something just unmistakably <em> boy </em> making her feel both safe and giddy at the same time. El refocused her attention on the neighborhood around her to keep her eyes from misting over at the memory.</p><p>After spending so many years in near solitude, El also loved living among so many other people.  Families with children and pets and friends and cars always coming and going. It was far from a bustling city, but living so close to the main thoroughfare, she could always hear the hum of life -- a child’s laugh, one dog barking a greeting to another, the gentle whir of a passing car. The sounds a constant, comforting reminder that she was not alone when the fear gripped her, assuring her she was not in the lab, and not in the Upside Down--even when the nightmares insisted otherwise.</p><p>Will slowed as the neighborhood gave way to small businesses. Colorful blooms filled the window of the florist, a pair of mannequins in homecoming formal wear advertised a tailor, the latest bestsellers in the bookstore, Thanksgiving flight deals at a travel agency.  Joyce said this part of the street reminded her of downtown Hawkins years ago, before the mall opened and businesses started closing.  She was hoping that the businesses would come back with the mall burned down, but they wouldn’t be there to see if it did.</p><p>“It’s just a bit further, past that light up ahead and across the bridge,” Will called over his shoulder. They slowed to a stop at the light, watching the traffic pass by.  It wasn’t as busy as the streets in Chicago, but it felt more like the big city than Hawkins. The cars slowed to a stop as the light turned, and Will and El crossed the street onto the bridge.  The solid ground below the street suddenly dropped out of sight, revealing the broad bend of the St. Joseph River rushing below.  As they reached the midway point, El could see the stretch of green of the park at the end of the bridge, and followed Will onto the path that led to the entrance of the park.</p><p>“I saw a bike rack just up here near the trail,” Will called back to her again. They parked their bikes in the rack, and walked toward the trail near the river. </p><p>“The trail makes a circle around the park, with this side running along the river, and then circling through the trees down there and then near the street up there,” Will explained with the hint of a smile, trying but failing to contain his excitement at sharing his discovery with El.  “There’s some nice spots down the path where you can sit and see the water. I thought we could check them out on our run and find one to have lunch at later.”  </p><p>“Okay. Sounds good to me.”</p><p>“Are you ready?”</p><p>“Sure,” she nodded and they began a slow jog onto the path, working up to a steady pace and rhythm they were both comfortable with. Getting started with a run was still awkward to El. Having never run for exercise or in play, but only out of terror when her life was in danger, she wasn’t quite sure how quickly or slowly to begin. It helped to have Will to follow, even if it still felt unnatural to her. </p><p>“There’s one of the spots,” Will pointed out as they approached. “But that one doesn’t have any shade, so it might get hot. Let’s check the others.” They picked up the pace as the path straightened out. Soon another small break appeared ahead on the trail, easy to overlook if you weren’t searching for it.</p><p>“I think I see it,” El said as Will raised a hand to point it out. El was beginning to feel just a bit winded, but was fine to keep going.  She was enjoying the view, watching the early morning sun flit across the river in a shimmery blanket of golden sparkles, the synchronicity of a rowing team slicing through the water in their long, narrow boat.</p><p>“There’s another spot up ahead -- I’ll race you to it?,” Will asked with an expectant grin. El nodded, “Ready, set, go!”  They both shot forward with a burst of speed, El feeling the tingly rush of adrenaline coursing through her veins as if she were running for her life. This she could do. This, unfortunately, was all too familiar.  </p><p>But Will’s legs were longer now, and he had been running for a few weeks, plus her right leg was still a little weak from the Mind Flayer’s nasty attack.  He pulled ahead, and not wanting to lose the race, El pushed harder to keep from falling behind. She had just stretched a step ahead, nearly to the small clearing, when a burning flash of pain dug into her thigh, forcing her to stop and stumble with a cry.</p><p>“Oh, ow, ow, ow...my thigh! It hurts, I hurt something!” El crumpled to the ground, gripping her right thigh.</p><p>Will stopped in his tracks, spun around and ran back to her side. “El, what happened, are you okay?” he asked, brows furrowed in worry over his panicked eyes.</p><p>“No, my thigh hurts <em> really </em> bad. I….I can’t stand up,” El grunted through gritted teeth.</p><p>“Here, let me help you.” Will put El’s right arm around his shoulders as he wrapped his left arm around her waist. “Push up on your left leg and put your weight on me,” he ordered, using his shoulder under her right arm to hoist her up.</p><p>“Let’s get off the trail into the clearing, it’s just a few more steps, and it’s nice and shaded over there.” Will helped El hobble off the path and into the somewhat secluded clearing they had been headed toward.</p><p>“Ow, ow, ouch, careful!” El exclaimed with each painful step. Will gently helped her sit. “Ow, oooh...ow, sitting back down is making it worse! I think it’s a cramp!”</p><p>“Oh, okay, I can help. I got cramps in my calves the first few times me and Jon went running, and he would rub them like this and it would help relax the muscle,” Will said, wrapping his hands around El’s tightly bunched thigh muscle and massaging deeply with the base of his palm.</p><p>“Ow, Will, that’s worse!” El squealed in protest, slapping at Will’s hands.</p><p>“I know, El, I’m sorry! It does hurt worse for just a second, but please try to lean back and relax. Your muscle has to loosen up some, and this will do it. I promise it will help.”</p><p>“Promise?”</p><p>“Yeah, I promise,” Will’s open, honest expression made El believe him. “Let me just do it a couple of more times and it will help.” She clenched her jaw in anticipation of the pain, and gave him a tight nod.</p><p>Will dug in again with his palm, El groaning in protest and then holding her breath through the pain.  After just a few more passes of the heel of Will's palm, El could feel the tension beginning to leave the muscle and the intensity of the pain subsiding.</p><p>“Unnnngggg,” El moaned in the back of her throat. The pain was easing, but it still hurt! “My whole leg is sore now. The scar on my shin is still sore too.”</p><p>“I bet that’s what happened -- you were probably babying your lower leg and your thigh muscle was overcompensating,” Will thought out loud, now using both thumbs to rub deeply into El’s thigh. </p><p>“I’m so sorry, El,” he said, distraught, pausing his movements. “I should have realized how weak your leg would still be and not asked you to race! You never complain about it, so I kinda forgot. I feel awful!”</p><p>El looked up into Will’s big, sad, hazel eyes. He was way more upset than was warranted, as his ministrations on her thigh were really helping. It was still sore, but the pain was bearable now.</p><p>“No, Will, it’s okay, it’s feeling better now,” she said, placing her hands on his wrists. “You didn’t know, and I shouldn’t have pushed myself. I shouldn’t have tried so hard to win...it was silly.” </p><p>“Still, I should have remembered.  You also haven’t been running with Jon and me that much, so I should have realized that it wasn’t exactly a fair race,” Will felt his ears heat up, as it occurred to him that maybe a small part of him wanted to show El how much faster he’d gotten, and that he wasn’t quite as slow and weak as he used to be.</p><p>El noticed how Will’s eyes dropped from her face, and saw the pink tinge creeping up his cheeks and ears. A small twitch to his fingers made her also realize Will’s hands were still wrapped around her leg, the tips of his fingers scandalously high up her thigh. Her breath hitched and her inner thighs tightened reflexively, sending an unexpected flutter to her core.  </p><p>Will’s eyes widened and he jerked his hands back as if shocked, he too realizing he had been unconsciously gazing at his fingers resting on El’s inner thigh. “Are...are you sure you’re okay? Do you want me to rub it some more?”</p><p>“Uh..n-n-no, really, I-I’m fine,” El stuttered, surprised at the mixed feelings of pain and pleasure Will’s hand had elicited from her body. “But, uh, I think I better sit out for a bit and let my leg recover.” </p><p>“Oh, yeah, of course. I can run back and get our lunch and be back in just a few minutes.” Will offered, eyes still wide with apology.</p><p>“I’m not really hungry yet, so take your time. Why don’t you finish the trail loop and then bring the cooler on your way back around? I’ll be fine here.”</p><p>“Are you sure?” Will double checked. “I don’t want to just leave you here by yourself, injured.”</p><p>“Will, don’t worry, I’ll be <em> fine </em>,” El said, rolling her eyes.  “No one can even see me behind the trees here, and I promise, my leg is feeling much better,” she said, bending and stretching out her leg as proof.</p><p>“Okay then, it probably won’t take me more than about 20 minutes to loop around again,” he said, standing up and brushing the grass off of his sweatpants.  “It’s pretty quiet here this morning, so just yell if you need me, I’ll probably be able to hear you.”</p><p>“Will, I’m <em> fine! GO! </em>Finish your run.”</p><p>“Okay, I’ll be back really soon,” he said, still looking guilty for leaving. “Maybe try some slow stretches to make sure your muscle really loosens up.” </p><p>“Okay, okay, now go!” El shooed him away with her hands. Will finally turned and stepped out of the little tree-enclosed circle, guilt and worry heavy on his heart.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>All right folks, this is my first fan fic, so let me know how it's going for you.  It's going to be pretty slow burn, so let me know in a few chapters if it's TOO slow, or if you're enjoying the ride!</p><p>Also, just a warning that I've got a troll or two that have decided they don't want a Wileven endgame, despite this being made very clear in the story abstract and tags. They've even gone so far as to create a duplicate user name to try to impersonate me in the comments (and I'm not the only author they've done this to). </p><p>Please know that I will not be changing my storyline to bend to demands of such readers, no matter how inflammatory, and I would never attack a reader for their comments. I'm trying to manage the troll, but if you see anything like this, please don't believe that it is me responding so crassly. While I certainly appreciate Kudos and  feedback, you may want to avoid reading the comments if you're enjoying the story and want to skip the drama.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Saturday in the Park</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Will and El continue their day at the park</p><p>Saturday in the Park by Chicago: <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7uDm5Fv2WhkpXTWUIdKH4F?si=qmpc8kkZRYmrRK3cB1Evew">Listen Here</a></p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As Will continued along the path for his run, he couldn’t help but wonder if El had even really been able to see where they were racing to, or if she was just blindly following him the whole time. It still surprised him how trusting she was, especially when so many of the adults in her past had treated her as nothing more than a lab rat.  He had to remember to be more careful with her.</p><p>Will pulled the headphones from around his neck over his ears and hit play on his Walkman as he stepped onto the path, the almost mocking beats of Aerosmith’s <em> Walk this Way </em> filling his ears. He matched his steps to the beat, but his thoughts soon drowned the music as he replayed what had just happened with El.</p><p>He really did feel terrible for making her push herself too hard on their run. He wasn’t really sure why he challenged her to a race; why he suddenly felt like showing off a little for her. It had really started to annoy him over the summer how Mike was always showing off in front of El, feeling the need to over-explain everything to her, like he was the expert on everything. But now that they spent so much time together, Will found himself acting the same way with her sometimes. </p><p>Will thought maybe it was because she genuinely seemed interested in almost anything he had to say, and always seemed really grateful whenever he did show or tell her about something new.  He had to admit, it was a real ego boost to have someone hang on every word you said. And she just looked so darn <em> cute </em> when she would chew her lip in anticipation, barely containing the excited smile that dimpled her cheek, as her big, dark eyes looked to him for all the answers.  El was just a sweet, naive girl who had so little exposure to the everyday things he took for granted -- he had to keep reminding himself that it was just the overall novelty of it all that excited her, not specifically that it was <em> him </em> sharing it all with her. </p><p><em> I was a high school loser, never made it with the ladies, </em>Steven Tyler’s tinny voice assaulted his ears, breaking his train of thought.  </p><p><em> That’s for damn sure, </em> Will thought. He didn’t think his luck with “the ladies” was going to be changing anytime soon.  Especially if the only girl he spent any time with was El.  Plus, El was Mike’s girl. His <em> best friend’s </em> girlfriend, and she was supposed to be Will’s <em> sister. </em> He just had to keep telling himself that no matter how she could make his heart flutter and stomach flip at times, she needed him to be a friend and a brother. </p><p>Maybe the girls in his new school would be cooler than back in Hawkins. And since he was starting with a clean slate, maybe he’d have a chance to meet someone before everyone here decided he was a freak or a fairy too. Will took a deep breath to clear his thoughts and pushed his steps faster back to their bikes.  </p><p>El did as Will asked and slowly stretched out her thigh, first pulling her knee to her chest, then extending. She tried standing and found it just to feel sore, no longer on fire when she put her weight on it, and tried a slow lunge.  </p><p>As El sank down to her knees and then leaned back to feel the pull, the vision of Will’s hands wrapped around her thigh came back to her, along with that wiggle in her stomach as she remembered the feeling of his fingers so close to her center. She’d never had anyone else’s hands on such an intimate part of her body -- not even Mike’s.  She just hoped that Will couldn’t tell how it affected her. How could she explain to him how he made her feel so nervous and jumpy sometimes, when she didn’t even understand it herself?  </p><p>Although she felt physically safer more and more each day, El’s emotions were still a roller coaster.  She was still mourning Hopper, she missed Mike, she stressed about her powers not recharging, she was both excited and scared to start school, and now she was having these strange feelings around Will, who was her best and only friend here in South Bend. </p><p>As the new siblings had spent so much time together the last few weeks, El understood more and more each day why Will and Mike were such great friends.  Will was caring and selfless just like Mike, but where Mike was hot-headed, Will was cool, instinctively discerning the motivation behind someone’s behavior, and always careful to consider how his own words or actions would affect others.  Where Mike dove headfirst into conflict to find a solution, Will used his emotional intelligence to try to avoid the conflict to begin with. They each looked out for the other in their own way, with Will usually helping them avoid trouble, and Mike getting them out of it when trouble inevitably found its way to them. </p><p>For as much as El was in awe of Mike’s bravery, and the enthusiasm with which he threw himself into harm’s way to protect his friends, she also felt a sense of responsibility to protect them herself after dragging them all into her nightmare. If she hadn’t opened the gate, Will never would have been taken, and none of her friends would have had to face the horrors of the last two years. </p><p>But, then again, if she hadn’t opened the gate, she’d still be trapped in the lab and she probably wouldn’t have ever met the Party, Hop or the Byers. The warring emotions of guilt and joy at both finding and then almost immediately endangering the lives of the only friends and family she’d ever known ate at her insides and battled it out in her ever-present menagerie of nightmares.  She really hoped Dr. Mathews was going to be able to help her find some way to make peace with it all, but she couldn’t ever imagine not blaming herself for everything that happened to her friends. And to Hop…</p><p>The crunch of sneakers on the gravel trail leading to the clearing broke through El’s inner monologue. “El, I’m back! How’s your leg doing?” Will called out as he materialized through the break in the bushes, hefting the little cooler on his shoulder.</p><p>“It’s okay.  A little sore still, but I’m okay to move it now.” El carefully stood and walked to the center of the clearing with barely a hitch in her step, proving to WIll that she was, indeed, fine. </p><p>“Oh, I’m <em> so </em> glad,” Will sighed in relief. “I really am sorry. Racing was a stupid idea.”</p><p>“Will, stop. I told you, I’m <em> fine </em>. But, I am hungry now. Gimme a sandwich.”</p><p>Will opened the cooler and fished out a sandwich. “Chips too?”</p><p>“Yes, please,” El took the food and ripped open her bag of Cheetos and popped a couple in her mouth, another rowing team drawing her attention to the water. She was awed by their grace and coordination, gliding through the rippling water like some mythical eight-armed sea creature instead of eight individual men.  The crack of a Coke can tab broke the spell, and she turned to find Will handing her a soda.</p><p>“Thanks,” she replied, taking the can as she sat, sliding it between her thighs to keep it upright.  Unwrapping her sandwich, she motioned to the water. “Those guys in the boats are amazing.”</p><p>“The rowing teams? Yeah, they are, aren’t they? That takes a ton of skill and practice for them to move in unison like that.”</p><p>“Unison...that's a good word. Like, one?” she asked, and Will nodded in confirmation. “Is it something you would try?”</p><p>“Me? I...I don’t know. I can’t really ever see myself in a team sport like that.”</p><p>“Will, we promised to try new things!”</p><p>“I know,” Will said with a sigh.  “And, I will, I promise. But I still don’t think something like that is for me.  Maybe cross country running or something. We’ll see what they have when we go register at the school next week.  What about you?”</p><p>“I have no idea. I guess I could try running too?  What other kinds of things are there to do?”</p><p>“Well, there’s all the sports -- baseball, football, basketball and softball, volleyball and track, and sometimes soccer or wrestling. Then there’s the arts, like art, drama and choir. Those might just be classes, but since it’s a bigger school, they may have clubs for those too -- I hope so anyway.  I was really looking forward to joining the art club in Hawkins,” Will paused, took a swig of his Coke and bite of his sandwich, but El still caught the hitch in his breathing he was trying to cover.</p><p>“I know being in a new school without your friends is going to kind of suck. I know I’m not much of a replacement, but I’m really glad you and Jonathan will be there with me -- I don’t think I could do it without you. At least the three of us will be together?” El smiled hopefully.</p><p>“I know, I know... I shouldn’t feel sorry for myself. That’s what Dr. Matthew keeps reminding me too. Things are <em> way </em> better this year than they were last year, that’s for sure. And the school situation wasn’t great <em> before </em> the whole...well, you know.  He says I need to ‘embrace the opportunity for a fresh start.’  I’m really trying to, I promise, but it <em> is </em> a little scary.” Will paused, eyes staring unseeingly over the water as he gave voice to his worries. “I mean, what if it’s just more of the same like in Hawkins? With the assholes picking on me, and now I won’t even have Mike and Party to back me up, or at least commiserate with…”</p><p>“I think we have to think positive,” El insisted. “Why would anyone pick on you here? They don’t know anything about you. There’s absolutely no reason for them to choose you to pick on. I told Dr. Matthews I was worried that people will think I’m stupid or weird, and he told me I shouldn’t worry about what other people think of me. If I live my life worried about what everyone else thinks, I let them decide who I am instead of deciding myself. You can’t let other people define you either, Will.” </p><p>“...yeah, I...I know. It’s just hard sometimes. Not worrying what other people think,” Will responded. </p><p>El swallowed a bite of her sandwich. “Defining myself is one of the things we’re focused on in my sessions right now. We talk a lot about what I want in my life and who I want to be, because, I guess I didn’t really know my life <em> could </em> be any different. I just knew that what they were doing to me at the lab was <em> bad.  I </em> felt <em> bad. </em> But I knew that hurting people was <em> wrong </em> , and when I got free I just knew that I wanted to stop the bad men. And then Mike and the guys found me, and were the first kids I had seen since I was really little. And they were <em> nice </em> to me, and tried to help me -- that’s when I knew I had to try to help them, to help find you, and that I had to protect these people who wanted to help me.”</p><p>“When I found my sister Kali in Chicago, it was the first time I even realized I could have a different life. She did it -- she has her own life now. But I don’t want to be like her. She’s so <em> angry </em>, and she wants to kill all the bad men from the lab.  I understand why she feels that way, but she doesn’t care who else she might hurt to get them -- their families, her own friends.  So I know I don’t want to be like her, but with everything else that happened this summer, I haven’t really thought much about the future other than starting school. I don’t...I don’t really know what comes next…” El took a deep shaky breath and tried to blink back the pools that suddenly filled her big honey eyes.</p><p>Will reached out to grab her hand in a vain attempt to stop her tears. “I’m sorry...you’re right. I sound ridiculous being worried about what people will think of me with everything you’ve been through.  We’ll do this together -- we’ll help each other figure it out, I promise.”</p><p>“Well, it’s not like your year was all fun and games,” she sniffled, wiping her wet eyes with the back of her hand.  </p><p>“But I wouldn’t have made it if it wasn’t for you. So now it’s my turn to help you out, okay? It’s the least I can do.”</p><p>Gripping his hand tightly, El insisted, “You don’t owe me anything, Will. It was my fault the gate was open in the first place.” Her voice dropped almost to a whisper, tears now spilling down her cheeks in shame. “It was my fault the Demogorgan and the Mind Flayer were even able to get to you at all. I had to fix what I started. I couldn’t let you suffer for my mistake.  I’ll never forgive myself for what happened to you, to Barb, to Bob, and to all of those people that got flayed...”</p><p>“<em> NO, </em>El,” Will nearly yelled at her as he kneeled in front of her, knee to knee, taking her other hand and squeezing tightly. “YOU did not do that. That bastard Brenner and those people at the lab made all of that happen. You were just a scared little kid and they used you, and your mom. They did God knows what to you and those other kids to make you have powers, and then pushed and pushed you just to see what would happen. Don’t you ever blame yourself for that.  I don’t blame your sister for wanting to kill them. I would do the same thing if I had powers like that.”</p><p>“No...no, Will,” El shook her head, tears continuing to overspill. “Don’t think like that. It <em> was </em> my fault. I could have refused to do what they asked. I could have fought harder, sooner to get free. You don’t understand…”</p><p>“No, I get it, El..kind of…” Will tried to find the words to explain. “I always felt like it was my fault that my dad used to beat up on my mom, why he was so mean to me and Jon, and why he eventually left.  Nothing I ever did was right, or good enough for him. He got mad if I made too much noise playing with my toys or if he caught me watching cartoons. He didn’t care about my good grades, I wasn’t ever tough enough for him, wasn’t good at sports. He was always calling me names -- little shit, pansy, fag…,” Will’s voice trailed off a the memories. El waited silently for him to continue.</p><p>“I always thought...I thought for sure if I could just figure out how to do things right, be the son he wanted me to be, that he wouldn’t hit mom anymore, wouldn’t drink anymore. Maybe he’d stay home more.  I was sure it was my fault when he left because everything I did made him mad.  But mom, and now Dr. Matthews, have finally helped me believe that I never did anything wrong. It was all him. That lousy excuse of a dad was just a drunk, waste of space asshole looking for excuses for why he was so unhappy as a person. It had nothing to do with me, or mom or Jon. He’s just a really bad guy trying to make himself feel better by hurting everyone around him and making them feel worse.”</p><p>“So, see -- it wasn’t any more your fault that the gate got opened than it was my fault my da-, Lonnie, would beat up on my mom,” Will continued, his face blooming red with anger and emphasizing his points with a shake of their hands. “I didn’t make him do it, just like you didn’t make Brenner push your powers. <em>  We’re </em> the victims here. We were just little kids! Grown ups are supposed to be looking out for us, and we both somehow got dealt a shitty hand with some of the adults in our lives. You way more than me, but I <em> do </em> get it. So, you and me, we just gotta stick together and help each other get through this okay?  If we just keep helping each other out, I think we’re gonna make it through. I just <em> have </em>to believe that, okay?” Will looked into El’s eyes with an intensity she hadn’t seen before, and reached up with his thumb to wipe away a final tear that escaped down her cheek.</p><p>“O-okay, Will. I believe you,” El sniffled, mustering a small smile. “You can count on me, if I can count on you. We can do this.”</p><p>“Yeah, we can -- we will. We’ll show them all,” he nodded, seeming to have finally convinced himself as well.</p><p>El looked down, realizing their hands were still clasped together tightly. Will’s eyes followed hers, and he quickly untangled their fingers. “S-sorry. Guess you want to finish your lunch!” he laughed nervously, jumping up and taking the few steps to grab his Coke and chugged it down.  </p><p>The sudden, pregnant silence was broken by a loud rumble that traveled up and out of Will as he tried to inconspicuously breathe out a burp that bubbled back out. But it was too loud in the relative quiet of their little clearing.</p><p>“Ew, Will...gross!” El giggled at Will’s unexpected outburst, throwing a Cheeto at him. </p><p>“Sorry, I couldn’t help it! I tried to keep it in, but I guess I drank too much at once,” he blushed. “Hey, what about choir for your elective activity?” he said, trying to quickly change the subject. “You like to sing...I hear you singing all the time with the radio in your room. You have a nice voice.”</p><p>“What is choir?”</p><p>“It’s just a big group of people that sing songs together. The choir director teaches everyone to sing the song. They’ll have you sing a little and figure out what part your voice fits. You’re probably a soprano, the people who sing the high notes. And then they teach everyone in the class to sing the songs, and there’s usually a concert around the holidays and the end of the year.  There’s usually a couple of really good singers who get the solo parts to sing by themselves, but everyone else sings in a big group.  Should be pretty low key. I’d bet you’d like it.”</p><p>“Hmmm...singing in a big group? I think I could do that. That could be fun!” she finished her sandwich and started gathering her garbage to toss back in the cooler. Then she laid back on the grass, tucking her arms behind her head and just breathed deeply, still pulling herself together a bit from the emotional outburst before.  Every day seemed something like this -- she was fine one minute, a blubbering mess the next -- just one breath at a time, as Dr. Matthews liked to remind her.</p><p>Will mimicked El’s position, his gaze following the white puffs of clouds slowly moving across the sky. These cool, clear sunny days in the 60s were far and few between as winter began chasing the fall away. Temperatures were supposed to start dropping sharply the next week, but the weatherman said it was supposed to be a mild winter.</p><p>“What if I don’t pass the assessment test again? I feel like there’s still so much I don’t know,” El broke the peace, still worrying about registering for school the following week. </p><p>“You’ll be fine,” Will assured her. “You worked really hard these past few months. And you’re way ahead of most of us in geography for sure.  You’re going to have to tutor <em> me </em> in Geography and German!”</p><p>Joyce had tried to enroll El in Hawkins High in August, but she didn’t pass the math or language arts portions of the assessment test to place her in high school.  So Joyce, Nancy and Jon had all been tutoring her in those areas the past few months, helping her work on the assignments Mike and Will received as freshmen.  One of the things they discovered was that although El had little awareness of American popular culture and limited practice with math and writing, she had amazing knowledge of Russian and Eastern European geography and culture. She also knew quite a bit of the Russian, German, Polish, Czech and Chinese languages, and said she had known them as long as she could remember. </p><p>When Dr. Owens looked deeper into her files, he found that Brenner educated her in these areas so that she could tell them where she was and what was being discussed when they had her find and spy on targets in the Void. He also conjectured that the reason El’s English language skills were stunted was due to learning so many languages at the same time. He said it was common for multilingual children to take longer to develop proficiency in each their languages, and to have smaller vocabularies in each language, because their brains were building and using multiple, separate language systems all at once.  It also helped explain how quickly El’s speech had developed since being out of the lab -- since she was exclusively using English, she caught up quickly.</p><p>“I don’t know...maybe,” she sighed, fingering the soft fur of grass she lay on.  “I just wish we could have more classes together so we would have the same assignments.”</p><p>Will reflected on her words. Although he had been planning to take the same lineup of pre-AP Gifted &amp; Talented classes he and The Party were in together the first few weeks of the school year in Hawkins, there really wasn’t any reason he <em> had </em> to take those classes his freshman year. There weren’t any actual Advanced Placement classes that would earn him college credit available until his junior year, and he could always get back into the GT program his sophomore year.</p><p>“You know what, El? I’m going to take the on-level courses with you the rest of the year.  I’m probably already a bit ahead, and it should make school easier for me so I’ll have the time to help you too.  I’d bet by the end of the year you’ll be ready to be in the pre-AP GT classes with me next year!”</p><p>“But, you’re too smart for the on-level classes!  You’ll be so bored -- I couldn’t let you do that!”</p><p>“Don’t be silly -- how can school be <em> too </em> easy?!  The main reason I was in all those classes anyway was so that I would have some classes with the rest of The Party. They aren’t here, but <em> you </em> are.  Maybe mom can convince them to give us the same schedule, and then I can spend my time helping you when you need it, and it will give me more time to get involved with extracurricular activities.”</p><p>“You’d really do that for me?” El asked, still not believing Will would give up his “smart kid” classes for her.</p><p>“Totally. I’ll do it for both of us. Like we said, we’ll do this together and we’ll be fine.”</p><p>El was at a loss at how to thank Will for yet another sacrifice for her, but looking at the straight set of his brow and determined set of his jaw, she knew he had made up his mind. There was really nothing more left for her to say.  They settled into a companionable silence, and El had just let her eyelids flutter closed when she heard Will’s amused voice.</p><p>“Look at that cloud,” El looked over to see Will pointing to the sky. “It looks like a giant mushroom!”</p><p>“What? Where? I don’t see it,” El squinted as she opened her eyes to the bright sky to search the clouds, not seeing the shape from the same angle as Will.</p><p>“Come over here, look!” he motioned.</p><p>El crawled closer to Will and laid down next to him, shoulder to shoulder, the top of their heads touching. “See, right there? See, there’s the top, and then the sides kind of sweep down and it curves back up toward the stem right there,” he gestured wildy, outlining the shape with his fingers.  From this angle, El could see what he was pointing at.</p><p>“Oh, yeah, I see it now, you’re right.”  As El continued to watch the clouds slowly shifting across the sky, she remarked, “Huh, it kinda looks like Mike!”</p><p>“What?!” Will looked at her like she was crazy. “How can you think that cloud looks like Mike?!  I think you’re so lovesick you’re imagining seeing him now!” he said with a roll of his eyes.</p><p>“Oh, shut up!” she elbowed him in the side. “Seriously, look -- that’s the shape of his head and hair, it looks just like that!”</p><p>A giggle erupted from Will’s throat, “Are you saying Mike looks like a mushroom?!”</p><p>“Wha- No! That’s not what I said at all!” El denied. But a second later she was giggling a well. “Um, well, I guess his hair is kinda shaped like a mushroom -- but promise you won’t tell him I said that!! I love his hair!”</p><p>“Don’t worry, I won’t,” Will said smiling, eyes cutting over to catch El’s blushing smile. “You really miss him, huh?” </p><p>“Yeah, I really do,” El sighed. “I know you do, too.”</p><p>Will nodded. “Yeah, I do. But, you know, things have been...different with us. Ever since…”</p><p>“Yeah, that’s my fault, too…” El replied guiltily.</p><p>“I don’t know...maybe not. It seems we were all starting to change even a little before...everything happened. We had been fighting a lot more than we used to, and over stupid stuff too.  Then I came back and Mike had met you and Lucas and Dustin both liked Max. It felt like the Right Side Up was just as different as the Upside Down had been. And then I just felt so awful for so long with all those <em>things</em> inside me." A shiver rippled through Will at the memory. "And I had so much going on in my head, it’s like I missed almost a whole year, you know? When you closed the gate, it was like I woke up and all of a sudden the guys were teenagers with girlfriends, and I felt like the annoying little brother who nobody wanted around anymore.  And, it’s not like I don’t like girls...I do! … I’ve just, never gotten a chance to know one very well…” Will’s voice drifted off, embarrassed that he said more than he intended, and wasn’t sure how to back out of the subject.</p><p>But El came to his rescue. “Well, then it really is a good thing that we’re making a fresh start.  I’m sure there will be lots of nice girls in your art class -- or maybe you’ll meet someone in track that you can go running with? Someone who doesn’t know anything about us and just knows the new Will Byers: soon-to-be world famous artist and track star!”</p><p>“Oh yeah, I’m sure they’ll just be lining up to date the weird looking new kid!” Will said with another role of his eyes. El seemed to be bringing that out in him today.</p><p>“You are <em> not </em> weird looking!” El turned on her side and propped her elbow up with her head on her hand to look at him.</p><p>“Come on, El -- I have a big nose, and my eyes are too big. I’m only 5’8” and I weigh like 120 lbs soaking wet!”</p><p>“Well, you’re working on that -- you’re already working out and eating right, and you’ve started seeing changes in just a few weeks. You’ve gained what, over 5 lbs. since we’ve been here?” He nodded reluctantly, refusing to humor her points.  “And you’ve been complaining about your legs hurting, didn’t Jon and Joyce say that sounded like growing pains?” </p><p>“Yeah, but that could just be the running and the workouts, doesn’t mean I’m actually having another growth spurt,” Will continued to grumble.</p><p>“I’d bet you are -- and even if you aren’t, you aren’t <em> short </em> . You’re already like four inches taller than <em> me</em>, and I’m supposed to be average height, so you’ll probably be taller than most of the freshman girls.”  She nudged his shoulder, and Will shrugged noncommittally.</p><p>“And your nose is NOT big. Mike’s nose is way bigger, and I’ve thought he was really pretty since the first time I saw him!” El reached out and ran her finger lightly along Will’s cheekbone just under his eye.  “And you have really pretty eyes, they’re this really deep greenish brown color and they get really green when you laugh, and more brown when you’re sad or thinking hard. Or sometimes when you draw. And your eyelashes are so long -- I wish mine were that long!”</p><p>Will felt the heat rising from his neck up to his cheeks at El’s sweet words, and the feeling of her soft fingertips on his face.  “Geez, El, have you been checking me out?!  Why don’t you take a picture, it’ll last longer? Heh, heh!” he panicked, slipping into a Pee Wee Herman impression to hide his embarrassment, and distract him from the flutter in his stomach.</p><p>Now it was El’s turn to roll <em> her </em> eyes. “Are you <em> ever </em> going to stop quoting that movie?!” </p><p>“Hey, Pee Wee’s Big Adventure is one of the best movies <em> ever </em>. It’s going to be a classic, you wait and see,” Will assured her, a feeling of relief washing over him that she didn’t seem to notice his response to her compliments.</p><p>“Okay, if you say so,” but El didn’t look convinced. “But just you wait and see, Will. You’re going to find someone this year who sees how great you are, I can feel it!” She glanced at her watch. “Oh, we’d better get going if you still want to stop for ice cream and make it home before Joyce and Jon.”</p><p>The pair packed up the remains of their lunch and made their way back to the bikes. Luckily, El barely felt a tug at her thigh muscle to remind her of her earlier injury.  They pedaled back through the now busy town, the first stirrings of belonging sprouting in them both as they blended in among the families running their weekend errands on the sunny Saturday afternoon. </p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. 31 Flavors</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The tinkling of the bell above the door announced Will and El’s entry into the Baskin Robbins ice cream shop. El’s eyes bulged at the choice of 31 different flavors offered -- they put Scoops Ahoy to shame! </p><p>“There’s so many different flavors! I don’t know how to pick!” she whined to Will, her nose pressed against the top of the glass case.</p><p>Will couldn’t help but chuckle at her dramatic response. “They’ll let you try a few flavors if you need help choosing.  But I thought Rocky Road was your favorite -- isn’t that what you usually order?”</p><p>“Well, that’s Mike’s favorite, and he usually ordered for me. What’s your favorite?” she asked. Will realized that he’d only ever gotten ice cream out with El while they were with Mike. He never paid attention that Mike had ordered for her.</p><p>“It depends on whether I’m in the mood for something fruity, like rainbow sherbet, or something chocolatey like Quarterback Crunch. They only have that flavor during football season, so I think I’ll get that.”</p><p>“How many can I try?” El asked, reading the descriptions on the tags in the ice cream case.</p><p>“Maybe 3 or 4 before the guy behind the counter starts getting annoyed.”</p><p>“Welcome to Baskin Robbins, can I help you?” the lanky, pimple-faced teen materialized behind the counter, as if summoned by Will's mention.</p><p>“My sister would like to try a few flavors, it’s her first time here,” Will informed the older teen, whose name tag dangling from his brown, pink and orange striped button-down shirt informed them was named Steve. But this guy held none of the charm and bravado of the Steve they had gotten to know so well over the last year. “Check it out -- wonder if it’s a requirement or something for all ice cream shops to have a ‘Steve,’ employed?” he murmured sarcastically, leaning into El so only she could hear.  </p><p>El’s eyes went wide with recognition when she saw the boy's name tag, taking in his poor complexion and greasy-looking dark blond hair peeking out from his brown 31 Flavors baseball cap.  A smirk crossed her lips as she turned her back to him and whispered to Will conspiratorially, “He’s not anything like our Steve. Ours is definitely way better, but at least his uniform isn’t <em> quite </em> as bad.” </p><p>“What flavors do you want to try?” not-Steve asked testily, clearly getting annoyed at their whispering and the time it was taking for El to make up her mind.</p><p>“Can I try Strawberry Shortcake and Jungle Fruit Sherbet?” El walked back down the counter, peering into the case toward the chocolate flavors, teeth worrying her bottom lip as she struggled to decide.  “And, um...the Quarterback Crunch...and...the Fudge Brownie?” </p><p>Not-Steve handed El the first two samples with the completely unwarranted sigh of a terminally bored teenager.  She took the two tiny pink spoons and tried each, eyes widening as she tried the Strawberry Shortcake.</p><p>“Will -- there’s pieces of cake in this ice cream!”</p><p>“Yeah, I know!” Will nodded at her, chuckling at her astonishment over a sample of ice cream. He often marveled at how some of the simplest things still seemed to blow El’s mind.</p><p>“Here’s the other two. Let me know which flavor you want.” Not-Steve’s flat voice drew El’s attention back to the counter, where he was holding out the next two spoons.  </p><p>“Try the Quarterback Crunch first and let me know what you think,” Will encouraged, a hopeful gleam in his big hazel eyes.  “I’ll take 2 scoops of that in a cone, please,” he told not-Steve.</p><p>“Mmmmm," El moaned. "I like the little crunchies in that!” El nodded, licking the little pink spoon clean and trying her last sample, her enthusiastic sounds drawing not-Steve's attention. “Oooooohh, but this one has little bits of brownies in it!  They’re all really good.</p><p>“So, what’s it going to be?” Will asked, taking his cone from not-Steve, whose eyes were still locked on El.</p><p>“I just really love strawberries, so I think I’ll take Strawberry Shortcake this time.”</p><p>“You heard the <em>lady</em>, one double scoop cone with Strawberry Shortcake,” Will ordered, not liking the way the not-Steve's eyes were aimed on El's body.  Will tried to step in to block his line of vision while he dug into his pocket for the money Joyce had left them.  El pulled some napkins from the spring-loaded napkin holder, oblivious to the entire silent exchange.</p><p>“That’ll be $3.79, sugar,” said non-Steve with a suddenly deeper tone and lazy smile as he handed El her cone.  Will paid, deciding not to drop his change in the tip jar, and followed El to a table by the window where the warm afternoon sun shone through the glass. </p><p>“So, if you like strawberries so much, how come I’ve never seen you order any kind of strawberry ice cream before?” Will asked, watching El delight in her choice.</p><p>“I don’t know,” El said with a lick to her cone. “I guess we were always with Mike, and he was so happy I liked the same ice cream as him, I just let him keep ordering it for me.  It made him happy," she shrugged.</p><p>Her comment niggled at something in Will.  “Yeah, but El, you can’t just always do things that make other people happy. You have to do what makes you happy too. And if people really care about you, they’re happy when you’re happy.  Like, I’m really happy right now that you got a flavor you really like, and didn’t pick Quarterback Crunch just because I did.”</p><p>El let that sink in for a minute as she turned the idea over in her head. “Yeah, I guess I know what you mean. Dr. Matthews told me something similar too. I guess I’ve just always tried really hard to make everyone else happy, it’s just what I do.” </p><p>“Well, I’ll help you work on that too. I always want you to tell me what you really want.  I want to know your opinion on things, not agree with what I think, okay? You have my permission to call me out on it if I ever try to get you to do something just because I want to. Deal?”</p><p>“Okay, deal!” El agreed. She was having a bit of a hard time talking, keeping up with melting ice cream and chewing the cake bits, so she let the conversation lag as she concentrated on the sweet treat.</p><p>Will was absently twisting back and forth in the pink plastic swivel seat as he enjoyed his cone and watched the busy street out the window, twisting all the way to the right until the chair hit its limit with a <em> thunk </em>and then letting it swing back to the left toward El on his left, then pushing off to the right again. <em>Thunk</em>. Push. <em>Thunk. </em>Push. <em>Thunk.</em></p><p>“Will!” El said, exasperated, grabbing his knee to stop him as his chair swung back toward her.  “What I <em> want </em> is for you to stop twisting in that chair! Geez, are you six?!”  </p><p>Startled, Will’s eyes snapped over to El just as she swiped her tongue around her cone with a roll of her eyes, hand still squeezing his thigh. Frozen in place, he watched her continue to lick around the scoop of ice cream, following the trail it left behind in the creamy confection. His stomach dipped like a roller coaster drop as he watched her pretty pink tongue peek out to lick a bit of ice cream from the corner of her mouth.</p><p>“S-sor-ry, I’ll stop,” his voice cracked embarrassingly as Will tore his eyes from El’s mouth, his own cone beginning to drip from neglect.  He quickly averted his gaze to a man walking his dog on the sidewalk outside the window. “Uh, I wonder what kind of dog that is…?”  <em> Real smooth Byers. You have to stop staring at her like that or she’s going to catch you and think you’re some kind of creeper. </em></p><p>“Oh, it’s <em> so </em>cute! I’ve never had a dog before, have you?” El asked, not noticing Will’s internal freak out. </p><p>“Uh, yeah, we did for a little while. We got him over the summer before seventh grade. I guess he ran away when all the weird stuff started happening. Can’t blame him,” at least, Will <em> hoped </em> Chester had run away. He didn’t really want to think about the alternatives.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Will.” Guilt again washing over El’s features. “What kind of dog was he?”</p><p>“He was just a mutt. His name was Chester. My dad showed up with him one day as a peace offering, trying to get my mom to take him back. Think he thought it would show her he was being a good dad or something. He left again a few days later, and we didn’t see him for a long time after that.” Will’s ice cream wasn’t tasting quite as good, as he thought back to that last fight between his mom and dad. Lonnie had backhanded Joyce across the face, and the dog had actually tried to attack him in her defense. “He was a good dog though.”</p><p>"Well, maybe we could ask Joyce about getting another one one day, if you want?” El asked gently, sensing the change in Will’s demeanor.</p><p>“Yeah...yeah, that could be cool,” Will responded, trying to shake the sudden dark cloud from his mood. “You about done? We should probably be getting back.”</p><p>“Oh, yeah, sure,” she said, popping the last bit of cone into her mouth. “Let me just rinse the sticky off my hands.”</p><p>Will nodded as El headed to the bathroom, and he picked up their napkins to toss in the trash. As he approached the counter, not-Steve called out to him. “Hey, dude -- your sister is hot. She got a boyfriend?”</p><p>The question took Will by complete surprise, and he paused a moment before responding with a scowl, “Yeah, actually, she does.”</p><p>“Lucky guy. Too bad though, the Stevester here wouldn’t mind taking her for a ride. Must be <em> hard </em> living with a babe like that, <em> pun </em> intended,” the <em> Stevester </em> grinned like an idiot, obviously impressed with his little quip.</p><p>Will felt his insides get hot and shaky with anger. How dare this <em> imbecile </em> talk about El like that. El was so sweet, and pure and <em> beautiful </em>...someone to be held in the highest esteem for everything she had done for her friends, and the world, frankly.  Who did this prick think he was?!</p><p>“That’s my <em> sister </em> you’re talking about asshole,” Will spit through gritted teeth, fists clenched by his sides. He hated the powerless feeling of not being able to shut the dickhead up, but the guy was at least a year older, and Will had just started working out. He wouldn’t stand a chance. Will bet he never would have said something like that to Jon.</p><p>“Sorry, man …no offense,” not-Steve said, holding up both hands in a mock sign of surrender. “But let her know where to find me if she gets tired of her boyfriend,” he said in a conspiratorial tone, popping the shit-brown collar on his horrible uniform shirt.</p><p>“Don’t hold your breath, you're not her type,” Will growled as he heard El coming out of the bathroom. “C’mon, we need to go,” he rushed to her side and grabbed her elbow, hurrying her out the door and away from the wandering eyes of <em> the Stevester. </em></p><p>“Hope I see you <em>soon</em>…” they heard over the tinkle of the bell as the door swung shut behind them.</p><p>“Will, is everything okay?” El asked worriedly, noticing Will’s agitation.</p><p>“Yeah, it’s fine, I just want to get home. I think I feel a headache coming on,” he lied, just wanting to get El as far away from that asshole as possible.</p><p>“Oh, okay, let’s hurry then.”</p><p>The bike ride home flew by as Will got lost in his thoughts about the jerk from the ice cream shop. Will was shaken by the older boy’s disrespectful comments about El.  He had heard Troy and some of the other mouthbreathers at school talk about girls that way, and he never liked it, but it was completely different with El. He had been worried about being picked on himself, but he hadn’t even thought about possibly having to defend El’s honor against guys like that.</p><p>As he rode along behind her, Will was finally distracted from his worries by the way the wind carried El’s curls like streamers behind her, long waves of caramel and gold catching in the sun that echoed the ripples in the lake earlier that afternoon.  He caught a glimpse of her smile and adorably dimpled cheek when she looked to the side to check traffic as they crossed the next intersection, her cute butt perched on the bicycle seat…</p><p><em>Cute butt?! Adorable dimple?!</em> <em>What has gotten into you this afternoon?! </em>Will thought to himself incredulously. <em>Okay, obviously she’s really pretty.  But that guy’s comments today are exactly why you can’t have thoughts like that too. She needs you and Jon to be watching out for her, protecting her from mouthbreathers like that, not checking her out and becoming part of the problem. </em></p><p>Will vowed to himself that he would be more diligent in controlling his wandering thoughts (and eyes), and would also talk to Jon that evening about the incident today to ensure they were both prepared to defend El’s honor from locker room talk and any other inappropriate behavior. <em>Guess it’s a good thing we started working out</em>, Will thought as they reached their new driveway and pedaled up to put away their bikes. <em> El just might need US to be HER bodyguards someday. </em></p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. There's More for Your Life at Sears</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Will and El get makeovers for starting their new school</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Wake up, sleepyhead, it’s after 10 o’clock!” Joyce called into El's room the next morning, after opening the door and flipping on the light. “Time to rise and shine so we can go shopping!”</p><p>El sat up with a start as she remembered today was the day Joyce promised to take her shopping for new school clothes. “You need something other than Hop’s old flannels for your first day of high school,” she’d said with a sad, understanding smile. Joyce had been caught wearing a flannel or two of Hop’s around the house as well.</p><p>She scrambled out of bed to the bathroom, not realizing how late she had slept. She burst into the bathroom on a startled Will, fresh from the shower and brushing his teeth at the sink. “Oh, sorry, Will, sorry!” she exclaimed, backing quickly out of the bathroom. “Let me know when you’re done!”</p><p>El was really trying to be more careful about things like that, but she was just so excited to go shopping that she didn’t think! Luckily, Will’s towel was wrapped loosely around his hips, so she didn’t see anything inappropriate. But as she changed into her sweatsuit from the day before, she caught herself thinking about how broad his shoulders looked -- more like Jonathan’s now…</p><p>”El, bathroom’s all yours,” Will called out, breaking El’s odd train of thought. El ran to the bathroom and quickly washed her face, brushed her teeth, swiped her Baby Soft deodorant in each pit and started pulling her brush through her curls. It was amazing how different she felt since her hair grew out. She loved having such long hair now, long loose waves that ran down past her shoulders. It made her feel so much more normal, and prettier than she ever could have thought. Once detangled, she pulled the soft strands into a high ponytail with her favorite scrunchie and was ready for her first school shopping excursion.</p><p>Joyce was sitting at the kitchen table finishing her last cup of coffee and making out her grocery list for that afternoon. “Wow, you’re ready? That was quick!” she smiled warmly, obviously tickled at El’s eagerness.</p><p>“I’ve never been school shopping before!” El squealed. She’d only been shopping the one time with Max, and they only went to a couple of stores before they ran into the boys, leading to the disaster that day ended in. But since she didn’t plan on breaking up with Mike today, she had much higher hopes for this trip.</p><p>Joyce grinned at her enthusiasm, glad to bring some joy into this poor girl’s life. “Will, are you going with us?” she called out, standing to rinse out her mug in the sink.</p><p>“Yeah, mom,” Will replied, joining his two favorite ladies in the kitchen. “Hey, mom, I was wondering...do you think maybe I could get a haircut today?”</p><p>“Sure honey, I can give you a trim when we get back this afternoon.”</p><p>“Uh, thanks, but...I meant like...professionally?” Will asked hesitantly, not wanting to insult his mom’s offer. After his shower that morning, Will was still bothered over the incident with El and the creeper from the ice cream shop. Why would someone be so rude as to say such things to a girl’s brother? As he looked at his thin, pale body in the mirror, he realized why -- because he looked like a boy still, not a man, not even a teenager. Like most bullies, the guy sized him up and decided Will wasn't a threat, so he assumed he could get away with saying whatever he wanted.</p><p>Sure, Will was taller now, and maybe he was starting to fill out a little, but his chest was still slim and undefined, his arms and legs still gangly. And his hair -- he still had the same haircut he’d had since he was in kindergarten. Well, that was one thing he could change, and he hoped to do so today.</p><p>“I was thinking that maybe if I got a new hairstyle, maybe no one would recognize me as the ‘kid who rose from the dead in Hawkins.’ You know, I <em>was</em> on the news a few times from when I went missing and then after the whole mistaken identity thing,” Will reasoned with his mom. Although it wasn’t his first motivation, it was a pretty good reason too.</p><p>Joyce crossed the kitchen to Will, ruffling his hair affectionately. “Sure, sweetie. I understand. I don’t like it, but I get it. We’ll look and see if there’s a place in the mall. I thought we could get lunch at the Food Court while we’re there?”</p><p>“Thanks mom, sounds good,” Will smiled appreciatively while El nodded.</p><p>The mall was less than 15 minutes away, so the three were soon pulling into a parking spot outside the Sears Joyce and Jonathan worked at. “I thought we’d get as much as we can here so we can use my employee discount. We just put up new Guess displays in the young men’s and juniors sections, and we have those Coca-Cola shirts everyone is wearing. I thought you might like some of that stuff, and I’m sure there’ll be some other things. Oh, and Will -- I just remembered, there’s a hair salon in this store too. Let’s see if we can get you in today.”</p><p>They entered into the first set of heavy glass and brass doors and stopped at the store map in the small entry. “Let’s see, looks like the salon is up on the second floor. Why don’t we run up there first and see if they have any openings?” Joyce said, turning to lead them through the second set of glass doors, winding through tables and racks of colorful shoes, jewelry and the overwhelming fumes of Calvin Klein’s Obsession and Drakkar Noir to the escalators in the center of the store.</p><p>Escalators always made El think of giant rows of metal teeth, and she still got nervous riding up them, suspended in air by nothing but the two ends at the top and bottom. She dutifully followed Joyce onto the moving stairways, but held tightly to the sliding rubber handrail as they began their sluggish ascent. Standing next to her, Will noticed her death-stiff posture and white knuckles. He rubbed his thumb across the back of her hand. She grabbed his hand tightly and her frightened eyes met his. He mouthed “it’s okay,” and gave her a reassuring smile. She gave him a small, tight-lipped smile back and small nod of thanks for the support.</p><p>They soon reached the top and Will heard El let out the breath she’d been holding. He didn’t realize she was scared of escalators. Or maybe she was scared of heights? He’d have to ask her later, as she obviously wanted to put on a brave face in front of his mom.</p><p>Luckily, the salon had a cancellation that morning and one of the stylists was available. An older woman with wild short wine-red corkscrews all over her head appeared and introduced herself as Cleta “Vee are goin’ ta make you fah-bulous, yung mahn. All zee girls vill trow demselves at zhou ven I’m done!” she said in a thick accent.</p><p>Joyce barely contained her laugh at Will’s worried expression. He wasn’t quite sure what to make of the over-the-top woman. “Will, honey, do you know how you want your hair cut, or do you want to look at some sample pictures?”</p><p>“Uh, well, I’d like it shorter? I guess I could look at some pictures.”</p><p>“Here zhou go dah-ling. Take a look at zhese photos and you tell Cleta what you likes, and I’ll tell you what look good on you.”</p><p>Will look skeptically at the first book, featuring several androgynous men and women on the front cover, all wearing hot pink and purple makeup on their eyes, cheeks and lips, each featuring various styles of partially shaved and spiked hair with dangling earrings of geometric shapes. He flipped to the table of contents and found a Teens section. El peered over his shoulder as Will was relieved to find several pages of photos of boys about his age, some celebrities, with much less severe hairstyles than the cover.</p><p>“What about something like Michael J. Fox or Tom Cruise?” asked El, pointing at the two photos in the book.</p><p>“I don’t know, that’s awfully short,” Joyce frowned, glancing between the pictures and Will’s face in the mirror. “And aren’t they in their twenties? You <em>are</em> only 14 Will, so let’s not go crazy.”</p><p>“I’ll be 15 in five months! And I want to look a little older if I can, mom. Maybe it will actually help me look my actual age, instead of two years younger.” Will persisted, ego still sore from the previous day.</p><p>Cleta’s raspy smoker’s laugh broke in, “Zhou just leave it to Cleta, mama-bear. I make zhis boy so handsome, zhou never get hair cut with anyone elze!”</p><p>Joyce took a deep breath and decided to let Will figure it out on his own. It was just hair, and it would always grow back. “Okay, Will, it’s your call. I guess El and I will start shopping while Cleta takes care of you. Come find us in the juniors section when you’re done okay?”</p><p>“Okay, thanks mom.”</p><p>Joyce stopped by the registers to leave her credit card for payment, pleased to discover her employee discount extended to the salon as well. They made their way to the Juniors section on the other side of the second floor. As promised, there was an amazing Guess display, and El picked out a couple of pairs of acid washed jeans, a denim skirt and jacket; all with the easy to recognize triangle logo on the back pocket. Joyce also made her pick up a couple of pairs of Jordache to try on and see which she liked better. El also took a couple of striped Guess t-shirts, one with a big logo on the front, a couple with mismatched sections of floral, striped and polka-dot patterns, plus one of the long-sleeved Coca-Cola shirts she’d seen people wearing on TV. She also found some fun ruffled skirts in denim and lace, and similar ones in neon pink, with a multi-colored splatter-paint top to match.</p><p>“What about these Esprit outfits, El?” Joyce suggested, showing her the brightly colored solids and large stripes that were easy to mix and match. El was in love with it all, and couldn’t wait to start trying everything on.</p><p>As they found the dressing rooms, El made her way in with her first set of items. One of the first things she wanted to try on was a cute denim dress with three-quarter sleeves and denim ruffles from her hips to her knees. But it zipped in the back, and El needed some help.</p><p>“Joyce, could you help me zip this up?” El called out.</p><p>“Sure, hon, right here.” Joyce slid in behind the curtain. “Oh, this is such a cute dress! Let me get that for you.”</p><p>Joyce zipped up the denim and then peered over El’s shoulder to see how it looked in the mirror. Grinning ear to ear, El turning from side to side to see if the heavy denim ruffles would still flare just a bit when she turned quickly. Then she looked up to see the reflection of Joyce’s furrowed brow.</p><p>“What is it, Joyce? Don’t you like it?”</p><p>“Oh, yes, the dress is really nice, but it’s not fitting you right up here in the bust,” Joyce said as she tugged on the sides of the dress a bit to adjust the fabric. “It looks like it’s too tight, like you’re all smashed down, but there’s plenty of fabric…Is it your bra maybe?”</p><p>“I don’t know, maybe?” El shrugged, as Joyce began to unzip her.  </p><p>"Let's see, pull down the top." El pulled her arms out of the dress and pulled the top down around her waist so that Joyce could see if there was something wrong with the bra. “Oh, El, that bra is WAY too small for you!” Joyce exclaimed.</p><p>“It is? This is how all of my bras fit,” El replied, looking confused and a little embarrassed.</p><p>Joyce’s hand went over her mouth as she tsked in regret. “El, I’m so sorry honey, I should have realized, but I guess I just never noticed in all of those oversized t-shirts and flannels you’ve been wearing. You’ve grown several inches this last year, so it’s no wonder you’ve been developing -- when was the last time you got new bras?”</p><p>“These are the only ones I’ve ever had. Nancy gave me some of her old ones when Hop said I could go to the Snow Ball with Mike last year.”</p><p>“Oh, my, that was almost a year ago, and from the looks of it, they may have even been a little too small then.” Joyce wasn’t surprised this sort of thing had gone unnoticed. “This is double A, and I’d say you’re at least a small B. We need to get you measured and supported properly! Here, throw your clothes back on, we need to go to the lingerie department before we try anything else on!”</p><p>El wasn't exactly sure what all the As and Bs were that Joyce was going on about, but she remembered it had something to do with bra sizes from that Judy Blume book she was reading (she had to admit, she had tried to do some of the exercises while quietly reciting 'we must, we must, we must increase our bust,' so maybe it had worked?).</p><p>She soon found herself surrounded by satin and lace, racks of panties and bras in a rainbow of white, black, beige, pink and other pretty pastels. “Oooh, Joyce, can I go look at that red one and the dark blue one over there?”</p><p>“Oh, uh, no -- those are for when you’re..ah...older. Let’s just stick with these basic colors over here okay? And first we need to find someone who can get you a proper measurement.”</p><p>They found the saleswoman for that department, who whipped out her measuring tape and quickly took El’s measurements. “This young lady should wear a 30B. And she’s just 14? That’s splendid! Have you had your first period yet dear?”</p><p>El shook her head, eyes wide in surprise that this strange woman would ask such a private thing.</p><p>“Oh, then you’ll have a lovely figure. You should easily be a full C cup by the time you finish developing. You may want to try an underwire, as she’ll need plenty of support -- she still has lots of growing to do!”</p><p>El wasn’t sure why this stranger was so pleased that her boobs would keep growing, but El was glad it made her happy. Joyce thanked her and they picked out a few different styles, some with and some without the underwires in each color and took them to the dressing room.</p><p>She tried on each of the styles, and although the ones without the underwire were a little more comfortable, they made her breasts look more pointy. She preferred the smooth roundness of the underwire, plus the little lace and bow accents on these bras. But they were all SO much more comfortable than the tiny 29AA training bras she had been squeezing herself into.</p><p>“They all make my boobs look so BIG!” El told Joyce in awe, as she admired her new found curves in the mirror.</p><p>Joyce laughed, “Well that’s what bras are for, to ‘lift and support,’ and that usually makes them look bigger! But, also, El, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about your period, but there never seemed to be a good time these last few months. Do you know what your period is?”</p><p>El nodded, “Yes, Nancy explained it all.”</p><p>“What exactly did she tell you?” Joyce had the utmost respect for Nancy, but given her back and forth between Steve and Jonathan (and what Joyce suspected was somewhat of an 'open' relationship between the three of them), she was a little worried about what Nancy may have thought was appropriate to tell El about “the birds and the bees.”</p><p>“She wanted to make sure I knew that one day I’ll start bleeding when I go to the bathroom, but not to panic because it's normal and it means I’m becoming a woman and can have babies. And that I might have cramps and a back ache and headaches, and that chocolate can help. Oh, and that I shouldn’t have sex with Mike without protection,” El recited all that Nancy had told her.</p><p>“Oh, uh, yeah, that’s basically all true,” Joyce said incredulously, shaking her head at Nancy’s points of focus. “But there’s a little more to it. Do you know what sex is?”</p><p>El shook her head, “Not really? Something people do after they kiss and it makes babies? They usually go to bed to do it in the TV shows…”</p><p>“Okay, I have a couple of books at home that I gave to the boys that explain how girls’ and boys’ bodies change as they grow up, and more about about sex. I want you to read them and then we’ll talk about it together, and I’ll answer any questions you have, okay?” El nodded solemnly. “You’ll probably start your period sometime over the next year, so let me know if you start to feel any of those symptoms Nancy told you about, okay? Crampy feeling in your lower stomach or back, maybe kind of grouchy, and you might get some pimples on your face. That all comes with the territory, and it’s just part of growing up.”</p><p>“Okay, thank you Joyce,” El said, feeling a little relieved, as she knew there were some things about sex she saw in movies and on TV that she didn’t understand. And whenever she asked Mike or the boys to explain, they got all weird and giggly, and Mike would turn all pink and get mad at everyone when they told her to ask him when they were alone (so she never asked). She was so glad Joyce would help her learn about these things so she didn’t always feel so in the dark.</p><p>“Of course, sweetie. Now, let me get the tag off of this bra so we can pay for it, and then we can go finish trying on all of your new school clothes!”</p><p>El was excited to get back to the clothes, and she just got the denim dress back on and partially zipped when she heard Joyce squeal from outside the dressing room, “Oh my goodness Will! You look SO grown up!” She couldn’t wait to see Will’s new haircut, so she tiptoed out to the entrance of the dressing rooms and peeked around the corner, careful to keep her unzipped back hidden.</p><p>El didn’t even recognize the boy standing next to Joyce. His hair was short on the sides up over his ears and neck, still a little long on top, but combed back away from his face and eyes, parted to the side. But in addition to the shorter hair, Will had tried on a pair of dark blue jeans, a black t-shirt and a black leather bomber jacket. If she didn’t know it was Will, she would have sworn he and Jonathan had a middle brother she’d never met. He looked like an older confident teenager, maybe one that could even drive, and not the shy quiet boy she lived with.</p><p>“Oh, El is going to freak out when she sees you!” Joyce said turning toward the dressing rooms and catching sight of El. “El, come here! What do you think of Will’s haircut? Where did my baby go?!” she asked, nearly in tears.</p><p>“Um, Joyce, can you zip me up please?”</p><p>“Oh, yes, sorry hon,” she scurried into the dressing room entrance and quickly zipped up the dress so El could come out. “I just can’t get over how grown up Will looks with this shorter hair! It’s like he turned into a man in the last half hour! And don’t tell him this,” she whispered to El, “but he looks so much like his dad when I first met him, especially in that leather jacket. Lonnie may have been an asshole in the end, but he was a real looker in high school!”</p><p>El giggled at Joyce’s admission and stepped out of the dressing room to take a closer look at Will. She was so overwhelmed by his makeover that she almost missed the way his eyes bulged when he got an eyeful of El. The new bra, combined with the sweetheart neckline of the dress, accentuated the swell of her breasts and showed just a hint of her new-found cleavage, while the A-line cut hugged curves of her hips. Luckily, Joyce was also checking the way El’s dress fit with the new bra while her son was momentarily unable to control his baser nature. “You both just look amazing -- I wish I had a camera! We definitely have to take pictures when we get home with these outfits!”</p><p>El blushed under his scrutiny, clearing her throat awkwardly and causing Will’s eyes to jump back to her face, a blush blooming on his cheeks as he realized he’d been caught admiring more than just her new clothes. “I really like your haircut, Will. Your mom’s right -- it makes you look a lot older.”</p><p>“Thanks...That’s a...a really n-nice dress too,” he mumbled, clearly uncomfortable with the compliment and the entire situation (especially being caught eyeing El's curves).</p><p>“Thanks, Will. Joyce, can I finish trying on the other clothes now?”</p><p>“Yes, of course, sweetie. Let me know if there’s anything you don’t really like or doesn’t fit, and I’ll get you different sizes, okay? Will, do you want to try on anything else? I know I wasn’t able to get you much new stuff in August, so we can get a few different things now if you want some different styles?"</p><p>Still blushing, Will nodded his head, thinking of the childish-looking striped shirts and the few sweatshirts he had in his closet at home. The money Doc Owens had promised them hadn’t come in yet when they prepared for school in Hawkins, and most of what he had were Jon’s hand-me-downs, of which many had been second-hand even when he wore them two years before. “Yeah, I wouldn’t mind getting a few new shirts and a couple of pairs of jeans, if that’s okay?”</p><p>“Sure thing, baby. Why don’t you look around, and I’ll check in with El and then come find you, okay?”</p><p>“Thanks, mom.” Will wandered back over to the Young Men’s section of the store, berating himself in his head for losing his cool around El, yet again. But, wow, just WOW -- somehow El’s boobs had, like, doubled in size while he was getting his hair cut. How is that even possible? And they were almost spilling out of the top of that dress, plus she had this perfect hourglass figure he'd never seen before. Will didn’t even realize he had been staring until he’d been caught.</p><p>So much for the promise he’d made just the day before about not thinking about El as anything more than a sister. But if she was going to start looking like that all the time, Will was beginning to think he was officially screwed.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>"There's More for your Life at Sears" was the store's advertising slogan from 1984 - 1986.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. What's Happening to Me?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The phone in the kitchen was ringing as Joyce and the kids walked in from their shopping trip. El dropped her bags in the entryway and ran to the living room phone, calling over her shoulder, “I bet it’s Mike! I was worried we might miss him!”</p><p>“Hello, Byers residence,” El answered breathily.</p><p>“Hi, El, it’s Mike. Were you running? You sound out of breath. Is everything okay?!” Mike asked, voice rising in alarm. Everyone in the Party still tended toward panic the moment anything seemed even slightly off. </p><p>“No, no...everything’s fine!” El gasped, catching her breath. “We just walked in the door and heard the phone. I wasn’t sure how long it had been ringing and didn’t want to miss you!” El dragged the phone cord across the room toward the hall as far as it would go, leaving it on the floor, and then carried the handset to her room, stretching the extra-long coiled cord under her door and shutting it behind her. The phone just reached into her room if she sat on the floor against the door, giving her and Mike some privacy to talk (as long as no one picked up an extension in the kitchen or basement!).</p><p>“Oh, okay, good. I was worried for a second,” Mike let out an anxious breath.  “So, where were you guys?”</p><p>“We went shopping for school clothes!” El squealed. “I’ve never been shopping for school clothes before! I got new jeans and skirts and shirts. I even got a couple of dresses and some new shoes and jewelry and stuff. Joyce was really kind to let me get so many things!”</p><p>“Oh...that’s great. I...didn’t realize you liked shopping so much,” Mike replied, sounding a bit unsure.</p><p>“Well, I didn’t know that I did...I only went with Max that one time. We had fun, but it was more about hanging out together than shopping. I only picked out a couple of outfits that day. I have a whole new closet now to start school next week!”</p><p>“I thought your regular clothes were fine,” Mike mumbled.</p><p>El sighed, “Thank you, Mike. But I couldn’t wear Hop’s old flannels and the 2 sweatshirts I stole from you to school <em> every </em>day. I really want to fit in and look like a normal teenager.” </p><p>“Normal is boring. Most of the mouthbreathers are ‘normal’ and they’re just assholes. I lo... Iike the fact that you’re different. It’s what makes you, <em>you</em>, El. You shouldn’t feel like you have to change to make people like you.”</p><p>“I know, but it's going to be hard enough with not knowing what to expect with school itself. I don’t need to make it so obvious I’ve never been to school before by dressing weird. I’m still me, Mike, I’ll just look more like other girls our age finally.”</p><p>“Yeah, I guess. As long as it makes you happy, El, that’s cool,” Mike conceded. “Are you nervous about starting school next week?”</p><p>“Only about the assessment test. What if I don’t pass again?”</p><p>“You will, El -- you’ve been working really hard these last few months, and you were doing an okay job on our assignments. And those were advanced classes. I’m sure you can do it.  Will you call me as soon as you get home? I want to hear all about it.”</p><p>“Of course! So, what’s going on with you? How are Lucas and Dustin?” </p><p>“Well, do you want the good news or the bad news first?” </p><p>“What bad news? Mike, what happened?” El fretted.</p><p>“Well, first Suzy had to break up with Dustin. Her parents found out about him. They threatened to not let her go back to science camp and they were taking her radio away as punishment. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever see or talk to her again.”</p><p>“Oh no, poor Dustin! Is he okay?”</p><p>“He’s a little down, but he’s kind of okay with it. It’s been almost 3 months since he’s seen her, and the long distance thing was getting hard. I mean, he couldn’t even call her on the phone -- he had to go all the way to Weathertop to radio her, <em> and </em> figure out times her parents wouldn’t overhear.  It had been really hard to find time to talk to her since school started. He’s hoping she gets to go to camp again and he’ll see her next summer, but he’s not getting his hopes up.”</p><p>“That’s terrible. Tell Dustin I’m really sorry.”</p><p>“Well, it gets worse. Lucas talked to Max the next day and was telling her what happened, and I guess he said the wrong thing about long distance relationships being too hard, because she got mad and broke up with him again.”</p><p>“What?! I had no idea! She didn’t call me!” An uneasy feeling began to settle in El’s stomach.  “I need to call and check on her. How’s Lucas doing?”</p><p>“He was pretty upset at first, but now he’s just mad. After basically disappearing overnight, she called and begged him to try the long distance thing, even though she’s broken up with him, what, 5 times before?! And then she just dumps him 2 weeks later?! Really not cool,” El could hear the disgusted face Mike was making in his voice -- brows scrunched up, upper lip curled in a frown. She’d seen him make that face at Hop when he didn’t agree with a rule.  But the subject prevented her from finding any humor in his aggravation.  </p><p>“El, are you still there?” Mike asked after a moment of dead silence from El’s side.</p><p>“Yes, I’m still here,” she swallowed. “Mike...do <em> you </em> think long distance relationships are too hard?” El couldn’t help but ask. He seemed really annoyed by both of his friends’ situations. Maybe he didn’t think the long distance thing was going to work for them either.</p><p>“What?! Oh...no, El -- I mean, they...they’re not <em> us </em>. I mean, come on -- Max and Lucas spent as much time broken up as they did together, and Dustin and Suzy only knew each other for three weeks!”</p><p>“We only knew each other for a week, Mike,” El said quietly, feeling a lump building in her throat, eyes stinging.</p><p>“Yeah, but El, since you came back, we’ve had almost a whole year together. Even though we were like, fighting the Mindflayer and the Russians and...and everything else that happened since this summer--we still had some really good times together before that...right?” El nodded, even though Mike couldn’t see her.  His voice had started to rise again in his worry when she didn’t respond. “Plus, we’re different, because I lo-...because, we’re <em> us </em>. I didn’t see you for 353 days El. I didn’t even know if you were still alive. I won’t give up on us now just because we can’t see each other for a few more weeks, okay?”</p><p>“Promise?” El asked shakily.</p><p>“Yeah, promise. Do you?”</p><p>“Yes, Mike, I promise.” El blinked back the tears that turned from worry to relief with Mike’s words. “Being apart is so <em> hard </em>. I really miss you,” she sniffed.</p><p>“I miss you, too, El. I’ve lost track of the number of times I’ve grabbed my walkie to tell you something, and then remember you won’t hear me. One time I even rode my bike halfway to the Byers’ house before I realized where I was headed. And every time the guys come over I keep expecting Will to walk in behind them. This really sucks.”</p><p>“Yeah, it does. I <em> really </em> miss my powers now. I can’t even come see you in the Void like I did before.”</p><p>Mike smiled, “Yeah, but that would be a little weird too. Like, I’d never know if you could see me or not. What if I was like, taking a dump or something?!”</p><p>El giggled, “Ew, gross Mike!” </p><p>“Well? It’s possible! That would be so embarrassing!” <em> Or I could be naked in the shower, or doing something even more embarrassing, </em>Mike thought to himself, thankful no one else was there to see his blush. “Hey, El, I only have about 10 minutes left to talk. I guess I should talk to Will now, huh?” </p><p>“Yeah, I’ll get him.” El sighed and stood up to open her door. “Oh! I mailed you a letter yesterday. You should get it in a couple of days.”</p><p>“A letter? Why didn’t you just call?”</p><p>“Well, I needed to practice my handwriting anyway, and I wanted to send you some pictures Jonathan developed,” El said as she walked down the hall back to the living room where Will was watching TV.  “So, here’s Will. I guess I’ll talk to you on Wednesday?”</p><p>“Yeah, Wednesday, after your first day of school! Bye El, I...I guess I’ll talk to Will now.”</p><p>“By Mike,” she handed the phone over to Will. Still feeling a little uneasy about her and Mike’s conversation, she went to gather her new things with the plan to drown her doubts in the spoils of her shopping trip.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Joyce knocked on El’s door as she was finishing putting away her new clothes and accessories. They had also picked up a couple of pairs of Keds canvas tennis shoes in different colors, some wide belts, a couple of scarves to tie in her hair, some brightly colored socks to mix and match, and some skinny rubber bracelets in neon colors like her clothes that they spotted by the register as they were checking out.  El loved all of the fun earrings too, but she didn’t have her ears pierced. Joyce said maybe they could get that done some time soon too.</p><p>“El, honey, here’s the books I was telling you about earlier,” Joyce handed her two big white books. The one on top had <em> What’s Happening to Me? </em> in big black words on the front cover, and a bunch of funny-looking drawings of people that kind of looked like the cartoons from <em> School House Rock </em> she watched some Saturday mornings. The second simply read <em> Where did I come from?  </em>“Take some time to read through them, and just let me know if you have any questions.  Even if you feel embarrassed. If there’s anything you don’t understand or have questions about, just let me know.” </p><p>“Okay, thanks, Joyce. I will,” El said, taking the books from her. Joyce backed out of the room with a small secretive smile, closing the door behind her.</p><p>El put away the last of her new things and plopped down on her bed with the books.  She opened the first one and began to read about puberty, and how it happens to everyone but <em> nobody </em> talks about it.  Well, it seemed to El that <em> everyone </em> talked about it, but never about the details! Just jokes and giggling and a lot of elbowing and other funny facial expressions. Kids could be so weird!</p><p>For some reason there was a big fat football player without a shirt on the next page, and the text explained reproduction and how all animals and people made babies, and that puberty is the process of our bodies maturing for that time.  A few pages later, El found a growth chart with examples of typical body development for girls from ages 8 -18.  </p><p>El studied the pictures, and then stood up and looked at herself in the mirror. She pulled up her shirt to look at the recently developed curve of her hips, the tiny pooch in her lower stomach and the shape of her breasts.  She had begun to grow a small bit of hair under her arms and between her legs as well, so according to the book, she was right on track in her sexual development, if not maybe a little ahead in some areas.  <em> Finally, something about me is normal</em>, she smiled to herself.</p><p>But the book got <em> really </em> interesting when she turned the page to find a similar chart for boys. The text talked a lot about the role of testosterone and changes in height, hair growth and voice changes, but it was the male penis and how it changed with age that really fascinated El.  She knew boys were <em> different </em> down there, and she had seen some of the Party occasionally scratch or adjust themselves, so she could tell there was <em> something </em> there. But when playing Barbies with Holly, there was just a bump under Ken’s pants, so El assumed it was something like that.  She had <em> no idea </em>there was so much going on down there!</p><p>She ran her finger over each of the illustrations of the boys in the chart. Stopping on the 13 - 15 year old example, El carefully examined the shape of the boy’s body in the chart, just as she had done on the girl’s chart.  The boy’s shoulders in the illustration were a little narrow, more like how Mike or Will looked when she first met them. But now both of their shoulders seemed a little broader, but not as muscular as the 16 - 17 year old sample in the chart. That looked quite a bit like Jonathan.</p><p>El’s eyes followed her finger down page, and she snatched the tip back from the paper as she realized just where she was touching. She glanced self-consciously at the door and her heart suddenly began pounding in panic that someone could walk in and see what she was looking at.  She held her breath to listen closely for any movement in the house. She could just make out the clink of the weight bench as Will worked out down in the basement, and Jonathan was still at work, so she took a calming breath and reminded herself that Joyce said they had already read this book, so it’s nothing they hadn’t seen before.</p><p><em> Oh, that means Will has seen the pictures of the girls on the previous page. No wonder he looked embarrassed when I caught him looking at me earlier. He kind of knows what I look like under my clothes. I wonder if he was imagining what I look like naked? </em>El blushed at her own thoughts, a nervous heat knotting in her stomach.</p><p>As her eyes fell back on the page, she felt the buzzy heat spread from her stomach throughout her body as she studied the pictures of the boys’ penises. They did look a bit odd, sort of like a bigger extra finger. She thought it must feel weird to have all that between their legs. Didn’t it get in the way when they walked? And she was sure it must make bike riding more difficult. Wouldn’t it get squished on that hard little seat? She suddenly wanted to ask Will about these things, but her fevered cheeks reminded her that that might be a really uncomfortable conversation.</p><p>Completing her study of the male form, El continued through the book, which filled her in on breast development (yes, she’d already noticed how much boys seemed to like boobs), and starting her period. She grew even more curious as the author talked about boys’ erections (she’d never quite seen anything quite like the book’s cartoon illustration of a boy on a diving board with his erect penis sticking straight out, and she couldn’t help but giggle). </p><p><em> Did that really happen to boys all the time for no reason? </em> she thought, unable to comprehend having a part of your body that just moved on its own without your control. She had sometimes noticed the boys in the Party sort of holding themselves there -- she realized now that maybe they were trying to cover up an erection?  </p><p>El thought about when she and Mike had started kissing in her room, and how Mike would always turn away from her when she would try to get closer to him. It always confused her, because she didn’t understand why he wouldn’t want to be closer to her, too. He certainly seemed to like the kissing part. She wondered now if maybe he had an erection, and didn’t want her to notice? The book said it can be sort of embarrassing for boys, since they can’t control it. Geez, if only she’d had read this book sooner, maybe she wouldn’t have felt the sting of rejection each time he turned away from her.</p><p>El pushed the books aside as she rolled onto her back on her bed, looking helplessly at the ceiling for answers she didn’t have.  She missed Mike so much, but sometimes he made El feel like maybe he didn’t feel the same way about her as she did about him. She overheard him say he loved her that one time, but he still hadn’t said it back. And they’d talked on the phone quite a few times since she told him she loved him on the day they moved. And tonight’s conversation didn’t help the uneasy feeling she’d been having about their relationship.</p><p>It wasn’t just Mike’s seeming fear of the L-Word -- he also would still get embarrassed whenever the Party teased them about making out, and then there was the way he didn’t seem to want to get too close to her ever since Hopper died. Sure, she didn’t feel like making out for the first month or so after Starcourt, and he was <em> so </em> understanding, he never even suggested it. He held her in his arms when she cried for what felt like days on end without complaint. But when she started to feel a little better, and tried to kiss him again, he would always stop them before long with an excuse about being hungry, or needing to use the bathroom, or some chore he forgot he was supposed to do and needed to get home before he got in trouble.</p><p>She wasn’t sure why his feelings might have changed, but things definitely weren’t the same as they were before Starcourt. Even when they were getting close to the move, and El was feeling panicked at their pending separation, he just didn’t seem to feel the same sense of desperation she did.  He said all the right things, just like he had tonight, and he cried so hard the day they left and held her so tight she didn’t think he was going to let her go, but overall things just felt...different.  </p><p>And only getting to talk to him once a week since the walkie talkies weren’t working right (who knew it cost so much to make phone calls when you lived further away?!) wasn’t giving her much of an opportunity to work things out with him. He always sounded so happy to talk to her, and tell her all about school and the guys, that she just didn’t know how to bring up the fact that it was starting to feel like they were more like just best friends than boyfriend and girlfriend.</p><p>A knock on her door thankfully interrupted her troubled thoughts. “Come in,” she called, not bothering to sit up. </p><p>“Did you get all your new stuff put up?” Will asked through a small crack in the door. </p><p>“Yeah, I did.” </p><p>Will heard the lack of enthusiasm in her voice and opened the door wider, taking a step into her room and leaning against the door frame, a concerned look crossing his face. “Hey, are you okay?”</p><p>El sighed, “Yeah, I guess so. Just thinking about Mike.”</p><p>“Oh. You don’t sound like that’s a good thing. Did something happen?” Will was confused, as Mike seemed fine when he spoke with him on the phone earlier.</p><p>“Everybody broke up.”  </p><p>“Yeah, he told me. That's just crazy. Oh, by the way, Mike said he forgot to tell you the good news. You know how Mr. Clarke moved up to teach at Hawkins High? Well, the guys won’t be in his class until next year, but he called them to his classroom after school and told them that he wants to start an Academic Superbowl Team next year, and wants them all to join. He’s filing all the paperwork now and they’ll get the topics by the end of the school year. They’ll have to start studying over the summer to be ready. That would have been fun to do with The Party...they really could have used me for the art topics.” </p><p>“That does sound like fun,” El said distractedly. Will could tell she wasn’t really listening.</p><p>That’s when Will spotted the books on El’s bed. <em>Oh</em>, <em> I guess now I know why she was thinking about Mike.  </em> He remembered when his mom gave him those books to read, and he was <em>SO </em> embarrassed. Even though he read them over and over for weeks, and would sneak peeks at them from time to time when something <em> weird </em> happened to his body, it still felt like he was doing something <em> naughty </em>every time.  But that was a couple of years ago for him. He guessed there probably wasn’t anyone who would have told El about that stuff before now.  Will turned to leave and give El some privacy when he heard her speak.</p><p>“Do you think Mike’s been acting..<em>.different?” </em>she asked him, still looking up at the ceiling and not noticing Will’s gaze. </p><p>Will entered the room fully and closed the door behind him, taking a seat on the end of El’s bed. “Mike? Not really? I mean, I guess he seems a little down, but aren’t all of us? I know he misses us -- especially you!” he said with a half-laugh, nudging her foot.</p><p>“Yeah, I guess so,” El said with another sigh.</p><p>“El, what's going on? You know Mike misses you. Did he say something when you guys talked earlier?” Will didn’t know where her mood had come from.</p><p>“I don’t know, Will. Things just seemed different with him these last few months, especially when we were alone together, even before the move. I just wish I could <em> see </em> him so we could talk about it.”</p><p>Will couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Mike was so obviously in love with El, it made him act like an idiot most of the time. Will had no idea there was trouble in paradise. “I think you’re just reading too much into it. We all went through a nightmare together, El. That kind of trauma changes people. But it wouldn’t change the way Mike felt about you, I’m pretty sure of that. You guys have been a couple for almost a year, and before that, he searched for you for 353 days. You don’t go around being obsessed with someone for two years and then just stop loving them.” </p><p>“Well, maybe the real thing didn’t live up to his expectations,” El mumbled with a one-shoulder shrug. She knew Will probably thought she was being unreasonable, but she couldn’t help how she felt.</p><p>Will needed to talk to Mike to find out what was going on. From the time she walked back into that cabin and saved them from the demodogs in all her 5-foot, 3-inch black eyeliner and leather jacket glory, nearly every word, every breath, every <em> thought </em>Mike Wheeler had was about El Hopper. Will knew, because it felt like his former best friend had been turned into some sort of El-worshipping zombie, and it had annoyed him to no end. </p><p>After everything she'd done for Will, the selflessness she showed at Starcourt, and then living with the shared pain of their trauma and loss of Hopper, Will had obviously also come around to Team El. And since they’d been living together, she had become his best friend as well. The last thing that Will wanted was for either of his friends to be hurting any more than they already were, especially because of each other.</p><p>“Look, El, I don’t know what’s going on between the two of you, but don’t make any assumptions without telling him how you feel, okay? The next time he calls, I’ll let you take all the time to talk to him alone okay? Just ask him what’s going on and tell him how you feel, and I’m sure you can work it out.”</p><p>“Okay, thanks Will.” El sat up with a nod, finally making eye contact. As she shifted on the bed, she bumped the book she’d been reading, reminding her of what she had been doing before the melancholy set in. Her eyes bulged, and she snatched up the books and shoved them under her pillow a vain attempt to hide them.</p><p>“I was just...that was just…” she stammered, trying to find an explanation that didn’t make it obvious that she was just looking at naked pictures.</p><p>“Uh, yeah...don’t worry, El, mom made me read those too,” Will tried to reassure her. “It’s, uh, good to know about that stuff. Makes it a little less scary. I remember feeling like maybe there was something wrong with me until I read those books are realized it was happening to everybody.”</p><p>“Yeah, I..I guess,” El paused. She really did want to talk to someone else her age about this stuff.  Before, she would have asked Mike. But that just didn’t feel right now. “Will, can I ask you something?”</p><p>“Uh...sure?” Will hoped it was something he felt comfortable answering.</p><p>“When you read about that kind of stuff, did it...um...did it make you feel weird? Like in your stomach? Like maybe kind of nervous?” she felt that warmth in her stomach again, slowly spreading toward her cheeks just thinking about it.  Will looked a little panicked. Maybe she shouldn’t have said anything to Will. Now she just felt stupid.  “N-never mind, you don’t have to answer that…”</p><p>“No...no, it’s...it’s fine,” he sputtered, taken by surprise by her question. He’d never talked to anyone about those sorts of <em> feelings</em>, and certainly never imagined talking about them with a girl.  But her big brown eyes looked so vulnerable, and with everything El had done for him and his friends, he surely could man up and have this kind of conversation with her. “I...I know what you mean.  I felt like that too...in my stomach...sort of fluttery and uh, hot? And, sometimes when there’s like something that’s too romantic or um, <em>sexual...</em>" Will whispered the word, that naughty feeling rising up inside. "...in a movie or something, you know?” It was a pretty easy sensation to describe when this conversation was making him feel that way right now.</p><p>“Yeah...yeah, me too!” El looked relieved that she wasn’t having some sort of abnormal reaction. “And the feeling sort of moves around your body? The heat? Like, my hands get sort of sweaty sometimes, and my face feels really hot. Does that happen to you too?”</p><p>Will nodded, feeling it a little hard to swallow. “Yeah, and sometimes...sometimes it feels hard to swallow.” He noticed his hands now felt a little clammy too.</p><p>El’s head bobbed rapidly in agreement. “Yes! Oh good, I thought maybe it was just me...maybe it was a panic attack or something, but it didn’t feel as scary.”</p><p>“No-o,” Will’s voice cracked, feeling a bit panicky himself. He cleared his throat.“Not just you. I think the book explains it... it’s called...arousal.”</p><p>“Oh, I don’t think I got that far,” El smiled at the sound of his changing voice, “Don’t be embarrassed by your voice Will, the book said it’s perfectly normal for boys your age. Sounds like you’re right on track!” Which reminded El of the other things she saw that were perfectly normal in the development chart for boys his age. Unwarranted, her eyes dropped to Will’s lap, and El quickly looked away, hoping he didn’t notice.</p><p>But he did notice, and so did his dick. “Uh, thanks?” Will tried to casually shift and inconspicuously place his hands in his lap to obscure the sudden tightness in his pants caused by her wandering eyes.</p><p>“Can I ask you something else?” El asked, suddenly finding a thread on her bedspread particularly fascinating. “It’s um, kind of personal, but the book made me really curious?” </p><p>“O-okay?”</p><p>“Does it,” El gestured toward Will’s lap. “Get in the way? Like, when you walk and stuff? I mean, I can’t figure out how you can ride a bike? It doesn’t look very comfortable to sit on…” El’s gnawed on her bottom lip anxiously.</p><p>“Geez, El!” Will huffed a self-conscious laugh. But the innocence of her question made him decide to answer. “I...I don’t know...I mean, I was born with it, so it’s just always been there. It’s, um, more in the front than between your legs, so you don’t really <em> sit </em> on it...but, um, your, uh, balls or <em>testicles</em>, can sometimes get pinched? If you’re not careful. And it hurts really bad if you get hit down there. Like, it makes you feel like you’re going to puke. So only kick a guy in the balls if you <em> really </em>want to hurt him bad.” This was by far the strangest conversation he’d ever had. Even weirder than talking about demodogs and interdimensional portals with the Party.</p><p>“Wow,” El said apologetically. “That doesn’t sound pleasant at all. And then having to deal with it getting hard and moving all on its own without your control too? I’m so sorry, Will.”</p><p>Will shook his head in disbelief at the turn the conversation had taken. “It can be...embarrassing.  But I haven’t had it happen in public very often.  At least I don’t have to bleed and get cramps every month for the rest of my life. And I don’t ever have to be pregnant or give birth, so I think girls definitely have it worse.”</p><p>El shuddered at the thought. “Yeah, I’m really not looking forward to that. Joyce said she thinks I’ll probably start my period soon, since I’ve been <em> developing </em> in other areas,” she said with a nod to her breasts. Will’s eyes followed hers, not helping the tightness situation in his pants.  </p><p>“It was so embarrassing today! This woman at the store measured me for these new bras, and she seemed so happy about my boob size!” Now it was her turn to giggle self consciously.  “She told Joyce she was sure I had lots of growing left to do, and they agreed I would probably have my period soon. It seemed so weird that a stranger would talk about all that to me in public. I thought that was supposed to be private stuff.”</p><p>So, it wasn’t just in Will’s perverted imagination that El’s boobs looked bigger. “Oh, yeah, get used to it. Parents do that sort of thing with other adults -- they compare their kids all the time. It’s like they are so proud we’re growing up they have to brag about it to everyone. Mike and I used to hear our mom’s talking about all sorts of embarrassing stuff to each other. Did you know that Mike wet the bed until he was seven years old?!”</p><p>“What?! No! And his mom told Joyce?”</p><p>“Yeah, don’t tell Mike I told you. He was really mad at his mom when we overheard them talking. But it’s just what moms do. I think they like to trade parenting tips and experiences just like they talk about recipes and stuff. It’s embarrassing, but there’s not much you can do to stop it.”</p><p>“Huh, okay, good to know,” she wondered if Hop had ever done that. She couldn’t really imagine him talking about her period with anyone. Except maybe Joyce. When she gave El the speech he had written for her and Mike, Joyce seemed to know about it.  It was odd thinking of Hopper talking about her to Joyce for parenting advice. He seemed to always have a plan for everything.</p><p>Will watched El get lost in her own thoughts, and took that as the cue the conversation was over. It was a quirk she had, and he knew she just had a lot of processing to do about so many things still. He was a little relieved to be done with this talk, as he wasn’t quite sure where she would go next. He’d never thought he’d be talking to a girl about his own penis, much less about her getting her period. </p><p>“So, uh, I’m getting kind of tired. I’m gonna take a shower and head to bed. Good talk…” Will got up from the spot he’d been glued to at the end of El’s bed and opened the door.</p><p>“Yeah, I think I’m going to head to bed too. Thanks, Will. Good night.”</p><p>“Night El.”  Will closed the door behind him, shaking his head at the conversation in which he’d just taken part.  One thing was for certain, life was never dull with El around.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Yes, What's Happening to Me and Where Did I Come From are real books...</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. How do you spell relief?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Starting to get a little lemony in this chapter...</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Two nights later Will lay tossing and turning in his bed, unable to fall asleep from nervous energy. The next morning they would be starting their new school.  Will and Jonathan for sure, possibly El.  They’d spent the evening reviewing grammar rules, multiplication tables and math concepts like order of operations -- some of the areas where El was weakest on, or slowed her down too much, on her previous assessment test. </p><p>He was worried for her, and worried for himself and Jon. As much as they promised they were going to try to make the best of this new start -- show up different, join in more, be more friendly -- he really doubted it was going to make any difference.</p><p>He rolled on to his back again, the bright red digital numbers on his alarm clock oh-so-helpfully reminding him that there were only 6 hours and 21 minutes left to sleep.  If he didn’t get some rest, he was going to show up as Zombie Boy regardless of whether or not anyone recognized him. </p><p>There <em> was </em> one thing that always helped him fall asleep. It wasn’t something he’d done in a while given the grief and stress of the last few months, but the itch had been building to a fever pitch over the last week. The problem was that El suddenly seemed to be the source of that itch, and Will was filled with guilt at the thought of scratching. </p><p>Red numbers screaming 6 hours and 10 minutes left to sleep convinced him it was time to take drastic measures. He closed his eyes, allowed the images he normally pushed away to flood his mind, and pushed the waistbands of his pajama bottoms and underwear down to release his quickly stiffening member.  </p><p>
  <em> El’s eyes.  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> El’s curls catching in the sunlight. El’s dimple. El’s smile. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> El’s lips. El biting her lip. El’s wet pink tongue peeking out to lick ice cream from the corner of her mouth. El gazing at him and telling him he has pretty eyes. El touching his cheek. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> El’s body pressed against his as she stumbled into his arms. The feel of El’s slim, warm, thigh in his hands. The hitch of her breath as her eyes darted to his hands.  El’s eyes darting to his dick, sitting on her bed. The pink of her cheeks as El talked about being aroused. Do I arouse her??  </em>
</p><p>
  <em> El’s eyes running down his body in his new clothes. El’s breasts pushing up and out of the new dress. The slope of her hip. The shape of her calves. White panties peeking out from under her sleep shirt. Pink panties. Blue panties. El’s panties just barely hiding... </em>
</p><p>
  <em> El in just a towel darting across the hall, towel slipping down her back to expose the top round of her ass as she steps into her room. El turning back and seeing him in the hall. El’s smile as she lets the towel drop to the floor and reaches out to him. El pulling him into her room and pushing him up against the door with her wet naked body, crashing her lips into his. El kissing down his jaw and swirling her tongue into his ear as she whispers, “Will, touch me…” </em>
</p><p>“E-llll,” Will moaned as his release washed over his body in blissful relief. That last part had definitely been fantasy, but it did the trick. It had definitely been too long since he had allowed himself that kind of indulgence, and from how fast he’d climaxed and the mess he’d made, it was long overdue. He’d just grabbed a discarded sock from the floor to clean up when he heard a familiar tapping from the other side of the wall, “..- .--. ..--..”   <em> Up? </em></p><p>Will responded to the Morse code, “-.-- . …” <em> Yes </em>, as he quickly cleaned himself up and threw the sock across the room. He pulled his pants back into place just as his door opened and El slipped inside.</p><p>“Are you okay?” she whispered, crossing to sit on the edge of his bed. “I heard your bed squeaking and your moans through the wall. Sounded like a bad one,” she said, reaching out to brush the hair from his damp forehead in a motherly gesture of concern. A wave of fresh guilt passed over Will as he realized she thought he had just awakened from a nightmare.</p><p>“I...I’m sorry I woke you up. It was just a...uh...oh, an anxiety dream about tomorrow...Troy was there...you know…,” he hoped she didn’t press for more details, as his brain was a bit mushy from the combination of post-orgasmic endorphins, lack of sleep and now embarrassment that he had awakened the very object of his jack-off session. </p><p>“I wasn’t asleep anyway. Too nervous about tomorrow.”</p><p>“Do you wanna try to sleep here?” Will offered. Despite the remorse he was still experiencing from his momentary indiscretion, opening their beds to each other after nightmares had become their routine.</p><p>She sighed and nodded, glancing at the clock, which now informed them they had 6 hours and 2 minutes left to sleep. “It’s getting really late, and I need to try sleep if there’s any chance I’m going to pass that test.”</p><p>Will lifted the covers and scooted toward the wall as El climbed in and cuddled against him. Although he usually left his arms at his sides and over the covers, his dopamine-fueled body decided to drape his right arm over El’s middle. He felt her stiffen for just a second, most likely from surprise at this new development, but then she then relaxed under the added weight.</p><p>Although his body finally felt relaxed, Will’s mind was now on high alert, as the object of his newly admitted desire now lay in his arms, nearly flush against his body. He inhaled slowly, breathing in the scent of her lavender shampoo and feeling the press of her back against the rise of his chest.  As she shifted to get more comfortable, her backside (the one Will was just fantasizing about minutes before) rubbed against his still sensitive cock, causing him to pull back in reflex and sending a little thrill up his back.</p><p>“Sorry,” El apologized, remembering what Will told her about it hurting if he got hit in that area. “Thanks for being such a good brother, Will,” she murmured with a sigh, already slipping into a doze from the warmth and coziness of being curled up together.</p><p>Her innocent words were just what was needed to ice Will’s libido, reinforcing the reality that El was just his sister and friend, and nothing more. With 5 hours and 49 minutes left to sleep, Will closed his eyes and tried to shut off his brain, matching his breathing to El’s. Within minutes he’d finally drifted off, dreaming of a life without bullies, mean girls, and just maybe without freckle-faced best friends who somehow got the girl before he’d ever had a chance.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Will was startled by a hand firmly gripping his knee.  “Would you <em> please </em> stop?! You’re making me even <em> more </em> nervous,” El hissed at him. Will had been unconsciously bouncing his knee as he, El and Joyce waited in the John Adams High School registration office for the results of El’s assessment test.  Joyce had already finished Jonathan’s paperwork, and he’d gone off to class. But Will wanted to know the outcome of El’s test before he finalized his schedule.</p><p>“Sorry, didn’t realize,” Will apologized, now acutely aware of her hot, sweaty hand through his jeans.  El was wearing her new denim dress, and after his nocturnal activities the night before, he could barely look at her without his eyes wandering.  And he’d already notice a couple of other boys who stopped by the office check her out as well, sparking a possessiveness he’d never before felt. <em> I’ve got to get a grip, </em>he thought to himself.</p><p>“Ms. Byers, we’re ready for you now,” the counselor called from his office. </p><p>A look of fear crossed El’s face as she grabbed Joyce’s arm. Joyce gave her reassuring smile as she stood, “It’ll be okay, come on.”</p><p>“Hello, I’m Mr. Oakley, the freshman class counselor,” said the kind-looking bearded man with dark shaggy hair, gesturing for them to take a seat in front of his desk.  He wore tan corduroys and a brown sweater that looked like it had seen better days. </p><p>“Hi, I’m Joyce, and these are my children Will and El,” Joyce introduced them, reaching out to shake Mr. Oakley’s hand.</p><p>“Nice to meet you folks. So, I’ve just been looking over Eleanor’s test results, and they <em> are </em> a bit lower than we like to see for on-level grade placement,” he began, as El’s head dropped in disappointment.  Joyce reached over and gave her hand a comforting squeeze.  “But given the unique background that you shared with us Ms. Byers, we also gave her an IQ test, and her scores on that assessment are remarkably high -- near genius,” he continued, sounding impressed.  The story Joyce had told the school was that El had grown up primarily with her mother in a small commune, and had limited education until her mother passed away two years ago.  At that time she had gone to live with her father, who had been homeschooling her to try to help her catch up.</p><p>“Was that the strange part of the test with the shapes?” El asked cautiously. That part of the test had been very different than the assessment she’d taken in Hawkins.</p><p>“Yes. The IQ test measures a student's reasoning ability and is used to gauge how well someone can use information and logic to answer questions or make predictions. It’s typically a pretty good indication of a person’s ability to learn. And given your high IQ, if you work hard, I think you’ll catch up to others in your class pretty quickly.”</p><p>“In m-my class? Does this mean I get to go to school?” El asked, hope gathering in her eyes.</p><p>“Yes, young lady, it certainly does. Welcome to John Adam’s High,” his eyes crinkled with joy as he watched El and Will jump from their chairs with a whoop and hug.</p><p>“I knew you could do it, El! Way to go,” Will told her with a grin almost as big as her own.</p><p>“So, how about we get you two registered and off to class?” Mr. Oakley asked to their eager nods, as he picked up El’s registration papers.  “Ah, so it’s Eleanor Hopper...not Byers? But you are her legal guardian?” he asked Joyce.</p><p>“She usually goes by El. And yes, I’m her guardian. Her godmother actually. Here are copies of her father’s will and proof of guardianship,” Joyce explained as she handed him the additional papers. Dr. Owens helped get all of the ‘official’ paperwork required to give Joyce guardianship of El after Starcourt, thinking the godparent story might be the easiest cover.  Anyone from Hawkins who knew Joyce and Hopper would know they had grown up together, and they certainly had seemed to be closer over the last couple of years. No one would know one way or the other if Hop had asked Joyce to be El’s godmother.  Any other story would have had a lot more complexities that could more easily raise suspicion if anyone decided to poke around. </p><p>“I’m very sorry for your loss, young lady,” Mr. Oakely said sincerely, noting the recent date of the documents. He made a few notes and turned to his computer, entering El’s name and social security number at the blinking green cursor.  </p><p>“We’ll place you in all of the on-level core classes for now, and evaluate your progress when we come back from the holiday break. We can decide then if we need to drop you down to any remedial classes, or worse case scenario, you could just repeat the 9th grade if you still need more time to catch up.”</p><p>“I don’t think that will be necessary, Mr. Oakley,” Will jumped in. “I was hoping that we could have the same schedule, or at least the same teachers, so I could tutor El in her classes if she needs help.”</p><p>Mr. Oakley turned to Will’s file. “Let’s see here... William...yes, that’s what I thought. Looking at your transcript William, I thought we would be placing you in the Gifted &amp; Talented program. We have a very highly rated, award-winning program here at John Adams.  Are you sure you want to miss out on that?”</p><p>Will nodded without hesitation. “Yes sir. Just for the remainder of this year, I’d like to be in the same classes as El.  I can always move into the GT program next year.”</p><p>“Let me see what we can do,” Mr. Oakley turned back to the green screen of the PC to check class schedules. “Do you know what electives you’d like to take?”</p><p>“We both wanted to take German. I wanted to take art, and I think El wanted to try choir?” Will looked to El to confirm.  She nodded in agreement. </p><p>“Well, it looks like I can get you in the same English, History, PE and German classes, but art and choir aren’t at the same time, so you’ll have to be in different Algebra classes.”</p><p>“I think that’s okay, I usually pick up on math pretty quickly,” El said with relief in her voice. Having Will in most of her classes made her believe she just might make it through the school year.</p><p>“Well, okay then. That just about does it,” Mr. Oakley said, typing in a few last things on the computer. “I just need to print out a couple of documents for you to sign Ms. Byers, and then you kids can get to class. Here are copies of our student handbook. I need you both to read the code of conduct on the first page and sign your names at the bottom,” he handed El and Will the small paper booklets and ripped off the pages that had just finished noisily printing from the dot matrix printer next to his desk, separating them at the perforation. </p><p>“If you could just sign each of these to finalize their registration, Ms. Byers?”  He handed the two pages to Joyce and gave them each a pen, then picked up his phone and punched one of the big clear buttons across the bottom. “Mrs. Anderson, is Miss McKay here to take our new students on their tour? Wonderful, thank you.”</p><p>Joyce gathered the documents and handed them back over to Mr. Oakley. “And that’s it -- you’re now both officially John Adams Eagles!” he said with a grin, standing and showing the trio out of his office.  “I hope you’ll enjoy your time here with us. We have Miss McKay from our Freshman Student Council that will show you around the next few days. She can answer any questions you may have about the school, student activities and extracurriculars.  And my door is always open if there’s anything I can help either of you with.”</p><p>“Thank you very much,” Joyce said, reaching out to shake his hand.  “We really appreciate you giving El a chance. She won’t let you down.”</p><p>“Yes, thank you so much!” El gushed.</p><p>“Miss McKay,” Mr. Oakley called to a pretty blonde girl waiting at the front desk. “Our new students are ready for you.”</p><p>“Well, kids, I guess I’m done here. Are you ready?” Joyce asked, anxious about leaving the kids too soon.</p><p>“Ready as I’ll ever be,” replied Will with a shrug, as El nodded eagerly. She was still riding too high from her test results to be nervous. Joyce gave them each a quick hug and wished them luck on their first day before leaving.</p><p>“Hi, Eleanor, William. I’m Amy McKay, and I’ll be your Welcome Wagon Buddy for the rest of this week! Here are your schedules. I’ll show you around, make sure you can find your classes, have someone to eat lunch with, and introduce you to everyone!” the bubbly tall blonde introduced herself, handing them each a copy of their schedule. “Are you two new to South Bend, or just John Adams?” she asked, with a genuine smile that lit up her twinkling blue eyes.</p><p>“Yes, we just moved here,” said El, smiling shyly at the perky girl. She reminded El of one of Holly’s Barbie dolls come to life. “You can call me El, and this is Will.”</p><p>“Okay, got it! Where are you guys from?” she asked, leading them out of the office and into the large empty hallway.</p><p>“A small town near Bloomington. Have you always lived here, Amy?” Will asked quickly. Getting people to talk about themselves was a technique Dr. Owens taught them to divert attention from being asked too many questions about their own past.</p><p>“Yes, I’ve lived in the same house in Northeast since I was born.  What neighborhood did you move to?”</p><p>“We’re in Sunnyside Manor, near the elementary school,” Will answered, following Amy into the library.</p><p>“Oh, that’s not far from us at all, and my friend Jenny lives in your neighborhood too.  So, we can start our tour here in the library. You can come in before school as early as 6:30 in the morning, and it stays open until 5:30.  They let you check out up to 5 books at a time, but Mrs. Gorman the librarian is super strict about due dates. They charge you 25 cents a day per book late fees.”</p><p>Amy checked their schedules again. “Huh, did you know you guys have basically the same schedule?”</p><p>“Yeah, we asked Mr. Oakley if we could, since this El’s first time in school, I thought I could help her out more if we had as many of the same classes as possible.”</p><p>“This is your first time in school? Wait, you guys have different last names. I thought you were brother and sister?” Amy’s head tilted in the universal sign of confusion.</p><p>“No, we’re not related. Joyce, his mom, is my godmother. She took me in when my father died this summer.”</p><p>“Oh, El, I’m so sorry! Are both of your parents…” Amy stopped herself, realizing she was probably being rude.</p><p>El nodded. “Yes. My mother passed away unexpectedly from an aneurysm a couple of years ago, so I went to live with my dad...they were divorced. He was a police officer and was killed in the line of duty in July.” At least part of El’s story was true.</p><p>Tears filled Amy’s big blue as she threw her arms around El. Startled, El froze as Amy cried, “Oh my goodness, El, my heart is breaking for you! I just can’t imagine what you’ve been through,” she said, releasing El and wiping away her tears. “I’m sorry, you probably think I’m crazy. I’m a hugger. You just stick with me guys, and I’ll do everything I can to try to make your days at Adams High the best yet!”</p><p>“Um, okay, thank you?” El wasn’t exactly sure what to make of the girl, but she seemed sincere.</p><p>With a determined look in her eye, Amy led them through the rest of the school tour, helping them find their lockers, explaining the organization of classes in the big wide tan brick halls and showing them where their classes would be, including the gym and the auditorium. They talked about what clubs and activities there were to join, and Will found out there was indeed an Art Club and a Running Club.  Track tryouts would be after the new year. The shrieking of the class bell interrupted their tour, startling El in its shrill, followed by the roar of voices, the metallic clanking of locker doors and the squeak of sneakers on the linoleum.</p><p>“Okay, lunch time!” Amy announced. “Come eat with me and my friends and I’ll introduce you to everyone.” She led them out of the quiet auditorium and into the swirl of noisy teens crowding the halls.</p><p>Remembering their promise, Will forced a smile, “Okay, thanks, Amy. That’s really nice of you!”  El caught his eye and smiled back, nodding her encouragement.</p><p>“Do you need to buy your lunch or did you bring one?” Amy asked as they followed her into the loud, cavernous cafeteria and across the expanse of green and white checkered linoleum toward a table with a couple of kids already seated.  </p><p>“We brought them,” El replied, sliding her backpack from her shoulders.</p><p>“Hey guys, this is El and Will, today’s their first day. This is Keith Sherrill,” she said, placing her hand on the shoulder of the blonde boy she stood next to, sliding on to the small plastic stool of the lunch table next to him and patting the seat next to her for El. “And this is Jenny Brandt. We’ve been best friends since we were little, and Keith lives next door. Jenny, El and Will just moved into your neighborhood.” </p><p>“Are you guys on East Lasalle? I saw a moving truck a couple of weeks ago,” asked the freckle-faced brunette from across the table.</p><p>“Yeah, that’s us. Just about done unpacking, thank goodness,” El confirmed, pulling her lunch bag from her backpack. </p><p>“I just live one street over on McKinley. Where’d you guys go to school before?” Jenny asked, as a few others joined the group with plate lunches. </p><p>“Small town near Bloomington,” Will answered vaguely, again turning the conversation, to avoid mentioning Hawkins. “But this is actually El’s first time in public school.  She was home schooled before.”</p><p>“Oh wow, are you Amish or something?” Jenny asked, with nothing more than innocent curiosity in her dark brown eyes.</p><p>“Amish?” El wasn’t sure what Amish was.</p><p>“It’s a kind of religion. They live in their own communities that are very old-fashioned, without electricity or anything, so kind of like your place was,” Will supplied.</p><p>“Oh, no, I lived with my mother in a small hippie commune down in Orange County,” El began to spin the tale they’d practiced. “We had electricity, but there weren’t any TVs, and we weren't really supposed to leave. There was only one other girl around my age, and a few younger kids, so we didn’t have school. I really didn’t know anything about the outside world until I went to live with my dad a couple of years ago. He started tutoring me so I could catch up to start school this year.”</p><p>“Wait, you actually <em> wanted </em> to come to school?” Jenny asked suspiciously, her permed curls bobbing in her high side pony tail. El nodded eagerly in response. “Man, that commune must have been a really messed up place to make you want to go to school instead.”</p><p>“They weren’t very...nice...to kids. We had to … work … really hard. I didn’t even know what school was until I moved in with my Dad and met Will and his friends. Believe me, there are much worse things than going to school.”  </p><p>Amy’s face dropped at El’s response, genuine pain for the girl she just met filling her expressive eyes. “Jenny, El’s had a very difficult life. We’re going to change that, starting now.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Missing You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Missing You by John Waite: <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7uDm5Fv2WhkpXTWUIdKH4F?si=qmpc8kkZRYmrRK3cB1Evew">Listen Here</a></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“So, what’d you guys think?” Jonathan asked El and Will as they piled into his “new” light blue Ford Escort. It was still a used car, but it was at least made in the same decade and wasn’t more rust than paint. And there were about 10 other Escorts in the school parking lot in various colors, so it was definitely a “blend in” sort of vehicle, which was exactly what they were trying to do.</p><p>“Well, we only went to lunch and three classes, but I guess it was okay,” Will said, shrugging off his backpack and dropping it between his feet on the floorboard.</p><p>“No one gave you any trouble?” Jonathan gave Will a meaningful look, pausing with key in ignition until he got a response.</p><p>“Uh-uh, not today. You?”</p><p>Jonathan shook his head and turned the key, bringing the engine to life. It still surprised him when it started reliably on the first try. “I saw some guys giving a younger kid a hard time in the hall, but a teacher broke it up pretty quickly.  Maybe the teachers here actually give a shit. I’ll show you who they were tomorrow. And we probably ought to run through that self-defense video again tonight, just to be safe.” If anything, the events of the summer had taught him they needed to be prepared for anything.</p><p>Will nodded in agreement. “Yeah, especially since we’ll have P.E. in the morning.” </p><p>“I think you two are worrying too much. We made new friends today,” El insisted, head popping up between the bucket seats from the back seat. </p><p>“I don’t know, El. Amy was probably just being nice to us today because it’s part of her job for Student Council. That doesn’t mean she’s our friend,” Will tried to gently explain. </p><p>El shook her head, “I don’t believe that, Will. She gave me her phone number and told me to call her if I have any questions about anything or anyone, and said that she would invite me the next time she and Jenny have a sleepover. Plus, Jenny was in my Choir class and she invited me to sit next to her, and introduced me to everyone!” Will winced at El’s excitement.</p><p>“Well, maybe. That Keith guy from lunch was in my art class too, and I guess he was friendly, but guys are different. I just don’t want you to get your hopes up okay? Most people don’t just make friends that quickly.”</p><p>El shrugged. “It was still better than I thought it would be. And I like Amy and her friends. What about you Jonathan? Did you make any friends?”</p><p>“Yeah, and where were you at lunch? I didn’t see you,” Will asked.</p><p>“Well...I’m really not too worried about making friends, El. I just want to get through this last year so I can graduate and get on with my life. I’m kind of over high school now, ya know?” he said with a shrug, pulling out of the school parking lot. “I met with Mr. Ryan at lunch -- he’s the photography teacher and the school newspaper faculty sponsor.  I wanted to talk to him and see if there were any photographer openings on the paper.  He wants me to bring in some of my work for him to review. I’m meeting with him tomorrow at lunch again to show him my portfolio.”</p><p>“That’s great, Jonathan.  I’m sure you’ll make lots of friends working on the paper!” El encouraged.</p><p>“Yeah, maybe, El,” he humored her.</p><p>They drove down Wall Street, the street that ran behind the school and led back to their house, passing a large wooded park. “Hey, guys, that’s a really nice park. Have you come over here to run? Looks like there’s lots of trails,” El pointed out.</p><p>Jonathan glanced out the window, “No, we’ll have to come check it ou-”</p><p>“Zoo! That sign says there’s a zoo down that street!” El screeched, nearly jumping into the front seat and pointing at the sign on the side of the road. Jonathan hit the break in panic, thinking there was something in the road while his eyes were distracted. Luckily there was no one following close behind to rear end him. “I’ve never been to a zoo -- I’ve only seen them on TV! I wonder if they have lions...and tigers... and elephants? Oh, and maybe giraffes?!  Guys, can we go to the zoo? Please, please, please…” she begged. </p><p>“Dammit, El! Don’t do that sort of thing while I’m driving!” Jonathan cursed, but her child-like excitement dampened any real anger.  “We can’t stop now. Mom’ll get worried if we’re not home when she calls. Plus, don’t you have homework?</p><p>“Oh, yeah. I guess so,” El replied, slumping back in her seat in disappointment.</p><p>“But we can ask her about going this weekend some time?” Will suggested, hating that Jonathan crushed her hopes. </p><p>“You think so? What shifts do you and Joyce work this weekend? Do you have time off together? Do you think we could all go together?”  </p><p>“Just slow down a sec, El,” Jonathan chuckled. “They don’t even publish the schedules for next week until tonight, but we usually have Sunday afternoons off. I’ll check tonight, okay.”</p><p>“Okay, thanks Jonathan!” El bounced giddily in her seat. Will thought the zoo sounded like a fun idea as well. Joyce had taken him and Johnathan to the Indianapolis Zoo a couple of times over the years, but he really didn’t remember much about it.</p><p>“So, do you guys have a lot of homework tonight?,” Jonathan asked. “I have a ton! It’s like the teachers want me to catch up on the whole 6 weeks we weren’t here, like I hadn’t even started my senior year in Hawkins!”</p><p>Will shrugged. “Not much, but we only went to a few classes today. We checked out copies of <em> Jane Eyre </em> in English. We’re a few chapters behind so we need to catch up. And we have Algebra too, but that’s all for tonight.”</p><p>“The Algebra looks easy, I think it’s stuff I’ve already learned. But that book is hard. I tried to read the first couple of pages in class, and I don’t understand the words they use,” El worried a tendril of hair around her finger.</p><p>“Ugh, <em> Jane Eyre </em> is <em> so </em> boring. And the language is kind of hard until you get used to it -- it’s really Victorian and formal. You’ll probably get to read <em> The Outsiders </em> later in the year. It’s a lot better and way shorter.”</p><p>“We can read it together, El,” Will offered. “And we can figure out what doesn’t make sense, okay?”</p><p>“Thanks, Will.”</p><p>They pulled into their driveway and El was the first out of the car, dashing toward the front door.</p><p>“What’s she in such a hurry for?” Jonathan asked Will. Not having spent as much time with El as his younger brother, her behavior was often still somewhat of a mystery to him.</p><p>“Probably going to call Mike to tell him about her first day.”  Jonathan nodded in recognition. He had been thinking of calling Nancy too. He’d have to ask El to hand the phone over before she hung up with Mike.</p><p>“Was everything <em> really </em> okay with you today?” Will checked with his brother, making sure he hadn’t held anything back in front of El. He pulled the backpack she had abandoned from the back seat.</p><p>“Yeah it was, surprisingly. It was kind of weird to not have anyone say hardly anything to me at all -- kind of like I wasn’t even there. But, a good weird, ya know? I had to introduce myself to the photography class. It’s a small class, and it seems like the people actually want to be there. So, they might be cool. We’ll see.” Jonathan shrugged noncommittally. </p><p>“Well, good. I hope so. Let me know when you want to watch that video tonight.” The boys walked into the house to see El was, in fact, on the phone.</p><p>“Hello Mrs. Wheeler, may I speak to Mike please?”</p><p>“Oh, hi, El. How are you doing? How are things in South Bend?” Karen Wheeler greeted El in her fake mom phone voice that she’d heard her use so many times before. El knew it was fake, because she’d heard her talk to her family in her real voice when she’d lived in their basement for a week. She usually used the sugary sweet fake voice on the phone, or when she spoke to Mike or Nancy in front of their friends.</p><p>“Good, good. Is Mike home?”</p><p>“Yes he is sweetie, but his friend is here and they are doing homework together right now. Can I have him call you back when she leaves?”</p><p>“Oh, okay, I guess so.”</p><p>“Okay dear, I’ll tell him you called. Tell Joyce I said hello?”</p><p>“Yes ma’am. Goodbye,” El placed the handset back on the receiver, a bit stunned at the conversation. Mike had a <em> girl </em> over to his house to do homework? That didn’t sound like Mike. If anyone, he did homework with the Party. His mom said it was his friend, not just a classmate. Did that mean she’s someone that comes over often? Mike said he had never had any girl friends other than El and Max. </p><p><em> Is that why he’s been acting strange? Does he like someone else? </em> The thoughts invaded her brain, along with a rising feeling of panic. <em> No, don’t even think like that! But Max said boyfriends lie all the time. Just calm down and wait until you talk to him later and you can just ask him about it. I’m sure there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation.  </em></p><p>El’s inner dialogue was interrupted by Jonathan. “El….Hello, Earth to El…”</p><p>“Oh, s-sorry, what?”</p><p>“I asked what happened. Was that Mike? I was going to ask to talk to Nancy when you were done.”</p><p>“Uh, no...he was...busy.  Mrs. Wheeler said she’d have him call me back.”</p><p>“Dang! Okay, guess I’ll wait. Let him know when he calls that I want to talk to Nancy before you hang up.”</p><p>El nodded mutely and took her backpack from Will. “You okay?” he asked, noticing her blank stare.</p><p>She nodded weakly. “Yeah, just want to get my homework out of the way.” She took her bag to the table and sat, digging out  Algebra book and hoping she could concentrate long enough to finish her assignment before Mike called back.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Mom, who was on the phone?” Mike called from the dining room table. When he didn’t get a response, he excused himself and went to find his mom in the kitchen.</p><p>“Mom, was that El on the phone?” he demanded from Karen, as she twittered about the kitchen laying out drinks and snacks on a tray.</p><p>“Yes, dear, I told her you were doing homework with a friend and that you’d call her back when she left. Now take these snacks back with you. Don’t want to be an ungracious host!” she smiled obliviously at her son.</p><p>“Mom, she is <em> not </em> a friend and I am <em> not </em> her host! She’s just this stupid girl in my class that I got paired up with for this stupid history project. She’s obnoxious and annoying and thinks she knows <em> everything</em>,” he whispered angrily at his mom, rolling his eyes and picking up the phone.</p><p>Karen snatched the receiver from her son and placed it back on the base on the wall. “No sir, young man. You can call El back as soon as Paige leaves. You will <em> not </em> get on the phone while she is here. That is just rude! Now march right back in there and offer her these snacks like a gentleman.”</p><p>“But <em> mo-om, </em>El had her assessment test today and maybe her first day of school! I told her to call me as soon as she got home!” Mike whined.</p><p>“Well then you should have thought of that before you invited Paige over this afternoon. And, by the way, I would prefer if you asked permission to bring a new friend over before just showing up with her.”</p><p>Mike groaned, “I did <em> not </em> invite her over. She invited <em> herself </em> over and just followed me home, insisting we needed to get started on our project today -- the first day it was assigned! And we have <em> three weeks </em>to complete it!”</p><p>“Sounds like <em> someone </em>was a bit eager to spend some time with you,” Karen waggled her eyebrows at her son.</p><p>“Ew mom, just stop.” Mike made a face like he’d tasted something foul. “Don’t even <em> say </em> that. She’s just anal about her grades. She’s a total kiss up to the teachers too.”</p><p>“Well, she seems nice enough to me, very polite. And she’s cute, Michael. You should get to know her better. Maybe you just make her nervous.”  While her son had looked a bit exasperated by her presence, Karen had caught the girl sneaking looks at Mike while he was reading, not-so-successfully hiding her small smile.</p><p>“Mom, I <em> have </em> a girlfriend. You know, the one you just hung up on? And even if I didn’t, Paige Garland wouldn’t even be on the consideration list. She’s in almost all of my classes, and she’s a stuck up know-it-all.”</p><p>“Michael," Karen started delicately, placing what she thought was a comforting hand on her son's shoulder. "El... isn’t here anymore. I don’t think you should...limit yourself.. to just one girl that you’re only going to see a few times a year.”</p><p>Mike shrugged Karen's hand off of his shoulder and gave his mother a death glare. “I'm just going to pretend you didn’t say that. You don’t know anything about El and me.” </p><p>“Only because you don’t <em> tell </em> me anything! What I do know is that ever since she came into your life, you haven’t been the same, and neither has your sister for that matter. You both started lying and sneaking out of the house, I can tell you don’t sleep, you’ve lost weight, you’re angry all the time, and I never see you smile unless she’s with you. Those aren’t signs of a healthy relationship Michael. And I know there was more to that whole Starcourt incident this summer than you’re telling me. I’m not stupid.”</p><p>“I never said you were. But believe me, there are some things you don’t want to know.” Karen was startled into silence by her son’s ominous tone. He sighed and picked up the tray, ending the conversation. “I’d better not keep my <em> friend </em> waiting.” He rolled his eyes again and sulked back to the dining room.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Will bounded up the stairs from the basement after his workout (and subsequent review of the self defense video with Jonathan) headed to the shower, when he spotted El draped across the living room couch. She had one foot resting on the floor, her copy of <em> Jane Eyre </em>open and laying over her face.</p><p>“El, are you awake?” he asked, nudging her foot with his.</p><p>“Unfortunately. This book gives me a headache.”  </p><p>Will laughed. “Don’t be dramatic. It’s not <em> that </em>bad.” He pulled his sweat-stained t-shirt over his head and wiped the sweat from the back of his neck.</p><p>“It <em> is </em> that bad,” she said, pulling the book from her face and reading, “‘I felt a drop or two of blood from my head trickle down my neck, and was sensible of somewhat pungent suffering: these sensations for the time predominated over fear, and I received him in frantic sort.’ I mean, I get she’s bleeding and scared because he attacked her, but what do all of these other words mean?! ‘Sensible of a somewhat pungent suffering?’  ‘I received him in a frantic sort?’ I have to look up every other word. I’m <em> never </em> going to be able to read this book!” El’s eyes began to fill with frustrated tears.</p><p>“Hey...hey, don’t get upset.” Will kneeled down next to the couch and gently took the book from her hands, speaking softly. “I told you I’d help you with this kind of stuff, and I will. Let me jump in the shower real quick and then we’ll read it together okay? It should be faster for me to explain things you have questions about than for you to look it up, right?”</p><p>El nodded, taking in the sweat-dampened hair hanging over Will’s forehead, the flush of his cheeks from the recent workout, and the sheen of sweat on his chest.  Looking back up into his big, concerned eyes, she sucked in a deep breath... and the momentary spell was broken. “Ew...you stink.”</p><p>“I told you I was going to take a shower!” He stood and tossed the book back at El. “Jon really pushed us tonight, wanted to make sure we really know all of those self-defense moves. Like he thinks I’m going to be the Karate Kid overnight or something!”</p><p>“You won’t need them, Will. Nothing’s going to happen.”</p><p>Will shrugged. “I hope not, but maybe I won’t get completely creamed if it does. It would feel good to be able to put up a fight at least.” </p><p>“Creamed?”</p><p>“Beat up.” </p><p>“Weird. But not as weird as this book! I <em> would </em> really like your help.”</p><p>“Kids! Dinner will be ready in fifteen!” Joyce yelled from the kitchen.</p><p>“Sure thing. Let me go get cleaned up so I don’t cause you any 'pungent suffering' and we can read after dinner.”</p><p>“Thanks, Will.”  Will nodded and headed off to the shower. El looked hopelessly down at the pages and then over to the clock on the VCR. The blue-green rectangular numbers of the digital display read 6:42 PM.  She’d finished up her algebra homework by four, which means she’d been trying to read <em> Jane Eyre </em> for over an hour and a half and hadn’t quite finished the first chapter. They were 8 chapters behind now, and the class was supposed to read through chapter 12 by the end of the week. At this rate, they’d finish the whole book before she caught up.</p><p>It had also been nearly four hours since she’d called Mike, and he still hadn’t called her back. El was trying not to think about why he would be studying with Whoever-She-Was for so long. How she must be really smart if Mike wanted to study with her. How he probably didn’t have to explain half of what he says to her. How she probably understands all of his jokes. El wondered if she might even play D&amp;D. </p><p>“El would you come set the table please? Dinner’s almost ready,” Joyce called from the table.  El welcomed the distraction from her spiraling thoughts. </p><p>Joyce wasn’t an amazing cook, but even her meager talent with Hamburger Helper was a step up from the freezer-burned TV dinners that El had grown accustomed to over the last couple of years. The kids filled Joyce in on their uneventful first day of school, the relief in her face easy to read.  Just as they were finishing up, the phone rang. El jumped up from her seat and started for the living room, “Oh, may I be excused?”</p><p>“Sure, go ahead honey.”</p><p>“Hello?” El picked up the phone and made her way to her bedroom, closing the door behind her.</p><p>“Hi, El! I’m <em> SO </em> sorry it took me so long to call you back. My mom made me eat dinner before she’d let me call.” El could hear the frustration in his voice, and could just picture the face he was making: his full ruby lips turned down in a scowl, dark brows furrowed, probably with his hand at his forehead.</p><p>“It’s...it’s okay. You were...busy.” She tried not to let the disappointment be heard in her voice. It didn’t work.</p><p>“I know, I’m sorry.  We got this project assigned in history and my partner <em> insisted </em> that we had to meet today to get started. And my mom wouldn't let me call you back while she was here.”  El appreciated the explanation, but Mike didn’t sound like he was sorry. He sounded mad.</p><p>“If you didn’t want her there, why didn’t you just ask her to leave?” </p><p>“Because she’s my partner for this project, El! I can’t be mean to her, I have to work with her! And she could mess up my grade if she complained about me for being rude.”</p><p>“Oh. Okay.”</p><p>“Are you mad at me?”</p><p>“No. Are <em> you </em> mad at <em> me </em>?”</p><p>“No, El!” Mike was exasperated, and getting more and more frustrated with this conversation. He thought he was calling to apologize and find out about her first day of school, but now it seemed like this was turning into a fight. “Why would I be mad at you?”</p><p>“I don’t know...but you sound mad.”</p><p>“No, El, I’m not mad at you. I’m just...mad at...at...the whole situation. I just wanted to talk to you after school, and my mom wouldn’t let me. So, I’m...I’m mad at her, mad at Paige for forcing her way into my house today and now I’m mad at myself for letting you down!” Mike yelled, feeling the sting of angry tears threaten the back of his eyes. </p><p>“Mike, it’s okay...it was just a stupid test…”</p><p>Mike took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. “No, it wasn’t <em> just </em>a stupid test. How did it go?”</p><p>“I passed. I’m an Adams Eagle!” El tried to sound enthused, but she felt off-kilter with the way this conversation had been going.</p><p>“You passed?! Oh my God, that’s great, El! I knew you could do it! So, you had your first day of school? How did it go?”</p><p>“It was fine. Me and Will are in most of the same classes. There was a nice girl, Amy, who showed us around and introduced us to all of her friends. They were really nice too.”</p><p>“Oh...uh, how did you and Will get the same classes?” Mike didn’t want to seem rude, but he had helped tutor El. He knew she wouldn’t have tested into the GT program like Will.</p><p>“Will decided to take the regular classes with me this year so we would have the same assignments, and it would be easier to help me. He asked if we could have the same schedule. My algebra homework was easy, but we have to read <em> Jane Eyre </em>and it’s really hard. I’m really going to need his help to get through it.”</p><p>“Wow, that was...really nice of him to do. I guess I should talk to him too and see how it went for him? My mom said I could only talk for 15 minutes. The long distance bill was over $50, so she’s limiting me and Nancy’s phone time.”</p><p>“Um...sure, I’ll get him.” El couldn’t even try to mask the disappointment in her voice this time. She had been so excited to talk to him after school, but this whole conversation was just strained and awkward. “Oh, and Jonathan wanted to talk to Nancy before we hung up too.” She pulled herself from the floor and carried the phone to Will’s room, knocking on his door.</p><p>“Oh, okay. I’ll make it quick with Will. And El? I’m really...proud of you. I’m sure you’ll do great in school, you’ll see.”  Will opened the door, concern crossing his face as he took in El’s gloomy expression.  She was usually all sunshine and giggles when she talked to Mike.</p><p>“Thanks, Mike. Here’s Will.” He took the phone from her, mouthing <em> Are you okay? </em>She shrugged, one corner of her mouth barely turning up in a pathetic attempt to smile, and turned to head to her room.</p><p>‘Will?” He heard Mike’s tiny tinny voice from the receiver on his shoulder.</p><p>“Yeah, I’m here. Hey, Mike,” Will replied, putting the receiver to his ear, but distracted by El’s dark demeanor. “What’s up?”</p><p>“Just wanted to hear how your first day at the new school went? Are there as many mouthbreathers there as there are in Hawkins?” Mike kept his tone light, but Will knew he was worried about him being on his own in a new school.</p><p>“We only went to classes after lunch, but they were fine. Jon said he saw some guys be jerks to a kid, so he’s going to point them out tomorrow so we can steer clear.”</p><p>“El said you decided to take the regular classes with her?”</p><p>“Yeah, she was really worried about not being able to keep up, so I thought it would be easier to help tutor her if I was in the same classes. Instead of doing twice the work, I’ll have easier classes and have time to help her with the same assignments.  And I thought it might make her more comfortable if she knew someone in her classes.”</p><p>“That was really cool of you, dude. I appreciate you doing that.”</p><p>“O-kay...but I did it for her. She’s my sister.”</p><p>“No...yeah...I know. But, you know, since I can’t be there...I just, really appreciate you looking out for her.” Something about Mike’s insinuation that El was only <em> his </em> responsibility, and that Will would only do something for El because of his relationship with Mike -- and not his own friendship with El herself -- just rubbed Will the wrong way.</p><p>“Well, of course I would, Mike. She’s <em> family </em>now. Jon and I both will look out for her, just like we do each other.”</p><p>“Oh...yeah, of course you would. That’s good. She...she needs that.”</p><p>“Mike, is everything okay? You’re acting weird, and El just looked like someone kicked her puppy. What’s going on with you two?”</p><p>“What? What do you mean? She looked upset?!” </p><p>“Yeah. What did you say to her?”</p><p>“<em> Shit.” </em> Mike said under his breath, but Will heard. “I don’t... <em> shit! </em> I don’t know! It’s just...there’s just nothing I can do! Nothing I can do to fix any of this. I couldn’t even be there on her first day of school. I was supposed to <em> be there </em> for her, ya know? To...to... walk her to class and...and to carry her books and to eat lunch together. And then my mom wouldn’t even let me <em> talk </em>to her when she called today to tell me about her first day because of that stupid girl.” </p><p>“What girl?”</p><p>“My partner for this <em> stupid </em> history project. She invited herself over today to work on it and I didn’t know how to get out of it without being a complete jerk.  It’s a major grade and we have to work on it for three weeks, so I didn’t want to start it off bad, but then my mom wouldn’t let me talk to El when she called because Paige was here. She said it was rude.”</p><p>“And I guess you told El all this? She knows Paige was there?”</p><p>“Yeah, I told her. I had to explain why I couldn’t talk earlier.”</p><p>“Ooh boy.  No wonder.”</p><p>“No wonder what? What, Will?”</p><p>“Do you not remember what happened when El first saw you with Max? Before she came back? She has a bit of a jealous streak.”</p><p>“Oh shit! You think? Did she look pissed?”</p><p>“No...she looked...sad.”</p><p>“Oh crap. That’s even worse! What can I do?”</p><p>“You’re asking <em> me </em> ?! She’s <em> your </em> girlfriend.”</p><p>“Well, you <em> live </em> with her!”</p><p>“Will, are you still talking to Mike?” Jonathan’s voice broke in from the extension in the basement.</p><p>“Yeah, can you give us another minute?”</p><p>“Okay, hurry up -- El said they couldn’t talk long, and I need to talk to Nancy.”</p><p>“Yeah, okay, just a minute.” Jonathan hung up, and Mike jumped back in.</p><p>“So, can you talk to her for me? Find out what’s wrong and let me know how I can fix it?”</p><p>“I don’t know, Mike...that’s just...not cool. She told me she thinks you’ve been acting strange since this summer, and this probably didn’t help. I’ll let you know if she’s, like, totally freaking out or something, but you just need to talk to her. Be honest about whatever is going on with you. You know how important that is to her.”</p><p>“Yeah, I know...Friends Don’t Lie...okay, thanks Will. I guess I gotta go. Give me a call if she’s not okay, okay?”</p><p>“Yeah, okay. I guess we need to get Jon and Nancy.” Will walked to the top of the basement stairs and called down to Jon to pick up the phone. He hung up and put the phone back in the living room, picking up the copy of <em> Jane Eyre </em> that El had abandoned on the couch.</p><p>He knocked gently on her door, opening it to her muffled “Come in.”  El lay across her unmade bed, head face down on her pillow.</p><p>“Hey, are you okay?” Will saw the pillow scrunch as El shrugged her shoulders into it.</p><p>“Boys suck.”</p><p>“Oh, uh... sorry?” </p><p>El finally rolled to her side, and looked up. “Not you, brothers don’t count.”</p><p>“Pretty sure that brothers are boys. Last time I checked anyway.” </p><p>“You know what I mean.” El rolled her eyes. “I guess it’s just <em> boyfriends </em> that suck.”</p><p>“El, what happened? Mike’s pretty upset.”</p><p>“Yeah? Join the club! I don’t know what happened. He was just so <em> angry </em>. He said he wasn’t mad at me...but it felt like he was.”</p><p>“I think...I think Mike is having trouble accepting that things aren’t going the way he wants them to.”</p><p>“Since when has anything gone the way any of us wanted it to?”</p><p>Will huffed a sardonic half-laugh. “Yeah no kidding. I think it just might all be getting to him finally. I think our moving away has been really hard on him.”</p><p>“Well then why would he act like a jerk to <em> me</em>?!”</p><p>“I don’t know. People are weird. Maybe we could ask Dr. Mathews?”</p><p>El nodded, “Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.”</p><p>“So, uh, I know you’re probably not really in the mood, but we <em> do </em> have homework to do.” Will waved the book in his hand.</p><p>“Ugh, that’s the <em> last </em> thing I want to do right now! But, you’re right. We have a lot to catch up on. Guess we have to.” El reached for the book, and Will pulled it back, just out of her reach. </p><p>“I was thinking earlier, why don’t I just read it to you? That might be the fastest, and sometimes when you hear words said right, they make more sense.” El looked doubtful. “Trust me, it works. Last year, we did a section on Shakespeare. He was this playwright from the 1500s, and he wrote plays in verse, like a poem.  It’s really hard to read until you get the hang of it. But then we watched part of the movie of <em> Romeo and Juliet</em>, and it was a lot easier to figure out what was going on when the words were spoken with expression.” </p><p>“Okay, I guess we can try it.” El didn’t really think it was going to make it easier to understand what was going on in <em> Jane Eyre</em>, but she liked the idea of Will reading to her. Some of her favorite memories of Hopper were when he used to read to her before bed.</p><p>Will sat down on the floor and leaned his back against the edge of El’s bed. “Okay, so you were at this part where Jane’s cousin John attacked her for yelling at him? And then everyone started blaming her, even though he threw a book at her first and made her cut her head?” El nodded. “Okay…'Then Mrs. Reed subjoined-'”</p><p>“What’s subjoined?”</p><p>“I don’t know. I’ve never seen that word either. Let’s keep reading, sometimes you can figure out the meaning of words by how they are used in context. ‘Then Mrs. Reed subjoined-- ‘Take her away to the red-room, and lock her in there.’  Four hands were immediately laid upon me, and I was borne upstairs. I resisted all the way: a new thing for me, and a circumstance which greatly strengthened the bad opinion Bessie and Miss Abbot were disposed to entertain of me. The fact is, I was a trifle beside myself; or rather ‘out of myself,’ as the French would say,” Will made air quotes with one hand. El smiled as Will did different voices for each of the characters, and his facial expressions matched the sentiments behind his words. She guessed it wasn’t much different than acting out the campaigns in D&amp;D.</p><p>Will continued to read through chapters one and two, El stopping him every few paragraphs for clarification. Mid-way through chapter three, Will realized El hadn’t asked a question in a while, and he looked over to see she had fallen asleep. Checking the clock, he realized it was well past 9 PM, and that he’d been reading for over an hour.  He guessed they’d made enough progress for the first night, although he’d have to figure out how much of chapter three El had heard before she fell asleep.</p><p>Will looked down at El’s sleeping form. She was curled up on her side, head mid-way down the bed where she’d been trying to follow along reading over Will’s shoulder.  It didn’t look too comfortable, but she was sleeping peacefully so he didn’t want to wake her. Will pulled the blankets from the foot of the bed to cover her, switched off the light and quietly closed the door behind him as he headed to his own bed. </p><p>Will had barely been asleep two hours when El’s cries awakened him through the wall. He heard her shout, “Hop, wait...no!!!”</p><p>Will jumped out of bed and ran to her room. El was sitting up with her feet on the floor, hands gripping the edge of the mattress. Her chest heaved, tears streaming down her cheeks. He rushed to her side, rubbing comforting circles on her back.</p><p>“El, it’s okay. It was just a dream. You’re here, you’re awake now. You’re safe.” Will continued to repeat those words over and over as El curled into his arms and sobbed.</p><p>“It was...it was so...” she tried to speak, but couldn’t catch her breath to form the words.</p><p>“Shhhh….it’s okay, it’s okay...you don’t have to talk about it,” Will rocked her back and forth, trying to lull her into a calmer state.</p><p>“No...no...you...you don’t...understand.” El sucked in two slower shaky breaths, gripping Will’s forearms and sitting back to look into his eyes.  “It...it was...different.  It was...the...the Void.  I was...in the Void.  With Hopper.”</p><p>“Wait...it wasn’t a dream? You were <em> in </em> the Void?”</p><p>El shook her head. “No...it was...like...both? I think...I think maybe...I went to the Void <em> through </em> my dream?!  I...I don’t know. I mean, I’ve dreamt about the Void before, but this was...so real. So different.” El swiped at her face, clearing the tears away from her eyes and wiping her nose with the back of her hand. “Being in the Void is...different from a dream. It feels... <em> more </em> somehow. And it’s so much more...clear. Dreams are like...looking through dirty glass, and the Void is like an open window.” </p><p>“Okay, but...couldn’t it have just been a really realistic dream?” </p><p>She shook her head. “I don’t think so. And Hop was there...but he was...he was…” the vision of Hopper appeared in her mind’s eye, and along with it, the tears began to flow again. “His skin...was so...so gray. He was thinner, and his hair was completely shaved. Not even a beard or mustache -- I didn’t even realize it was him at first. His eyes, his eyes... were...empty. I thought he was...I thought he was dead...but then he blinked...and….and he started whispering that song.  The old one about the brown-eyed girl?” </p><p>Will swallowed and nodded his head in understanding. </p><p>“And then he squeezed his eyes shut and curled into a ball...and his body started shaking like someone was rocking him.  Then I could see big red spots and welts spreading on his face and arms, and his lip split open and started bleeding. Then his eyebrow. I think he was being beaten! But I couldn’t see anyone else but Hop. There was nothing I could do! I tried to use my body to protect him, to shield him... but he just disappeared...and that’s when I woke up.”  She wiped the tears away again. “What do you think it means?”</p><p>“I...I don’t know. I mean, it could have just been a dream? What do you think?”</p><p>“I don’t know either. It just felt so real. Maybe my powers are coming back? I want to try to go to the Void!”</p><p>“Right now?!”</p><p>“Yes, right now! It’s not like I could go back to sleep right now anyway. Get the radio for me, please?”</p><p>Will switched on El’s radio and found the static between the stations while El got one of her new scarves.  She sat in the middle of the floor and tied the scarf over her eyes. </p><p>“Is there anything I can do?” Will asked</p><p>“Just be quiet.” Will obeyed and watched quietly as El tightened her blindfold and settled into a comfortable position. She sat still, her breathing slowing to a shallow, even pace. He watched as the minutes ticked by, heart thrumming in anticipation. At 12 minutes, El deflated and pulled the blindfold from her eyes. “It’s not working.”</p><p>“Do you want to try the bathtub?”</p><p>“Yes, good idea! Can you start the tub while I find my bathing suit?” </p><p>Will crossed the hall and squatted by the tub to turn on the water, adjusting the temperature to a comfortable warmth and hoping the hum of the pipes echoing through the old house didn’t wake Joyce. The door opened and El stepped into the small room. She quietly closed it behind her, also careful not to make too much noise and wake the others.</p><p>Will looked over his shoulder at the sound of the door closing and froze. El stood looking in the mirror, trying to adjust the yellow one-piece bathing suit she’d obviously outgrown since the summer. He took in the length of her long, shapely bare legs, nude all the way to where the too-small bathing suit was stretched high over her hip bone. The round perk of her ass completely obscured the back of the suit from his angle. A small strip of strained fabric barely covered the secret space between her legs. </p><p>His eyes were drawn up her body as she crossed her arms over her chest to try to cover the swell of her breasts threatening to burst out of the top of the suit, then seemed to brush off her concern with a roll of her eyes and dropped her arms, turning toward the tub. Will quickly shifted his gaze to the wall. “The water is warm, but the tub’s not really big enough for you to float. Plus, there’s no salt.”</p><p>“I know, I still want to try.”  Will forced his eyes to follow the flow of water rushing from the tap and fought the urge to ogle the nearly naked girl standing just inches away. He jerked as her hand touched his shoulder, grabbing the side of the tub to prevent losing his balance from his precarious perch. “You need to move so I can get in.” </p><p>“Oh, sorry.” Will stood and took a hurried step back, stepping too far, bumping into the toilet and knocking his knees out from under him. He plopped onto the toilet seat with a rattle of the tank. Luckily, the lid was closed, or he was sure his ass would be soaking wet right now.</p><p>El didn’t even notice. Her face was a mask of determination as she stepped over the side of the tub and slid down into the water. She was too tall to stretch out, so she sat down cross-legged with her knees under the faucet, and leaned her torso back into the water. She let her arms drift up in the water and the upper half of her body followed in float. Her ears just under the water line silenced the room around her, and only her face, breasts, the tops of her arms and knees remained above water. </p><p>Will tried not to stare, he really did, but there was only so much will power a teenage boy had when a nearly naked girl was on full display not two feet away from him. He tried to keep his eyes on her face, but the gentle undulation of her chest as she breathed demanded he look. He stared transfixed as her nipples peaked and pushed at the fabric of her bathing suit, as her body adjusted to the temperature difference between the warm bath water and the cooler air in the room. </p><p>He marveled at the reaction of her skin as goosebumps pimpled the tops of her arms that sat above the water. Will had never actually watched someone get goosebumps before, and he was surprised to feel a shiver run up his spine and his own flesh prickle in response. </p><p>His eyes followed the length of her body, the tips of her fingers floating nearly even with the open triangle between her thighs. </p><p>“Turn off the light. I can see it through my eyelids and it’s distracting.” Cold panic splashed over Will at being caught staring at El’s body, followed by a rush of relief at realizing her eyes were still closed.  He silently stood and switched off the light, thankful for extra room his sleep shorts allowed. He didn’t speak, afraid his voice would crack or shake and give him away, simultaneously disappointed and relieved for the forced removal of his sight. </p><p>The minutes ticked by with nothing but the gentle whisper of their breathing and an occasional drip from the tub faucet, a sound that under normal circumstances would simply have been an annoyance. With the tension in his body, the irregularly timed “plop” in the dark room caused Will to jump each time, serving to further unravel his nerves. He wasn’t sure how El was concentrating with that distraction, but other than her steady breathing, he hadn’t heard her move at all. But it did spark an idea in his mind.</p><p>After counting 17 drips of the faucet, Will nearly jumped out of his own skin as El slapped the water with her hand. “Nothing! I can’t even <em> find </em> the Void,” she growled in frustration.</p><p>“I’m sorry El. But... I’ve been thinking... about water droplets.”</p><p>“Explain.” Will heard the sound of her torso lifting from the water. He was thankful the light was still off, so his eyes weren’t tempted to wander as he tried to share his thoughts.</p><p>“So, when a drop of water, or a rock or anything really, hits a pool of water, the ripples it makes when it hits are biggest right where it drops, and then the ripples get smaller and smaller the further away they get from the center spot where it dropped, until the water is smooth again. Do you know what I mean?”</p><p>“Yes.” El still wasn’t sure where he was going with this.</p><p>“So, if Hopper is out there alive somewhere, and your powers are coming back but are just weak, maybe he’s just too far away for your powers to reach. Your ripples fade away before they can get to him.  Oh, and like with the walkie talkies! We’re too far away from Mike and the guys for the signal to reach. And even though it’s clearer at night, when there’s less interference from other signals, it’s still not strong enough without a booster, like an antenna.”</p><p>“Okay, I get it. So...what can we do about it?”</p><p>“Well, I think we could try two things. First, you could try looking for someone closer, and someplace you already know where to look. Make it really easy just to see if you can even get to the Void.  Like me -- I’ll just go to my room across the hall. You’ll know exactly where to look and it’s super close.”</p><p>“Okay. Go in there and do something, and then I’ll come let you know if I can see you and what you were doing. But don’t make any noise. I don’t want to be able to just guess.”</p><p>“Okay. Sounds like a plan.” Will went back to his room, leaving the doors open just to make sure there wasn’t anything that could block the ‘signal.’ He looked around his room for something he could do that wouldn’t be obvious or make noise.  He spotted a pair of socks he’d left on the floor and sat down to pull them on.  No reason for her to guess he’d be putting socks on in the middle of the night. </p><p>Not knowing how long it might take for El to find the Void, if at all, Will took his time slowly bunching up each sock with his fingers, sliding one on each foot and meticulously straightening the seam across his toes, adjusting the heel, then folding down each cuff in thirds, making sure each layer was perfectly even.</p><p>Just as he was making the last cuff and wondering what else he could start doing, he heard the splashing of water and the thud of El’s footsteps approaching. Will held his breath, preparing to either celebrate with or comfort his sister.</p><p>“Socks!” El burst into the room, wiping away a trail of blood from her nose with the back of her hand, water streaming down her body and quickly soaking his carpet.  But the sheer joy illuminating her face made him quickly forget the mess. “You were putting on your socks!”</p><p>“Yes! You got it!” Will leaned back on his hands, lifted a leg up in the air and wiggled his sock-covered toes in proof.</p><p>El stepped forward and dropped to the floor, throwing her arms around Will, knocking them both over in her elation. “Will -- I did it! I really did it! At first I kept trying to imagine you in your room, and I realized I was just seeing things I’d seen you do in your room before, like lying on your bed or drawing at your desk, and I knew I had to just stop making up pictures in my head and think about just <em> being </em> in your room. Not what I would see, but like, <em> willing </em> myself to move into your room, and then I could just see you!” The words rushed out, as one hand gripped Will’s arm and the other flailed wildly to help illustrate her story.</p><p>“You were really faint at first, and blurry, and I could sort of see through you, like...like a ghost!  And I couldn’t figure out what you were doing, so I just kept walking around you and trying to see and finally you got more clear. Never completely solid or in focus like it used to, but enough that I could tell it was you and that you had something white you were messing with on your feet and I finally figured it out!”</p><p>El’s enthusiasm was contagious, and Will was grinning ear to ear hearing her explain how she found him. It wasn’t until a shiver rattled through El’s body, whether from the adrenaline or the fact that she was dripping wet, that Will realized how much of El’s wet, slick flesh was pressed against his. Their bare legs were tangled together from when they toppled over. He could feel the heat from her center against his thigh, and Will’s sleep shorts and t-shirt were so wet they stuck to his body.</p><p>Their eyes locked as El’s chest pressed against his with each excited breath. Will wet his lips involuntarily and his eyes fell to El’s mouth -- which he realized was slightly blue, and her teeth began to chatter.</p><p>“El, you’re soaking wet -- you’re obviously freezing. Let’s get you a towel.” </p><p>“Oh, y-yeah...s-s-sorry I g-got you all wet t-t-too!” El laughed through her clacking teeth, sliding down Will’s body backward onto her knees so she could stand. Luckily, she was too distracted by her excitement from visiting the Void to notice the growing <em> problem </em> in Will’s shorts.  “I bet-t-t-er ch-change into d-d-dry clothes.”</p><p>“Yeah, uh...me too. And, uh...you have, some blood still...” Will gestured to his face, where El still had a bit of blood smeared at the edge of her upper lip and cheek.</p><p>El left his room, Will regrettably watching her walk away, as the bathing suit left way more of her backside exposed than covered. He rushed to change into a dry pair of sleep pants, trying to think of anything other than her perky rear end as she bounced out of his room. </p><p>The loose sleep pants provided no concealment of his personal predicament. He needed a quick solution before El returned, so he closed his eyes and went for the sure fix -- he thought back to the first time he saw the Demogorgan, when it burst through the wall of the shed, forcing Will to run for his life and get lost in the Upside Down.  </p><p>A cold chill of dread and nausea swept through Will, sucking the breath from him. He forced his eyes back open, stumbling forward to catch himself on his desk and struggling to breath as he could still feel the spores and ash choking his lungs. His fingers gripped the sides of his desk as he forced himself to take slow, shaky breaths, eyes darting around his room to reassure himself that he was, in fact, safe here in the Rightside Up.  </p><p>Ever since having True Sight when the Mindflayer had its hooks in his mind, Will had been able to recall the Upside Down with picture-perfect clarity, almost as if he were still able to look into the other dimension, rather than the fuzzy recollection of fading memories. The experiences seemed to be etched into his brain in a way that wouldn’t let him forget a single detail.</p><p>“Will, are you okay?” El’s voice at his shoulder snapped Will out of his fog, having not heard her when she came back in his room. </p><p>“Yeah, I’m just...just, uh, getting tired. It’s after one a.m.,” he said, glancing at the clock. “We should try to get to sleep.”</p><p>“Oh, right, yeah, okay.” El paused. “Can...can I sleep here? It’s just...it’s kind of been a lot tonight, you know?”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah of course.” Will crossed the room to the switch off the light and then climbed into bed, El following right behind. </p><p>“So, what’s the second thing?” El asked after a few moments of silence, as they both lay on their backs staring blindly at the dark ceiling.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“You said there were two things we could try. We looked close by where I knew where to look, what was the second thing?”</p><p>“Oh! Well, we need to figure out how to boost your signal. Like with Cerebro and the walkie talkies, so your power can reach farther.”</p><p>“How do we do that?” El turned on her side to face Will, tucking her hands under the pillow.</p><p>“I have no idea, but it’s just what makes sense. I don’t know how to make an antenna for your brain. Maybe you’ll just need to practice a lot? Like building a muscle with exercise.”</p><p>“I don’t know. I tried and tried all summer, and never got anywhere. I finally gave up, for Joyce and Mike’s sake. I ignored Mike for weeks, all he did when he came over was watch me try to search for Hop or try to use my powers. He finally told your mom he was worried about me, and she told me I had to accept that Hopper was really gone, and that my powers might be too. So I stopped trying, for them. But Will -- what if he’s really out there, and I quit trying?! What if he’s been being hurt like that all this time, and I haven’t done anything to help him?!” El’s voice hitched, tears filling her eyes.</p><p>“Hey...hey, don’t cry,” Will pulled her into his arms as El broke down, the horror from her dream and the strain of the last hour pouring out through shuddering sobs. Tucked under his chin, El cried into his shoulder as Will gently rocked her, trying to soothe her through her wrenching emotions. “We don’t know that it wasn’t just a dream, El. And your powers <em> were </em> gone. I know you did everything to bring them back, but you fought so hard at Starcourt, you were just completelydrained. Maybe it just took all this time for you to heal? But I’ll keep trying with you as long as you want. We don’t have to tell mom or Mike or anybody if you don’t want to, okay?” </p><p>Will felt El nod, hiccoughing sobs still wracking her body as she tried to calm herself. Will just held her, gently rocking until the sobs turned to short shaky breaths. “I’m sorry, Will.  Thank you.”</p><p>“Don’t apologize. There’s nothing to be sorry for.”</p><p>“I still don’t know how we’re going to ‘boost my signal’ or whatever,” she looked up at him and wiped at the wetness on her face. </p><p>“Well...do you remember how you learned to go into the Void to begin with? Could we try that again?”</p><p>El shook her head violently, still sniffling. “They would lock me in the deprivation tank, until I thought I would drown. And then they would lock me in this small dark room for days. They would only give me water and a piece of bread a couple of times a day, and would leave me there until I promised to try harder,” she whispered.</p><p>Will rubbed her back, wincing at just how nightmarish El’s childhood must have been. Years of treatment like that were nothing compared to what Will had been through. “Okay, well that’s definitely out. I’m so sorry, El, but...we’ll figure something out. But not tonight. I think we’re both exhausted.”</p><p>El nodded again. “Yeah, okay. We’ll try to figure it out tomorrow.” She rolled over with her back to Will, pulling the covers up over her shoulder. </p><p>Will closed his eyes, feeling the tension from the night slowly leaving his body. Just as he was beginning to doze, El scooted into him, reached back to pull his arm around her middle and settled in with a satisfied sigh. He wasn’t sure how awake she still was, but Will wasn’t going to question it. He cuddled close and drifted into a contented slumber.</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Girls Just Want to Have Fun</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Girls Just Want to Have Fun by Cyndi Lauper: <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7uDm5Fv2WhkpXTWUIdKH4F?si=qmpc8kkZRYmrRK3cB1Evew">Listen Here</a></p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>El tried to test her powers over the next few days, without much success. Even with Will sitting right across from her in the same room, she couldn’t see him any more clearly in the Void than the first night, and after a few tries she couldn’t find him at all. She was like a car with a dead battery. The question was what could help her recharge. Rest alone didn’t seem to be doing enough. Will was trying to work out a couple of theories, but nothing had panned out yet. And since El didn’t want anyone else to know, he was left to ponder the problem alone.</p><p>At school, Amy was true to her word, and not only introduced El and Will to all of her friends, but also insisted that they both continue to sit with her group of friends every day at lunch and other school activities, ensuring that they both felt welcomed and included.  </p><p>El turned out to be right about there being nothing to worry about with the mouthbreathers. Turns out Adams High had a pretty tough no-tolerance policy when it came to bullying, and with Will and El either sticking together or blending in with Amy’s crowd, Will wasn’t singled out as an easy target for the few assholes who caused trouble when they thought no one was looking.  </p><p>Amy’s friends were part of the preppy crowd -- not the super-smart, antisocial nerds, the popular cool kids or the jocks -- but the bright, goody-two shoes types that were good students, and involved in activities like student council, pep club and many of the arts like drama and art classes. The kind of kids who seemed to have their act together. The kind of kids Will and El wanted to be. </p><p>Keith and Will actually turned out to have a lot in common outside of art, including a love of Star Wars and all things sci-fi and fantasy related, but balanced with a passion for art and music that Will found refreshing and better aligned with his own interests than even most of the Party back home. </p><p>Keith and Amy were an on-again, off-again couple, having been boyfriend and girlfriend since the 3rd grade when Keith gave Amy her first Valentine. With his matching blonde hair and blue eyes, he was the perfect Ken to her Barbie. </p><p>Jenny was the self-proclaimed wild child of their group. Her mom was divorced and worked long hours like Joyce, so Jenny spent a lot of time being “babysat” by her older brother Jared, which meant that she pretty much did whatever she wanted while he was on the phone with his girlfriend or smoked weed.  </p><p>But Jenny wasn’t really as wild as she liked to make people think -- she was by far the smartest of the bunch, easily acing all of her classes without even cracking a book -- but her often unsupervised curiosity sometimes led to some loose and somewhat mischievous behavior.  If there was fun to be had, Jenny was there, and she was always the first to throw a party when she thought she could get away with it. </p><p>She had adopted El along with her best friend, making her their pet project -- they were both committed to making sure El had an idyllic high school experience, like something straight out of a John Hughes film.  They insisted El go to every school activity with them so she wouldn’t miss out on anything -- pep rallies, football games, talent shows, school plays.</p><p>They invited El to their next sleepover, where they taught her how to curl and tease her bangs for maximum height, how to properly apply makeup with colored eyeliner and mascara and glossy lips, and most importantly, everything they knew about boys.</p><p>They both refused to believe El should be tied down to just one boy at their age, especially one who didn’t even live in the same city!  “Why do you think I keep breaking up with Keith?” Amy asked, rhetorically, her signature lollipop stuck in one check. “It’s not that I don’t love him, but if we don’t ever date anyone else, one of us could end up resenting the other after we’re married for not allowing the other to explore their options.” Amy’s dad was a psychologist, so she tended to over-analyze just about everything. </p><p>“Yeah, and I live by Rizzo’s motto, ‘I’m going to get my kicks while I’m still young enough to get ‘em,’” Jenny winked, flipping through the latest issues of <em>Bop </em>and <em>Teen Beat </em>magazines for photos of her favorite teen stars.</p><p>El was amazed as she entered Jenny’s bedroom, which was covered from corner to corner with pictures of actors and musicians -- Ricky Shroeder, Ralph Macchio, Tom Cruise, Kirk Cameron, Sean Astin, Michael Jackson, Prince, A-ha, Wham. Organized by celebrity, she had added multiple photos of each in different poses until they covered every inch of her walls like wallpaper.  So many male faces smiling, looking serious, looking <em> sexy -- </em> El had never seen anything like it! If she were honest, she’d have to admit that <em> so many </em> eyes watching her as she tried to fall asleep in Jenny’s room were just a little bit creepy.  </p><p>Despite El’s protests that she was perfectly happy with “the Mysterious Mike,” as her new friends called him, they insisted on talking about all the boys at school.  Jenny wanted to know which base they would be willing to go to with each (after educating El on what the bases were).</p><p>“So, what about Rob? He’s pretty cute, with that dimple and those blue eyes, although blondes aren’t really my type. I’d probably let him go to second, just to see if he knew what he was doing. If that got my motor running, maybe I’d consider third, but that would be it. I can tell he'd be the type to kiss and tell. How about you, Amy?” Jenny asked casually, as the three of them sat in a circle on her bed flipping through magazines. </p><p>“Hmmm...Rob….well, he is pretty cute, but he was in my 8th grade theater class, and he was kind of a dog. He flirts with anything with a pulse, and I heard him bragging to Greg that he and Heather did it, and <em> then </em> saw him trying to get all handsy with Shelly at rehearsal later that day! I’d pass.”</p><p>“Oh, me too, for sure. No way,” said El, nodding in agreement, blushing furiously. She could hardly imagine crossing any of those bases with Mike, much less boys she barely knew from school.</p><p>“Well, at least he might actually know what to do with a girl, unlike most of these guys who probably wouldn’t even know where to put it --  even if they did get a chance to do it!” Jenny waggled her eyebrows lasciviously. “So, El...what about the Mysterious Mike? Does he know where to put it??”</p><p>“What? No!...I mean...I, I wouldn’t know. We never did <em> that!” </em>El gasped, shocked that her friends would think she and Mike had gone all the way.</p><p>“Well, Ellie Bellie, just how far <em> have </em> you and Mike gone, hmmm??? You swear you’re so in love with him. I just assumed you had given him your V-card,” Jenny pushed.</p><p>“We were only 13 when we started going out -- not even a year ago! Plus, Mike’s a gentleman! He’s really, really sweet, and cute, and he would do anything for me! Did I tell you that he tried to find me for almost a year after we first met?”</p><p>“He waited a <em> year </em> ! That’s like, <em> forever</em>, El! You must have made some impression!” Amy exclaimed, gesturing wildly with her lollipop. “How did you meet him?  Did Will introduce you?”</p><p>“No, actually, I met Mike before I met Will,” El started, thinking about how she could tell them more, without telling them <em> everything. </em> “I...uh...got lost in the woods like, a week after I moved in with my dad, and Mike found me.” It wasn’t a complete lie, just a little alternate reality El had been weaving as she thought about what she might tell her friends about her past<em>.  </em></p><p>“I was bored at home while Hop was at work, so I thought I’d explore the woods right behind our cabin one afternoon. Before I knew it, I was lost. It started getting dark, and then it started raining, and I had never been so scared in my life! I finally found a road, and I was hoping I was heading the right direction when Mike and his friends Dustin and Lucas rode by on their bikes, trying to get home out of the rain. Mike saw me and made them stop to see if I needed help. But I was so cold, wet and scared, and I was crying so hard, I couldn’t even speak. He told me he would help me, and that I could come to his house and his mom would help me find my way home. He took me home, and luckily, his mom knew my dad so she called him to come get me.”</p><p>“Oh, that’s <em>SO</em> <em>sweet!</em>” Amy squealed. “He was like, your knight in shining armour!”</p><p>“So why did you make him wait a year? Did he make a move or something?” asked Jenny, still not convinced of Mike’s virtues.  </p><p>“No! Nothing like that! Mike didn’t really have any experience with girls. He and his friends were sort of, nerds...or....geeks, I’m not really sure what you would call them. They were really sweet and funny, but they didn’t really know how to talk to girls, I could tell I made them all really nervous.  My dad was on duty at the station for a few more hours, and since he knew I was safe, I stayed at Mike’s house for the evening.  We watched Star Wars and Mike was just really sweet, but shy.  He and his friends tried to explain D&amp;D to me. But, there was just something really special about Mike, like an instant connection that drew us to each other.”</p><p>“Like love at first sight,” Amy sighed.</p><p>El blushed a little, but continued. “Later that evening Hop...my dad... came and got me and that was the last time I saw him until I met Will.  My dad didn’t really know what to do with me when I first came to live with him, and he was a little worried that some of the people where I used to live might try to come and get me -- some of them weren’t very happy that I went to live with him. So he thought it was a good idea to ‘lay low’ for a while.  Plus, it was in the middle of the school year and I was being home schooled, so I just stayed at home watching TV and working on my lessons and stuff during the day until he came home. But I didn’t really see anyone else for a while, and we didn’t go out much.  He eventually started letting Joyce come over to tutor me.  I think they might have been secretly dating, or having lunch dates or something because my dad talked about her a lot.  Eventually we started going over to her house too, and that’s when I met Will. And then one day when we came over, Mike and his other friends were all at the Byers' house hanging out with their other best friend, Will! We were so surprised to see each other!”</p><p>“Wow, and then he told you he had been looking for you all that time??” Amy was enthralled, a far-away dreamy look in her eyes.</p><p>“Sounds like he was too much of a loser to have many other options…” Jenny said under her breath.</p><p>El laughed and shrugged, “You’re probably right, Jenny, or at least that’s what most of the kids at their school would have said, but they didn’t know him like I did.  I didn’t know anything about cliques or ‘social hierarchy,’ as my friend Dustin liked to rant about. I just knew they were really nice, funny boys who were kind enough to help me out when I needed it most. They were my first real friends.”</p><p>“Aw, El,” Amy said, reaching out to squeeze her hand. “So what did he say when he saw you again?”</p><p>El thought back to her and Mike’s tearful reunion, after she arrived just in time to save them from the demodogs. She had been so relieved to see him alive and unhurt, and she finally got to let him know that she heard him calling to her every night for those miserable 353 days. That reunion hug was the best thing she had ever felt.  El tried to think of what she could tell her friends about that night.</p><p>“It was really sweet -- he was so excited, I thought he was going to cry. He said he had been looking for me ever since we met, like asking around if anyone knew me or had seen me, even asking his mom to talk to my dad about trying to meet up. But his mom didn’t seem to like my dad too much, they went to high school together too and I think there was some bad history there or something, so she never talked to him anymore. And before you know it almost a year had passed before we met again. He actually got really mad at my dad for 'hiding' me. Then he asked me to go to the Snow Ball winter dance last December, and we’ve been together ever since.”</p><p>“That’s beautiful, El. It was like fate! He’s obviously head over heels for you. You must miss him <em> SO </em> much,” Amy smiled, almost tearing up from El’s tale.</p><p>“He must be pretty hot if you’re willing to do the long distance thing with him,” Jenny mused.</p><p>“Yeah, it's really hard being apart. Oh, I finally remembered to bring a picture like I promised!” El jumped up to get a couple of the pictures from the day they left Hawkins from her overnight bag. “This is Mike,” El announced, pointing to the tall thin boy with his arm around her on the Byers’ old porch.</p><p>“Ooohh, Ellie, you guys look so cute together!” Amy gushed. “Wow, tall, dark and handsome...<em> and </em> sweet?! You’re so lucky. No wonder you’re head over heels.”</p><p>“And these are the other guys in the Party, Dustin and Lucas, and my friend Max. She was dating Lucas, but she moved to California and they broke up a few weeks ago,” she pointed to each of the party members in the picture. </p><p>Jenny eyed the photo, looking unimpressed. “Eh, Mike’s not really my type, but that one with the Kirk Cameron hair is pretty cute. But come on now, ‘fess up El. This has been a lovely trip down memory lane, but we were <em> talking </em> about how far you and Mike have gone -- what base have you and loverboy made it to??”</p><p>“Oh, Jenny, leave her alone -- they’re in love, and maybe El doesn’t want to tell,” Amy tried to dissuade her pushy friend.</p><p>“No...no, it’s okay. I don’t mind. We’ve pretty much just kissed,” El smiled, a little embarrassed, but excited to have girlfriends to talk about these sorts of things with. She could hardly ever get in touch with Max anymore. “He did touch my boob once,” she admitted sheepishly.</p><p>“Oooh -- which one?! Over or under your shirt?!” <em> Now </em> she had Jenny’s full attention.</p><p>“Right boob, over the shirt.” </p><p>“So...was it good?!”</p><p>“Um, well, I don’t think he really meant to, I think he was going to wrap his arm around me and he missed.  He kind of poked it accidentally, but when he realized he was there, he just sort of cupped it for a second,” El demonstrated, still laughing. “I really didn’t feel much, and it surprised me, so I think I jumped a little and he moved his hand to my back really fast.”</p><p>“SEE!! I told you...at least a male slut like Rob would probably know <em> how </em> to touch a boob!” Jenny threw herself back onto her bed in exasperation, and then popped back up on her elbows. “Did he even <em> try </em> it again?” </p><p>“Yeah, I think he was going to, because his hand kept moving closer and closer, but his little sister Holly interrupted us. She’s 7 and wanted me to play Barbies with her. Mike was <em> NOT </em>happy.”</p><p>“I know what that’s like,” Amy winced, crunching down on the last of her lollipop and reaching for another. She had twin 9 year old brothers who were like double tornadoes tearing through her house.  “The boys have come crashing in on Keith and me too many times to count. Luckily there’s no way you can’t hear them coming, so they haven’t actually caught us <em> in the act.” </em></p><p>El’s eyes grew wide, “Amy, have you and Keith... done <em> it?” </em></p><p>“Oh no, this girl thinks she wants to hold out for marriage, can you believe it?!” Jenny pushed her friend’s shoulder, knocking her off balance. “She has this amazing guy who has been totally in love with her practically their entire lives, and she’s making him wait!!”</p><p>“It’s not just me, Jen, he wants to wait until we get married too. Or, at least until we’re older.”</p><p>“Yeah, sure, Amy. He’s a 15-year-old boy, he’s basically 99% hormones right now. He’s just too nice or too scared to ask!” Jenny insisted.</p><p>“That’s not true, Jen!”  Amy argued. “We’ve talked about it very maturely and agreed that there are plenty of <em> other </em> things to do until then, and he’s just fine with that.”</p><p>“<em>Other... </em> things…?” questioned El.</p><p>“Yes, Keith has practically stolen home with our dear Amy here, but then had to dash back to third -- before, sadly, always striking out.”</p><p>El was starting to get a little lost with all of the baseball metaphors. “So, that means you <em> almost </em> had sex?” she asked, too curious to feel any shame in asking.</p><p>“Well...um...yeah, but we always stop before things go <em> too </em> far,” Amy admitted, looking a little sheepish. “That’s also why I sometimes break up with him. Things start getting a little too hot and <em> heavy, </em> and I need a break from him. He’s a <em> really </em> good kisser, and he’s got <em> great </em> hands. And we’ve been together for so long, he knows just what to do to drive me crazy. Sometimes we get carried away and it’s really hard to stop.  But there’s NO WAY I’m even going to take a chance at getting pregnant and ruining my shot at going to Notre Dame, so he’s just going to have to wait!”</p><p>“See, great guy, <em> great </em>hands, and she still won’t put out! You’re nuts girl. She keeps him in that ‘best friends with benefits’ zone. Maybe I’ll go out with him the next time you guys break up, and give the poor boy a little relief. I bet he’s got the bluest balls in town!” Jenny cracked up at her own joke.</p><p>“Hey, keep you grubby paws off him!  And believe me, he gets plenty of <em> relief</em>, his balls are <em> just fine, </em>” Amy warned, but knew her best friend was just kidding. </p><p>“Oh, I bet they are -- I know how much you love your lollipops...you seem to have a bit of an <em> oral fixation, </em> ” Jenny grinned, and started making slurping sounds with her mouth. El tried to keep up with her friends’ banter, not quite sure she was following, but she thought they were talking about <em> licking </em> Keith’s <em> penis?! </em></p><p>“Shut up! You are obviously corrupting our new friend El!!"Amy said, noticing El’s wide eyes, and tried to deflect the conversation back to Jenny. “We seriously have to find you a man, Jen. What happened with Chad?”  </p><p>“Eh, Chad’s a meathead. We hung out at the mall and all he talked about the entire time was football. I mean, his butt looks cute in his uniform and all, but l couldn’t care less about the game itself. And that’s was his <em>only </em>topic of conversation. Then, we went to see <em> Once Bitten </em>with Jim Carrey, and after practically drooling over Lauren Hutton’s boobs, he tried to cop a feel and stick his tongue down my throat. No joke, I almost choked on his tongue. Someone needs to give that boy kissing lessons!”</p><p>“Well, why didn’t you teach him a few tricks?” Amy teased. “So, how many different dates does that make since school started?!”</p><p>“Ugh, he was SO not worth my time. Let’s see, before Chad there was Greg, Bobby, Eric and Jared’s friend’s cousin Scott. Oh, and James just before school started, but I guess that still counts.”</p><p>“You’ve dated SIX boys since the beginning of the school year?! That’s nearly a different boy every week!” El knew Jenny talked about ‘sowing her wild oats,’ but she was going through boys like El went through Eggos!</p><p>“What can I say, Ellie, we don’t all find our prince charming on the first try like you and Amy,” Jenny said, trying to hide the bitterness in her voice. “And they’re just dates. Nothing serious.”</p><p>“Hey, what about Will?” Amy suddenly quipped, tapping El’s picture of the party.</p><p>“What about Will?” Jenny eyed her friend doubtfully.</p><p>“Well, he’s pretty cute. What do you think, El? He’s a good guy isn’t he?”</p><p>“Oh, yeah, Will’s the BEST!” El agreed wholeheartedly. “He seems quiet at first, until you get to know him, and then you find out he’s really funny. I’ve never laughed so hard with anyone as I have with Will. He’s got this amazing smile and his eyes like flash green when he’s been laughing. He’s so much fun to hang out with. He’s really my best friend,” El said, just coming to that realization herself.</p><p>Jenny didn’t look convinced, and noticed how El’s voice softened as she talked about Will.</p><p>“So, what’s he into, El?  Does he have any hobbies?” Amy encouraged her to continue.</p><p>“He’s an amazing artist -- that’s why he and Keith get along so well. We have his artwork framed all over the house, and he’s always got his sketchpad with him. He likes sci-fi and fantasy books and movies like <em>Star Wars</em> and <em>Lord of the Rings</em>. And he and his brother Jonathan are really into rock and punk music. Joyce is always telling them to turn it down because they like to listen to it really loud when they’re studying. Oh, and they spend a lot of time together lifting weights and working out together.”</p><p>“No way, Will works out?! I would have never guessed that...” Jenny finally looked somewhat interested.</p><p>“Yeah, um, he and Jonathan both used to get picked on a lot at their old school. They decided when we moved that they wanted to change that. Fresh start and all, you know? So they set up a gym in the basement and they run a lot. They both used to be soft and squishy when I hugged them, but now their chests are hard as rocks! Will says he’s working on what he calls a six pack, he has this little dip down the center of his stomach he didn’t used to have…” El’s voice trailed off, flushing as the image of Will’s smooth stomach muscles materialized in her head. Maybe she had noticed the changes in Will’s body more than she thought. </p><p>The change in El’s expression didn’t go unnoticed by her friends, who exchanged a knowing look. “Huh, who’da thunk it? Will Byers has a hardbody? I just might need to get to know Will a little better after all... as long as you’re sure it wouldn’t bother you, El?” Jenny tested.</p><p>“Hmmm...no?! No, of course not!  You’re both single and your both my best friends. Yeah...um...it would be cool if you guys dated. Why would it bother me?” El tried to convince herself this could be a good thing for both of her friends, but if she had to be completely honest, something bothered her about the thought of Jenny and Will getting together.</p><p>“Well, first of all, you just got all breathy talking about all the pretty pictures Will draws and how he always makes you laugh, and then you got all hot and bothered talking about Will’s rock-hard abs. I think you, dear Ellie, are crushing on Will!” </p><p>“Wha...What?! No!...No! What are you talking about? You’re crazy! Will’s my BROTHER! That would be...that would be gross...right?” El said, sounding less and less sure, as the shy smile Will shared only with her flashed in her mind.  She quickly shook her head to clear it. “And, you guys know. I have a boyfriend. A really great one! I love Mike. Why would I be interested in Will? And he’s <em> certainly </em> not interested in me either, so you are just completely delusional, Jenny.” El’s voice continued to get more shrill, the more she talked.</p><p>“Hey, El, no judgement here. I just call it like I see it. Your supposedly perfect boyfriend is over 3 hours away and you can only see him a few times a year.  You’ve only known the boy you’re trying to call your brother for about a year, so it’s no surprise you’ve gotten the hots for the sweet, funny, creative guy with the ripped bod that you live with...Oooohhh...you could totally have a <em> Flowers in the Attic </em>situation going on.  Without the crazy evil grandma thing of course.” </p><p>“Wait, what are you talking about now? Why would we put flowers in our attic? Crazy evil grandma? And, I don’t have <em> the hots </em> for Will. Have you lost your mind, Jenny!?” El was getting increasingly flustered by the ridiculousness spewing from her friend’s mouth.</p><p>“<em>Flowers in the Attic</em>, the V.C. Andrews book. You haven’t read it?!” El shook her head in confusion, as Jenny bounced off of her bed and grabbed a black paperback off her bookshelf. “Oh, you <em> HAVE </em> to read it now. It’s one of my favorites. You can borrow mine, but I want it back!” Jenny tossed the book into El’s overnight bag.</p><p>“Uh, okay, thanks? But seriously, Jen, there’s nothing going on between me and Will.  If you don’t believe me, just ask him. He’ll tell you, we’re just like a real brother and sister!”  El didn’t know what else to say to convince her. </p><p>Amy finally spoke up, “Are you sure about that El? I mean, I’ve even noticed how he looks at you. After I first met you and you told me about your parents, I just thought he was worried about you. You know, watching out for you since it was your first time at school and everything. But, El, you’re doing great in school, and he still watches you. He hardly ever takes his eyes off of you. Haven’t you ever noticed?”</p><p>El had noticed that she could often feel eyes following her, and she’d look up and find Will nearby. She’d learned to rely on his quick, encouraging smiles that first week, when the crush of kids and cacophony of noises could get overwhelming for her.  </p><p>“That’s just because we’re so close. We’ve been through a lot together, even more than you know. We look out for each other, that’s all.” El was sure that’s all it was, but the girls in front of her seemed to think otherwise. “Really, Jenny, you should get to know Will. You could come spend the night, and we can all hang out.”</p><p>“Uh, yeah, no thanks -- I’ve been a third wheel with Amy and Keith enough times to know that’s no fun. What the hell, El, just hogging all the good guys, aren’t ya?! Share some with the rest of us poor lonely gals!” Jenny playfully shoved El’s shoulder, trying to lighten the mood. </p><p>“Ooooh...I know, we should do M.A.S.H to see who El is really meant to be with!” Amy suggested, getting up to grab a spiral and pen from Jenny’s desk. <br/>
<br/>
“Really, Amy, M.A.S.H?  What are we, ten years old?” Jenny rolled her eyes.</p><p>“What’s mash?” asked El, confused. Hop used to watch a TV show called M*A*S*H*, but she didn’t think that would be what Amy was talking about.</p><p>“You’ve never played M.A.S.H?!” Jenny asked, an incredulous look on her face as El shook her head. “Wow, you really <em> didn’t </em>get out much did you? Okay, fine, but I’m doing it Amy. You always made yours too long.”</p><p>“Hey, I like to be thorough. Why just find out who you’re going to marry and where you’ll live when you can also find out what college you’ll go to, how much money you’ll make a year and what neighborhood you’ll live in?” Amy defended herself.</p><p>“Let’s just stick to the basics, okay? Especially since El is a M.A.S.H. virgin.  M.A.S.H. is a game that tells you your future,” Jenny explained. She could tell El wasn’t following by her confused, wide-eyed expression.  “Let’s just do it and you’ll see how it works as we go.”</p><p>El watched attentively as Jenny wrote M.A.S.H. in big letters across the top of the paper, and then started making lists with the numbers 1 - 4 in columns underneath. </p><p>“So, M.A.S.H. stands for Mansion, Apartment, Shack, or House. It’s the 4 options of where you could live when you grow up.” El thought that seemed kind of limited. There wasn’t even an option for a Cabin. She guessed she should be thankful Lab wasn’t a choice either.  “Now, I’ll ask you to give 4 answers for each of these other categories. Then I make a big spiral until you tell me to stop, and we count up the lines. That’s the number we’ll use to count and eliminate options until there’s just one left in each category, and that’s what will happen in your future.”</p><p>“Tell your future? That’s not possible!” El gasped, wide eyed.  </p><p>“Well it’s really just a kid’s game,” said Amy, reassuring El. She found it endearing that her new friend was so naive. “But it’s fun, and Carrie swears her older sister always got the same boy when she played, and she ended up marrying him! So some people believe it’s true.”</p><p>“Okay, El, so first we start with the boys. We list 4 boys, so that’s Mike, Will...and who else? What about Mike Seaver or Michael Jackson there in your picture?” </p><p>“Ew, Dustin and Lucas? No way!!” El protested.</p><p>“Remember, this is in the future, and it’s just for fun -- so unless you want to put someone else, it’s Dustin and Lucas.”</p><p>“Well, there’s no one else, so I guess that’s okay,” El said, unsure she was liking this game.</p><p>“And we need 4 pets -- are you good with dog, cat, bird, fish? Or do you want to throw something more exotic in there like a snake or a tiger? I always put giraffe, but never got one...”</p><p>“I don’t really like fish, how about something cuter like a bunny?”  Maybe this could be interesting, thought El.  They proceeded to complete the M.A.S.H. board, picking 4 options for El’s possible future car, age she would get married, number of children, and country she would live in.</p><p>“Let me do the spiral, Jen,” Amy grabbed the pen and notebook back, flipping to a clean page.  “You tell me when to stop, okay El?”  </p><p>“Um, okay,” El agreed, as Amy began quickly swirling the pen across the page. “Okay, okay, stop!”</p><p>“She always does that,” laughed Jenny. “She goes super fast to try to get in a bigger number. Some people had figured out what order to list their choices in and what number to get so they got all their top choices. It’s how she would trick them!”</p><p>“Okay, that’s 11 lines, so we count each item in the lists until we get to 11, and then we mark that choice off. We keep counting and scratching off options until there’s just one left in each category,” Amy explained again, as Jenny already started counting.</p><p>“Eh, sorry, El -- hope you didn’t have your heart set on a fish,” Jenny stuck her lip out in a sarcastic frown. “...and you’re not having 4 kids, so that still leaves 2, 3 or 5...  And, looks like Dustin is out…” El felt silly feeling an odd sort of relief at that.</p><p>El watched as Jenny kept counting to 11 and scratching off items until there was just one last choice left under boys...Mike or Will. And she wouldn’t let El see while she was counting. El was surprised at the anxious feeling in the pit of her stomach as Jenny counted back and forth between the two favorite boys in her life.</p><p>“So, this is it El -- you are going to live in a house -- <em> BO-ring,” </em>Jenny said sarcastically, “... and have 3 children with a cat that you drive around Mexico with in a Jeep,” she paused for dramatic effect, taking a sick joy El’s worried expression. “And you will get married at 21 to….WILL!!  See, Ellie Belly...I told you so!”</p><p>“Wha...what..??” El stuttered, cheeks flaming, as she tried to get a grip on the crashing emotions at Jenny’s proclamation. Her brain was registering an error in facts -- she knew that Mike was it for her -- but the pounding of her heart and her somersaulting stomach at hearing Will was her future contradicted what she thought the knew was an irrefutable truth. “That can’t be right. We should...we should…do it again...” El’s voice trailed off, a look of confused shock on her face.</p><p>Seeing her friend’s discomfort with the results, Jenny realized maybe she had gone a little too far with El. She obviously wasn’t aware how evident it was to everyone else how El and Will looked at each other, and that the two were clearly perfect together.  And now, it seemed that El was either truly clueless, or in complete denial of what was going on between them.  Either way, the prospect of Will being anything other than a brother or friend was certainly upsetting El, so Jenny decided it was time to lighten the mood.</p><p>“Sure, we can do it again, but not tonight, El.  Plus, it’s just a silly kids game -- we just thought it would be fun since you hadn’t done it before, right Amy?”  </p><p>“Yeah, it doesn’t mean anything El -- you get a different answer every time! I used to hardly ever get Keith, and look where we are!” Amy jumped in, following Jenny’s lead and trying to soothe El.</p><p>“Hey, enough boy talk. Let’s go get some ice cream and watch our movies. Jared rented us The Breakfast Club and The Wild Life.” </p><p>“Oh, I saw The Breakfast Club at the movies -- it’s my new favorite, but I love Cameron Crowe films!” Amy jumped up, ready to head to the living room. “I’ve seen Fast TImes, but not Wild Life. Have you seen them, El?”</p><p>“No, we pretty much just watch sci-fi and action movies at my house. What are they about?”</p><p>“Teenagers and sex -- what else?!”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. I'm on Fire</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm on Fire by Bruce Springsteen: <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7uDm5Fv2WhkpXTWUIdKH4F?si=qmpc8kkZRYmrRK3cB1Evew">Listen Here</a></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Will dropped his pencil across his open journal on the kitchen table as the yellow phone on the wall continued to ring. He reluctantly dove for the receiver before the caller hung up. </p><p>“Hello?”  </p><p>“Hey, hon, I just wanted to call and make sure you and El knew that the weather is supposed to get bad later this afternoon.  They’re talking about possible tornadoes in the area, but it should blow through quickly.  Jonathan and I were thinking it might be safer to stay put until it passes over so we don’t get into a dangerous situation on the road.  You remember what to do if you hear the sirens?”</p><p>“Yeah, mom,” Will answered, peeking out the window to see just a few scattered rain clouds in the early Saturday afternoon sky. Nothing that looked ominous. The weather had been rainy the last few weeks, postponing their trip to the zoo. “We go down into the basement and stay away from the windows, get in the bathtub if we hear a roaring sound like a train,” he monotonously played back the warnings that had been beaten into his head for as long as he could remember.</p><p>“That’s right. Are you sure you two will be okay?” Will could hear the guilt in his mom’s voice. “If you’re scared, I can tell my boss we need to leave right now. We can probably make it home before it gets too bad…”</p><p>“Mom, no -- come on. After every thing we've been through, do you think El or I would be afraid of a little wind? It wouldn’t be safe for you guys to be on the road. We’ll be fine. That’s what basements are for, right?”</p><p>“Yeah, okay. If you’re really sure you’ll be okay. It’s just a chance. There probably won’t even be a tornado-” </p><p>“It’ll be fine, mom,” Will interrupted Joyce before she could start second-guessing her decision, as El wandered into the kitchen to see who was on the phone. She spotted his open journal and not-so-subtly tried to peek at the sketch in progress.  Will used the advantage of his longer legs and arms to reach the table first and slap the book shut and scoop it up from the table.  El stuck out her tongue at him, which Will returned, with a stern look and a wag of his finger. “You guys stay safe and we’ll see you when you get home.”</p><p>“Okay, baby,” Will could hear kids crying in the background. “I need to help these customers so they can get out of here. Oh, and turn the news radio station on so you can listen to the weather reports! I love you, and tell Ell I love her too.” </p><p>“Love you too mom, bye.”</p><p>Will hung up the phone and turned to El. “Eh, eh, eh,” he continued to wag his finger, scolding her. “I saw you peeking! You know my journal is private.  How would you like it if I read your journal, huh?” </p><p>“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” El feigned innocence, batting her eyelashes and bringing her hands together up under her chin in angelic prayer.</p><p>“Uh-huh,” said Will with an incredulous roll of his eyes. “Mom says she loves you and that her and Jon will be late because there’s a tornado warning for later when they are supposed to be driving home. So looks like we’re on our own for dinner tonight.”</p><p>“Tornados?!” El ran to look out the window in alarm. “I just see a few clouds.”</p><p>“Don’t worry about it, they have tornado warnings all the time around here. Plus, there’s warning sirens <em> and </em> a basement. Nothing to worry about.”</p><p>“Hmm...okay,” El said, taking another doubtful look out the window.  Tornadoes were still foreign to her. Having been hidden away so deep within the lab, it wasn't a threat she was ever exposed to.  “So, what <em> were </em> you working on?” she asked, indicating his journal with a nod of her chin.</p><p>“Like I said, that’s private. Why do you want to know so badly?”</p><p>El shrugged her shoulder, “No reason. I just like to see your work. You haven’t drawn anything in a while that <em> wasn’t </em>in your journal, so I was just curious.”</p><p>“Well, uh, I guess the stuff I’m working on is just more personal right now,” Will said, thumbing the corner of his journal, avoiding eye contact.</p><p>“Hey, is everything okay?” El crossed the room to place a comforting hand on his arm. “Is it the nightmares?” As October came to a close and November began, Will’s nightmares had been increasing in frequency and intensity.</p><p>Will nodded as he sank back into the chair at the table. There was no point in trying to hide it -- she heard him through the wall and had come to comfort him the last two nights in a row. “But, it’s not as bad as last year. The drawing helps me think through things. How about you?” Will asked.</p><p>“Nothing too bad. But no Hopper or the Void either. I’m starting to think that it was just a dream after all.” </p><p>“I don’t know, El...I’ve been thinking a lot about this, and...I have an idea, but I still don’t know what to do about it if I’m right.”</p><p>“Tell me!” El dropped into the chair across from his, leaning forward excitedly to hear Will's theory.</p><p>“Well, all during the time you had powers, you or the people you cared about were in personal danger. Either from the people at the lab, the monsters from the Upside Down or the Russians. Your entire existence was a constant life or death situation. You probably had so much adrenaline constantly running through your body, your mind and body were sort of in a constant fight or flight state.”</p><p>“So, do you think I have to put my life in danger, or the life of someone I know, to make my powers work?”</p><p>“Well, that’s one thing I was thinking, but I don’t really want to try that if we could avoid it. If your powers didn’t kick back in, you could get really hurt, or worse."</p><p>“But what about after I shut the gate the first time? We thought things were safe then, and I was really happy. And I still had my powers then.”</p><p>“Yeah, but that's what's different -- you were happy then. But since Starcourt, and losing Hopper, and then the move, you’ve been...mourning -- we’ve all just been sad and stressed.  So, there aren’t any threats, everyone is safe, but you’re really down instead of really happy. And I can see how upset you’ve been with not being able to get back into the Void. Maybe that has something to do with why you can’t get your powers to recharge?”</p><p>"So, what do we do about it? I can't change everything that's happened since this summer."</p><p>"No, but I was thinking we could start with just trying to do things that make you happier. It could just be that all of the sadness and frustration is just somehow zapping all of the energy you would normally use to recharge.  So, I think we should just try to get you feeling <em> something </em> other than sad. I don’t know, it’s just a hypothesis," Will shrugged, a suddenly feeling a little silly now that he said it all out loud. "But it couldn’t hurt to try, could it?”</p><p>“To try to make me...happy?” El tilted her head at him in consideration, like the idea that someone else might want to try to make her happy was a completely foreign concept. Maybe it was. Brenner and the people at the lab just made her use her powers, Hopper and Mike were focused on trying to keep her safe and teaching her to navigate the world. But had anyone ever just tried to make her happy? Maybe Max? But she was gone now. The realization squeezed at Will's heart. bolstering his confidence in the idea. Even if it didn't get her powers to recharge, she still deserved to be happy.</p><p>“Yeah, like, we’ll try to do more fun things -- like finally go to the zoo like you wanted, and we’ll...we’ll try to watch funny movies and...and we’ll keep upbeat music playing in the house.” Will’s eyes widened momentarily as a memory flashed in his mind. “Or...try to do more stuff with your new friends. You had fun at your sleepover with the girls, right?”</p><p>“Yeah, I guess I could ask them over here next weekend. And... maybe we could find a way to see Mike and the guys?” </p><p>“Sure!  We could see if maybe Jon or Nancy could drive us. Maybe even meet half-way, even to just get lunch or something for a few hours?”</p><p>“That would be so awesome. But...that just seems...too...easy.” El grew quiet, gnawing her lower lip in thought. “You know, when I went to Chicago to find my sister, she taught me to find my anger, and to...to channel it into my power, to make it stronger. I moved a train car that way.”</p><p>“Okay. I guess we could try that as a back up? Maybe we try happy first, then anger if that doesn’t work?” Will wasn’t crazy about the thought of an angry El with powers. “We know you’ve had your powers with both of those feelings, so at least we have a place to start. Why don’t we try to do something fun this evening, and make a plan for something fun every day. What were you up to before Mom called?”</p><p>“Oh, I was just reading. Was thinking of taking a shower when I heard the phone. Thought maybe it was one of the Party.”</p><p>“Uh-uh, sorry. Are you trying to read <em> Jane Eyre </em> on your own?”</p><p>“No, it’s this creepy book Jenny gave me called <em> Flowers in the Attic, </em>” El said with a little shiver. “I don’t like it very much. These kids’ mean grandmother and horrible mother lock them up in the attic while the crazy mom tries to find a new husband. The grandmother tells them how evil they are all the time, but they really aren’t doing anything wrong.” El blushed a little at this last statement.</p><p>“I think I heard about that one -- I think mom read it a while back. I remember her and Mrs. Wheeler talking about it,” Will said with a small shock of recognition. “Oh wait...is that the one where the brother and sister-”</p><p>El’s face blanched as she jumped up from the table. “Um, I’m just going to go ahead and jump in the shower. Maybe figure out what we can do...or, find something we could make for dinner?” She practically ran from the room, leaving a surprised and perplexed Will standing in the kitchen.</p><p>El nearly sprinted to the bathroom, locking the door behind her, heart beating in her ears and cheeks hot. It was just her luck that Will knew about <em> Flowers in the Attic</em>, <em> and </em> about <em> that part </em> of the book. What if he thought that's <em>why </em> she was reading it? What if he thought she was thinking that way about <em>him</em>? </p><p>She did have to admit the only reason she was still reading that horrible book was because of the tension building between Cathy and Chris, the brother and sister who were the two main characters. Cathy kept talking about her <em>longings, </em>and <em>achings</em> for something, and El <em> knew </em> that feeling. It was like V.C. Andrews was writing about her, as El identified with everything Cathy was going through -- from the betrayal by people she thought were family, to being locked up away from the world, to the growing feelings of <em> wanting </em> something, but not exactly sure what it really was she wanted.</p><p>And the deeper she got into the developing relationship between the characters in the book, the more insistent those feelings grew.  At some of the strangest times, her stomach would flip, or sometimes feel hot and shaky, and she would get this restless feeling that she couldn’t figure out how to calm. El wasn’t stupid, she knew it had something to do with sex, or <em> arousal </em> as Will had called it. (Which reminded El that she never finished reading those books Joyce gave her).</p><p>But what she knew about the mechanics of sex didn’t sound particularly pleasant, and she definitely wasn’t interested in trying to make a baby! She just wanted to know what this growing <em> need </em> inside her was for, just like Cathy did in the book -- and it seemed like the dark story unraveling in the novel just might give her some of the answers that she was looking for. </p><p>But she didn’t want Will to know how often she had those sorts of feelings, and she certainly didn't want him to know that she sometimes felt that way around him. As El undressed, she began to feel that funny feeling in her stomach again as she thought about the last time she and Will made dinner together.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>With all the hours Joyce had to work to make ends meet after Lonnie left, Will and Jonathan had learned to make dinner with just about anything that came out of a can or box. It wasn’t gourmet by any means, but it was nice that they ate more home-cooked meals than frozen. </p><p>“Hey, El, Mom’s running late and asked me to get dinner started. Want to learn how to make spaghetti? ” Will had asked, walking into the living room with a bag of spaghetti in one hand and a jar of Ragu tomato sauce in the other. </p><p>“Sure!” El replied, jumping up from the couch, the episode of <em>Growing Pains</em> flashing on the TV quickly forgotten. Joyce had made real spaghetti a couple of times, and El loved it. Much better than the Spaghetti-Os from the can that she’d learned to microwave when Hop was at work.</p><p>“It’s really easy, I’ll show you,” Will said, as he led an eager El back to the kitchen. “Get the big pot and fill it up about three-quarters of the way with water,” he said, grabbing the salt, garlic powder and olive oil from the pantry.</p><p>El found the pot and did as Will directed, excited to learn how to make one of her new favorite foods. She brought the pot over to Will who took it from her and put it on the largest burner on the stove. “Now, you just put a little salt and a little olive oil in the water like this, and turn the water on high to boil.  When it starts bubbling in a few minutes, we just put the spaghetti in and cook it for about 8 minutes. Can you get the saucepan out of the dish rack please for the sauce?”</p><p>El turned around and grabbed the pot from the counter behind her and handed it to Will. “Just put it on the smaller burner and turn it to 3,” he said, handing her the jar of spaghetti sauce.  “Then you just put the sauce in the pan, stir it every now and then until the spaghetti is ready, and then just mix it all together. And voila, you have spaghetti!” Will said with a little flip of his hand, as if he’d just performed a magic trick.</p><p>“Errrr…” El grunted as she tried in vain to open the spaghetti sauce jar. She glared at the lid, but it simply mocked her in its stubborn refusal to turn at her mental demands.</p><p>“Give it here, you weakling,” Will said, taking the jar back and twisting open the lid with a pop of the safety button, and handing it back over.</p><p>“Hey, that’s not nice! It'd be no problem if I had my powers,” she retorted, taking the jar and pouring the sauce into the pan with a pout. "You wouldn’t have been able to open it a few months ago either," she pointed out sullenly.</p><p>“Yes, but now I can, and it’s because I choose to spend my free time working out instead of watching TV like you do!” he said, poking at El’s side with the spoon he was giving her to stir the sauce. “You could be just as strong if you’d work out more with me and Jon, even without your powers. Oh look, I’m starting to get some definition in my bicep! Not as much as Jon, but it’s a start!” Will pulled up his sleeve and flexed his bicep, creating a gentle arc of muscle between his shoulder and elbow. </p><p>El swallowed thickly, remembering her conversation from the sleepover at Jenny’s about the changes in Will’s body. “Uh, well, I’m glad all of your hard work is paying off,” tearing her eyes away from the curve of Will’s arm. </p><p>She suddenly found stirring the sauce incredibly interesting, and turned to focus on the stove top so that she wasn't tempted to reach out and squeeze Will’s emerging muscle, or to think about where <em> else </em> he might be getting definition. Why on Earth would she get that fluttery feeling in her tummy just from looking at Will’s arm?!  Maybe she was getting sick. <em> Yes</em>, El convinced herself, <em> I must be coming down with something. I hope I don’t get too ill to enjoy my spaghetti! </em></p><p>El checked the water in the big pot, but the still water didn’t seem to be even close to boiling yet. “How long does it take water to boil?” she asked, keeping her eyes trained on the still, flat circle of water.</p><p>“Just a few more minutes. Won’t be long now.” Will wandered off into the living room. "Have you heard the expression 'A watched pot never boils?'  It feels like it takes forever if you're just staring at it." El heard the click of the stereo, and the voice of the DJ from Joyce’s favorite mix station filled the air.<br/><br/>“Thought we needed some music?” El asked as he returned to the kitchen.</p><p>“Mom likes music with dinner, and she’ll be home any minute. Just thought it would make her happy after a long day.”  El was always surprised with how thoughtful Will was.  She’d never really met anyone else who always seemed to be thinking of what would make other people happy like Will did.</p><p>“Oh, the water is boiling! Do I just put it in the pot? It doesn’t look like it will fit…” El remarked, opening the package of spaghetti and eyeing the pot, sure the stiff noodles were much too long to fit under the surface of the bubbling water.</p><p>“You have to break it, let me show you,” Will said, taking half of the dark yellow sticks and breaking them in half with a quick <em> sshhhrik </em> sound. “See, now they fit!”  he grinned.</p><p>El broke the rest of the pasta in half and dropped it in the pot while Will stirred the sauce. Will got a big funny-looking spoon with fingers around the edges and a hole in the middle out of the drawer and handed it to El. “Use this to stir the spaghetti. The fingers around the edge help separate the noodles so they don’t stick together.”</p><p>El liked the way Will showed her how to do things, giving her instruction but then letting her do it herself, and not just making her watch him. And he usually only butted in when she asked for help. It felt like they were working together, and that he trusted her to help, and not just be a passive student.</p><p>A jingle of keys and rattling creak of the door opening announced Joyce’s arrival home. “Hey kids! Oh, thanks for getting dinner started. What are you making?” Joyce asked, dropping her purse on the table and shedding her coat and scarf. </p><p>“Will showed me how to make spaghetti!” El proudly held up the spaghetti spoon.</p><p>“Mmmm...that sounds good. How long until it’s ready?” </p><p>“We just put the spaghetti in the pot. Oooh, I almost forgot to set the timer. We only need about 7 minutes now.”</p><p>El grabbed the little white plastic kitchen timer and twisted the dial to 7 minutes. “Done!”</p><p>“I think we have everything for a salad. I’ll get that ready while you guys finish the spaghetti, sound good?” Joyce asked, rolling up her sleeves and heading to the sink.  “And I’ll make up some chocolate pudding for dessert.”</p><p>El nodded as she stirred both pots, watching to make sure nothing was burning or sticking. Joyce joined her at the stove and took the sauce spoon to taste.  “Let me show you my special ingredients,” Joyce said with a wink. She went to the pantry and came back with the sugar, basil and oregano.  </p><p>“My Nonna, my mom’s mom, was Italian. And she never made her sauce without a little sugar, basil, oregano, and garlic of course,” she added, picking up the garlic powder Will had left on the counter.  “Now she would make <em>her</em> sauce, she called it succo, in a huge pot and cooked it all day long from fresh tomatoes and other ingredients. So, this jar stuff doesn’t even compare, but adding some of this makes it taste a little more like the real thing.” </p><p>Joyce gave El a little squeeze in a one-armed hug and turned to get the lettuce, tomatoes and carrots out of the fridge for the salad. It wasn’t lost on El how little interactions like this with Joyce were how real moms and daughters acted with each other, and her heart both swelled and cracked a little at the realization. Terry Ives may be her biological mother, but Joyce was the closest thing she’d ever had to a mom.</p><p>“I can’t tell the difference,” Will said with a shrug. “But I remembered the garlic powder!” he said in his defense.</p><p>Joyce rinsed the vegetables and started cutting up the lettuce. “Kids, will you peel the carrots for me? I think there’s two peelers in the drawer,” Joyce motioned to one of the drawers with the knife in her hand.</p><p>El found the two peelers and handed one to Will. The two took up station side by side at the sink, stripping the carrot peelings into the garbage disposal. El soon heard Will humming along to the song on the radio, followed by Joyce joining in with the chorus, “O-bla-di, O-bla-da, life goes on, brah! La-la, how their life goes on.”</p><p>Will joined in on the second line, singing along with his mom, “O-bla-di, O-bla-da, life goes on, brah! La-la, how their life go-es on,” he sang, giving El a shy smile, a little embarrassed but still singing along to the song in a way that El could tell he and his mom had done many times before.</p><p>“I used to sing this song to the boys all the time when they were little,” Joyce said, bumping Will with her hip to make space at the sink so she could rinse the chopped lettuce leaves in the colander. “Desmond takes a trolley to the jeweler's store, buys a twenty carat golden ring,” mother and son continued to sing together. “Takes it back to Molly waiting at the door, and as he gives it to her she begins to sing.” </p><p>“Come on El sing with us,” Joyce encouraged. El stumbled along with the words, but they were simple enough to catch on to, “Ob-la-di, ob-la-da, life goes on, brah! La-la, how their life goes on. Ob-la di, ob-la-da, life goes on, brah! La-la, how their life go-es on.”</p><p>Joyce danced over to the stove and stirred the pots, then grabbed Will’s hand and danced him around the kitchen table as they sang. She spun Will out and grabbed El, dancing her around the table as well during the next verse. She spun El out at the chorus to a peal of giggles. El grabbed Will’s hand, and the two continued to spin each other into the living room as Will and his mom continued singing the next verses.  </p><p>El laughed at their silly, clumsy attempt at dancing, and as the song came to an end, Will grabbed El by the waist and attempted to dip her to the final “Ob-la-di, bla-da!” Not understanding what he was doing and thinking they were falling, El flung her arms around Will’s neck in an attempt to catch herself, knocking them both off-balance and sending them tumbling to the carpet in a heap of tangled arms and legs.  After a second of shock, both erupted into laughter.</p><p>“Wh-, wha-, what was that?! Did you fa- fa-ll?” El tried to speak but was still laughing too hard, rolling Will off of her so she could breathe. She couldn’t remember doing something this fun in quite a while.</p><p>“N-no, doof-fus!” Will laughed, rolling back to face her. “I was try-trying to DIP you! You know, like in-in those fancy dance routines?” The ridiculousness of him even trying such a thing, when neither of them really had any idea how to dance beyond a basic waltz box step, sent El into another fit of giggles, laughing so hard she snorted.</p><p>The unexpected snort just made them both howl harder, tears pouring from both of their eyes. El smacked his arm, “Hey, do-,  don’t...don’t laugh at m-me.”  </p><p>Her attempt to speak while laughing had Will rolling, barely able to breathe. “But...but...you….you...snor… snort…” he couldn’t even finish his sentence.</p><p>“Oh, so, you think it’s funny?” El said, sobering up a bit. “I’ll give you something to laugh about,” she warned, grabbing on to Will’s sides and starting to tickle him.</p><p>“N-...na..no...no, st-...sto...sto...stop!” Will tried to object, jumping and jerking as El ruthlessly assaulted his sides, stomach, and armpits with tickle fingers. She’d seen Jonathan attack his brother like this many times in an attempt to get him to smile, so she knew the spots where he was most sensitive. </p><p>Will was finally able to grab her wrists as she went for his neck, both struggling for dominance, a fresh round of giggles bursting from them both.  But El was no match for Will’s newfound strength, and as soon as he caught his breath he easily pinned her on her back, wrists by her shoulders, to halt her onslaught.</p><p>El tried to catch her breath, still struggling to free her arms from Will’s iron grip, “Hey... no... fair, let me go!” she grunted. “You know... you’re stronger!”</p><p>“Are you going to stop tickling me?” Will asked.  El nodded innocently. Maybe a little <em> too </em> innocently.</p><p>Will hesitantly released one wrist and El immediately shoved it into his armpit with wiggly fingers trying to tickle him again. With one hand still pinned, Will returned the favor, moving to tickle El’s side with his one free hand.<br/><br/>She immediately shrieked and arched into him, jerking wildly to avoid his searching fingers. “So, how do you like it? That’s what you get for lying!” Will laughed, testing her armpit for tickle sensitivity. She trapped his hand under her arm, but he easily twisted free and captured her wrist in his hand again.</p><p>“Okay,” Will heaved, trying to catch his breath as El continued giggling and trying to wiggle free. “Okay, are you done? Can I let you go now?”  She jerked her hands toward his sides, but he didn’t let go, wisely not trusting her yet to be done playing tickle monster. In his attempt to restrain her, he had thrown one leg over both of hers to keep her pinned her down. </p><p>They lay there in a stalemate, chests heaving as they both worked to catch their breath, when the world... tilted. </p><p>El’s breath caught as she looked into Will’s eyes, pupils blown wide with surprise and something else she hadn’t seen there before.  She was suddenly all too aware of his body pressing into hers, and her eyes were drawn to his mouth as his tongue reflexively darted out to wet his lips. </p><p>Will’s eyes dropped to her chest as El sucked in a deep, shaky breath. Her t-shirt was twisted, pulled tight over her breasts from their wrestling, and Will would swear he saw her hardened nipples pushing through the thin fabric. His eyes snapped back up to El’s, recognizing a need reflected back at him.  His eyes dropped to her mouth, just inches apart as they began to lean in as if pulled by a magnetic force.<br/><br/>“El, the timer went off...spaghetti’s done. Are you going to come drain it?” Joyce called from the kitchen, still singing along to the next tune on the radio, oblivious to the fire her son and El were practically starting on the living room rug. Will released El’s wrists as if burned, gave her a final pained look, and scrambled away to the bathroom. </p><p>“Uh, yeah...be...be right there,” El stood on wobbly knees, her pulse racing and breath almost more labored than before. She straightened her clothes, and tried to slow her breathing, peeking toward the hallway where Will disappeared. He was nowhere to be seen, so she made her way back into the kitchen to help Joyce finish dinner.</p><p>Jonathan came home just after El got back into the kitchen, and by the time Will came out of the bathroom it was time to eat. Between dinner and Jonathan and Joyce catching up on each other’s days -- which included news from Joyce that she was going to get a promotion at work -- no one but El noticed that Will refused to look her way. He excused himself to his room to draw right after dinner, and that was the last she saw of him that evening.</p><p>The next day it was like nothing ever happened. Will was his usual friendly, polite self. No trying to tickle or dance with her, or anything else out of the ordinary. El convinced herself that the electric shocks she felt in her body must have all been in her own hormone-fueled brain, and decided that she must have misunderstood Will’s response. He would have definitely been acting weird the next day, and probably would have even wanted to talk about it. So with no sign of anything amiss with him, she did her best to forget about it. </p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>That was almost a week ago now. But that dang book she was reading kept bringing up those same sorts of feelings within her. Describing longings so similar to what she felt that night, reminding her of the look in Will’s eye. The way she felt them drawn together, daring her to believe that she hadn’t imagined it.  As she stood looking in the bathroom mirror, she could see how her entire chest blazed pink at the memory still.  </p><p>Making out with Mike had always been fun, and made her giddy with excitement -- his kisses giving her those fizzy little bubbles in her stomach and making it hard to wipe the grin from her face for hours after.  But this felt different. These new feelings made her stomach swoop deeply, and sometimes it felt like her blood was heating up under her skin, building an itch that she didn't know how to scratch.</p><p>With the water finally steaming hot, El stepped into the shower to drown her memories and clear her head. She remembered being afraid of the shower when she first moved in with Hop. It reminded her of the hose at the lab that some of the bad men would use on her as punishment when she refused to hurt animals or people that Brenner wanted her to, or to distract and weaken her to protect themselves from her powers when she first started getting stronger.  </p><p>But once she realized that she had full control over the strength and heat of the water in the shower, she welcomed it as a refuge.  The warm hum of the spray across her skin always helped to quiet her senses and calm her mind, which too often replayed that night at the mall with all the what-ifs and potential outcomes if she had just done this or that differently. So many people she might have been able to save.  </p><p>She sat under the water, head on her knees as the rushing whisper of spray surrounded her and lulled her into an almost meditative state, washing away her strange new feelings and thoughts of Will, the coming storms, the homework she still needed to do this weekend.  As her mind drifted, she began to slowly rock to an unheard beat, a movement that swelled into a tune she began to hum, almost imagining she could hear a broken, whispered voice singing, "you’re my... brown eyed girl."   </p><p>El startled from the sound of the voice.  Usually when she relaxed in the shower like this, her mind was completely blank, and the only thing that broke the spell was the water starting to get cold, or one of the boys knocking on the door to remind her not to use up all the hot water. This was almost...almost like slipping into the Void, but she was still very much in the bright warm shower, no dark, cold puddles beneath her.  </p><p>But she’d been trying so hard to enter the Void again, and there had been nothing for almost two weeks! Confused and frustrated by what she just experienced, El stood up to grab the soap and washcloth, and began scrubbing away her disappointment, not noticing she was still humming the tune to <em>Brown-Eyed Girl</em>. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Flowers & Fast Times</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Trigger Warning: There are references to potential non-consensual sex/rape and other toxic sexual scenarios in this chapter in regard to the popular 1980s book "Flowers in the Attic" and the film "Fast Times at Ridgemont High."  If these types of situations are a trigger for you, please do not proceed! </p><p>This is not a recurring theme in this story, but merely a reference to very common media sources that influenced many teens' perception of sex during this time period. </p><p>If you are uncomfortable with these representations, please proceed to the next chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After the water had been running a bit and Will was sure El was in the shower, he sneaked into her room to take a peek in that book. He knew it was wrong to violate her privacy like this, but the curiosity was <em> killing </em>him.  </p><p>He remembered his mom talking to Mrs. Wheeler about <em> Flowers in the Attic </em> a few years ago, and how she couldn’t believe something so incestuous had become so popular.  He recalled it vividly, because he didn’t know what ‘incestuous’ meant at the time. Being a naturally curious and astute kid, he cracked open the dictionary and was completely grossed out that a brother and sister could ever do <em> that</em>. It made him feel funny for weeks whenever he was around Mike and Nancy, or Lucas and Erica.  But over the last few weeks, he thought maybe he was beginning to understand.</p><p>The lid had been blown off of Will's self-control during that tickle fight, and he hadn’t been able to fully tighten it back down since. He struggled to try to put that night out of his mind, certain that he must have misread El's response.  Since she seemed to have no problem asking him all about his dick after reading those books from his mom, he thought for sure she’d come to him later that night with questions. </p><p>But El never showed, and then she acted like nothing happened, so he didn’t want to bring it up and make her feel uncomfortable around him if he had read her wrong. He had accepted that she must have just been playing around like she’d seen him and Jon do.  </p><p>But this afternoon, when he found out that El had been reading <em> that </em> book, he just had to know what was really in it. If she liked reading about a <em> real </em>brother and sister getting it on, then maybe their situation wasn't as improbable as he had come to believe.</p><p>Will scanned El’s room from the doorway, spotting the black and red book lying open, face-down on her night stand. With a quick check over his shoulder at the bathroom door, he slipped into her room and picked up the book, the face of a creepy blonde girl peeking through a cut out in the cover. He scanned the back synopsis, gleaning that Cathy and Christopher were the teenage brother and sister in the story. </p><p>He flipped through the chapter El was reading, scanning down the pages looking for anything that seemed racy between the two. Nothing in the current chapter, just the ranting of the evil grandmother. From the little he was picking up, it was no wonder she said she didn’t like the book.</p><p>Will stepped back into the hall to make sure he could still hear El in the shower. <em>All good</em>. He quickly thumbed through the earlier chapters, scanning a few pages...something about a mouse, twins. Nothing sexual. Then, Will noticed one page had just the very tiny tip folded over. He opened to that page and right in the middle, he found it:</p><p>
  <em> I was coming alive, feeling things I hadn't felt before. Strange achings, longings. Wanting something, and not knowing what it was that woke me up at night, pulsating, throbbing, excited, and knowing a man was there with me, doing something I wanted him to complete, and he never did...he never did.... </em>
</p><p>Will’s knees felt weak. He’d never read something quite like that before -- so private, so...personal -- and especially from the point of view of a <em>girl</em>. He didn't even know girls <em>had</em> feelings like that. And the recognition of the aching, the <em> longing</em>, was immediate for Will. </p><p>The question was, did El feel like that too? <em>Is that why she marked the page? That had to mean something right?</em> Will read on as Cathy discovered evidence of her brother having wet dreams, but she was completely clueless and didn’t believe Chris when he tried to explain it to her. <em> Geez, in denial much? </em></p><p>Will paused and strained his ears to make sure he could still hear the shower running, then flipped toward the back of the book and scanned a few more pages, until he came across the money scene. The siblings started out wrestling, which is what first caught his eye about the passage, and then...</p><p>
  <em> ... he had much more determination than I to use something hot, swollen and demanding, so much that it stole reasoning and sanity from him. And I loved him. I wanted what he wanted — if he wanted it that much, right or wrong. Somehow we wound up on that old mattress — that filthy, smelly stained mattress that must have known lovers long before this night. And that is where he took me, and forced in that swollen, rigid male sex part of him that had to be satisfied. It drove into my tight and resisting flesh which tore and bled. </em>
</p><p><em> Holy shit</em>, thought Will. While a part of him was a little disgusted about the whole smelly old mattress thing, the raw desire captured in the words had Will feeling pretty hot and <em> swollen </em> himself. It also sounded a little like Chris may have forced himself on Cathy, but then she’d said ‘I wanted what he wanted…' so, maybe not?</p><p>He didn’t have time to contemplate it further, as the sound of the shower shutting off interrupted the series of scandalous images in his head brought forth by the passage. In a panic, he quickly replaced the book on her nightstand, careful to keep it open to El's last spot.  </p><p>He stood to leave, forced to adjust himself to relieve the tightness in his jeans before he could stand fully, and smoothed out El's bedspread to remove the evidence of where he had sat.  He hurried next door to his own room, gently closing the door without a sound. Will leaned his forehead against the cool, smooth paint, a welcome sensation against his now overheated skin. His face was flushed -- a combination of shame from violating El’s privacy, fear of being caught snooping in her room, and unexpected arousal from the lascivious scenes fresh in his mind, which now starred himself and El in the roles of Chris and Cathy.</p><p>Will turned to lean his back against the door, sliding down to the floor as his mind's eye saw El awakening in the night to that <em> throbbing</em>, and pleading with him to help her make it stop.  He pressed the palms of his hands against his eyes, trying to rub away the images. <em> There’s no way El would have these thoughts about YOU</em>, he chastised himself. <em> If anything, she’s picturing her and Mike doing those things to each other. </em></p><p>His brain knew he was supposed to think of El as his sister, but the reality was that Will barely even knew her before she moved in with his family. He remembered the very first time he saw El's face. He was in the Upside Down, barely conscious, when he heard something approaching his hiding place in that twisted version of Castle Byers. He was too weak to move, and he was sure the monster was coming for him to end his suffering. </p><p>Then he heard a voice calling his name. He struggled to open his eyes, just enough to barely make out her sweet face. He had the thought that he must finally be dead, and this was an angel coming to carry him to Heaven. He never quite forgot the hope and awe she inspired when she first appeared to him in that God-forsaken place. </p><p>After she closed the gate the first time, Will was too focused on his own internal battle with the Mind Flayer to really get to know her.  Plus, she and Mike were always sneaking off alone, and even when they were all together, Mike had a bad habit of speaking for her.  Will hardly ever heard her say much of anything that would reveal her personality, other than that time she dumped his ass at the mall.</p><p>Then the nightmare started all over again, and their losses cut even deeper this time. By the time El moved in, she was really just a shell of a person. But once they started packing for the move, the two of them began to spend most of every day together, and they had become fast friends.</p><p>Watching El come back to life little by little these last couple of months -- as he’d learn to recognize and even anticipate her moods, experiencing all of the grief and small steps toward healing along with her -- he couldn’t help but feel like he knew her better than anyone else. He’d learned all of her tells, the way she tugged and twisted her hair around her fingers only when she was worried. The way she chewed her nails or her pencil when she was trying to think something through. How she would revert back to fewer, simpler words when she’d had a really tough day and was thinking about Hop or something else that upset her.  </p><p>And really, no one knew the person he was becoming like El did. They had secrets they could never tell anyone here in South Bend. No one would ever be able to understand what he lived through like she could. So despite his current <em> preoccupation </em> with the physical, she had quickly become the most important person in his life, and her happiness was now his primary focus. If it helped her get her powers back too, that was just icing. </p><p>Of course, he could also appreciate the way her loose, toffee-colored curls now tumbled over her shoulders, and how she sometimes hid a soft blush behind a cascade of hair when she was feeling shy or embarrassed.  Or the curve of her calves as she stood on her toes to reach a plate from a high kitchen cabinet.  Or the way the swell of her breasts felt against his chest when she hugged him or cuddled into his back to sleep after a nightmare; the occasional glimpse of cleavage or new lacy bra he’d sometimes catch when she bent over to pick something up in front of him (<em>not that he looked on purpose!)</em>.  Or the sweet, musky scent of her lavender shampoo that now drifted into his room in a cloud of steam from her shower as she opened the bathroom door, making it impossible for him to ignore the fact that her wet, nearly naked body was just a thin wall away. </p><p><em> God that smell</em>, Will thought as he gently banged the back of his head against his bedroom door. Just when he had <em> finally </em> calmed the little monster in his pants, he immediately began to respond to that scent that equaled clean, fresh <em> naked El. </em>  That night of the tickle fight, when he was certain they were about to kiss, he caught a whiff of that cloying fragrance directly from her heated skin. Mixed with her natural scent, it was the most heavenly perfume he’d ever encountered.  </p><p>Will still wasn’t sure how he managed to tear himself away from her -- he was nearly on top of her, and she had been bucking her hips into his in her playful struggle to free herself and tickle him more. He could taste her sweet breath on his tongue, and as he checked her eyes to make sure she was really with him in this, and it wasn’t all just some crazy figment of his overeager imagination, he swore he saw the same need burning within. </p><p>And that’s all the time his mom needed to ruin the moment.  If it wasn’t for his fear of causing Joyce even more worry, he wouldn’t have been able to hold back. He wanted to kiss El so badly he thought he would cry, and he had to physically remove himself from the room before he just said to hell with it and crushed his lips to hers.  </p><p>Locking himself away from her in the bathroom, he had run his hands over his face to try to bring himself back from the edge, and realized he could still smell her scent on his fingers. Whether from the dancing, or tickling or holding her wrists to stop her wandering hands (<em>why did he stop her again?)</em>, he could now smell the evidence of their intimate embrace. There was no escape -- her scent permeated his senses and prevented his mind, and <em> other </em> parts of his body, from relaxing. He moved to wash his hands, but couldn’t bear to rinse her off of him so soon -- it was the only proof that the whole situation hadn't just been a dream.</p><p>He looked upon his own reflection in the mirror -- and his internal struggle was clearly evident. His face was flushed and sweaty, hair sticking up in all directions, his shirt rumpled and askew from flailing around on the carpet to escape El’s relentless fingers. His pulse hammered in his ears, breathing still faster than normal, and he could still feel sensitive spots on his sides where her fingers gripped and poked him in her fervor. And the very obvious tent in his pants showed no signs of fading.  </p><p>His mother was about to serve dinner, and there was no way he could go back out there in his condition.  He ran an errant hand over his face again in his dismay, catching another whiff of <em> that scent </em> and his dick twitched appreciatively. <em> Ugh, he was going to be stuck in this bathroom all night at this rate!   </em></p><p>Will let out a resigned breath, realizing there was only one thing he could do to get out of this situation anytime soon. He raised his left hand to his nose, dragging in a deep breath of that delicious scent, and slowly lowered his zipper with his right to take care of business. </p><p>Ever since that night, her scent had become an instant trigger, which his dick seemed to think meant play time -- regardless of the time of day or what else might be going on. And here he sat again, willing his willie to chill the hell out and get with the program. He’d never really thought much about sex before these last few weeks. But lately, it seemed El’s mere presence kept him in a constant semi-aroused state. She was going to be the death of him.</p><p>Rather than chance having her catch him with his pants down (literally), he decided to beat out his frustration in a different way. He swapped his jeans for sweats and crept down to the basement while El was still in her room. That’s where she found him nearly an hour later, drenched in sweat and pounding away at the big black punching bag.</p><p>“Geez, what did that poor bag ever do to you?” </p><p>“Oh, hey...I didn’t hear you come down,” Will panted from the exertion. He caught the top of the bag with both hands to stop its swinging, causing his sweat-dampened t-shirt to lift and reveal a strip of his glistening, tone stomach just above the loose sweatpants that sat low on his hips. </p><p>El’s eyes were pulled to that strip of skin, mesmerized by the way the muscles contracted and shifted as Will tried to catch his breath. She watched as he then grabbed the dry bottom of his shirt and pulled it up to wipe the sweat from his face, momentarily revealing the dips and curves of his now subtly rippled abdomen.</p><p>She was startled from her reverie by a final loud smack Will gave to the bag with his bare knuckles. “Oh!...I...I don’t know how you do that without gloves or something. Doesn’t it hurt your hands?” El asked, noticing the redness across his fingers.</p><p>Will shrugged. “Yeah, some. But, I like the way it stings. Helps distract me from stuff in my head, you know?” <em> Like how I think I keep catching you looking at me, </em>he thought, having noticed her zoning out a moment before.</p><p>She nodded, understanding the need to find something to quiet the thoughts and memories that often rioted in her mind. “So, what do you think we should do tonight? Any thoughts?”</p><p>“What time is it?”</p><p>“Almost seven.”</p><p>“Movies will be starting soon. Let’s see if anything good's on for a movie night?” Cable TV, including the full package of movie channels, was one of the few perks from the move.</p><p>“Sure!  And maybe we just do snacks for dinner?” The two scrambled upstairs to the living room. El grabbed the remote while Will switched on the TV. </p><p>“Let’s see, we have...<em> Red Dawn</em>?”</p><p>“Russians? Really?”</p><p>“True...okay, then there’s <em> Fast Times at Ridgemont High? </em>Jenny and Amy said it’s really good. Can we watch that?”</p><p>“Of course... it’s whatever makes you happy, right?!” Will had heard guys at school doing impressions of the surfer guy in the film, but didn’t know much about the movie otherwise. Teen comedies weren’t the sort of thing Jon or his friends typically watched.</p><p>El rolled her eyes. “Yeah, okay. I guess that will make me happy.”  She wasn’t sure how watching a funny movie was going to help recharge her powers, but she was willing to give Will’s plan a try. She didn’t have any better ideas. “Let’s get the snacks.”</p><p>Will stopped on the way to the kitchen to turn on the stereo, switching it to the AM channels to find the news station. <em> “...tornado warning is in effect for the greater South Bend and surrounding areas until 9:30 pm. High, damaging winds or tornadoes are expected.”</em></p><p>El looked out the front windows, seeing the trees beginning to thrash around in the wind, the rapidly moving clouds a sinister shade of greenish gray above. She shivered involuntarily, unable to help wondering if there might be something more ominous hiding behind the clouds. </p><p>“<em>Stay inside, shelter in place and stay alert for tornado warning sirens. If you hear a siren, move to your basement or interior room, away from doors and windows. I repeat...a tornado warning is in effect for the greater South Bend and surrounding areas until 9:30 pm. This is a message of the emergency broadcast system.” </em> He turned down the volume as the Frogger-like sounds of the emergency broadcast signal closed the message.</p><p>“I’m glad mom and Jon stayed at the mall. That looks ugly out there. Almost like…” Will stopped short, seeing a knowing panic at the edges of El’s eyes. “Sorry, no, El -- it’s just weather. You heard the weather report. They see this kind of weather all the time.” </p><p>“Y-yeah, I know, I know. Just weather,” El tried to convince herself, but it was obvious they were both spooked. They continued on to the kitchen, quietly rummaging through the cabinets and fridge for something to eat.</p><p>El jumped at the sound of Will tearing open the cellophane wrapper off a bag of popcorn. “Sorry,” he apologized, placing it in the microwave and setting the timer. </p><p>“Nothing to be sorry for. I’m just being silly.” She placed some cheese and crackers on a plate and turned back to the freezer. “Do you want an Eggo?”</p><p>“Sure, why not.”</p><p>Snacks popped and ready, El and Will made their way back to the living room, switching off the overhead light for the full ‘movie theater’ experience. They set their food and drinks out on the coffee table, pulled it toward the couch, then sat on the floor to be closer to the food and used the bottom of the couch to lean back on.</p><p>“You know, they eat on the floor like this in China. And even some fancy Chinese restaurants,” Will remarked, snagging a cracker with cheese.</p><p>“Really? People pay to eat on the floor at a <em> restaurant</em>?”</p><p>“Yeah, Mike told me about it. His dad had some kind of business meeting at one.”</p><p>Their chit chat died off as the movie began with a scene at a busy mall. Will’s skin began to crawl as he realized with each additional scene that the majority of <em> Fast Times </em> was about sex, with the exception of some comic relief provided by the surfer/stoner Spicoli and one of the main character’s older brother. And it wasn't just about sex, but <em> girls </em> trying to have sex -- although not very successfully. </p><p>Will had never been so thankful to be watching a movie in the dark. At least El wasn’t able to see the increasing levels of scarlet his face was turning, particularly when she turned to him in confusion as the two main female characters in the movie, Linda and Stacy, demonstrated how to give a blowjob with a carrot. </p><p>“Will, what are they talking about? Why did the boys at the other table all laugh and start clapping?”</p><p>“Um...well…,” he began, not sure how to explain without being too crass. “You know what happens when people have sex, right?”  El nodded.</p><p>As she waited for him to continue, El came to her own conclusion. “People have sex with <em> carrots</em>?!” </p><p>“No! I mean...I guess they might...I…I don’t know…but I mean…that’s not what a blowjob is.” Will glanced helplessly back at the TV, the next scene in a science classroom providing zero guidance for his current situation. But he found it even more difficult to continue looking into El’s innocent, confused expression.</p><p>“It’s...ah...well, it’s sort of...<em> like </em> sex...but um, the girl uses....uses her mouth on the guy’s...you know…,” he trailed off, hoping El could put together the rest of the pieces on her own and not make him describe the act in more detail.</p><p>“Oh...okay.” El still looked puzzled, then he saw realization hit as her brows nearly reached her hairline. “<em>Ooooh… </em>” Her eyes snapped back to the movie, and Will could see her cheeks darken, even in the dim light coming from the TV. </p><p>“And, boys...<em> like </em>...that?” he heard her ask quietly, eyes still straight ahead, not daring to make eye contact with Will. </p><p>“Uh, <em> yeah</em>!” Will realized he probably sounded a bit too enthusiastic in his response. “I mean...I guess...not that I would know...from...from <em> personal </em> experience or...anything.”  Will seriously could not believe the conversations he found himself having with this girl. The mix of mortification and excitement made his head spin. </p><p>Thankfully, for the sake of Will’s nerves, his explanation seemed to appease El for now, and they both turned back to the movie. Will stole glances at El from time to time, trying to gauge her reaction to the increasingly gratuitous sexual references in the film. She seemed enthralled by the story unfolding before her, her teeth worrying her bottom lip from time to time, uneaten cheese and crackers going stiff and oily on the table before her.</p><p>El gnawed her lower lip, leaning forward slightly in study as Stacy started making out with an older guy on the screen. With all of the talk about sex in the film so far, she was feeling an odd new sensation, like a coil had begun to tighten inside her gut. She couldn’t believe this girl was supposed to be the same age as her. <em> Why would she want to go out with that old guy?  </em>Sure, he was handsome, but so was John Travolta -- that didn’t mean El would ever <em>make out </em> with him!  </p><p>Even though she didn’t understand Stacy’s interest in Ron, El could feel that coil inside her quiver like a guitar string being plucked, the vibrations getting stronger as the on-screen pair progressed from kissing to frantically unbuttoning their clothes. The love scenes in the soaps she watched on TV never showed <em> this </em> much. She felt her own nipples tighten as she watched Ron run his hands over Stacy’s small, pert breasts, which she seemed to enjoy. She wondered if Stacy was going to try one of those blowjobs. When she realized they were actually <em>having sex</em>, she felt a rush of heat and wetness between her own legs. </p><p>Movement next to her drew her eyes from the screen, and El noticed Will <em> trying </em> to discretely shift his hips away from her, moving one arm awkwardly into his lap.  Fire in El’s belly flickered as it hit her that the scene before them must be affecting him in much the same way it did her, and her thighs squeezed together in response to the damp ache growing in between.</p><p>Will was now wishing he hadn't changed into sweatpants before his workout. The thin, stretchy material provided absolutely no resistance to his straining cock. Sitting nearly shoulder to shoulder with El, all she’d have to do is glance down to see how excited he was getting over seeing a pair of tits. As he tried to casually obscure her view with his arm, he chanced a glance to see if she had noticed and had to stifle a groan as he watched her thighs rub and squeeze together.</p><p>What El didn’t understand was why her body was reacting like this, when it was clear that Stacy didn’t actually <em> enjoy </em> the sex. It just confirmed her suspicion that sex didn’t feel all that great. But something about watching two people together like that, kissing and touching each other, sure seemed to make her body <em> think </em> it would.</p><p>El couldn’t take it anymore when Linda asked Stacy the following day about having sex, and Stacy lied and said she enjoyed it. “It was obvious Stacy didn’t like it -- why would she say she did?!”</p><p>“I...I don’t kn-know.” Startled by her outburst, Will's voice split octaves, and he inwardly cursed the timing of the Puberty Gods. “It <em> was </em>supposed to be her first time. I heard it can hurt the, uh, first time...for girls...but, then it’s okay...after?” </p><p>El didn’t look convinced. “Linda gives terrible advice! I think Stacy needs a new friend.” </p><p>“We can...uh, turn it off and watch something else, if you want?”</p><p>El considered the option, but just as she felt compelled to keep reading that damn book, that tightly twisting feeling in her middle demanded to know what would happen next. Plus, Amy and Jenny had <em> both </em> already seen <em> Fast Times,</em> so she wanted to be able to say she had too.</p><p>“S’okay. We’re so far into it, let’s just see how it ends.”  The movie continued with funnier scenes about Spicoli getting in trouble with Mr. Hand, Brad’s work and girlfriend troubles, and Damone giving Mark even worse dating advice than Linda had given Stacy. </p><p>“I’m glad there don’t seem to be many people like these at Adams,” El remarked.</p><p>“There probably are -- we just haven’t met them yet!”</p><p>When El thought about it, it did seem that Jenny and Amy were both pretty boy crazy, and talked an awful lot about sex stuff. Maybe they really weren’t so different. </p><p>With no sexual situations imminent on the screen, El relaxed into the couch, her hand slipping off her lap onto the floor, just barely brushing the back of Will’s hand. They both jumped at the unexpected contact, sparking a tremor of heat that washed through each of their bodies.</p><p>“S-sorry,” El whispered, jerking her hand back, but leaving it on the floor within just an inch of Will’s still twitching palm. Will just gave a slight nod in acknowledgement, not trusting himself to speak. Eyes back on the screen, he tried his best to keep his dick under control after his body's reaction to her unexpected touch.</p><p>After a really uncomfortable dinner scene and a failed attempt by the sex-obsessed Stacy to seduce her date, Will finally felt he could breath again. He realized his relief was premature when the two main girls appeared in bikinis by a pool. He’d figured out by now there was no way an innocent game of Marco Polo would be following in <em> this </em> movie, and preemptively crossed his legs away from El in anticipation of what would come.</p><p>But instead of another racy sex scene, Will was horrified to be watching the dorky big brother Brad fantasizing about his sister’s friend Linda! While it wasn’t actually showing Brad jacking off, it was certainly obvious to any guy what was going on.</p><p>Will had looked away from the screen for a moment, searching for how he was going to explain what was going on when he heard El swallow loudly. He glanced back up to see fantasy Linda approaching Brad with her bikini top open, breasts fully exposed. Will had never seen so many boobs in under an hour.</p><p>Brad had just leaned down to capture Linda’s plump red lips with his own when the house around Will and El shuddered... and the two were pitched into complete darkness and silence. El squeaked in surprise, the sound of the wind whipping through the trees suddenly filling the house in the absence of the sounds from the TV and house around them. They’d been so engrossed in the film, they hadn’t noticed the weather deteriorating outside.</p><p>“Will?” Will felt El’s hand patting the floor until it found his and close around it, as she checked to make sure he was still there next to her in the dark.</p><p>“I’m right here. Just let my eyes adjust and I’ll go get the flashlight.”</p><p>“I’m coming with you.” </p><p>“El, it’s just right in the kitchen. Don’t worry.”</p><p>“Don’t care. Not taking any chances.” El said, fear apparent in her voice.</p><p>“Hey, come on -- it’s just wind. It’s easy for high winds to knock out the power.” He pushed the table back so they could stand up, and Will led them into the kitchen. El now held his one hand in both of hers, her body sucked up against his arm.  “El, don’t worry. There’s no sirens, so it’s just wind. The weather alert said there would be high winds.”</p><p>Will opened the junk drawer in the kitchen, searching with his free hand for the flash light.  A dull disc of light appeared on the ceiling as he clicked it on. “Looks like the batteries are low.”</p><p>“Do you think we should go to the basement...you know...j-just in case?” El shivered with nerves.</p><p>Will didn’t think it was necessary, but seeing El’s obvious distress, he agreed. “Sure, if it makes you feel better, we’ll go to the basement.” </p><p>“Th-thanks, Will.” She shivered again. Will led them to the basement, pulling the afghan from the back of the living room couch on their way past.</p><p>The dim light of the weak flashlight barely illuminated the basement stairs, throwing nearly as much shadow as light. “Careful on the stairs in the dark.” El made no move to release Will’s hand. “I need you to let go so we can hold onto the rail.”</p><p>“Oh, y-yeah, s-sorry.” They both immediately missed the comforting warmth when she released his hand. </p><p>As they reached the bottom of the stairs, the faint wail of the tornado siren reached their ears. El grasped Will’s arm with both hands, “Will, is that…?”</p><p>“Bathtub, now.” Will drug El quickly across the room into Jon’s bathroom, shut and locked the door, and climbed into the tub, El nearly climbing into his lap in her hurry to join him.</p><p>They sat frozen side by side, the chill of fear creeping up their backs made even worse by the icy porcelain tub. Will felt El’s entire body convulse against him, bringing him out of his momentary paralysis.</p><p>“Oh, here, I grabbed this for you.” Will draped the afghan over her, it’s expanse covering him as well.</p><p>“Th-thanks. Do you th-think there’s a t-tornado out there?”</p><p>“I don’t know, I hear the sirens, but the wind sounds about the same. But someone must have seen something nearby, or they wouldn’t have set them off.”  </p><p>The flashlight beam flickered and dimmed more. Will smacked the side of it, to no effect. “I think I should turn this off, just in case the power’s out for a while. Are you okay with sitting in the dark?”</p><p>El nodded, and shivered again.</p><p>“Are you really that cold, or is it just nerves?”</p><p>“I d-don’t kn-know. P-probably just n-nerves,” she chattered.</p><p>“Come here, let me see if I can help.” Will turned to lean against the back of the tub, spread his legs and pulled El in between, her back to his chest. He pulled the afghan around to cover them both and then wrapped his arms around hers to try to share his body heat. He clicked off the flashlight.  “Is this okay?”</p><p>“Y-yeah. I think s-so. D-definitely f-feels warm-mer.”</p><p>They sat quietly, listening to the faraway howl of the siren through the rushing wind, an occasional thump and cracking branch from up above making El jump. Will knew he should say something, to help distract her from the frightening sounds from above, so he said the first thing that came to mind. </p><p>“So, I wonder what’s happening in the movie?” He regretted the words the moment they left his mouth.</p><p>“S-stacy’s probably having s-sex.” El deadpanned, surprising a “Ha!” out of Will, and setting off a string of nervous giggles between them. </p><p>“No kidding, she was <em> totally </em> desperate!” </p><p>Their laughter died down into a strained silence in the pitch blackness of the bathroom. Will heard El’s suck in a breath as if she were about to say something, but changed her mind. </p><p>A moment later, he felt her head turn just slightly and heard her shy voice, “Do you think she’s pretty?”</p><p>“Who? The actress that played Stacy?” El nodded, her hair tickling Will’s nose. “Sure, I..I guess so.” <em> But nowhere near as pretty as you</em>, he thought to himself.</p><p>“Then why...why would those boys treat her so awful?” El began absently circling her forefinger on Will’s arm as she worked through her thoughts. “I thought boys liked pretty girls. And w-why would she want to have <em> sex </em> with them when they acted like that t-to her?”</p><p>“Well...it’s just a movie, El. But, I...I don’t know...sex...seems to make some people act crazy. Especially guys.” El could feel Will’s warm breath against her cheek as he spoke, and she felt him shiver behind her. “But, they weren’t <em>all</em> bad. That Mark guy seemed to really like her. We’ll have to try to watch the end and see if they work out. But...yeah...some guys are just jerks. They only think about themselves and don’t care if they hurt people.”</p><p>“Mouthbreathers.”</p><p>“Yeah, some of 'em.” El fell quiet, as her nervous tremors had finally begun to calm, completely unaware of the effect the movement of her finger across Will’s arm was having on him.  The slight rhythm of her touch was sending wave after wave tingles up his arm, and he was suddenly all too aware of how much of El’s body was touching his own -- her upper back against his chest, his arms around her torso, her hands wrapped around his wrists that lay loosely in her lap, her hips wedged between his thighs, his calves against the length of <em>her</em> thighs, and her intoxicating scent surrounded him. </p><p>After spending most of the last hour with a hard-on, Will was still quite on edge, as evidenced by the way the gentle stroke of El’s finger was driving him mad. He was cognizant of just how <em>alone </em> they were, and the complete lack of vision gave the atmosphere a somewhat dream-like quality.  <em> If I turned my hands just the slightest bit, I could feel her thighs under my fingertips. Would she even notice? Would she like it? </em></p><p>Will’s right thumb twitched against her thigh, and El’s finger halted its movements, but he fought the urge to place his hands on her and forced himself to hold still. Will promised himself that he would <em> never </em> violate El like that -- he would <em> not </em> touch her unless she agreed to or initiated it, no matter how easy it might seem to be. He could never betray her trust like that.  </p><p>He was, however, now quite thankful for the small gap between her hips and his crotch. But if he wasn’t able to get his wandering thoughts under control, there wouldn’t be much of a gap left. Will was sure she must be able to feel how his breathing had picked up as he fought to maintain his cool.</p><p>El was still thinking about the movie, and how really every guy was just so slimy. Even Mark was stupid enough to listen to Damone instead of just being himself, and ruined his date with Stacy. And even Stacy’s own brother was a jerk, breaking up with his girlfriend just because she wouldn’t have sex with him. Was <em> everything </em> about sex to teenage boys? But the girls in the movie were just as bad. Maybe <em> all </em> teenagers thought about sex all the time...</p><p>El train of thought was interrupted by a tickle on her thigh. Was Will trying to <em> touch </em> her? She froze, not sure how she felt about that, although that tickle traveled straight to her center, reminding her how wet her panties still were from watching that movie. She was going to have to check those books to see if that was normal too. She relaxed when his hand didn’t move further, telling herself she needed to <em>stop</em> being ridiculous -- not everything was about sex. Will must have just had an itch or something. But speaking of hands...</p><p>“Will? Can I...can I ask you something?” </p><p>Will’s dick jumped as his stomach clenched in surprise--and dread--at her question. “Of course.”  He never knew what kind of question was coming when he heard that tone in her voice, but it was usually something that made him squirm.</p><p>“In the movie...just before the power went off...what was Brad doing in the bathroom?”</p><p>Will’s breath let out in a whoosh...just when he’d thought he was going to get a free pass on that one! Well, that took care of his boner at least. He straightened up against the bathroom wall, shifting his hips back from her just a bit more as a precaution.</p><p>“Uh...well…he was...he was masturbating.” His generally aroused state combined with the cover of darkness gave Will a boost of confidence. “You know, playing with himself? Jacking off?”</p><p>“What is that?”</p><p>“Didn’t you read about it in those books mom gave you?”</p><p>“Uh-uh, I never finished them. I guess I didn’t get to that part.” She waited patiently for Will to continue.</p><p>“Oh, okay. Well, jacking off is when a guy...when a guy uses his hand to…” Will motioned with his hand in the dark, but then realized she wouldn’t be able to see. “...touch himself...like he’s having sex. But he uses his hand instead of having sex with a girl.”</p><p>“But, why would he use his hand instead of having sex with a girl?”</p><p>“Well, because most of the time there isn’t a girl to have sex with. If there was, he’d definitely do it with the girl instead.”</p><p>“Well then why doesn’t he just wait until he can be with a girl? Why does he need to use his hand?”</p><p>“Wow...you...really didn’t read much of those books did you?” Will felt her hair tickle his nose again as she shook her head.</p><p>“That’s okay, Will. I’ll just...read them later and find out. You don’t have to tell me this stuff if we shouldn’t be talking about it.”  The sound of embarrassment in her voice tipped him off that maybe she knew it was a little bit naughty for her to ask Will, but she had asked it anyway. Intrigued by her motivation, Will decided maybe he <em> should </em> tell her.</p><p>“No...it’s okay. Let me think how I can explain it.”  If talking to El about this type of stuff might possibly help her think about him and sex at the same time, then Will reasoned that couldn’t be a bad thing for him. “You know how we talked about that feeling you get sometimes in your stomach? Like, hot and nervous?”</p><p>“Yeah…,” Will wasn’t sure if he imagined it, but he thought El's voice sounded a little breathy.</p><p>“Okay, so remember, that was called arousal? It means that you want to have sex.  And when that happens to guys, that’s when they get an erection.”</p><p>“Right, and the erection means their body is ready to have sex.”</p><p>“Yeah, and when that happens and there isn’t anyone to have sex with, they can get rid of the erection if they use their hand instead.”</p><p>“So, the only way to get rid of an erection is to have sex or use your hand!?”</p><p>“Well, they can go away by themselves, but that can take awhile, especially if you’re really horny.” Will bit his tongue, not meaning to let that slip. Maybe not being able to see El was making this conversation a little<em> too </em>easy.</p><p>“Really...<em> horny</em>?”</p><p>“I really need to stop while I’m ahead," Will sighed, trying to think of a way to back out of the hole he just kept digging deeper. "But you’re going to hear people talk about it at school, so...horny is just a word that means...that you really feel like having sex. Like you feel like you <em> need </em>it, because you feel aroused all the time.”</p><p>“Oh...so, like...the people in <em> Fast Times at Ridgemont High </em> were all ‘really horny.’”</p><p>“Yeah, absolutely. Total horn dogs.”</p><p>“Horn dogs?”</p><p>“Horny people.”</p><p>“Okay, and mastur-bating helps when you're really horny, to make the... arousal... go away?”</p><p>“Right, you got it!” El sat back against Will, happy that she pieced it all together.</p><p>“Do all boys masturbate?”</p><p>“Yeah, pretty sure they do.” Will snapped his mouth shut. <em> Please do not ask me if I masturbate. Or how often. Or what I think about. </em></p><p>“Do... girls do it too? To get rid of the horny?” Will’s jaw dropped back open. <em> Holy shit, that was NOT the question I was expecting. </em></p><p>“Uh...yeah?” <em> Play it cool Will. It’s totally normal for you to talk to your hot sister about playing with herself. </em>“I’m mean, yeah, sure. Everybody does it.”</p><p>“And girls use their hand too?” The coil in El’s center felt ready to snap. If there was something she could do to relieve this insistent <em> pull</em>, she wanted to try it.</p><p>“Sure! I mean, I don’t know all the details because...I, uh… don’t have that <em> equipment </em> ... down there.  But, uh...I think there was something about it in those books.” <em> But maybe I better find out for myself, just in case, </em>Will thought.</p><p>“Oh...okay, I’ll look it up.” <em> Wait, what? </em> Will’s inner monologue went wild. <em> Did El just admit that she’s going to look up how to masturbate? Does that mean she’s horny?! </em></p><p>“So...do you...um...are you... I mean…” </p><p>“Will!”</p><p>“Yes, El?” Will rasped.</p><p>“Listen...the sirens have stopped!”</p><p>“Oh... Yeah...Yeah! You’re right! I guess we can go back upstairs where there’s more light.” At least he hadn’t actually gotten that last question out. He <em> really </em> wanted to know why El needed to look up how to masturbate (<em>and maybe suggest they look it up together so he could find out too)</em>, but that was probably crossing a line. They both stood up and Will began climbing out of the tub when El took his hand and pulled him back toward her.</p><p>“Wait! I want to try something before we do.” </p><p>Will swallowed. “You...you do?”</p><p>“Yes, don’t you?” She gripped his other hand, excitedly.</p><p>“Uh...yeah...yeah…I do.” Will began to slowly lean in toward the sound of El’s voice…</p><p>“Okay! Go across the room and do something I won’t be able to guess, and I’ll stay in here. And no socks this time -- I already know that one! It’s so dark in here, and the wind noise is still loud enough, I think it might work. If not, do you think Jonathan would mind if we use his tub down here in the dark?”</p><p>“Oh!” Will stood back up straight. “Oh, yeah, okay, the Void.” His hope dashed, Will was at least thankful his lips hadn’t made contact.</p><p>“Yeah, the Void. What did you think I meant? I’ve been thinking we might die for the last half hour. If your theory is right, then there’s no better time to try.”</p><p>“No... I... knew what you meant. Okay, just...just let me know when you want to start.” Will left the bathroom. He tried to click on the flashlight, but the batteries had finally died. He felt his way across the room to the other side of Jonathan’s bed, bumping into the workout equipment and mentally kicking himself the whole way for getting his hopes up. <em>Even if she IS</em> <em> feeling horny, it doesn’t mean it has anything to do with you. Get a grip. </em></p><p>“Okay, ready!”  In what felt like seconds, El let out a “Whoop!" and came out of the bathroom, feeling her way across the darkness. “Really Will, you stood on one leg and stuck out your tongue? You look ridiculous! BUT...I could see you PERFECTLY! Like you were standing right in front of me with a spotlight shining down!”</p><p>“Well, I needed to do something that didn’t make noise, and I can’t see anything in here, so it was the first thing I could come up with.” He tried to make himself sound happy for her success, because he really was, he just hadn’t yet shook off his own disappointment.  They found each other in the unlit room by the couch, and El threw her arms around Will. He squeezed her back, hanging on just a bit longer than necessary, reveling in the feel of her body against his.</p><p>El pulled out of his arms. “I think I want to try going further while I know it's working, just in case it runs out again. I’m going to look for Mike, since I know right where to look for him too.” <em> Of course she is, </em>Will thought, further souring his mood.</p><p>El sat down on the sofa and pulled him down to sit next to her. “Okay, be quiet so I can concentrate.”</p><p>Will did as he was told, and sat quietly as he imagined El mooning over Mike in the Void. He was probably pouring out his love to her in a letter, or song, and she would be swooning at how romantic he was.</p><p>El took in a long deep breath through her nose, cleared her throat and sniffed. “Okay...yeah, okay, I did it! I found him!” she said in a rushed voice. “He was blurry like you were the last time, but I found him!” He noticed El’s voice getting a little shrill at the end.</p><p>“That’s really great El. Maybe now you can go see him whenever you want,” Will said with a little too much forced enthusiasm.  “But, that was really fast. What was ole’ Mikey boy up to tonight?”</p><p>“Uh...nothing...nothing much. Just...watching TV. With…with Holly. He was...just...sitting there. So, you know, didn’t want to use up all my ‘battery.’ Thought I would keep it quick and...I’ll try again tomorrow.” </p><p>“O-kay. El, are you sure everything is all ri-”</p><p>The high-pitch <em> bbrrrriiiinggg </em>of the phone cut Will off, and El followed the sound to Jonathan’s phone. “Hello? Hi, Joyce, are you guys okay?!.....Yes, yes, we’re fine. We heard the sirens so we stayed in the basement, but we didn’t hear anything loud enough to sound like a tornado…Okay, okay sure. You guys be careful. See you soon.”</p><p>“The weatherman put out the all clear, so Joyce and Jonathan are on their way home.” The sound of the heater kicking on and the beeping of Jonathan’s alarm clock alerted them to the power coming back on.</p><p>Will reached over and turned on a lamp. “Power’s back.”</p><p>“Oh, thank goodness!” Will thought he saw El wiping at her eyes before she turned toward the stairs.  “Are you going to wait up for them to get home?” Will nodded, folding up the afghan as he followed behind.</p><p>“Do you mind if I head to bed? Going into the Void kind of wiped me out. Plus... I...wanted to do a little… reading... before I go to sleep,” she said, her cheeks tinting.</p><p>“Oh, uh, yeah. Sure. That’s fine. They should be home soon.”</p><p>“Thanks. Good night, Will,” she said with a shy smile, and raced up the stairs.</p><p>“‘Night El.” Will stood alone at the bottom of the stairs, more unsure than ever if he should take the first step.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Broken</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"Broken" by Tears for Fears: <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7uDm5Fv2WhkpXTWUIdKH4F?si=qmpc8kkZRYmrRK3cB1Evew">Listen Here</a></p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm SO sorry this took so long to post. I just couldn't get this chapter to come together, plus work got really busy and several family issues this week just didn't leave my head in the right place!  </p><p>One more connecting chapter to come before 2 more that are already written, so expect a few more chapters this week.  </p><p>Also, for those who've been following along, I had to make a timeline edit. I mentioned an upcoming Halloween party in the last chapter originally, because I was trying to move the timeline along a little faster, but that was TOO fast. So, please ignore that. (Still a party to come, but just a holiday party, not Halloween!).  It's the first week of November, 1985...Halloween was last week!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Hello?” </p><p>“Hi, Mike.”</p><p>“Hey, El! I was hoping it might be you!” El could hear the smile in Mike’s voice, and she could picture him standing at the phone on the wall at the bottom of the basement stairs. Her suspicion was confirmed when she heard the sound of the old couch springs and the “umph,” as he plopped down to sit.</p><p>“What are you doing in the basement?”</p><p>“Just starting to work on a new campaign. Wait...how did you know I was in the basement?”</p><p>“Just a guess. That’s where you usually are, right?”</p><p>“Uh, yeah...I guess so.  So, what are you up to today?”</p><p>“Nothing much. Need to read a few more chapters of <em> Jane Eyre </em>later, but I don’t feel like it yet.  Do you get a lot of homework on the weekend?” El was dangling the hook, hoping he took the bait.</p><p>“Not too much usually , but I wanted to finish my history project this weekend. It’s due on Wednesday.  Got that done yesterday, so I’m free today. I’ll finally have some free time to work on the campaign.”</p><p>“Oh, yeah...the history project? Was that the one you had to do with a partner?” El hoped she was pulling off casual curiosity in her tone.</p><p>“Yeah, Paige. She’s pretty cool. She came over yesterday and we got it wrapped up last night, just before the storms started. Did you guys get that bad weather? It was really freaky!”</p><p>“Oh yeah, it was really bad here. The tornado sirens went off and everything. Joyce and Jonathan got stuck at the mall, the power went out and me and Will had to wait it out in Jonathan's bathtub in the basement. It was really scary.” </p><p>“Oh no! Are you guys okay?! Was there a tornado?”</p><p>“Yeah, we’re fine. There wasn’t one at our house. But the news this morning said one touched down near our school, and that’s not too far away.”</p><p>“Oh wow, that <em> does </em> sound scary. Are you sure you’re okay?”</p><p>“Yeah, we’re fine <em> now </em>. Just a scary night. I think I would have rather been working on a history project!” </p><p>“Ugh, no, you wouldn’t have...believe me! It was a bitch. It helped to have a good partner, but I’ll be happy if I never have to do something like that again!”</p><p>“Oh? So...uh...are you and Paige...friends, now?” This is why El called Mike in the first place. When she saw Mike in the Void the night before, he hadn’t been watching TV with Holly like she’d told Will. He’d been working on his project with Paige. But they weren’t <em>jus</em>t working on the project. They were sitting alone at the table in Mike’s basement, the pretty brunette wearing a tight pink v-neck sweater.</p><p>
  <em> “I can tell you’d be really great at it, Mike,” Paige had said with a coy smile. She reached across the table and took his hand. “C’mon, I can tell you want it too, you just don’t want to admit it. I’d really love to have you under me.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> Mike’s face had gone three shades of red, and El noticed he didn’t pull his hand back immediately.  “I don’t know, Paige. I’m... flattered that you would want me...but...it’s...kind of a big deal. I’ve already told you...I don’t know if I’m...if I’m ready for that.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “Okay, well, I really wish you would think about doing it with me. Promise me you’ll consider it?” she smiled hopefully, giving Mike’s hand another affectionate squeeze before letting go. </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “O-okay. I promise.”  </em>
</p><p>And that was all El could stand to watch before she had shut down the connection. But now, she wanted some answers.</p><p>“Yeah...I guess so? She’s <em> really </em> smart, like, she makes <em> me </em> feel stupid sometimes. That really annoyed me at first, but she wasn’t so bad once I got to know her better. And it worked out in my favor for the project too. I’m sure we’ll get an A.”</p><p>“So...you’ve been...spending a lot of time together?”</p><p>“Just to work on the project. But we have like, four classes together and we both sit with all the GT kids at lunch. So I guess I see her a lot, but we don’t like, hang out or anything.”</p><p>El didn’t respond, wondering if Mike was telling her the truth. It didn’t add up with what she saw last night. Max’s words echoed in her mind. <em> BOYfriends lie. All. The. Time. </em></p><p>Never one to let a silence go unfilled, Mike rambled on. “She thinks I should run for student council. She’s running for president of the Freshman class, and she’s been bugging me to run for vice president. She wants to make sure the people that would serve under her are smart and think like her, so she’s been recruiting. She wants Dustin too. Guess she thinks I’m smart, because she won’t leave me alone about it!”</p><p>“Oh! Student council?!” Relief flooded through El, washing away the worry that had been eating at her since the night before. Although, she still didn’t like the way Paige had smiled at Mike and touched his hand. “My friend Amy was thinking about running too.”</p><p>“Oh yeah? It’s a huge time commitment. You have to campaign, and then the whole class votes. And then there's all sorts of activities you have to plan and lead. Dustin’s going to run for Treasurer, but, I don’t know. I’m thinking about it. I probably wouldn’t win anyway. Those things are just a big popularity contest.” </p><p>“Mike, don’t think like that! You won’t know until you try, right? I think you should do it!” </p><p>“Yeah?! I don’t know...maybe.” Mike went quiet, trying to think of something to say to continue the conversation. It was getting harder and harder to keep their conversations going without any shared experiences. They both seemed to be having trouble lately thinking of things they thought the other might find interesting. “Did you guys dress up for Halloween?”</p><p>“Yes! Will and I were ghosts! We just cut holes for our eyes in old sheets. Will didn’t want anyone to see us, because he said we’re too old for trick or treating, but he thought I should get to go at least once. We got SO much candy -- I can’t believe people just give it to you when you knock on their door!”</p><p>“Oh, that’s great," Mike said flatly. "I’m...glad you got to do that. l just stayed home and handed out candy while mom took Holly out...” his voice trailed off.</p><p>“I’m sorry Mike, that doesn’t sound like much fun…”</p><p>“It’s not that. It was fine. I’ve had plenty of Halloweens, and after last year...I’m kind of over it...It’s just...never mind, it’s stupid.”</p><p>“What is it Mike? I can tell something is bothering you.  Just tell me...please?”</p><p>“I just...I <em> hate </em> it that <em> we </em> can’t be doing this kind of stuff together, El!  I thought <em> I’d </em> get to take you trick or treating this year.” He laughed humorlessly. “I even had it all planned out … I thought we would all go as <em>Star Wars</em> characters. I was going to be Han Solo, you were going to be Princess Leia and Will could have been Luke Skywalker. It was going to be perfect.”  El could hear the resentment in Mike’s voice, and she heard a loud <em> thud </em> on his side of the phone. </p><p>“What was that?”</p><p>“Nothing..."</p><p>"Miiiike? I heard something, what did you do?"</p><p>"I just...kicked the table,” he grumbled.</p><p>“Mike! Don’t hurt yourself!” El didn't understand where Mike's attitude was coming from. Was he mad at her again?</p><p>“I didn’t...I’m fine, El,” Mike sulked.</p><p>“I’m really sorry too that we can’t do these things together, but we’ll see each other soon right? It’s only three weeks until Thanksgiving!” she tried to reassure him, but the huff she heard him make told her it hadn’t helped.</p><p>“I know. I just...<em> really </em> miss you. I...didn’t realize this was going to be so... <em> hard. </em> I thought... <em> ” </em> Mike’s voice caught, and El heard a sniffle. “I thought that we’d talk on the walkies every day...and that maybe we’d see each other on the weekends sometimes. I didn’t realize everyone was always going to be so <em> busy </em>. And...I guess...I guess I just feel like...like I keep letting you down.”</p><p>“What do you mean, Mike? You haven’t let me down at all.”</p><p>“Yeah...yeah I have. No matter what I try to do, it just doesn’t seem to make any difference! I couldn’t save you from the demogorgan, I didn’t look hard enough when Hop was hiding you all that time--even though I <em> knew </em> you were out there somewhere!"</p><p>"But Mike, you cou-" But Mike was on a roll and cut El off.</p><p>"I couldn’t protect you from the Mind Flayer, I couldn’t make you happy again this summer, and...and I couldn’t convince Ms. Byers not to move away!”</p><p>“But Mike, those weren’t really things you could control. You can’t blame yourself for any of that!” El heard Mike huff again, and she could feel him rolling his eyes even through the phone line.  “And you <em> did </em> make me happier this summer. But, there was only so happy I could be after something like that. But if it wasn't for you, I would have felt <em> a lot </em> worse!”</p><p>“But I <em> tried </em> El...I tried <em>so </em> hard. I did <em> everything </em> I could think of, and it just didn’t help! Nothing I do matters! I’m just not...not <em> good enough </em> for you El,” Mike sobbed into the phone.</p><p>“Mike Wheeler don’t you <em> say </em> that! Don’t even <em> think </em> that.” Now El was crying, as her heart broke for the boy on the other side of the phone. “You are <em> so </em> good. You are the bravest person I know, and if it weren’t for you taking me home when you found me, the bad men would have found me for sure and taken me back to the lab. And...and then you convinced the guys to help me, <em> and </em> to keep looking for Will. You have such a big heart, you’d do <em> anything </em>for your friends, and you’ve put your own life in danger for them, and me, over and over. How could you think that’s not good enough?!”</p><p>“Yeah...but did any of it really <em> matter, </em>in the end? All the flayed...and Hop...they all died anyway! And you and Will...are both gone. I’m sorry. I gotta go, El. I’ll call you in a few days. Tell Will I said hi.” And the line went dead.</p><p>El dropped the phone receiver to her chest, tears streaming down her face. She felt so helpless, not sure how Mike could be thinking all of those things about himself, and not sure what she could do to convince him none of it mattered. They killed the <em> Mindflayer</em>! They saved Hawkins, and maybe even the world, and he didn’t think that was <em> enough?!  </em>The angry warning tones of the phone being off the hook forced El to get up from her floor and return the phone to its cradle in the living room. </p><p>She wanted to try to check on Mike, so El rushed back to her room and switched on her radio, grabbed a scarf and quickly wrapped it over her eyes. Within seconds she was in the Void, but her power must have weakened again, as she could only make out a dim, blurry scene. She could see enough to tell that Mike was with Nancy. She could still hear him crying, and Nancy’s comforting murmurs...and it looked like she was hugging him...and then the vision faded away, and El found herself back in her own room. </p><p>It made El feel a bit better that Mike’s sister was taking care of him, but she still didn’t know what else <em>she</em> could do to convince him everything he said was so wrong. She decided it was time for a professional opinion, and resolved she would talk to Dr. Mathews about him in their session the next day, and ask him what she could do to try to help Mike.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Later that evening, El knocked on Will’s door. She hadn’t seen him all day, which was a little strange. Even if they weren’t doing anything together, she usually at least passed him in the kitchen or living room, but he seemed to have been in his room alone most of the day.</p><p>“Come in.”</p><p>El opened the door and just poked her head in. “Hey, everything okay? Haven’t seen you at all today.” </p><p>Will sat on his bed, leaning against the wall, pencil steadily moving across the sketch journal propped on his knee. “Yeah, just working on some stuff.” He nodded toward the journal, but didn’t pause the task at hand.</p><p>“Can I see it?” El hadn’t seen any of his sketches recently, and she was always fascinated at how his hand could bring to life what his imagination created. </p><p>He paused a moment, contemplating her request. “Not yet. I’m...not sure where it’s really going yet. Maybe I’ll show you when I figure it out.” </p><p>“Oh, okay. I was just wondering if you wanted to read some <em> Jane Eyre? </em>I was hoping to finish those two chapters that're due tomorrow.” </p><p>“I guess I can take a break. You can come in.” Will closed his journal and slid it across the bed near his pillow.  “Let me just go pee real quick and we can get started.”</p><p>He climbed off his bed and left the room.  El glanced at the journal. <em> Just one tiny peek couldn’t hurt… </em> She flipped open the cover and thumbed through the pages. Many of the first drawings were dark and threatening, some actual depictions of the Upside Down and the monsters from within, some just abstract images, but all radiated fear and sadness. </p><p>As she flipped deeper through the journal, she started catching glimpses of lighter, more organic shapes. Smooth curves and lines, eyes, mouths, subtle lines that looked like the beginnings of the human form. She wondered if these might be practice for something he was doing in art class. El heard the toilet flush and she quickly shut the journal and sat down on the floor, leaning against the side of Will’s bed. She was glad to see his sketches were moving beyond the darkness and into more natural and pleasant images<em>. </em></p><p>“Did you call Mike earlier?” Will asked as he came back into the room. “I thought I heard you on the phone.” He picked up his copy of <em> Jane Eyre </em>from his desk and mimicked El’s position on the floor, sitting shoulder to shoulder against the bed.</p><p>“Yeah...but he, uh... didn’t really have time to talk.  He said to tell you ‘hi.’” El wasn’t exactly sure why she didn’t want to tell Will about their conversation. It just felt too...<em> personal… </em> and that Mike might be embarrassed if she told him. She wanted to talk to Dr. Mathews first, and see what he thought Will knowing about could help.</p><p>“I hope you don’t mind, but I read ahead. I thought it would be a little easier to explain what’s going on if I already know what’s going to happen.”  </p><p>El shrugged, “Okay. Thank you again for reading this with me, Will. I couldn’t do it without you.”</p><p>A small, bashful smile crossed Will's face. He just shrugged, and opened the book to begin reading. El loved the sound of Will’s voice, especially the way he read with such feeling, capturing the emotion behind each character’s words. It really did help El understand what was going on. When she read it herself, it just became a jumbled mess of unfamiliar words.</p><p>Chapter 23 finally had Rochester declaring his love for Jane, but not without skepticism from the proud and strong-willed protagonist, especially since he was 1) <em> technically </em>married to another woman 2) thought to be about to propose to another woman who was currently visiting the house with her family and 3) only seemed to feel compelled to confess his feelings when he was afraid Jane was going to abandon him and leave for Ireland.</p><p>“<em>I am no bird; and no net ensnares me; I am a free human being with an independent will, which I now exert to leave you,’"  </em>Will read with indignation. “<em>Another effort set me at liberty, and I stood erect before him.”  </em></p><p>Will shifted to his deeper, Rochester voice, “<em><strong>And your will shall decide your destiny</strong>," he said: "I offer you my hand, my heart, and a share of all my possessions."</em></p><p>“Is he asking her to marry him?!” El asked in disbelief. Did men’s hearts really change so quickly?</p><p>“Yeah...just wait!” Will continued the story, and the whole proposal was just so strange to El. Rochester almost seemed to insult Jane as he begged her to marry him, sounding more and more miserable about the whole idea.</p><p>“Is this supposed to be romantic? Because he just called her strange, plain <em> and </em> poor! What does it matter if she’s poor? If they really loved each other, that sort of thing wouldn’t matter!”</p><p>“Well, that’s the point he’s trying to make. It mattered back then. This would have been a big scandal when this book was written. It would have been super dramatic, like those soap operas you watch,” Will explained. “He was rich, so he was supposed to marry someone else who had money, and power. And she was just a poor orphan. He’s trying to say that none of that matters to him and that he wants to marry her anyway.”</p><p>“So, what -- she doesn’t think she’s good enough for him?!” El’s brow furrowed. “What should any of that stuff matter if he loves her?”</p><p>“I guess she doesn’t believe him.”</p><p>“Well, he's saying it. Over and over. And he shows it too, she’s...just ...too...stubborn to listen!” El slapped the floor with her hand in frustration.</p><p>“Geez, El. It’s just an old book. I didn’t know you were so into it.” Will was surprised at El’s emotional outburst.  “But, yeah, that’s the point of most of the book. She’s proud and stubborn, but it’s what makes her strong, particularly when this was written in the mid-1800s.”</p><p>“I think it makes her stupid. I don’t understand pride.”</p><p>“Yeah. I don’t really either. Some people just can’t get over themselves. But, just wait until the next chapter…” Will winked knowingly.</p><p>“How far ahead did you read?!”</p><p>“Not too far, just a couple of chapters.” Will continued reading until the end of the chapter, then turned to El. “So, do you want to keep going and get ahead?”</p><p>El shook her head. “That’s enough. This language in this book <em> still </em> makes my head hurt.” El dropped her head back onto Will’s bed and rubbed at her temples. “And what was with all the ‘ejaculating?’  Isn’t that when a guy-”</p><p>“Uh, yeah...yeah, that’s <em> one </em> meaning,” Will interrupted, really not up for one of <em> those </em> conversations at the moment. “But, here, they’re using a different meaning of the word, like ‘exclaimed’ or ‘yelled.’”</p><p>“Huh. That’s different. Is that because you yell when you ejaculate?”</p><p>El saw Will’s eyes go wide and cheeks pink as he stuttered, “El! Wha-...I..di-...didn’t...uh...”</p><p>She quickly realized the error of her words. “Oh, NO! No, Will -- I didn’t mean when <em> you</em>, specifically, ejac-... I just meant...you know...when <em> any </em> guy does. I didn’t...I don’t…” El shook her head wildly.  </p><p>“Oh...uh...okay.  I just thought...maybe...uh, never...never mind.” Will’s still felt squirmy, but was somewhat reassured that El hadn’t somehow seen...or maybe just <em> heard </em> ...some of his more <em> private </em> moments.</p><p>“Yeah...well, uh, thanks for reading to me Will. I think...I’ll just...go…” El gestured to the door and began to stand.</p><p>Will nodded, still a bit stunned at how their conversation had somehow ended up in sexual territory yet again. “Yeah, o-okay. See ya.”</p><p>Back in her own room, El switched on her black lights, hit the button on her stereo’s cassette player and curled up in her papasan chair. The haunting voices of Tears for Fears’ Curt Smith and Roland Orzabal filled the air as El tried to sort through the jumble of emotions warring inside.</p><p>Before she asked Will to read to her, El had finally stopped obsessively replaying the conversation with Mike in her head, but now that scene from the book brought it all back to the front of her mind. </p><p>Mike’s the one who taught her that friends don’t lie. So why didn’t he believe her when she told him that she loved him? Weren’t you supposed to trust the people who loved you? It made her sad and angry at the same time.</p><p><em> And I find it kind of funny </em> <em><br/>
</em> <em> I find it kind of sad </em> <em><br/>
</em> <em> The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had </em> <em><br/>
</em> <em> I find it hard to tell you 'cause I find it hard to take </em> <em><br/>
</em> <em> When people run in circles it's a very, very </em> <em><br/>
</em> <em> Mad world </em> <em><br/>
</em> <em> Mad world </em></p><p>Tears for Fears sang on, El agreeing it was definitely a mad world.  Mike certainly seemed to be going mad, and it was driving her crazy as well!  And then there was this constant feeling of restlessness she had, a steady hum of energy--not unlike the way her powers used to feel--that had been slowly driving <em> her </em> mad.  </p><p>Although her curiosity had been peaked after her tub conversation with Will, seeing Mike in the Void with that girl last night had doused the flames that had been building earlier in the evening. She hadn’t felt like reading through those puberty books by the time she went to bed, but now she was just so confused about how she could run so hot one minute and cold the next...maybe the books held some answers.</p><p>El retrieved <em> What’s Happening to Me?  </em>from where she had tucked it away in the drawer of her nightstand, and switched on her bedside lamp. She opened the cover and flipped through the pages to find where she’d left off, pausing again at the boys’ development chart. It still seemed so weird to El that boys had all that extra <em> stuff </em> down there.</p><p>The Party were the first boys she ever knew around her age. But she’d never noticed any of their pants being shaped funny or anything pushing out like the silly cartoon pictures in the book. Maybe erections didn’t happen very often. El felt her stomach quiver reflexively as she remembered how Will was trying to cover up his lap when they were watching the couple having sex in the movie last night. </p><p>So, she had evidence that at least <em> Will </em> gets erections. And then the way he got so flustered when they were reading. El knew the people in movies made noises when they had sex -- but she didn’t think Will had sex, so she wasn’t sure why he got so embarrassed by what she said. Then she recalled his words from the night before: “<em>when there isn’t anyone to have sex with, they can get rid of the erection if they use their hand instead.” </em></p><p><em> Oooohhhh... Will thought I heard him masturbating! </em> As this realization uncurled in El’s mind, so did a slow heat that traveled from the quiver that had begun in her stomach to a pulsing spot between her legs that made her clench her thighs together. Will’s face appeared unbidden in her mind -- eyes closed, brow slightly furrowed in concentration, lips parted in a slight smile, head tilted back in pleasure  -- just like the guy who got caught masturbating in the movie. The movie made it seem like it was supposed to be funny, but that building heat in El’s gut disagreed.</p><p>She still wasn’t sure how it worked though, and her confusion disrupted the image playing out in her mind as she couldn’t complete the picture. Did he squeeze it? Or, rub it? How did he make his hand feel like sex? El turned back to the book for answers, and was pleased to find some on the last pages. It said boys could rub their penis until they had an orgasm, and that it felt very good and released all of the sexual tension that had built up. And it said girls could do it too, by rubbing their clitoris.  </p><p>Well, El wasn’t sure what a clitoris was, but if there was something she could do to help settle that nervous fluttery feeling that seemed to attack her center whenever anything about sex was shown or mentioned (which seemed to be a lot lately), then she wanted to try it. She flipped through the last few pages in the book to see if it had any more details about where her clitoris was, but only found out that boys sometimes had wet dreams that made them orgasm in their sleep. She thought that must be weird, but at least they got some relief from these feelings when they needed it!</p><p>She placed the book back in the drawer, laid back on her bed and reached out to switch off the lamp, plunging the room back into the purple shadow of blacklight. A sudden nervous energy flowed through El’s limbs, sending an electric tingling down to the tips of her fingers and toes, and making her nipples tighten.  She lifted her hips and slid her pants and panties down her legs, her fingers sparking against her oversensitive skin all the way down. </p><p>Reaching out with a tentative finger, El suddenly felt very self-conscious, despite being alone in the darkened room. But the book even said some people felt like that, and that there was absolutely nothing wrong with making yourself feel good. She took a deep, determined breath, and slid her pointer finger into her hot, slick folds. </p><p>El was surprised at the heat, and with how wet and slippery everything was. It felt a lot like the inside of her cheek. <em> I guess that’s why boys like to be inside a girl’s mouth too, </em>she thought. El continued to explore what felt like different layers of flesh, creating pleasant sensations that were making her insides twitch and jump, building those jittery feelings even stronger.</p><p>Sliding her finger further down, El finally felt an opening. <em> Okay, so, since that’s where the penis goes, the clitoris must be in there somewhere. </em>But once inside, she found the feeling of her finger was a little underwhelming. She felt around for this magic clitoris, but wasn’t really finding a “special spot” like the book mentioned. </p><p>El realized the nice feelings she had at first were starting to fade, and that she had started counting the glow-in-the-dark stars on her ceiling as she went through the motions. She closed her eyes and tried to think about the things that made that coil tighten in her core, like the more graphic scenes from <em> Flowers in the Attic, </em>or the sex scenes from the film the night before. It also made her think of Will, and how the movie seemed to have made him feel the same way it did her.  </p><p><em> So, if Will masturbates, I wonder what he thinks about? Will he think about the people having sex in the movie too? Or maybe the thinks about himself having sex with the actresses. Or maybe girls from school? Did he need to do it last night to make his erection go away? </em>The thought of Will lying in his bed on just the other side of the wall, doing the same thing at the same time she was sent a thrill down El’s center. She felt a new rush of wetness flow around her finger as she pumped her hand faster and faster, imagining Will doing the same to himself with his own hand. </p><p>El’s core was on fire, her low whimpering drowned out by the uptempo beat of Tears for Fears’ filling the room. Although the sensations she was creating for herself felt very good, it was more like scratching a horrible itch than building to the release she’d been promised. It actually seemed to be making the problem worse! She continued her ministrations until her hand began to cramp and her forearm began to ache. She switched hands, but just couldn’t get the same rhythm down with her left hand. </p><p>Exasperated, El finally gave up, snatching up her panties and angrily pulling them back up her legs. <em> What’s wrong with me?! My powers are busted, and now this? Am I just broken somehow? </em>Tears of frustration leaked from the corners of her eyes as she heard Orzabal’s voice begin to mock:</p><p><em> Between the searching and the need to work it out<br/>
</em> <em> I stop believing everything will be alright<br/>
</em> <em> Broken<br/>
We are broken</em></p><p>El tore off her covers and marched across the room, punching the power button on her stereo to shut off the sting of the lyrics. With a turn of the wheel on the blacklight switch, El threw the room into blackness and burrowed back into her bed to try to put an end to this terrible day.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Hours later, El tossed in her sleep as her night turned out to be as frustrating as her day. She awakened in a cold, dark space, a hard wooden platform beneath her.  She stood and reached out around her to discover her surroundings, finding nothing but damp, cool stone in all directions. As the bile rose in her throat in panic, El realized the dark was turning to gray, and she was soon thrust into an icy brightness, blinding in its intensity.  </p><p>A frigid wind bit into her skin, and El looked down to see she was in the same t-shirt and panties she fell asleep in. <em> Why am I out here without more clothes?  </em>Confused and shuddering from the cold, a metallic ‘<em>chink’ </em> made its way to her ears through the clacking of her teeth, followed by several more in an uneven pattern, and the sound of men’s voices yelling to one another over the howling gusts.  She staggered forward toward the noise, the crunch of snow burning into the soles of her bare feet with each step.</p><p>Before she reached her destination, with only faint shadows of movement barely visible in the distance through the sheets of falling snow, El was startled by a loud shout to her left. Unable to see over the thick drifts, El paused and turned toward the direction of the distressed sound.  Although her mind willed her to keep heading along her original path through the snow, another cry broke through her reverie.  As she turned her eyes toward where it originated, the white surrounding her began to darken into black, and for just a moment, El thought she felt water under her feet before her eyes snapped open to the darkness of her own room.</p><p>El lay shivering in the center of her bed, facing the wall.  She was chilled to the bone, and realized her covers had been thrown to the floor. <em> No wonder I’m so cold</em>, she thought as she reached down to pull her sheet and blanket back onto the bed and over her body.  She turned over, the memory of her dream like wisps at the edges of her mind, and then she heard another shout from the other side of the wall.</p><p>El jumped from bed and ran to Will’s room, instantly recognizing the sound of a night terror. The morning would mark the two-year anniversary of his abduction to the Upside Down, so it was no wonder his dreams were particularly plagued tonight. El regrettably realized she had let her own self pity distract her from being there for him; she should have offered to sleep with him at bedtime instead of making him face his fears alone on this, of all nights. </p><p>Stealing into his room and quietly closing the door behind her, El rushed to Will’s bed and grabbed his shoulders, gently shaking him to try to wake him from the nightmare without frightening him further. “Will, wake up, it’s El. It’s just a dream. Wake up, I’m here!”</p><p>Will’s head thrashed from side to side as El continued to shake him, and gently patted his cheek before his eyes snapped open, filled with tears. “El!” he cried, not yet realizing he was awake.</p><p>“I’m here, you’re okay. It’s just a dream, you’re safe. I’m here,” El continued to repeat, sliding her hand across his forehead to push back his sweat-dampened hair. Will’s wild eyes finally focused and he threw his arms around El, crushing her to him. </p><p>El lost her balance at the unexpected force behind his embrace, tumbling forward into the bed, her arms trapped awkwardly between her and Will, legs alongside his in the bed. She started to wiggle away, when she realized Will was quietly sobbing into her hair.  She relaxed into his terrified grip, and gently freed her left arm to slide under his shoulder and hold him as he cried.</p><p>“Shhhh…shhhh...you’re okay, Will. It was just a dream. You’re awake now. You’re here in South Bend, with me, far away from Hawkins and all that bad stuff in the past,” El squeezed Will’s shoulder, feeling more sure than ever that their move was the right thing for Will. She couldn’t imagine how much worse this would be if they were still in Hawkins.  </p><p>Will’s sobs began to space, but he still hadn’t loosened his hold on El, and had even begun to rock her just a bit as he worked to calm himself.  His tears soon stopped, but he continued to rock El through shuddering breaths.</p><p>El finally freed her right arm that had been cramped between their chests, and tried to push up on both elbows so she could see Will’s face.  He resisted for a moment, still holding her tight to him, but finally relented. He kept his arms wrapped loosely around her shoulders.</p><p>“Hey, you’re okay,” El looked upon Will’s shattered face, eyes and lips swollen, face glistening from tears that shimmered in the moonlight from his bedroom window.  She wiped them away with her thumb as Will closed his eyes and gave a small nod. “Do you want to talk about it? This one seemed...different.” </p><p>Will didn’t open his eyes.  He took a deep, shaky breath.  “Yeah...yeah, it was.” His hands squeezed El’s shoulders.  “It was...it...started out a lot like the others.  The demo-...it was chasing me, I was trapped in the sh-shed,” Will’s breath hitched.</p><p>El rubbed circles on Will's shoulder with her thumb. “It’s okay, if it’s too hard tell me, you don't have to…”</p><p>“No, I...I need to. It does...help. Just, just like Dr. Mathews says. Just...give me a second.” Will concentrated on breathing. El’s wiped away another tear that sneaked out of the corner of Will’s eye. “Uh, then...uh...somehow, we were <em> here</em>. In South B-bend.  Where we’re s-supposed to be <em> s-safe.” </em>Another small sob stole Will’s breath.</p><p>“And...I...was in the basement...exercising.  And...the vines...they started growing...and it got dark and turned into...and then I heard it scream from up here. I ran up the stairs and it...it had torn through the wall in...in <em> your </em> room. It was after you!” A full sob tore from Will again. </p><p>“And you...you were trying...trying to use your powers. But..but…” Will shook his head, because she had no powers.  El felt a tear stream down her own cheek.  “And, I jumped on it’s back. I was hitting it...and, pulling on its stinking, slimy skin...trying to get it off you. Screaming at it to take me! To leave you and take me, but it wasn’t working! I wasn’t strong enough, and it took you!! It took YOU! And you were screaming for me to help you, but I couldn't. I’m sorry, El, I’m SO sorry I couldn’t protect you. I wasn’t strong enough…” Will broke down again, turning his head away in shame at his admission.</p><p>“No...no, Will. No...don’t feel bad.” El sniffled, trying her hardest not to break down and stay strong for Will. “I’m fine, it was just a dream! I’m here...and...and you fought back! You didn’t run! You fought it! Have you <em> ever </em> fought it before?”  Will shook his head, still turned away from her. “Then, can’t you see, Will? That’s <em> amazing</em>. That means you’re not as afraid as you used to be!”</p><p>Will shrugged. “I was plenty scared. I was just more afraid of losing you,” he whispered.  Will chanced a glance at El, and quickly looked away.  “I...I mean...it’s normally just coming after me...this was the first time it went after...someone else. So...you know...I guess I...had time to try to…” his voice trailed off, unsure of how to back out of his statement, or how El took it. He glanced at the clock. “It’s...really late. We should try to go back to sleep.”</p><p>“Do you want me to stay?” El asked, already knowing the answer. Will nodded sheepishly, looking a little more embarrassed than normal to admit he needed her.  El slid her torso off of Will’s and prepared to be the big spoon, as had become their routine after he had a nightmare.</p><p>But Will surprised her by turning to face El, reaching out to tuck her hair behind her ear, and bringing his forehead to hers. El felt her heart rate pick up as he brought his face so close, she could feel his breath ghost across her lips. He took a moment to just breath her in, then slid his hand to her cheek. “Thank you for helping me through this week, El,” he said with his eyes closed.</p><p>El nodded. “Of course,” she whispered, hopefully hiding the way her breath hitched. </p><p>“Goodnight, El.”  Apparently, Will wanted to sleep just like this, face to face, forehead to forehead, but El couldn’t stop looking at him.  Will was <em> right there</em>, and he seemed so...vulnerable. His brow still furrowed in worry, but his full mouth relaxed, lips slightly parted. The image she conjured earlier that evening of Will’s face as he pleasured himself flashed in her mind. </p><p><em> Oh, no…no, this will NOT work! </em>El thought to herself. “Goodnight Will,” she whispered, rolling over and assuming the position of the little spoon. Will slid his hand down her neck and shoulder, slipping it around her middle and pulling her close.  With as afraid as he was for her tonight, she couldn’t argue with him wanting to keep her close. She closed her eyes, and quickly drifted off into a blessedly dreamless sleep.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Give a little bit</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Give a Little Bit by Supertramp: <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7uDm5Fv2WhkpXTWUIdKH4F?si=qmpc8kkZRYmrRK3cB1Evew">Listen Here</a></p><p> </p><p>Give a little bit<br/>Give a little bit of your love to me<br/>Give a little bit<br/>I'll give a little bit of my love to you<br/>There's so much that we need to share</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> EH ... EH ... EH ... EH ... EH ... EH … </em>
</p><p>El slapped at Will’s alarm clock and hit the snooze button, silencing the horrendous noise for another seven minutes. The alarm clock was the worst part about sleeping in Will’s room. He didn’t wake up to music, so he had it set on that dreadful buzzer, and he could be such a heavy sleeper it <em> still </em> usually took two to three snoozes before he began to stir.</p><p>She settled back into the bed, trying to recall the dream that was quickly fading from the edges of her memory. She had that warm buzzy feeling all over, and she thought she remembered there being some kissing, but she couldn’t really remember if it was her doing the kissing, or if it was one of those dreams about other people, like watching a movie.</p><p>El was startled fully awake as Will’s hand suddenly twitched, his fingers brushing against her breast, sending a jolt straight to her core. She froze, trying to figure out if he was awake or still asleep. Given her dream-fueled arousal, she wasn’t quite sure which she wanted more.</p><p>Will’s body lay still behind her, his breathing slow and steady like she’d heard so many times before. <em> Definitely asleep</em>.  El had been so surprised, she wasn’t sure now if the zip of sensation she felt was actually from his touch, or just from the dream she’d been thinking about. El slowly shifted her body forward, nudging her now puckered nipple against Will’s lax fingers. Again, the sharp tickle swept from her nipple straight down to her girly bits.</p><p>While it was supposed to be okay to make yourself feel good, El was pretty sure it wasn’t okay to unknowingly use someone else’s body to do it, especially when they were unconscious. The heat of shame filled her face, yet she was still secretly excited by the feel of his hand on her sensitive tip. El shifted away from Will’s hand, scooting back a safe distance into the warmth of the bed.</p><p>As she settled in to await the next alarm, her movements must have disturbed Will. He snuggled up to El in his slumber and tucked his arm back around her stomach, returning them to the spoon position they fell asleep in the night before.</p><p>The only difference was that now, El felt something poking her uncomfortably in her left butt cheek. <em> What on Earth is in this bed? How is that not waking him up? </em>El thought, shifting her hips to try to dislodge whatever it was from between them.</p><p>At her movement, Will made a low grunting sound and pushed his hips closer to El’s, effectively tucking the offending item just between her cheeks. He rocked his hips forward once more with a satisfied hum, as understanding dawned within El.  She heard a gentle snore from behind her, confirming that Will was indeed still sound asleep.</p><p>As El had rushed into Will’s room last night on autopilot, his concern top of mind, she’d forgotten that she’d fallen asleep in just her shirt and underwear after her failed attempt at release.  Her thin cotton panties now provided little barrier between her backside and the very stiff appendage attempting to escape through Will’s pajama pants.</p><p>Well, there was <em> no way </em> she was falling back asleep now. El tried to shift her hips forward to make some space, but only succeeded in rubbing against his hard length. The motion was met with another gentle push from behind, and her nether regions clenched in response.  </p><p>El felt a nervous giggle bubbling up inside as she tried to figure out what to do. Will’s arm was tucked tightly around her waist, pinning her against his body. If she tried to get loose, she’d definitely wake him -- and then what? They’d have a laugh about how he’d been humping her in his sleep?! <em> He’d be SO embarrassed! Or, what if I woke him up just now, and he thought I was rubbing against him ON PURPOSE?! </em></p><p>As El searched for a safe exit strategy, the next alarm went off, and Will thankfully rolled over and tucked his head under his pillow to drown out the sound. El hit snooze again and made her escape, heading back to the solace of her own room before he could wake up and there could be any awkwardness between them. </p><p>Climbing back into her own bed, that now-familiar throb was swelling at the apex of El’s legs. Her body was humming with arousal as she thought about the little noises Will had made as he rubbed himself up against her. She never realized it would be <em> that </em> hard. That deep primitive tug in her groin forced El to press her thighs together as she tried to pinpoint the source of the sensations the thoughts elicited from her body. </p><p>Slipping her hand inside her dampened panties, El allowed her fingers to roam her sex as she played back the last few minutes in Will’s bed. She slid over a particularly sensitive spot, and discovered a small bump that seemed to hold the secrets she’d been searching for.</p><p>El circled the nub, sending ripples of pleasure across her body. She increased the speed and intensity of her actions, as she felt a pressure begin to build deep within. El’s thighs began to tremble, but a gush of moisture made her lose tempo with the crescendo of feelings that threatened to overwhelm her senses.  She probed roughly through her essence, desperate to return to that magic rhythm. </p><p>Finding that pebble of nerves once more with a sharp jolt, El impatiently tried to jump back to the top of the peak she’d been climbing, rubbing the bud even harder and faster than before. But instead of the amazing currents of electricity she had been feeling, it suddenly became too sensitive, and she soon felt an unbearable urge to pee. Afraid she might wet the bed, El jumped up and ran to the bathroom.  </p><p>As El relieved herself, Madonna’s voice began blaring from her alarm across the hall. She groaned in frustration, stomping her feet on the floor. It was time to get up and start getting ready for the day. The family had their appointments with Dr. Mathews this morning, and they would have to leave in less than an hour. Still needing to take a shower and get ready, El resigned to delaying her exploration to another time. She flushed the toilet and headed back to her room to grab her clothes.</p><p>Will smacked at the incessant beeping of his alarm, annoyed at the interruption of the incredible dream he’d been having. He and El had been back in the dark basement, but instead of wanting to try to access the Void, she had pulled him back to her and kissed him, just as he first thought she wanted him to. He parted her lips with his tongue, moaning into her mouth as he tasted her sweetness for the first time. </p><p>Tongues fought for dominance as they made their way to the couch, falling into it in a tangle of limbs and sighs. Will had kissed down her neck as El’s hips bucked into his, causing the most delicious friction. He pressed back into her heat again and again as they continued to make out, his own temperature rising to the point of no return...and now he was wide awake with buzzing ears and a raging hard-on that ached for completion.  </p><p><em> At least I didn’t wake up like this with El still in bed with me </em>, Will thought, relieved for once that El had either gone back to her bed in the night or gotten up early. <em> THIS might have been a little hard to explain. </em>With images from the dream still flashing through his mind, Will quickly satisfied his need and headed toward the bathroom for his shower. They had less than an hour before they needed to head out to see Dr. Mathews, and he definitely needed to wash up now.</p><p>Will crossed the hall and gently shut the bathroom door, not wanting to disturb El. He assumed she was still asleep, since her door was slightly open and he hadn't heard her alarm. He quickly dropped his pants and pulled some toilet paper from the roll to wipe away the evidence of his post-dream release. He dropped the paper in the open toilet and turned to lock the door for his shower, just as it opened...and El stepped into the room with him. </p><p>El was looking over her shoulder back at Will’s room, making sure the hall was clear as she took the three steps across to the bathroom without the underwear that she had abandoned in her bed in her earlier rush to pee. She turned toward the door and closed it, not realizing that Will was frozen in surprise behind her, getting a full view of her perky, naked rear.</p><p>She turned and yelped in surprise, breaking Will from his stupor. His hands flew to cover his rapidly swelling cock and he hunched over in an effort to somehow minimize the amount of exposed skin El could see as he backed toward the veil of protection the shower curtain would provide.  </p><p>El stumbled away in shock, bumping against the closed door, but unable to tear her eyes away from the long, lean shape of Will’s naked form as he scrambled into the tub and behind the dark blue curtain. Still clad in her sleep shirt, El’s folded stack of clothes were thankfully held in front of her own exposed sex below.</p><p>Will poked his head back out from behind the shower curtain. “El! What are you <em> doing </em>in here?! And...where are your pants?!” he whispered loudly, afraid his mom or Jonathan might hear and catch them together, basically nude, in the bathroom appearing to get ready to shower together. They’d <em>never</em> convince them this was just a crazy accident.</p><p>“I was <em>just</em> in here, about to take a shower!” she whispered back. “And I just went to get my clothes! You were still asleep!”</p><p>“Well, I’m <em> clearly </em> not anymore!” Will's voice cracked as his arm flew up and gestured to his curtain-covered body.  El hadn’t budged, mouth slowly opening and closing wordlessly like a goldfish.  </p><p>“Could you...<em>go</em>?!”  Will motioned to the door, astonished that El still stood there, half clothed, just staring at him. She shook her head, seemingly to break her daze and her eyes finally fell to the floor.</p><p>“S-sorry Will!” El stammered, face tomato-red as she reached behind her to open the door just a bit, checked the hall, then shimmied through the opening, finally leaving Will in peace.  He leaned over to turn on the faucet, his forehead against the cold shower tile as he waited for the water to warm, not sure whether to laugh or cry at what just happened. </p><p>On one hand, he got an unbelievable look at El’s shapely ass and legs, but he was mortified that she saw him <em> completely </em> naked. He thought he covered his junk before she got a good look, but he couldn’t be sure. But then again, El didn’t really freak out about it, and she just <em>kept staring </em> , especially down at his hands. <em> She must have just been in shock</em>, Will told himself. But a little voice whispered back, <em> Maybe she liked what she saw?  </em> Will rolled his eyes at his own ridiculous thought and pulled the pin to start the shower, hoping he’d be able to wash away his humiliation in the next 15 minutes <em> and </em> figure out how he was going to face El the rest of the day. <em> Boy is Doc Mathews going to earn his money with me today! </em></p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>El slunk back to the safety of her own room and shut the door, falling into the fluff of her round papasan chair in a fit of giggles. She could <em> not </em>believe what just happened! She was only in her room a minute to get her clothes, and somehow Will sneaked into the bathroom in that fraction of time. She was so worried about him coming out of his room and catching her bottomless for the two seconds she was in the hall, she completely missed that he was actually IN the bathroom--and that she was giving him a full show of everything she was trying to hide! </p><p>Her face still flushed with heat, El worried her thumbnail with her teeth as she tried in vain to picture anything <em>other</em> than the image of Will’s flesh that was now burned into her brain. He didn’t look <em> at all </em> like the little sketch pictures in her book. Unencumbered by clothes, Will’s legs seemed incredibly long, and El noticed the dark hair that began at his ankles stretched high up his thighs. She’d surprised herself by thinking his round white ass was actually kind of cute. His shoulders looked particularly broad when she could clearly see how his torso tapered down to his narrow hips, and that six pack he’d been working on was really coming along. </p><p>She’d also felt a little thrill at seeing the faint line of hair trailing below his belly button, disappearing under his long-fingered hands that unfortunately covered the rude little monster that had been poking her this morning.  Given it's obvious interest in her, she couldn't help but be a little interested in it as well.  She caught just a glimpse of something dark as she had turned around, her eyes not drawn down his body until Will’s hands had dropped to shield himself. But she could tell by the way his hands were curved that it was definitely taking both of them to keep himself fully blocked from her prying eyes. </p><p>El couldn’t believe how she’d ogled him so shamelessly, but it was like her eyes had a mind of their own, drinking in every inch of him until he’d hidden himself behind the shower curtain.  She closed them now, seeing the flash of hunger in his eyes when she had first turned around and realized he had been looking at her ass, the way his pulse had twitched in his temple, the forking veins that ran down his forearms and across the back of his hands...</p><p>She soon heard the shower turn off, and after hearing Will’s door shut she ventured back to the bathroom, sure to check the hallway and <em> the </em> small humid room before locking the door behind her. The bathroom was still steamy from Will’s shower, and although she’d bathed right after him many times before, it somehow felt more...intimate this time. The fresh smell of his Dial soap filled the room as if he were still there, so very different from the smell of the lavender body wash and shampoo Joyce had bought for her. </p><p>Stepping under the warm spray, she could now vividly imagine his wet naked body standing right in this same spot, slippery suds trailing down those soft ridges of his stomach, sliding lower as he ran a slick soapy hand down and around his long, stiff...the cooling water pulled El from her fantasy, and she realized she had been rubbing the wash cloth between her legs for several minutes as her mind had wandered. With a longing sigh, El washed away her errant thoughts and hurried to finish getting ready for the day.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>“Shotgun!” Will called as he ran around to the passenger side and jumped into the front seat of the car.  He and El usually sat in the back seat together, but the thought of an hour and a half of sitting side by side, avoiding eye contact and trying to make awkward small talk after that morning made him cringe. </p><p>“So, you actually want to sit up here with your old mom?” Joyce gave Will an odd look as she teased him, but was glad to get the time together. It hadn’t gone unnoticed by Joyce that she hadn’t heard Will having any nightmares over the last couple of weeks, and although she could see he looked tired, it seemed he was handling this year’s anniversary much better than last year. It gave her hope that the move really was helping, and that uprooting the family hadn’t been the terrible mistake she feared it might be. She wanted to talk to Dr. Mathews about it after their session today, and see if he shared the same estimation after speaking with Will himself.</p><p>“Can I put in this new mix tape I made?” Will held up a clear Maxell cassette with last week’s date in his meticulous handwriting on the label.</p><p>“Sure, hon. Let’s hear it -- but as the driver I reserve the right to veto and switch back to the oldies station.”</p><p>“I think you’ll like it -- I made it especially for car trips with all of us. It’s got songs we all like on it!” </p><p>A shiver ran through El in her seat behind Joyce as she recognized the first bars of <em> Life Goes On,</em> and a vision of Will materialized in her mind, panting hard and grinning as he pinned her down on the carpet during their tickle fight. She glanced at Will’s profile in the front seat, seeing his eyes go wide and his Adam’s apple bob in his throat.  His hand slid around the back of his neck as he nervously fiddled with the short hairs, rubbing absently as he turned to look out the window.</p><p>“....Hello...El? Are you listening to me?” El turned to see Jonathan looking at her expectantly. He laughed at her bewildered expression. “Where were you?”</p><p>She glanced at Will, and she saw him watching her out of the corner of his eye. “Oh, s-sorry.  Just...thinking...what did you say?”</p><p>“I asked if you were excited to see Mike next week? I know I can’t wait to see Nancy.” Jonathan’s lips quirked in that secret crooked smile, likely thinking of what they might do with their time together.</p><p>“Uh, y-yeah. Of course. We talked yesterday, and...uh...he’s really excited about coming.”</p><p>Will glanced back at El, wondering if she was telling the truth. She'd said she had talked to him, but that he didn’t have time to talk.</p><p>“I know it’s only two and a half days, but Christmas break is only a few weeks after that, and then we’ll get more time to see them.” Jonathan patted her hand reassuringly.</p><p>“Actually, El and I were wondering if we could try to see them a little more often.  Do you think we could maybe try to start just meeting up for lunch or something every couple of weeks, if you and Nancy both drive half way and we somewhere in the middle?” Will piped up, following up on Operation ‘Make El Happier to Help Her Recharge.’</p><p>“Oh, that’s a good idea, Will! That could be fun, don’t you think, Jonathan?” Joyce encouraged her oldest. She too had thought they’d find a way to get all the kids together a little more often than they’d managed so far. Getting settled after the move had taken a bit more time than she’d expected.</p><p>“Yeah, we could try that. I don’t know how often we can make it happen, though. Nance and my work schedules don’t really match up that well, and she gets called in for shifts at Benny’s whenever any of the other waitresses don’t show up or call in sick. Seems to happen a lot on the weekends.”</p><p>“Well, can we try? Let’s talk about it next week and see if we can figure something out?” Will asked hopefully.</p><p>“Sure buddy, we can try.”</p><p>El was quiet the remainder of the trip as she tried to reconcile the thoughts she’d been having about Will and the feelings she knew had for Mike. Her heart belonged to Mike, but it seemed like her body was growing more and more interested in Will.</p><p>The books said hormones were responsible for sexual feelings. <em> It must just be the hormones and because Will is the one who's here</em>, El thought. <em> I’m sure next week when I see Mike I’ll feel the same way about him. </em>She also resolved to try harder to shift her thoughts to Mike whenever a naughty thought about Will entered her mind, and to try to steer clear of being alone with Will as much as possible before Thanksgiving.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p><br/>
<br/>
El kicked her foot impatiently as she sat on the dark leather couch in Dr. Mathews’ waiting room. They always started with Jonathan's session, as his were usually the shortest, then Will, followed by El. If the kids left enough time, Joyce would go in, but many times she just caught up with Mathews by phone. Jonathan was done, and Will had already been in for nearly 45 minutes.</p><p>She wondered if Will was telling Dr. Mathews about their encounter that morning, and if so, if Mathews would ask her about it in turn.  They had decided not to tell the doctor about her finding the Void. They weren’t really sure how much they could trust him, given that he did <em>technically</em> work for the Department of Energy. One thing they'd both learned was that, with the possible exception of Dr. Owens, no one from the government was to be fully trusted.</p><p>The tall paneled door opened and Will finally exited the doctor's office. El stood and headed toward the door, tugging on Will’s sleeve as they passed. He paused and looked at her curiously. “Did you tell him about this morning?” she murmured softly, so that the others couldn’t hear. He gave a short he shake to the negative, El gave a thankful nod in return and entered Dr. Mathews office.</p><p>“El, it’s so nice to see you,” the tall, soft-spoken man adjusted his wire-rimmed glasses and rose from behind his desk to join El in the overstuffed chairs in the corner of his office. </p><p>“Hello, Dr. Mathews,” El took a seat, tucking her right ankle up under her left thigh, and opened her journal to reference during their conversation.</p><p>“So, how are you feeling this week? I know November may be a triggering time of year for both you and Will. How are you holding up?”</p><p>“I’m...surprisingly...okay,” El replied, realizing that other than helping Will through a few nightmares, the trauma of the past two years had actually been the furthest thing from her mind the past few weeks.</p><p>“No nightmares, flashbacks?”</p><p>“No, none at all -- not for weeks.” El felt that was a half-truth, as she truly believed the ‘dream’ about Hopper was a vision, and not an invention of her psyche. “Will’s had a few, but not nearly as many as this summer.”</p><p>“Well, that’s really great to hear, El. Why do you think that is?”</p><p>El shrugged. “I guess...I guess I’m happier?  I really like being in school. Some of my classes are kind of hard, but I really like being there with the other kids. I think some of the things they do and worry about are kind of stupid, ya know -- compared to what Will and I have been through? But, it’s...fun. We have a few nice friends already, and...I guess I’m starting to feel more...normal.”</p><p>“I hear you mention Will a lot in our sessions. It seems the two of you have gotten close over the past few weeks, particularly since the move.”  Mathews had seen the boy’s sketch journal, and it was clear to him that many of the more recent drawings were of, or at least inspired by, parts of El.  He suspected Will’s feelings for her were growing stronger than just a brotherly kinship, but it was to be somewhat expected given their age and developmental stages. It wasn’t something he was worried about just yet, but he was keeping an eye on it.</p><p>“Yeah, we have a lot in common. We like a lot of the same music, TV shows -- we get the same jokes,” she smiled. “And he’s helping so much in school. I help him in German, but I couldn’t get through English without him.  He’s a really good brother.”</p><p>“Well I’m glad the two of you are getting along so well. It could be very difficult for your family if the two of you weren’t able to get along.”  Mathews dark mustache twitched as he observed El’s small, tight smile and the sudden rosiness of her cheeks. <em> Hmmmm...definitely something to keep an eye on. </em> “So, what else has been on your mind?”</p><p>“I did want to talk to you about something that’s been bothering me. It’s about Mike.”</p><p>“Wheeler? Your boyfriend?”</p><p>“Yes sir. Things are starting to get...weird...between us.”</p><p>“What do you mean by ‘weird?’” El told Dr. Mathews about their last few conversations, what Mike had said and how upset he had gotten.  She had to leave out the part about actually seeing the exchange between Mike and Paige, but she did share that he had made friends with another girl and that there was the potential for them to be spending more time together through student council.</p><p>“I can appreciate your concern for Mike, because I know he’s important to you El.  But how does Mike’s behavior make <em> you </em> feel?”</p><p>“It really confuses me, because what he says isn’t true at all...and it...makes me mad that he doesn’t believe me when I tell him how much he means to me. It’s like the book we’re reading at school -- <em> Jane Eyre -- </em> it’s like he has too much pride to realize that I don’t expect him to take care of everything for me. I mean, I know he loves me. I heard him tell someone else once, but he hasn’t said it <em>to</em> me. I've told him, but he hasn’t ever said it back.  I think he’s tried to a few times, but it’s starting to hurt my feelings.”</p><p>“Have you told him how this makes you feel? That he hasn’t said it back?” El shook her head. “Well, maybe he doesn’t know how much it would mean for you to hear him say it. A little tip about men: they aren’t mind readers. And teenage boys need quite a bit more help than even grown men,” he chuckled. </p><p>“Clear communication is important in all relationships, El, romantic and otherwise. You need to be comfortable speaking up for what you want and need from a relationship, as well as being open to what the other person needs as well. But, I also want you to understand that you are very young to be in a steady romantic relationship, and even more so given your personal history, which could make relationships more difficult. Especially with a boy like Mike.”</p><p>“What do you mean, 'a boy like' Mike?”</p><p>“Well, I can’t be certain without a formal evaluation, but from everything you’ve told me, and what I have in the reports of the events of the last two years, I know he was instrumental in both your rescue from the lab, in recovering Will and in the success of the Starcourt incident.”</p><p>El nodded emphatically. “Mike’s bravery and determination saved us all, so many times. He’s risked his life over and over to protect me and Will.” </p><p>“Yes, and that can actually be a very challenging personality type in a relationship. I think Mike might have what we call a Savior Complex, or 'white knight' syndrome. These types of people typically feel that helping others is their sole purpose for existing, and that they are the only person who <em>can</em> help the people in their lives. White knighters also often feel as if they have knowledge or abilities that no one else does, and as such, feel entitled to tell you what to think or do. This often leads them to make excessive sacrifices, like risking their life, when there could be a less dangerous solution to a problem. They can only feel good about themselves when they're actively helping someone in some way. And when these people aren’t successful, or even <em>perceive </em>they've failed, it often leads to feelings of inadequacy, sadness and even depression. So, you were fortunate to have someone like that on your side these past couple of years, but now that things have returned to normal and there’s no one left for him to save, he may feel useless. Is this sounding familiar?”</p><p>Tears filled El’s eyes as she nodded miserably.  “So, what can I do? How can I help him?”</p><p>“That’s the thing El, <em> you </em> can’t help him with this. He likely needs professional therapy or counseling to help him understand and manage his feelings and behavior. You can’t hold yourself responsible for his happiness, because you can’t continue to be a victim, and that’s what he needs. Someone that needs his help, always.”</p><p>“But I <em> do </em> need him!” El sobbed. “He was my <em> very first </em> friend, the first person who was ever... <em> kind </em> …to me, and not because he needed my powers, or was afraid of me. He was just <em> nice </em> , because he is so <em> g-good.</em>”</p><p>Dr. Mathew handed El a tissue. “But can’t you see, El -- he may have needed you <em>even </em> <em> more </em>than you needed him. Because you needed help. And that’s likely the role Will fulfilled for him as well. Will has told me that Mike always used to help protect him from bullies when they were younger, either sticking up for him or drawing them away from Will if they were getting physical. Mike was willing to risk physical harm in order to save Will.  And it sounds like maybe this other girl he’s been spending time with is looking for his help as well. And that will be a very attractive offer for him.”</p><p>“What’s wrong with that?! Isn’t that what brave, good people <em> do? </em>That’s what H-Hop did!”</p><p>“There’s nothing at all wrong with being brave and wanting to protect people, but when someone defines their entire self-worth on saving others, isn’t able to accurately evaluate acts for which it is appropriate for them to help, participates in risky behaviors, and feels self-loathing and hatred when they aren’t successful, or worse, simply have no one to help -- that’s when this type of behavior becomes more harmful than helpful to the person, and sometimes the people around them. Do you understand?”</p><p>El wiped her nose and sniffled, nodding. Mike <em> was </em> blaming himself for things that happened this summer that he had no way of stopping or changing. And he always thought he was smarter than everyone--even Hop. “I-I guess so.”</p><p>“And I can understand that Mike will always have a place in your heart, as he should. But it’s very rare that someone’s first love is their only love. It’s healthy for young people to explore all types of relationships. And if he can’t give you what you need from him, then you may need to consider ending the relationship, at least until he is in a healthier place himself. If it’s meant to be, you will come back to each other. But for now, I would really hate to see you let him hold back your progress.”</p><p>“So, what do we do next?” El asked, taking in a deep shaky breath. “Can you help him?”</p><p>“If he’d be willing to speak with me, yes, I think I could. Or, if his parents would rather take him to speak with someone in Hawkins, I would be happy to recommend a colleague.” </p><p>“He’s coming to visit next Friday. If I can convince him to come speak with you, do you think you could explain this to him?”</p><p>“Sure, I’m staying in town for the holiday, so I could make some time on Friday.”</p><p>“Oh, thank you, Dr. Mathews!” El jumped up and threw her arms around the kind doctor. He patted her arm and chuckled again.<br/>
<br/>
“I’d be happy to help, El.  Is there anything else on your mind today, or do you want to send Joyce in?”</p><p>“I think that’s everything for today,” El wiped the last of her tears away with the back of her hand, feeling both broken and hopeful at what lay ahead for both herself and Mike.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. It's my Party (and I'll cry if I want to)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>It's My Party by Lesley Gore: <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7uDm5Fv2WhkpXTWUIdKH4F?si=qmpc8kkZRYmrRK3cB1Evew">Listen Here</a></p><p> </p><p>It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to<br/>Cry if I want to, cry if I want to<br/>You would cry too if it happened to you…</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>El leaned back against the headrest and closed her eyes. After the emotional drain of her sessions, she typically used the long car ride home to take a nap, especially if they were going back to school that afternoon.  Once on the road, the gentle rocking of the car in motion quickly lulled her to sleep.</p><p>“El, Will, wake up. We’re stopping to eat.” Joyce’s overly cheerful voice awakened El from her slumber. She rubbed her eyes and opened them to see the red and white-striped awning of a T.G.I. Friday’s across the parking lot. </p><p>El climbed out of the back seat and pulled her arms over her head, stretching her back from the uncomfortable slump she had settled into during the ride. “Where are we?” she heard Will ask his mom from up ahead, but couldn’t hear the mumbled response from Joyce.</p><p>“C’mon El, hurry up -- I’m hungry. Aren’t you?” Jonathan came from around the back of the car, throwing an arm over her shoulders and guiding her toward the door.  El was feeling pretty hungry herself, and a check of her watch told her it was after two in the afternoon. It was fairly common for them to stop for a late lunch after their appointments, but this seemed a little later than normal.</p><p>They were greeted by a perky blonde hostess, one of the many buttons on her suspenders reading, <em>I support the 2 party system: Party on Fridays and Party on Saturdays! </em> They followed her across the mostly deserted dining room, given the late afternoon time between lunch and dinner, passing empty table after empty table.  El began to wonder why she hadn’t seated them yet, when they reached a set of double doors at the far side of the room.</p><p>Jonathan shuffled El forward as the hostess and Joyce each took a door, and opened them wide to a shouted chorus of “Surprise!! Happy birthday, El!” El stumbled back in confusion, seeing the ‘Happy Birthday’ banner on the wall above the Hawkins crew, all holding balloons and breaking into a raggled rendition of the birthday song. Jonathan caught her and kept her on her feet.</p><p>“Wh-...what?! My...<em>MY</em>...birthday?” Tears sprang to El’s eyes as Joyce pulled her into a hug.</p><p>“Yes, <em>your</em> birthday, honey,” Joyce said, taking El’s face between her hands and wiping away the wetness that spilled over onto her cheeks. She kissed her forehead.  “This is the date Hopper put on your birth certificate. I guess because it’s the date you got free from the lab?”</p><p>“But...it’s the day Will got-”</p><p>“Well, I think this is a much better occasion to replace that with, don’t you?” Joyce interrupted her, checking Will as well, who had crossed the room to trade one-armed guy hugs with Dustin, Lucas and Mike, who was now making his way around the table to El.  “Go!” Joyce shooed her away and turned to hug Karen.</p><p>“El, happy birthday!” Mike smiled, somewhat shyly, and pulled her stiff body into an awkward hug.</p><p>“Mike!” Coming out of her shock, El threw her arms around Mike’s neck, squeezing him tight and breathing in his familiar, comforting essence. His arms tightened around her briefly in response. She pulled back, grabbing his biceps in both hands. “Did you know about this?!”</p><p>“No!” he frowned, and crossed his arms in a grumpy pout. “They didn’t tell me until last night. They thought I would tell you!”</p><p>“Well, you do kind of have a big mouth, Wheeler,” Dustin grabbed Mike by the shoulder and pushed him back, pulling El into his arms. “Happy birthday, El!” He then fell back into an exaggerated bow, making El giggle. “We’ve missed you, our dear mage.”</p><p>“Hey, man, don’t feel bad, they didn’t tell me about it either,” Will consoled Mike with a squeeze to the other shoulder.</p><p>“You didn’t know either?” El asked Will.</p><p>He shook his head. “No, mom thought I might act weird and you’d be able to tell something was up. So she and Jon kept it a secret.”</p><p>“That was smart. You know these loud-mouth know-it-alls can’t keep their mouths shut for shit. I’m surprised the whole damn town didn’t know about the Russians -- not that anyone would have believed these losers.”</p><p>“Erica!” Lucas exclaimed, pushing his little sister aside. “Shut UP!  Your such a little- uh, sorry about her El. Happy birthday!”</p><p>“Hey, happy first birthday, El!” Steve came up from behind, Robin in tow. “Sorry there’s no monsters to kill this year -- guess cake and ice cream will just have to do.”</p><p>“I tried to get Dingus here to wear his Scoops Ahoy uniform to serve your ice cream, but for some reason, he just wouldn’t go for it!” Robin ruffled Steve’s hair with a devilish smile. </p><p>“What have I said about touching the hair, Robin!?” Steve ducked away to protect his coiff, shooting Robin a dirty look and checking his locks for damage.</p><p>El turned at hearing Nancy laughing at their antics from behind her. She was wrapped around Jonathan, his arm around her, nose nuzzled into her hair, hiding his own smile. It was obvious they were so in love, and it tugged at El's heart, feeling the strain between her and Mike even more acutely in their affectionate presence.</p><p>“Okay everyone, let’s get seated so we can get our orders in.” Joyce led El to the center of the table. El sat down, and Mike took the seat to her left. Will sat down across from Mike, with Dustin to his left in front of El and Lucas on his right. Nancy sat on El’s other side, with Jonathan to her right. </p><p>Steve dropped into his seat on Dustin’s left, across from Nancy, and Robin to his left across from Jonathan.  Erica grumbled about having to sit next to her brother. “Well then maybe you should have just stayed home!” Lucas elbowed her, and Erica pushed him back.</p><p>“Why don’t we put El’s gifts here, and then Mike can pass them to her to open after we order?” Joyce suggested, stacking the small pile of gifts in the chair next to Mike. Joyce, Karen and Lucas’ mom took seats at the far end of the table on the other side of the gifts and Erica.</p><p>As the menus were passed around, El looked around at the table of friends talking and laughing -- all here for <em>her</em>. As her eyes passed over the chair of gifts, it wasn’t the presents that made her pause, but the empty spot where one Party member was missing.</p><p>“Hey, Lucas. Do you and Max talk anymore? I haven’t heard from her in weeks.”</p><p>A momentary cloud passed over Lucas’ face, but he quickly smiled. “Nah, we talked a few times, but in the end, we decided a clean break would be best.”</p><p>“I say good riddance. That skinny white girl and her asshole dad were nothing but trouble,” Erica piped in.</p><p>“Nobody asked you.” Lucas rolled his eyes, annoyance at his sister’s presence rolling off him in waves.</p><p>“Yeah, we all miss Zoomer, but there are plenty of other fish in Lucas' sea now!” Dustin bragged for his friend.”You just gotta go get ‘em tiger.” Dustin punctuated his statement with his signature growl.</p><p>“Wait, what did you say?! What are you guys talking about? Lucas has a new girlfriend?” Nancy asked, hearing the tail end of Dustin’s statement.</p><p>“No...no.  There’s just a...couple of girls who have crushes on me at school. But I’m not ready to get into another relationship yet,” Lucas hid bashfully behind his menu.</p><p>“Oh, my man, you are being much too humble. Ever since he was one of the few freshmen to make the JV basketball team, the ladies have been lining up. You gotta get back up on that horse, man. The sooner the better, right Steve?”</p><p>“What about horses?”</p><p>“Relationships are like riding horses. When one ride ends, you just gotta climb back up on the next one. Tell ‘em how it is Steve.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t know about that. Why don’t you ask Nancy?” Steve replied snarkily</p><p>A chorus of ‘oooohhhh,’ ‘burn,’ and ‘low blow’ chimed from around the table.</p><p>“Steve!” cried Nancy indignantly.</p><p>“Kidding, Nance, kidding. You know I have nothing but love for you and Jon. We-” Steve circled his finger to indicate he, Nancy and Steve, “have been through too much shit together, and I’m just glad we’re still here to tell the tale. Or, I guess we can’t -- we signed the papers and took the cash. BUT, either way, we’re all good.  But, seriously, I’m on Lucas’ side here man. No reason to jump right back into a relationship unless you find someone you really click with. Otherwise, you’re just going to make each other miserable and you’ll both be worse off in the end.” Steve gave Nancy a meaningful look, and she gave him a small, tight-lipped smile as she squeezed Jonathan’s hand under the table.</p><p>The waitress returned to begin taking their orders, breaking up the conversation as everyone studied the menus to make their final choices.</p><p>“What looks good to you, El?” Mike asked.</p><p>“I was kind of thinking about the spaghetti,” El replied, her response catching Will’s attention.</p><p>“I only really like my mom’s spaghetti. The burgers here are really good. You should try one.”</p><p>With Dr. Mathews’ words still fresh in her mind, El tried pushing back, “I don’t really feel like a burger…”</p><p>“I promise you’ll like it, they’re <em>really</em> good -- better than Benny’s. And we can split a chocolate shake,” Mike insisted.</p><p>Will watched the exchange, and El began to worry a curl with one hand. She looked back down at the menu uncomfortably.</p><p>“El, didn’t you just tell me that spaghetti was your favorite when we made it a couple of weeks ago?” Will spoke up, trying to give El an out.</p><p>El looked up from her menu, locking eyes with Will, her face turning as red as the stripes on the menu. Recognizing what El must have been thinking about, Will’s face soon matched. </p><p>“What is <em>that</em> about? You both look like tomatoes! We gotta hear this story!” Dustin leered at his friends, dying for the scoop.</p><p>“N-nothing,” El stuttered.</p><p>“Uh, yeah...El just...totally burned the spaghetti. First time and all. She was really embarrassed, since it’s really just boiling water,” Will improvised.  “We were all looking forward to having it for dinner...and...El said it was her favorite, so...it was...disappointing...” he trailed off.</p><p>“Huh...kinda like this story…” Dustin said under his breath, turning back to his menu.</p><p>Mike eyed El and Will. They clearly had a secret they weren’t willing to share with the rest of the group. He shrugged. “Okay, well, if you really want the spaghetti, I guess that’s up to you,” he said disapprovingly. “Do you still want to split the chocolate shake?”</p><p>“I’d prefer a strawberry one,” El said in a small, but determined voice.</p><p>Mike’s upper lip curled. “Ew, strawberry? No thanks.”  Will watched El’s shoulders slump.</p><p>“I’ll split a strawberry one with you, if you want, El?” Will offered.</p><p>El’s eyes warmed as she smiled, making Will’s heart swell. “Thanks Will, but I think I’ll get my own.”  That was fine with Will too, as long as it was what <em>she </em>wanted.</p><p>Mike didn’t like the way Will was looking at El, all soft and hopeful. He was so distracted trying to figure out what was going on with them, he didn’t realize the waitress was standing behind him, waiting to take his order until Erica spoke up.</p><p>“Hey space cadet, are you gonna order or let all the rest of us starve while we wait on you?” Mike turned his glare to her before ordering his burger and shake.</p><p>After all the orders were placed, the moms joined the kids at their end of the table with cameras in hand so El could open her birthday presents. Mike handed over the gifts as Joyce recorded El’s very first birthday party for posterity.  A makeup kit from Mike’s mom, a new Swatch watch from Joyce, a Rubik’s Cube from Dustin, and a box set of <em>Sweet Valley High</em> books from Nancy were among her haul when she was done.</p><p>“I, uh, didn’t have time to get you anything since I just found out about your party last night," Mike said, embarrassed. "But I was working on this mix tape to give you at Thanksgiving, so I stayed up most of the night to finish it up.” Mike handed El a clear Memorex cassette with pink and blue geometric designs, yellow plastic tape reels and ‘For El’ scrawled across one side in his messy handwriting. “It has all of my favorite songs that make me think of you.”</p><p>Will tried not to roll his eyes at Mike’s ‘thoughtful’ gift. <em>All of MIKE’s favorite songs, of course. Does he even know any of EL’s favorite songs? Has he ever even thought to ask? Or does he just want to tell her what they SHOULD be? I bet there’s not a single Madonna song in the whole list, </em>Will thought angrily.</p><p>“Thanks, Mike.” El leaned over and kissed his cheek. “I can’t wait to listen to it.” The scrape of Will’s chair screeched across the floor as he swiftly stood and left the table.</p><p>Passing his mom, snapping photos by the door, Joyce asked, “Where are you going? The food will be here any minute.”</p><p>“Bathroom.”</p><p>“Oh, okay. Hurry back, baby. Don’t want your food to get cold.”</p><p>Will stalked to the bathroom, entering a stall and slamming the door behind him. Leaning against the door, he took deep breaths, trying to work through his irritation at Mike. He really hadn’t done anything, except be typical Mike. He just sat there smugly, holding El’s hand under the table, like he was a king holding court or something, watching over his loyal subjects.</p><p>He hadn’t really said much of anything, actually -- especially for Mike.  But it seemed everything he <em>did </em>say just rubbed Will the wrong way today.  And El – she just looked so – <em>happy</em>. Happier than Will had seen her look in a long time. <em>Happier than I ever make her. I guess she just needs Mike to make her happy. Maybe he’s the key to getting her powers to recharge after all.</em></p><p>Will exited the stall and crossed to the sink, turned on the cold water and splashed some into his face. He needed to get it together. Mike was his best friend, and he was letting his own mixed up feelings about El come between them.</p><p>He pulled some paper towels from the dispenser to dry his face and heard the door swing open. “Hey, Will, your food’s at the table.” As Will dropped his hands, he saw Mike’s reflection in the mirror, stood just inside the bathroom door with a look of concern across his pale features. “Hey, man – are you okay?” This is the Mike he had always known. Before El, before the Upside Down, there was Mike – who was always looking out for him.  Seemed like he still was, even though they were basically the same size now and he didn’t really need it anymore.</p><p>Will’s bitterness dissolved seeing Mike’s worried visage. “Yeah. Yeah, thanks, I’m fine. Just a…just a rough session this morning is all.”</p><p>“Yeah, I was worried about that. Since today was, well, you know…”</p><p>Will nodded. “But yeah, it’s fine. I’m…good.” He tried to convince Mike with his smile.</p><p>“O-okay.  Is…everything…good…with you and El?”</p><p>“El? Uh…yeah…why?”</p><p>“I don’t know. It just…it seemed like…maybe there was something that…the two of you didn’t want to tell everyone else earlier?”</p><p>Will turned to toss his paper towels, his back toward Mike. He couldn’t look him straight in the face and lie. “No…nothing like that. I, uh…just knew she was embarrassed about burning dinner that night.”</p><p>“Oh. Do, uh…do you guys, cook dinner…and uh, do a lot of other stuff together?” Mike wasn’t making eye contact and Will could see he was clenching and unclenching his right fist as he slowly shifted his weight from one foot to the other, as if he wasn’t sure if he was going to take swing or make a run for it.</p><p>“Mi-ike,” Will said slowly, drawing Mike’s name into two syllables, like someone trying to calm a growling dog. “What’s going on with you? Of course we spend a lot of time together. She’s my <em>sister</em> – we live together and have almost all of the same classes at school. You know this. What’s wrong?”</p><p>Mike groaned and dropped his head, crossing to lean against the other sink next to Will. “I know it’s stupid…but I’m <em>jealous</em>, okay? I mean, you get to spend <em>every day</em> with El, and I get…nothing!  Not even once a month!  I lost my girlfriend and my best friend at the same time, and now the two of you <em>live</em> together?! What’s fair about that?!”</p><p>“Look…I’m sorry, but…there hasn’t been much <em>fair</em> about any of this. It’s not like any of us <em>asked </em>for it…”</p><p>“I know, I know.” Mike’s hands dove into his hair in frustration. “And it really sucks worrying about both of you all the time, and knowing there’s nothing I can do to help!”</p><p>“Dude, we’re fine, you don’t need to worry about either one of us.” Will chuckled at Mike’s typical dramatics, placing an appreciative hand on his friend’s shoulder. “School is actually pretty okay there…and, we’re both doing better with…all the other stuff.  We’ve been helping each other out.”</p><p>Mike shrugged off Will’s hand, annoyance sparked at his friend's words. “But don’t you get it? That’s what <em>I’m</em> supposed to do! <em>I’m </em>supposed to watch out for you. <em>I’m </em>supposed to have your back. El’s <em>my </em>girlfriend, and <em>I’m </em>the one that’s supposed to take care of her. And I can’t do <em>anything </em>now!”</p><p>Confused by Mike’s outburst, Will tried to placate him. “But Mike, we don’t <em>need you</em> to do anything. I mean, I appreciate all the times you saved my ass from Troy, but that’s over now. It’s <em>all</em> over now. We can take care of ourselves.”</p><p>“Yeah, that’s right, you guys don’t need <em>me</em> anymore,” Mike seethed. “You’ve got your new friends, in your new school, and I can just go screw myself, right?”</p><p>“What?! No! Mike, that’s not what I said! I just meant-“</p><p>“I know what you meant.” Mike pushed past Will and into the stall. “I gotta pee. Your food is getting cold.” He slammed the door in Will’s face.</p><p>“Mike! C’mon, man, you <em>know</em> that’s not what I meant.”</p><p>“Peeing!” Mike said sardonically.</p><p>“Look, I just meant that that’s not the <em>reason</em> we’re friends. I mean, c’mon, we’ve been friends since kindergarten. We’ve done…<em>everything</em> together! I don’t even remember before we were best friends.” Will heard Mike zip up his pants, but he hadn’t flushed, and he hadn’t responded. “And yeah, you’ve saved my life, like, probably a dozen times…and, there’s nothing I could ever do to repay you for that. But I’d still be your best friend even if none of that shit ever happened. Because…because you’re like my brother, man. Just because I don’t need you to <em>take care </em>of me anymore, doesn’t mean I don’t still need you to be my friend. Don’t you get that?”</p><p>Will heard the toilet flush. Mike unlocked the door, and it swung open to reveal the deflated boy. “Do you really mean that?”</p><p>“Yeah, of course I do,” Will said with a soft smile. “Friends don’t lie.”</p><p>Will stepped aside so Mike could wash his hands at the sink. “Look, I…I’m sorry I got mad. I just…don’t know how to…deal with all this.” Mike grabbed a paper towel and continued as he dried the water away. “I mean…what was it all for? Everything I did the past two years, <em>everything</em> I did, was to find and protect you and El. And then…I lost you both anyway.”</p><p>“You didn’t lose us. We’re just a little further away. And I’ve already asked Jon to talk to Nancy about helping us all get together more often, at least until one of us gets our license next year.”</p><p>“Huh, I guess that’ll be El. She’s the oldest now.”</p><p>“Yeah, I guess you’re right!  I wonder when her birthday really is.”</p><p>“Well, it’s today now. And we better get back out there before-“</p><p>“Dudes, what are you two doing, making out in here?!” Dustin barged into the bathroom, likely sent by El to see why the two of them had been MIA for so long.</p><p>“You wish, you pervert!” Mike shot back. “We were just, catching up.”</p><p>“In the bathroom? You guys are so weird. C’mon, your ‘amazing burger’ is gonna taste like shit cold, and I’m ready for some cake, so get your asses moving.”</p><p>With the air cleared between the two friends, the rest of the party went by quickly, everyone singing Happy Birthday to El again when they brought out the cake, as she blew out her very first set of birthday candles. She wished that everyone could stay as safe and happy as they each were right at that very moment.</p><p>As the party began to wind down, El leaned over to Nancy. “Um, Nancy, could we talk in private for a minute, before you go? It’s about Thanksgiving.”</p><p>“Sure. Why don’t we go to the bathroom?”</p><p>As El stood and tried to unlace her fingers from Mike’s, he turned to her, panicked. “Are you leaving?!”</p><p>“No, not just yet. Nancy and I were just going to go the bathroom.”</p><p>“I don’t understand why girls always have to go to the bathroom in pairs!” Lucas remarked.</p><p>“Face it loser, you just don’t understand girls, period,” Erica quipped.</p><p>Nancy put an arm around El as they walked to the bathroom, “Is everything okay?” she asked, concern filling her expressive eyes.</p><p>“I…I think it will be? But we need to talk.”</p><p>“Okay, spill,” Nancy said when they were behind the privacy of the heavy wooden bathroom door.</p><p>El took a deep breath. “Okay…so, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but, Mike hasn’t really been…himself lately. At least, not with me. I…I guess things have been weird between us ever since…ever since Starcourt.”</p><p>“Well, yeah, El. I don’t think any of us have been the same since.”</p><p>“Right, I know, but. Things were <em>really</em> great between me and Mike before that. Almost perfect…”</p><p>“But, didn’t you guys break up right before everything got so crazy?”</p><p>“I guess, sort of? But, that was really Max. She convinced me that I shouldn’t trust him, but it was all just a big misunderstanding because of Hop, and… well, that’s really a whole other story. The point is, we made up. And, don’t get me wrong – Mike has been really amazing about Hop. I don’t think I would have made it through those first few weeks with out him. But, since then, when I, um, tried to be <em>romantic</em>, he would get…weird about it.”</p><p>“Weird? Weird how?”</p><p>“Like, he didn’t want to really, kiss me…and stuff. He’d always make an excuse to stop, or sometimes even leave.”</p><p>“So, you’re upset because Mike didn’t want to make out with you? I can see how that might be a problem, but you know, we’re all dealing with this in our own way, so maybe he just needed more time? Or maybe he just felt guilty or something, like he was taking advantage of you while you were still too emotional. Did you <em>talk</em> to him about it?”</p><p>“I tried, a couple of times. He said I was being silly, and that he just really had things he’d ‘forgotten’ to do. But, it’s more than just that…that’s just how it started. Our phone calls have been getting harder and harder. I can tell we’re both having a hard time thinking of what to say. And then the worst part is that sometimes he gets mad when we talk, like out of nowhere, and really down on himself. And no matter what I say, or how much I tell him I love him, he doesn’t believe me! And he’s still never said it back.” El dropped her head, trying to hold back the tears.</p><p>Nancy pulled the younger girl into a hug. After the previous night, she knew her brother was hurting too but he hadn’t really told her what happened, just that it was harder than he expected to have El and Will gone. That’s when she caved and told him about the party today, hoping to lift his spirits. “I hate to say this, but, maybe you two are growing apart? I know it’s hard, and…maybe, seems impossible. But it happened to me and Steve too, after I lost Barb. Losing people we love, changes us.”</p><p>“But I think it’s more than that, Nancy.” El wiped at her eyes. “He, uh, seems really hung up on the fact that he can’t protect me or Will anymore. And he thinks nothing he did this summer made a difference. He really can’t see how important everything he did was, to all of us. Have you ever heard of a Savior Complex?”</p><p>“I’ve heard the term, but don’t really know what it means.”</p><p>“Well, I was talking to Dr. Mathews about how Mike’s been acting, and some of the things Mike has said, and he thinks maybe Mike has it. It’s when someone feels like their only purpose in life is to save or help others-“</p><p>“Don’t a lot of people feel like that? Like, people who become cops, like Hop. Or firefighters, or soldiers, even doctors?”</p><p>“Yeah, some of them probably do. But it can be a problem when a normal person who isn’t one of those things, especially a kid, never feels like they do enough to help others, and starts doing crazy things like risk their own lives, to try to save someone else. Do you know how many times Mike put his own life in danger to save me, or Will?” Nancy shook her head. “And I had to save <em>him</em> a few of those times, because he just jumped in without thinking it through. But then for him to not believe that what he did was good enough, or that it didn’t matter at all? That can be a problem too. I’m worried about him, Nancy. He’s really sad and mad all the time, and it seems to be mostly because he feels useless now that we’re not there for him to be our ‘white knight.’”</p><p>“I don’t know, El…” Nancy trailed off, thinking about how Mike <em>had</em> been having mood swings. He had always been a somewhat temperamental kid, but she had noticed him losing his cool more often lately. Especially with Holly and their mom. She had put it off to him just being upset over El leaving, but when she thought back to this summer, and how he did seem to be the ringleader in all of their plans, dragging his friends back into danger even when they were supposed to be lying low, maybe El had a point. “But even if your shrink is right, what would we do about it?”</p><p>“Well, that’s why I wanted to talk to you. Dr. Mathews thinks he could help Mike, but he’d like to do an evaluation, or recommend someone else for you guys to talk to. He agreed to meet with us on Friday after Thanksgiving, but Joyce is working. So, I’d need you or Jonathan to take us. I really think it would be good for all of us to meet with him.”</p><p>“Like, an intervention or something? Does Jonathan know about this?”</p><p>“No, I didn’t have time to tell him yet, since we came straight here. I was going to talk to him when we got home and ask him to talk to you. But since you’re here now, I thought it would be easier to explain in person.”</p><p>“Yeah, thanks. I appreciate that. Let me look into this Savior Complex thing a little more myself, and if I think you might be right, then yeah, we can go see your doctor on Friday.”</p><p>“Thank you, Nancy!” El pulled her into another hug. “I just want to help Mike. He’s done so much for me, and it hurts to know he’s suffering.”</p><p>Nancy was grateful that El was watching out for her brother too, but she was also seeing the same warning signs she had seen when things began to fall apart with Steve. They just seemed to respond to trauma differently. Even though they loved each other, these horrors they’d been through may have shown them just how different they really were.</p><p>The girls headed back to the table to say their goodbyes, joining the group that was already passing around hugs and handshakes. El thanked all her friends for coming, putting on a brave face after the emotional conversation with Nancy.</p><p>As everyone else left the room, Jonathan and Will taking the cake and gifts to load in the car, Karen gave El a quick hug goodbye and called to Joyce with a wink, “Why don’t we leave these two lovebirds alone for a minute to say their goodbyes? Don’t be long, Mike, it’s already rush hour and it’ll take forever to get home as it is!” Joyce shut the doors to the private party room behind with a knowing smile.</p><p>Finally alone for the first time that afternoon, El turned to Mike and took his hand. “Thank you again for the mix tape.”</p><p>“I know it’s lame. I’ll get you a real present before I see you at Thanksgiving. I still can’t believe no one told me -- I wouldn’t have told you! We hardly get to talk anyway…”</p><p>El pulled him into a hug. She felt Mike’s arms wrap around her, so familiar and warm. She buried her head against his chest, afraid to look up and see frustration instead of love in his eyes. “I…I really miss you,” she whispered, not able to bear yet another unreturned, ‘I love you.’</p><p>“I really miss you too,” Mike sighed, sounding relieved. His lips pressed a soft kiss in her hairline, not unlike Hop used to do before tucking her into bed. “But we’ll see each other in just a couple of weeks?”</p><p>She nodded against his chest. “I guess we’d better get going. What’s 17 more days, right?” They walked to the parking lot hand in hand, pausing before they split to go to their respective cars. </p><p>Mike leaned over and planted a quick kiss on her lips with a small smile. “See you in 17 days!” El watched his long, lanky frame walking away, and turned to join her own family before the waterworks kicked in.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>After thanking Joyce profusely for her surprise birthday party, El settled in for the nearly three-hour drive home. The TGI Friday’s they met at had been halfway between Dr. Mathews’ office and Hawkins, making it a shorter drive for the Party and their families to come. Thanks to rush hour traffic, even with Jonathan's heavier foot on the pedal, they wouldn’t be home until nearly nine.</p><p>“Hey, El,” Will leaned across the backseat, speaking lowly so his mom and Jonathan couldn’t hear over music from the radio. “I’m sorry I didn’t get you a gift. I really didn’t know about the party, or I would have gotten you something,” he apologized.</p><p>“Don’t worry about it, Will – I didn’t know either! It was just great seeing everyone, I didn’t even need gifts.”</p><p>“Well, I want to get you something, and I have an idea. Give me your hand.”</p><p>El reached her hand out to Will with a curious look, as he pulled a pen from his pocket. He turned her hand over, palm up, so her 011 tattoo was showing. He brought the pen to her wrist and began to draw, the cool tip and his motions tickling that sensitive strip of skin. She jerked and giggled at the sensation, and Will’s grip on her wrist tightened. He made a soothing little circle with his thumb next to the tattoo, sending a shiver up El’s arm. “Sorry, does it tickle?” he grinned, looking into her eyes. El felt the shiver again, and nodded her head. “Try to hold still or I’ll mess up.”</p><p>Will’s pen began to move again, the gentle strokes of the ballpoint and his fingers on the underside of her wrist making El’s stomach dip and swoop as they raced along the highway. Fortunately, the drawing didn’t take long, and El was soon left with a cute little butterfly where her tattoo used to be – the ones camouflaged into the body and the zero became part of the pattern on one wing, a matching one on the other side.</p><p>“Will! It’s…it’s like it’s gone!”</p><p>“You like it?”</p><p>“Yes, I LOVE it! Thank you!” Still leaned close together in the seat, El planted a swift kiss on Will’s cheek, making him blush.</p><p>“I’m…glad you like it. I know you usually try to wear bracelets or a watch to cover it, but you have to take those off in gym, so I’ve been thinking about this for a while. Sorry if it tickled.”</p><p>“Yeah it does, see?” El took the arm Will had been leaning on in the seat to steady his work, and turned it palm up. She gently ran her fingers over the underside of his wrist, tracing the light blue veins running under the skin. </p><p>Will visibly shuddered at the chill El’s touch sent up his arm. The thrill of her touch, following the kiss to his cheek, had Will’s chest feeling tight, as well as his pants. “Oh, yeah…it does,” Will tried to laugh, though the sound came out way too breathy to his own ears. He sat back up toward the window and shifted to relieve the growing pressure. “I can make you a sheet of temporary tattoos so you can keep one on all the time if you want. It’ll just be pencil, so it only stays on for a few washes. But I can make you more when you need them. And I can do better designs with pencil on paper than I can do with the pen on your skin.”</p><p>“Better than this? Oh wow, that would be really amazing.” El reached out again and squeezed Will’s hand, that was resting on his thigh. “Thank you, Will, really. Covering this ugly thing is the best gift you could give me.”</p><p>Will swallowed, giving El a tight smile and nod, trying not to panic that she was holding is hand, <em>on his thigh!</em> She finally leaned back in her seat and let go, placing her hand back in her own lap. Will let out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding and shifted to fully face the window. He watched the fading landscape fly by, trying to count trees to distract his body from its seriously unrealistic expectations of what could happen next.</p><p>About an hour in to the drive, Joyce had dozed off in the front seat and each of the kids were lost in their own thoughts. Jonathan broke the silence.</p><p>“Hey, El, you awake back there?”</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>Jonathan turned down the radio. “Nance said you needed to talk to me about something about Thanksgiving plans. Did you wanna talk now? It’ll be pretty late by the time we get home.”</p><p>“Oh…sure, I guess so. It’s about Mike.” El explained the situation to her brothers, sharing her concern for Mike and the idea to visit Dr. Mathews together.</p><p>“Wow, El, I had no idea. But it makes sense now.” Will joined in the conversation. “When we were at the restaurant and he came to get me in the bathroom, he kinda had a meltdown. That’s why we were gone so long. He kept talking about how <em>he</em> was supposed to be protecting us and how nothing he did mattered because he lost us anyway.” Will left out the part about him admitting to being jealous. “And then he got really mad because he thought we didn’t need him anymore. I thought he was just feeling sorry for himself, but maybe there is more to it El.”</p><p>“Yeah, I gotta tell ya – I always thought that kid was a little crazy. I mean, no offense, I know you guys are close and all, but he’s done some pretty wild stuff the last few years. And the way he went off on Hopper when El came back that night? I mean, that kid has no fear.” Jonathan grew silent for a moment. “You know, Nancy’s not much better.  But at least she usually makes a plan. I don’t know, maybe it just runs in the family.”</p><p>“They must get it from Mrs. Wheeler, because I’m pretty sure Mr. Wheeler usually can't be bothered to get up from his easy chair!” Will laughed.</p><p>“Well, I’ll talk to Nancy next week and let you know for sure, but I think it sounds like a good idea.  Even if it’s not that Savior thing, it still couldn’t hurt for them to both talk to somebody. Even though I was skeptical at first, Mathews has helped me work through a lot of stuff since we’ve been seeing him.”</p><p>“Yeah, me too,” Will agreed, as El nodded.</p><p>With that settled, there was nothing more to do now than wait for next Friday to roll around, and hope for the best.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Jenny</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jenny / 867-5309 by Tommy Tutone: <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7uDm5Fv2WhkpXTWUIdKH4F?si=qmpc8kkZRYmrRK3cB1Evew">Listen Here</a></p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is just a quick one! Mike's Thanksgiving visit is next!</p><p>And if you're enjoying the story, please leave a girl some Kudos!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The rest of the school week was uneventful, the biggest news being that Amy and Jenny were planning a holiday party in mid-December, with something called a “white elephant.”  El was excited to go to her first high school party, but she was more excited about Mike visiting for Thanksgiving.  She was also careful to keep her distance from Will, only doing homework in the kitchen or living room, <em> always </em> double checking the bathroom, and avoiding his room like the plague. She was fortunate his nightmares stayed away, because she didn’t think she could bear not going to him in the night if he needed her.</p><p>On Saturday morning, El stumbled sleepily to the bathroom to pee and brush her teeth before tuning in for her weekly cartoon marathon.  She squeezed the red, white and blue toothpaste onto her brush, trying to achieve that perfect little curl like the picture on the tube (it never worked).  She sighed and shoved the toothbrush in her mouth, rubbing the sleep from her eyes with her other hand. Opening her eyes and looking in the mirror for the first time, El was met with the horror of a bright red bump right on the tip of her nose!</p><p>“Joyce!! Jo-yce!!” El ran to Joyce’s bedroom, meeting her in the living room as Joyce rushed across the house to El’s call of distress.</p><p>“El! What is it? What’s wrong?! Is it Will?!” Panic turned to confusion in Joyce’s eyes as she saw El in her pajamas, toothbrush sticking out of her mouth, frantically pointing at her nose. “What?! What is it, El? Are you hurt?”</p><p>“LOOK!” El stepped in closer to Joyce, still pointing at her nose.</p><p>“Wha-?” Joyce squinted at El and relief washed over her features. “Oh, El! You scared the hell out of me! It’s just a pimple baby. It’s nothing to worry about.”</p><p>“I know, buh how oo I make ih go a-ay?!” She pulled the toothbrush from her mouth. “Mike will be here in five days! I can’t let him see me like this!”</p><p>“Oh, sweetie, it should go away on its own by then. But, I think I have a cream that might help. Come to my bathroom.”  El followed Joyce to her room and into her en suite bathroom.  She spit her toothpaste out in Joyce’s sink while Joyce rifled through her drawers. She pulled out a small tube and squeezed a dot on her finger and dabbed it on the tip of El’s nose. “Now, don’t mess with it, or it’ll just get worse.  I’ll get you some Noxema when I go to the store later. You know what this means right?”</p><p>El shook her head quickly, not following. “You’ll probably be starting your period soon. I’ll be sure to pick up some supplies for that too.”  El’s eyes widened. She knew it would be something that would happen before long, because a lot of girls at school were already talking about it.  Jenny had already gotten hers, but Amy was still waiting too. </p><p>“Will...it, <em> hurt?” </em>El asked, a little afraid of the thought of bleeding for several days in a row. </p><p>“The bleeding itself doesn’t hurt, sweetie. It’s not like being hurt or cut. But your uterus sometimes contracts a little to get the blood out, and that can make you feel crampy or make your back hurt, so that can be uncomfortable. But it’s not something a little Tylenol and a heating pad can’t fix!” Joyce gave El a comforting squeeze to her shoulder.</p><p>“But what if it happens when Mike is here?! I don’t want to feel bad when he’s only here for a few days!”</p><p>“Well, honey, it can’t be helped. It comes when it comes. But it could still be a few more weeks, and if not, first periods aren’t usually too bad.” Joyce paused, looking like she wanted to say something more.  </p><p>As El turned to leave, Joyce finally continued, “El...I know that Hopper was pretty strict about your...alone time with Mike.  I think he was probably just being paranoid at the time, but you guys are older now, and I know it’s been a while since you’ve been able to spend any time together. And since your body is obviously maturing, I just need to make sure that you two are.... being safe. I wasn’t much older than you when I got pregnant with Jonathan-”</p><p>“Oh!” El gasped in understanding at what Joyce was getting at. “No, Joyce! We haven’t...I mean, we don’t...we wouldn’t…”</p><p>“Well, I know you may not <em> think </em> it might happen, but I know all too well what it’s like to be young and in love and get carried away. I’ll get you some protection -- I’d rather you have it, just in case, so you don’t make the same mistake I did. I love Jonathan more than anything, but I wouldn’t wish being a teenage mom on anyone.  I know you kids are crazy about each other, and I just don’t want there to be any ‘accidents,’ okay?”</p><p>Not knowing how else to respond without feeling even <em> more </em> awkward, El simply stuttered, “O-okay,” and took her pimple cream back to the bathroom. Looking at her reflection in the mirror, shiny red nose, uncombed hair sticking up in all directions from sleep, a bit of dried toothpaste in the corner of her mouth, the last thing El could imagine was that she’d be having <em> sex </em> in the next week!  </p><p>El was just hoping she and Mike would get their relationship back to normal after the coming week -- not taking that kind of huge leap forward! But, then again, if things were still tense between them as Sunday rolled around, maybe more <em> drastic </em> measures would be needed. <em> He’d HAVE to believe I love him if I gave him my virginity, right? </em> El thought, causing her heart to jump in her throat. Was she really even considering this?! </p><p>She decided to get a second opinion, and later in the day dialed Jenny’s number. “Hi, this is Jenny. If you’re calling for a good time you can hang up now.”</p><p>El laughed at her friend’s crazy sense of humor. “Hey, Jenny, it’s El.”</p><p>“Hiya! What’s going on Ellie Belly?” </p><p>“Nothing much. What’s going on with you? Are you still going out with Brett this weekend?”</p><p>“Yeah, I’m going to give him a chance to prove he’s worthy of my time. We’re just going to hang out at the mall and see a movie tomorrow. You got any plans?”</p><p>“No, thank goodness! I woke up with the most ginormous pimple on my nose! It’s so gross. I hope it goes away before Mike gets here.”</p><p>“Oh, how could I forget?! Are you excited? I know you just saw him at your party -- which I’m still offended I didn’t get an invite to, by the way -- but he’s spending the whole weekend with you, right? Three nights? Bow-chik-a-wow-wow…”</p><p>“Jen!” El giggled. </p><p>“Don’t you even try to deny it! I know you’ll be getting some smoochy time in. The question is, are you going to give him <em> more </em>than just smooches? I mean, who knows when you’ll see him again next? You gotta get whatchya can, when you can get it, right?”</p><p>“Well, that’s actually one of the reasons I called...” El started, not exactly sure how to ask what she wanted to know.</p><p>“Spit it out, girl. You know I’m always happy to share my extensive knowledge of the males species.”</p><p>“Uh, yeah...I know, that’s why I called you and not Amy.  Things have been...not so great with Mike these past few weeks. And, uh, I was wondering if you thought, maybe, if we...<em> you know </em>... that it might help?”</p><p>“Wait, what?!  Are you thinking about having <em> sex </em> with him!? El! I thought you might want to know how to give him a hand job or something, but <em> all the way?! </em> That’s huge! Are you <em> sure?!” </em></p><p>“N-no, not at all. That’s why I wanted to talk to you. I don’t know anyone else that’s done <em> it. </em>”</p><p>“You think <em> I’ve </em> done it?!  I haven’t! I’ve done just about everything else, but El, I’m still a virgin.”</p><p>“Oh! I’m sorry, Jenny, I didn’t know! I guess I just thought...with all the guys…”</p><p>“No, I get it. I talk a big game, but it just hasn’t felt <em> right </em> with anyone yet. But, El, I thought you guys hadn’t done anything but kiss? Did something else happen you didn’t tell me about?”</p><p>“No, nothing else. I haven’t seen him except at the party, and we didn’t even really get any time alone then.”</p><p>“Then what makes you think you guys should go all the way? What’s going on?”</p><p>El couldn’t really explain it all to Jen without sharing the details of their past. “I just...don’t feel like we’re as <em> close </em> as we used to be. And...I thought it might...help?”</p><p>“Well, seriously, I’m no expert, but if you want my opinion, I don’t think it’s a good idea, El. It’s a big step, and if you guys are having problems, it might make things worse. I wouldn’t want you to do something you regret later. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from the movies, it’s never a good idea to try to use sex to fix your relationship. It’s not like there aren’t plenty of <em> other </em> things you could try if you want to <em> show </em> him how much you care.”</p><p>El thought about her friend’s advice. It did seem like a huge jump, but El couldn’t think of anything else she could do that could so unequivocally demonstrate to Mike that she loved him. “Like what?” she asked.</p><p>“Oh, El -- sweet, innocent, El. This is not knowledge I can impart over the phone. Do you want to have a sleepover tonight? I will gladly share my wisdom on the art of seduction.” </p><p>Joyce was working an evening shift, and Jenny’s mom was at home, so it was decided that Jenny would stay over at El’s that evening.  When she arrived, Will’s eyes were pulled from his sketch journal as the two girls sped to El’s room in a rush of whispers and giggles. Throughout the course of the evening, Jenny proceeded to school El in the finer points of making out with a boy, including all the safety basics she missed in seventh grade health class.</p><p>Later that evening, Will was watching an episode of <em> Diff’rent Strokes </em>, when Jenny sauntered out into the living room in her night shirt, the top two buttons unbuttoned. </p><p>“Hey, Will, whatchya watchin’?” Will eyed her warily as she sank down just inches away from him, instead of on the other, empty end of the sofa.</p><p>“Just...<em> Diff’rent Strokes</em>,” he motioned at the TV set.  “Uh...where’s El?”</p><p>“Mmmmm…Mike called. I thought I’d give them some...privacy,” Jenny said, licking her lips and letting her eyes slide down Will’s body.  </p><p>He swallowed nervously. He hadn’t heard the phone ring, but a glance at the side table confirmed the phone was in El’s room, so maybe he just hadn’t heard it. </p><p>Jenny crossed her leg toward Will, her nightshirt riding dangerously high up on her long, bare leg and bringing her body even closer.  She ran her index finger from the little dip at the base of her throat down toward her open shirt, giving Will a flash of her ample cleavage.  “Do you have any snacks? I’m <em> starving </em>,” she said in a low husky voice. </p><p>“U-uhm,” Will’s voice cracked, revealing his nervousness at Jenny’s suggestive behavior. “I, uh, think there’s some...chips, and maybe, uh, fruit...in the kitchen?”</p><p>“Mmmmm...sounds like just what I <em> need</em>,” she practically moaned, as Jenny’s hand clamped down on Will’s thigh, making him squeak in surprise.  With a little squeeze, she used Will’s thigh as leverage to stand, and strutted into the kitchen with an obvious sway to her hips. </p><p>Will swallowed thickly and rubbed the back of his neck, trying to figure out what had come over Jenny. She’d never shown any interest in him before, and now she was <em> totally </em> coming on to him. <em> Should I follow her into the kitchen? </em> he thought. <em> Does she WANT me to follow her? </em>  Will’s foot twitched as he made to get up, but then the thought of El walking in and getting the wrong idea hit him, and he remained cemented in place. Just the thought of El seeing him with Jenny made Will feel a little queasy.</p><p>Jenny strolled back into the living room, swinging a banana in her hand. “Will, could you help me open this? The stalk just keeps bending, and it won’t rip open.”  She bent over to hand Will the banana, throwing her curly chestnut hair over her shoulder and giving him a full view straight down her nightshirt, from her ripe breasts all the way to her flat stomach. </p><p>He sat, unblinking, as he took the banana from her. “S-sure,” he stuttered, stripping the banana of half its peel.</p><p>“Oh, and do you mind if I turn the TV up a little?” She turned to the TV, and bent over at the waist to adjust the volume, giving Will a full view of her round globes, just peeking out of her bright red panties. </p><p>Jenny giggled to herself as she saw Will frozen in place, eyes still staring straight ahead at the TV where her ass had just been, not even noticing his own obvious erection tenting his sweatpants. She plucked the banana from his hand, sucking it lasciviously between her lips, cheeks hollowing. “Mmmmmmmm,” she moaned.</p><p>Will jumped from the couch, desperate to escape the insanely erotic show in his living room.  He had no idea if Jenny was really into him, just feeling crazy horny, or what, but there was no way he would even think about exploring her sudden <em> attentiveness </em> with El right in the next room, able to walk in any second.</p><p>He turned the corner into the hallway to find El on the floor, hand clamped over her mouth, eyes full of laughter. </p><p>“What the hell, El?!  Were you...were you <em> watching?! </em>  Was this some kind of sick prank?!”</p><p>“Sorry, big Willie - I was just giving El a little demonstration on how to use her feminine wiles,” Jenny slapped Will on the shoulder good-naturedly, then squeezed. “See El, told you it works every time. But hey, I’m no tease, Will. I’m happy to help you out with your little problem there if you want,” she said with a playful wink.</p><p>“Are you kidding me right now?!” Will growled, humiliated at the way he’d been played. “Just...leave me alone!” He stormed into his room, slamming the door behind him.</p><p>El’s laughter quickly withered into regret. “You shouldn’t have gone that far, Jen. That was mean.”</p><p>“El, he’s your brother -- what good is having one if you can’t torture him every once in a while?”</p><p>“We don’t...he’s not like your brother, Jen. We’re...friends. He’s like, my <em> best </em> friend. I need to apologize.”  El knocked on Will’s door.  She heard a muffled, <em> “Go away,”  </em>from the other side. </p><p>“Will, it’s me. I’m so sorry. <em> Please </em> let me in!”  When he didn’t respond again, El turned the knob and peeked inside. Will was in his bed, back to the door, facing the wall with a pillow over his head.</p><p>Hearing the door shut behind El, Will mumbled, “I really don’t want to talk to you right now, El.”</p><p>“I know. I know, Will -- I just need you to know I am <em>so</em> sorry about what just happened.” El knelt down beside Will’s bed. “I promise I didn’t know she was going to do all that! She just told me to ‘watch and learn.’ I thought she was just going to show me how to flirt.”</p><p>“That was a little more than <em> flirting</em>, El.”</p><p>“Yeah, I...figured that out. But then I didn’t know how to stop her without embarrassing you, so I...I just...well, I’m just really sorry is all. I didn’t mean to laugh.” El leaned over the bed and reached out to touch Will’s shoulder. “And I wasn’t laughing at you, I was laughing at her. I mean, everything she was doing <em> was </em> kind of over the top.”  Will still didn’t reply. “If it helps, she does think you’re pretty cute.”</p><p>“No, it does not!  What do you even need to know how to flirt for anyway? You and Mike are already a done deal.”</p><p>“Well...it’s <em> for </em> Mike,” El admitted. “Since things have been...tough...lately, I thought maybe...I needed to be able to <em> show </em> him, how I feel.”</p><p>Will looked over his shoulder at El. “Seriously, El? You don’t need to throw yourself at him. Anyone with eyes can see you’re crazy about him.  If he can’t see that, <em> he’s </em>the crazy one.”</p><p>El shrugged. “Well, it can’t <em> hurt.”  </em></p><p>Will huffed and turned back to the wall. El stood and turned toward the door when she heard, “Does she really think I’m cute?”</p><p>She laughed, “Yeah, she does. Jen’s really not so bad. I think she’s just...lonely.”  Will didn’t reply, so El left him alone with his thoughts.</p><p>The next morning, Will went for his morning run. As he turned on to his street to head back to the house, he saw Jenny walking toward him, heading home from the sleepover. He hoped for a moment she didn't see him, but they were the only two outside this early on a Sunday.</p><p><em> At least she’s on the opposite side of the street. Maybe she’ll at least have the decency to just keep walking, </em> he thought. But of course, he had no such luck.  A soon as they were near each other, Jenny began crossing the street toward him and called out to him, “Will, wait up!”</p><p>“Jenny, I really don’t have anything to say to you,” Will slowed down to a walk, catching his breath.</p><p>“Yeah, well, I have something to say to you.” She walked right up to Will, looking him straight in the eye. “I want to apologize for last night. I crossed a line, and I’m sorry about that. I didn’t mean to embarrass you, or make you uncomfortable. I thought you would be a typical guy and just make a move or something, which is what I was trying to show El how to make happen.”</p><p>Will rolled his eyes and groaned, running his fingers through his damp hair to get it out of his face. “That is <em> so </em> messed up!”</p><p>“Well, it usually works,” Jenny shrugged. “Sorry I didn’t realize what a nice guy you really are,” Jenny said, giving Will’s sweaty form a once over. “Hey, do you...uh...wanna hang out sometime?”</p><p>“Wha-? Hang out? Just...just you and me?”</p><p>“Yeah, if you want?”</p><p>Will looked into Jenny’s dark brown eyes to see if this was another prank. He saw nothing but honesty between her long lashes. Jenny <em>was</em> a very pretty girl, and before last night, Will had always thought she was fun to be around.  And her antics the night before certainly proved he was attracted to her. Maybe Jenny was just what he needed to get over his infatuation with El.</p><p>“Uh, yeah. Yeah, that would be cool.”</p><p>“Okay,” Jenny gave him a warm, genuine smile. “Call me!” She adjusted her overnight bag on her shoulder and turned back toward home. Will stood in place as she went, still somewhat dumbfounded that he’d basically just been asked out.</p><p>As she neared the end of the street, Jenny looked over her shoulder to see Will still standing there. “See ya, Will!” she called, waggling her fingers. Will lifted a hand in return, wondering just what he was getting himself into.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Love Stinks</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Love Stinks by the J. Geils Band: <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7uDm5Fv2WhkpXTWUIdKH4F?si=qmpc8kkZRYmrRK3cB1Evew">Listen Here</a></p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>It feels like I've been working on this chapter FOR-EVER! (and I guess I have).  I'm actually still working on the second half, when the Wheelers arrive for Thanksgiving, but it was getting really long so I thought I would go ahead and post the first half as it's own chapter.</p><p>REALLY trying to get the rest of this chapter posted tonight or tomorrow. Thanks for hanging in there with me!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>With a final bit of shading to bring depth to the last design, Will was finally satisfied. The base of the old wooden chair at his desk whined in protest as he rocked back to look over his completed work. The mirrored writing had been tough, but he’d finally mastered it, although it took him longer to finish the set than he expected. It had been especially tough to find time to work on it with the rush of schoolwork his teachers had assigned the last couple of weeks before the Thanksgiving break. </p><p>But he finally had thirty unique temporary tattoo designs, one for every day of the month. He wanted to make sure El had a new one for each day, just in case they washed off. Although, given how the graphite had stained his fingertips from blending some of the hard lines, he thought they might last at least a couple of days each. He dropped his pencil back into the cup on the corner of his desk, excited to finally give them to El.</p><p>One thing that hadn’t taken away from his design time on the tattoos was El herself. It hadn’t gone unnoticed by Will that she had been spending less time with him ever since her birthday lunch -- almost avoiding him all together.  He’d had hours of uninterrupted time for homework, sketching, and reading without her familiar knock at his door, her head popping in with a request for help on an assignment, or just looking for a few minutes of distraction when she needed a mental break from the work. </p><p>Since being a part of the Byers family, El seemed to crave companionship.  Will wasn’t sure if it was because she didn’t want to be alone with the thoughts and memories in her head, or simply a preference for not being physically alone after being isolated for so much of her life. The difference now was that she wasn’t seeking Will out for company, as had become her routine for the past few months.</p><p>Instead, El stationed herself in the kitchen or living room, where she was sure to often see someone in the family coming or going, but the regular visits to Will’s room had come to an abrupt halt. She even seemed to be avoiding being alone with him for long in any room of the house.</p><p>Her absence was both a welcome reprieve and inner torture for Will.  On one hand, he was completely blown away by everything that happened with Jenny over the weekend, and there was a part of him that knew he should make an effort to get to know her better and see if anything developed between them. She had a new, shy smile for him when she greeted him at school that morning, but otherwise was her typical, outspoken self, ribbing him along with everyone else who made a lower grade on the history test than she did. </p><p>Will admired the confidence with which Jenny always seemed to carry herself. She was really the first girl to ever directly show an interest in him, other than Christy Simmons asking him to dance at the Snow Ball (which he was pretty sure was just out of pity for the ‘Zombie Boy’). But he knew he wouldn't be able to give Jenny a real chance if his senses were constantly overwhelmed with all things El.  </p><p>But, on the other hand, he already <em>really</em> missed El. Even though he saw her every day, her sudden change in behavior toward him over the last week had been jarring.  She wasn’t exactly cold - she was still friendly, but there was a forced politeness to her tone, a measure to her movements, like she was strategically thinking about everything she said and did around him.</p><p>It felt like those first few weeks after she moved in, before they had learned each other's rhythm and became so in-tune to the other's moods. It was putting him on edge as well, without the ability to just relax in his own home without being sure he didn't accidentally cross any of the invisible lines she seemed to have suddenly drawn.</p><p>Hoping his belated birthday give would help thaw the ice, Will found El in one of her new homework spots in the living room, sitting on the floor, leaning back against the couch with her work spread out across the coffee table, clearly signaling there was only room for one. </p><p>“Hey El, you got a minute?” he asked from the hall at the edge of the room, holding the sheet of paper behind his back. El’s teeth worried her pen as Will watched her consider her response. </p><p>“Uh, yeah, sure Will,” she sighed, reluctantly pulling her eyes from her homework to spare him only the briefest of glances before she continued to write on the page in front of her. “I can take a quick break.  What’s up?” </p><p>He sat down on the couch what he judged to be a 'safe' distance away, and pulled the sheet of tattoos out from behind his back and slid them across the table next to her homework. “I finished your birthday present.”</p><p>El had tried to subtly shift away from Will as he had sat, but now she leaned back in, her curiosity drawing her to take a closer look at the series of images splayed across the page. She saw several butterflies, similar to the one Will had drawn on her wrist in the car, but with different wing patterns, some with delicate flowers surrounding them, some with hearts and tiny stars that twinkled with life on the page. There was also a set of geometric patterns, a series of circles and lines that completely transformed her 011 into a kaleidoscope-like design. There were some floral patterns as well, and even a monkey and couple of other animals with the zero disguised as an eye or nose. </p><p>“Oh my, God - Will! These...these are amazing! There’s so many! How did you think of all these?!” El asked, the joy and wonder washing the mask of indifference from her face.</p><p>Will shrugged, a half-smile poorly concealing his bashfulness (and relief) at the re-emergence of the El he'd been missing. “I just started with the 011 in the center of each, and then started doodling from there.”</p><p>Picking up the paper and inspecting it more closely, El noticed some of the designs also had words embedded, but the letters looked funny and were hard to read. “Um, Will...I think...some of the words are backwards?” El felt bad pointing it out, but she was sure Will could fix them. </p><p>“Oh yeah, they’re supposed to be. It's so they transfer the right way on your skin -- like a mirror. That’s what took me so long. It’s really hard to write letters backwards like that so they don’t look weird when they flip around. I had to use a mirror to check and make sure they looked right.”</p><p>“Wow. I don’t know what to say, Will. Just...<em> thank you! </em>” El beamed, making direct eye contact with him for the first time in nearly a week. “How do I put one on?”</p><p>“There’s a little bit of a trick to it, but I'm sure you’ll get the hang of it pretty quickly.  If you want, I can show you.”</p><p>El followed Will into the kitchen, her excitement over the tattoos overriding the promise she made to herself to keep her distance. Will grabbed the scissors from the caddy on the counter as he walked by and handed them to El as he turned to pull a paper towel off the roll and crossed to the sink.  “Cut out the one you want.” Will instructed over the sound of the running tap.  </p><p>“This one is pretty. What does it say?”  Will wrung the excess water out of the paper towel and turned back to see the design El was pointing too, a combination of elaborate lettering entwined with flowers and scrollwork. </p><p>“‘Decide your Destiny.’ It’s from that scene in <em> Jane Eyre</em>, when Rochester proposes so terribly?” El shook her head, not remembering the line. “You know, when Jane got all mad and told him that she’s a strong, independent woman with her own free will, and he actually agrees and says, ‘And your will shall decide your destiny.’ That what she did with her future, whether she married him or not, was ultimately her choice. It just made me think about us, and how lucky we’ve gotten this chance to start over. And now we get to decide our own destinies without anyone knowing anything about our past. I just thought it was a good thing to remember.”</p><p>El nodded slowly as she thought about his words, “Yeah, you’re right Will. I really like that, too. Let’s do this one.” She finished clipping out the tattoo and handed it to Will, holding out her wrist.</p><p>“Okay, the trick to these is you gotta hold still and be patient, or it’s easy to mess up.” Will placed her arm on the kitchen counter, one hand holding it steady as he leaned over, placing himself eye-level with her wrist. “And the trickiest part is making sure we get the numbers lined up with your actual tattoo. I think the paper is thin enough that we should be able to see through it to match it up...yeah..see? Just like that.”</p><p>El leaned over as well to check the alignment, their faces so close the heat of his breath ghosted across her cheek. “Oh, yeah, I can see it. Now what?” When Will didn’t reply, she looked up to see his eyes on hers. He swallowed thickly.</p><p>El saw Will’s gaze flicker down to her mouth, and at the feel of the butterflies taking wing in her stomach she straightened, nearly pulling her wrist from his grip in her haste.  <em> Will is your brother and Mike will be here in three days!! THREE DAYS!! Just keep your distance like you planned and everything will be back to normal after you see Mike. These feelings are just because you miss MIKE! </em></p><p>“Uh, y-you gotta hold still, okay?” Will stuttered, staying bent over and readjusting the alignment on the tattoo. When El had brought her face so close to his, a wave of her fresh, floral scent momentarily overwhelmed his senses.<em> WHY did you look at her lips?! Those soft, pink lips...You know she saw you. Maybe it really is best if she keeps her distance. Just get this tattoo on and go back to your room before you do something STUPID!, </em> Will berated himself.  </p><p>He placed his fingers on either edge of the little paper and held it down tight on El’s wrist, keeping his eyes trained on the tattoo so he didn't make things any more awkward. “So, hold it tight like this, and then you just take a wet paper towel -- not drippy wet, but pretty wet like this -- and just rub it over the back of the paper until it’s good and wet, so the entire piece of paper sticks to your skin by itself. If the edges start to peel up by themselves, it’s not wet enough. And make sure you keep the paper held tight so it doesn’t move, or it will smear.  Once the paper’s completely wet, like this, you need to hold the paper towel over it for about five minutes.”  </p><p>Will wrapped his hand around El’s wrist, holding the soggy paper towel against her skin, and lay his head on his arm on the counter.  He stayed bent over, avoiding El's eyes contact and keeping as much distance from her still stiff countenance as possible.  He closed his eyes and counted out the seconds. <em>Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Seems I've crossed one of her lines again</em>, Will thought. <em>Just try to get this over with without doing anything else to freak her out. </em></p><p>Although the wet paper towel around her wrist was cold at first, El could now feel the heat from Will’s hand transferring through the flimsy barrier, her heartbeat pounding a rhythm against his fingertips. Will’s grip was firm, yet not so tight as to be uncomfortable. Something about his fingers pressed against her pulse point, so sure and steady, and the feel of his exhales feathering across her arm was making her pulse thrum faster with each passing second. </p><p>Thankfully, Will kept his eyes down at her wrist, occasionally checking his watch, and didn’t notice El’s labored breathing as her panic began to rise. <em> Mike. Just keep thinking about Mike. His charcoal, thick wavy hair (not feather-soft chocolate brown hair), dark intense eyes (not soulful green ones), the sweet kisses you’ve shared (not the full, ruby lips in front of you), all the times he held you as you cried (not the safety of Will's arms after a nightmare)... </em>   </p><p>“Okay, you can look now!” Will’s voice startled El from her internal pendulum, unaware her eyes had squinched shut as she warred within herself.  She watched him gently remove the paper, leaving behind the design with its magically flipped letters.</p><p>“Now you want to make sure it’s completely dry before you touch it so it doesn’t smudge.” Will stood back, careful not to make eye contact, and brought El’s wrist up to his mouth, gently blowing on the shiny tattoo. His hot breath tickled across her now exposed, damp skin, and El’s knees suddenly felt weak. Oblivious, Will rattled on, “And if you want it darker, you can always go over it with a pen or marker.  And I’ve heard that if you put some baby powder on it, and then spray it with hairspray and let it dry, it helps seal it in so it lasts longer too.” </p><p>El nodded, unable to form words, as she watched Will's tongue sweep out, wetting his lips as brought them together in the shape of a kiss to blow across her wrist again, sending prickles of pleasure dancing up her arm. El’s breath caught in surprise at the sensation, and Will finally looked up at the sound, stunned to see El’s pupils dilated and trained on his own mouth.</p><p><em>What the…? Didn’t she jump away from me just minutes ago for doing the same thing?  </em>On a hunch, Will looked down and blew across El’s wrist again, and watched through his lashes as her eyelids fluttered and her chest heaved. <em>Oh, now THIS is interesting</em>, Will thought, remembering the tingle of El’s fingers on his own wrist during the car ride the week before. His lips curled with satisfaction at the evidence of how their close proximity was affecting her.  <em>Oh, thank God it’s not JUST me.</em></p><p>Will took a step closer and brought El’s wrist up between their mouths and gently blew once more. This time, his breath brushed across El’s lips in a shadow of a kiss and her eyes snapped back open, locking with his. The sound of their ragged breaths were the only sounds the quiet kitchen. Will slowly lowered their arms, using his grip on her wrist to pull her toward him as he slowly leaned in…</p><p>...when the phone screamed accusingly from the wall next to them. Startled by the piercing noise, they jumped apart, El pulling her arm away to turn and answer the phone. </p><p>Her back to Will, El took a deep breath before she answered shakily, “H-hello?”</p><p>“El, is that you? It’s Nancy.” Nancy’s voice sounded strained with worry.</p><p>“Yeah, hi Nancy. Is everything okay?”</p><p>“Everything’s fine here. Are you okay? You sound funny.”</p><p>“Oh, y-yeah. I’m...fine. Everything’s fine,” El said unconvincingly.  “But, uh, Jonathan’s not here. He had an early shift and had to head to work right after school.”</p><p>“Yeah, I know. He said it’s crazy at the studio the week leading up to Thanksgiving with all the moms wanting to get family portraits in time for their Christmas cards. I was actually calling to talk to you. About Mike.”</p><p>“Oh! Okay, sure. Gimme just a second.” El pulled the receiver from her ear, covering the mouthpiece with her hand and turned back to Will, who now stood at the sink with his back to her, getting a drink of water. “It’s Nancy, she wants to talk to me about Mike. Can you hang up when I switch phones?” she whispered to Will’s back, but not loud enough for Nancy to hear. Will kept his eyes out the kitchen window, but El saw him nod that he’d heard. </p><p>El placed the phone down on the counter and escaped the kitchen, picking up the living room phone as she passed through and carrying it to her room. “Will, you can hang up now!” she called as she shut the door behind her and sunk down to sit on the floor against the wall.</p><p>“Okay, I’m back. Just wanted to go to my room,” El told Nancy, hearing the click of the kitchen line closing as Will hung up the handset.  <em> Oh, thank God for Nancy</em>, El thought as she felt shaky with the adrenaline still shooting through her body. From the near-kiss with Will to the phone jolting her back to her senses, to this impending conversation with Nancy, El wasn’t sure how much more her pounding heart could take.</p><p>“So, I went to the library and did some research on savior complexes, and I think you might be right about Mike,” Nancy began. “And if he’s really feeling all the things I read about, I want to try to get him help before it gets any worse. It says people can do some really self-destructive stuff because of it, and I don’t want Mike to end up like that. Even worse, some people even start hurting other people just so they can swoop in and be the hero, and that’s really messed up.”</p><p>“Yeah, that’s what Dr. Mathews said,” El nodded in agreement.</p><p>“And, I think I’m kinda like that too. I mean, I don’t just jump in like Mike without thinking things through or doing my research, but that might just be because I’m older. But I think it could be the same sort of thing that made me fight so hard to find out the truth about Barb.”</p><p>“But if it wasn’t for you, the lab would have never been shut down! And if Mike had listened to Lucas and not helped me that night, I’d probably still be in that horrible place, and Will could have ended up just like Barb!” The horror of that alternate reality made El feel sick in her stomach.</p><p>“I...I know. I realize that too. But, that’s all over now. We saved the world. Or, most of it anyway,” Nancy laughed humorlessly. “But I think now we need to worry about saving ourselves. We can’t live the rest of our lives hunting for the next apocalyptic catastrophe, ya know?”</p><p>“Yeah, I know.  Okay, so I’ll let Dr. Mathews know we’ll come see him Friday afternoon?” El confirmed.</p><p>“Go ahead. And, I guess we should tell Mike so it’s not a total surprise?”</p><p>“Oh, yeah. That might not go over too well. How do we do that?”</p><p>“I’ve been thinking about that,” Nancy shared. “Do you talk to this shrink about Mike a lot?”</p><p>“Mm-hmm. Just about every time I see him.”</p><p>“So, maybe you can just say that the doctor wants to meet him, since you talk about him so much? And you can say I’m going to meet him too, with Jonathan. Or, maybe to talk about why it’s getting harder for the two of you to talk to each other lately?”</p><p>‘Yeah, I guess that could work.”</p><p>“Do you want to talk to him now?”</p><p>“Oh! Um, right now?” Just as the knot in El’s stomach had started to loosen, it pulled taut again.</p><p>“Well, he’s in his room. I think he’s just doing homework.  Better to just get it over with, like ripping off a Band-Aid.”</p><p>“Uh, yeah, then I-I guess so.”</p><p>“Okay, I’ll get him. You got this, El.” El wished she felt as sure as Nancy.</p><p>“Hey, Mike, El is on the phone... No, I called for Jon, but he’s not home from work yet...Here, she wants to talk to you,” Nancy told Mike. “Bye El, see you on Thursday! Here’s Mike.”</p><p>“Hi, El.” Mike said with a sigh.  El’s heart sank at his tone. He used to always sound so happy to talk to her.</p><p>“Hey, Mike. Are you okay? You sound...tired?” </p><p>“Uh, yeah, I guess I am. The teachers have been going nuts with the homework the last couple of weeks. It’s like they think we’re going to forget everything we’ve learned all year on a three-day holiday break.”</p><p>“Oh, yeah. Ours too. Do you have much more tonight?”</p><p>“Just some Geometry left. What about you?”</p><p>“I have a map to finish for History. Shouldn’t take much longer.”</p><p>“Okay, well, it’s good to talk to you, but I’ll see you on Thursday, so we should probably go finish our home-”</p><p>“Wait, there was something I wanted to talk to you about,” El chewed her bottom lip nervously. “Before Thursday.” </p><p>“O-kay. Are you okay? Is something wrong? Because if there’s anything I can do to-”</p><p>“No, Mike. I’m fine!” she reassured him. “But, I just...I wanted to ask if you would, um…” <em> Come on, El, just spit it out fast, like ripping off that Band-Aid. “ </em>Cometoatherapysessionwithme...on Friday, while you were here.”</p><p>“A...<em> therapy </em> session?” The confusion was clear in Mike’s voice. </p><p>“Um, yeah, Dr. Mathews would like to meet you, since I talk about you a lot.  He wants to meet Nancy too. For Jonathan.”</p><p>“You talk about me with your shrink?”</p><p>“He’s a <em> psychologist</em>, and of course. We talk about everything important in my life, that’s how therapy works. And you’re important to me.”</p><p>“So, like, what have you told him? ” Mike asked, suspicion creeping into his voice.</p><p>“Well, he already had all the background on all of us and what happened from Dr. Owens, so he pretty much knew all the big stuff. I just talk to him about how I feel about things...about you...us.” El paused, and then decided to just put it all out there. “And how it’s getting harder and harder for us to talk, and it feels like we’re growing apart.”</p><p>“Oh. Well...I just think-”</p><p>“And, Mike...you’ve still never told me you love me, even though I say it all the time.”  El’s statement was met with silence. “So, look, I just think he might be able to help if we went to talk to him together. Are you okay with that?” El’s voice was soft with emotion.</p><p>“I...yeah, I’m cool with that El. If you think it could help,” Mike conceded, clearly not really okay with it, but willing to go because El asked him to.</p><p>“Thanks Mike. I...really appreciate it. I love you, and I can’t wait to see you Thursday!” El said, with relief that the conversation went as smoothly as it did. There was a part of her that feared Mike would flat out refuse to go.</p><p>“Uh, yeah...I...me too.” It seemed to be the best he could do. “I really need to finish my homework before my dad gets on my case. I’ll...see you soon?”</p><p>“Bye, Mike.”</p><p>“Bye.” El listened to the line go dead. She remembered early last summer, when they thought all the Upside Down hell was over, and El could never get Mike to hang up first. They always had to go through that ridiculous ‘no, you hang up first,’ back and forth because neither of them could bear to cut that last connection they had to one another each day. </p><p>El was always the first to hang up, usually because Hopper would finally yell, “Just hang up the god-damned phone already!” when he got tired of listening to them, if not actually yank the phone out of her hand and slam it back on the wall when she had ignored his numerous warnings and pushed past her 10 p.m. phone curfew. </p><p>Now, El couldn’t remember the last time she’d hung up first.</p><p> </p><hr/><p><br/>Will hung up the kitchen phone when he heard El’s voice call out from her room and her door shut behind her. He rubbed his hands over his face and groaned in frustration. He was disgusted with his own behavior, but he was <em> sure </em> he’d read all the signs right this time. He saw El leaning in too, there’s no way he imagined it. If it wasn’t for Nancy calling right <em> then... </em></p><p><em> But I guess kissing me is not something she REALLY wanted to do, because she could have just ignored the phone, </em>Will thought to himself.  <em> But she jumped at it like a life preserver. I could HEAR the relief in her voice when she answered, and now she’s hiding in her room. It’s not like I don’t know what’s going on with Mike. She could have talked to Nancy in here, so she must have just wanted a way out of it.</em></p><p>Will plopped down into a seat at the kitchen table with his glass of water, lost in thought. <em> Maybe she’s just trying not to hurt my feelings, and doesn’t know how to turn me down? Maybe I’m pushing her and she’s just too nice to say anything? Maybe what I think looks like excitement in her eyes is really just panic? Oh God, that would be awful! I could never forgive myself if I did that and she was just too kind to stop me.   </em></p><p>
  <em> That must be why she’s been avoiding me all week. And then, the first time we’re alone together, I have to go and try to kiss her. And she seemed to really like the tattoos, but then I had to go and ruin it. Geez, no wonder she’s been staying away from me. I guess I can’t blame her.  </em>
</p><p>Will ran his finger through the condensation droplets beaded around his glass. He drew a heart, and then quickly wiped it away with his thumb. <em> Maybe I'm just lonely. It’s been easier with El around, but I guess I’ve just been kidding myself that she’d ever pick me over Mike. I mean, she literally walked away from nearly kissing me to just talk to Nancy ABOUT Mike. That’s about as clear a message as she could send. Even if there is SOMETHING going on between us, El’s IN LOVE with Mike, and he’ll always be her top priority. </em></p><p>
  <em> I was so stupid to ever let myself even hope. Not that I really did it on purpose. I mean, she’s just so great. And she just GETS me. I’ve never felt comfortable just being ME around a girl before. And even everything she’s been through, she’s still just so GOOD and sweet. Hell, I probably wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for El. I literally owe her my life. So, sue me if I fell for the gorgeous girl who saved me from a nightmare more twisted than most could even imagine. Could anyone blame me? </em>
</p><p><em> But it’s really time for me to get over this. Mike will be here on Friday, and Doc Mathews is going to fix everything between them, and I’ll be completely back in the brother zone.  Wow, I CAN’T WAIT to be the fifth wheel with them and Jon and Nancy all weekend. At least I used to have Dustin to hang with at home. </em>Will stood up and dumped out the rest of his water, placing the glass on the counter by the sink. </p><p>Then, Will remembered Jenny’s offer to hang out sometime. <em> Maybe she would come over this weekend?  </em> The angel on Will’s left shoulder weighed in, <em> But that might be weird with the other two being couples. It could get really uncomfortable if they’re kissing and hanging all over each other. </em> But the devil on his right sing-songed, <em> BU-UT, she DID offer to ‘help you out’ after coming on to you. So, maybe she wouldn’t mind getting to know YOU better if they’re all ‘distracted’ with each other.  </em></p><p>Will shook his head to clear his conflicting thoughts, spinning away from the sink to return to his room, just as El walked back into the kitchen.</p><p>“Oh, hey. I..uh...left my tattoos...," El said, pausing when she realized Will was still in the room, and motioned to the paper on the counter. "I really do love them.  You can't see the 11 at all." She held up her arm to show him her wrist and the freshly applied design.</p><p>"Oh, yeah, good...I'm glad you like them," Will nodded, but stayed put by the sink, allowing El to hesitantly step forward and snatch the paper from the counter. <em> Geez, does she think I’m going to jump her or something? Way to freak her out Will</em>. <em>I definitely stepped way over a line, even if it felt like she was pulling me across.</em></p><p>As she turned to leave, Will spoke, curiosity getting the best of him. “Everything okay with Nancy?”</p><p>“Oh, uh...yeah,” El turned back, keeping her eyes on the paper in her hands. “We’re...all set for Friday. I just need to call Dr. Mathews tomorrow and let him know.”</p><p>“Did you talk to Mike about it?”</p><p>“Yeah, he wasn’t exactly...thrilled...but, uh, he agreed we should go.” </p><p>Will let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding, his assumption confirmed that they were going to work things out. “Well, that’s...good. That’ll be...good...for you guys.”</p><p>El nodded and turned to leave again, stopped once more by Will’s hesitant voice. “Uh, hey, El? Could you give me Jenny’s number?”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Don't You Want Me?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Don't You Want Me by The Human League: <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7uDm5Fv2WhkpXTWUIdKH4F?si=qmpc8kkZRYmrRK3cB1Evew">Listen Here</a></p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warning: More lemony angst ahead!  ;)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>After recovering from their Thanksgiving dinner food coma and helping Joyce clean the kitchen, El was pacing the floor in anticipation. Nancy and Mike were heading up from Hawkins as soon as their parents left to take their Nana back to the nursing home after dinner, and were expected to arrive at the Byers’ around seven that evening.  El just <em> knew </em> that these few days together were what she and Mike needed to reconnect, and that Dr. Mathews would help them get their relationship back to how it used to be.</p><p>“They’re here!” El squealed the moment she saw the headlights of the Wheeler family station wagon light up the driveway. She flung open the door and ran outside, Jonathan right behind her, barely waiting for Nancy to put the car in park before yanking open the passenger door and practically dragging Mike out of the car.  </p><p>Mike was still trying to unfold his long, lanky frame from the front seat when El threw her arms around his waist, hugging him with all her might.  Mike patted her back gently with one hand, using his other to catch his balance on the doorframe as El nearly bowled them both over. “Okay, okay, El,” he laughed, “I’m happy to see you too.”</p><p>“Hey, babe. God, it’s good to see you,” Jonathan leaned in to give Nancy a soft kiss hello as she shut the car door behind her. Nancy melted into him, running both hands up into Jonathan’s hair and rubbing their noses together, forehead to forehead, just breathing him in and relishing the feel of his arms around her after so long apart. </p><p>“I’ve missed you<em> so </em> much,” Nancy whispered, a sob catching in her throat as her emotions rushed to the surface.<br/><br/>“Shhhh...I got you, Nance. Don’t cry.” Jonathan rubbed circles on Nancy’s back, calming her. “Hey, Will -- can you help Mike with Nancy’s bag please?” </p><p>Mike turned toward the house, giving El a quick hug and kiss on top of the head and untangling himself from her octopus-like grasp. “Hey, Will!” He raised a hand in greeting to his best friend, who was stepping down from the porch. “Don’t worry about it, I got it. Nancy just has one bag.”  He opened the door to the backseat and pulled out his backpack, slinging it over one shoulder and then Nancy’s overnight bag over the other. </p><p>El immediately wrapped her hands around Mike’s free hand as he slammed the doors shut and headed toward the house, El following closely behind. As he met Will, he slapped his friend on the shoulder and gave it an affectionate squeeze.  “Good to see you, man. But I just can’t get used to you being as tall as me!” he said with a teasing push.</p><p>Will just shrugged. “Good to see you, too. Geez, you’d think they hadn’t just seen each other a couple of weeks ago,” he said, jerking his chin toward Jonathan and Nancy, whose arms were wrapped tightly around each other as they walked and kissed their way into the house.</p><p>Joyce was waiting inside the warmth of the living room as they entered, welcoming both Wheeler kids with a big hug. “Do you guys want anything to eat? We have plenty of leftovers. I can heat you up a plate?”</p><p>“I don’t think so, Ms. Byers, but thank you. We didn’t eat until after two, and I’m still stuffed,” Nancy replied, grinning and barely able to tear her eyes away from Jonathan. </p><p>“Well, what about some dessert? We’ve got banana pudding and pumpkin pie.”</p><p>“I might have some of that in a bit,” Mike piped in, trying to be polite.</p><p>“Okay, well, then you kids just help yourselves when you’re ready. I hate to be a party pooper, but I’m going to head to bed. I have to be up at the ass-crack of dawn for the Black Friday sale tomorrow, so I’m going to turn in. Everybody behave tonight. No running off to fight Russians or anything, okay?”</p><p>“Good night, mom. Thanks again for dinner,” Will stepped gave his mom a hug. </p><p>El followed suit, letting go of her hold on Mike to wrap her arms around Joyce. “Everything was delicious, Joyce. Happy Thanksgiving.”</p><p>“Happy Thanksgiving, hon,” Joyce replied, kissing El on the forehead and heading to her room.</p><p>“Mike, come drop your stuff in my room,” Will waved his friend over toward his and El’s side of the house. </p><p>“Yeah, and I want you to see my room too,” El gushed, taking Mike’s hand again and pulling him along.</p><p>“Uh, yeah, we’re just gonna...take Nancy’s bag downstairs,” Jonathan called after the three younger teens, Nancy already wrapping her arms back around her boyfriend, clinging to his back as they made their way toward the stairs.</p><p>“I bet we don’t see them again until morning,” Will whispered with a knowing grin.</p><p>“Ew, that’s my sister. I don’t even want to think about what they’ll be doing down there,” Mike curled his lip in disgust.</p><p>“They missed each other. You can’t blame them for wanting to spend some time alone together,” El weighed in, with a little tug on Mike’s hand toward her room.</p><p>“This is my room, you can toss your bag in here.” Mike followed Will into his room, leaving El at the door. He dropped his bag by the bed and kicked off his shoes as he looked around.  </p><p>“It looks a lot different than your old room. Those posters are really cool.”</p><p>“Yeah, I was kinda over the movie posters, and these are some of the artists that really inspire me. But, El’s got the really cool room. You should check out her black lights.”</p><p>“Yeah, o-okay. Show me your room, El.” Mike followed El into the room next door and peeked in to the light purple and neon room as El flopped into her papasan chair and switched on the black lights. “Oh yeah, this <em> is </em> cool,” he said awkwardly from the doorway, noticing Will hadn’t followed them.</p><p>“Well turn the light off and shut the door, silly, or you won’t get the full effect!”</p><p>Mike glanced back over his shoulder toward Will’s room, not spotting his friend. With a small sigh he stepped in and shut the door behind him, flipping off the light switch and plunging the room into a mix of shadows and glowing purple and neon. The white horizontal stripes on his blue polo lit up bright purple, while only a row of white buttons down the center of El’s dark gray flannel illuminated on her clothing.</p><p>El climbed out of her chair, turning to hit play on the mix tape Mike had given her for her birthday. While most of the music wasn’t really her style, she had one favorite, and the acoustic guitar intro to Van Morrison’s <em> Into the Mystic </em> filled the room.</p><p>As El turned and crossed the room toward Mike, he noticed the top three glowing circles on El’s shirt were no longer in a straight line, but off to the left of the others. <em> Had she unbuttoned her shirt?! </em> Mike took a step back at the realization, bumping into El’s bed and knocking his knees out from under him. The bed caught his butt with a squeak of springs, El taking it as an invitation to join him on her bed. </p><p>Channeling her inner Jenny, El stepped in between Mike’s knees and placed her hands on his shoulders, her glowing white bra flashing as her unbuttoned shirt shifted open. Mike quickly looked up to avoid having El’s partially exposed breasts pressed into his face, and El leaned down and pressed her lips to his upturned mouth. His hands rose reflexively to her hips, muscle memory kicking in as he returned the kiss.</p><p>Encouraged by his response, El climbed onto the bed, knees on either side of Mike’s hips, and slid her hands up into his hair. Mike gasped at her boldness, and El slipped her tongue past his lips, pushing him back onto the bed.</p><p>A thrill ran through El’s body as Mike quickly flipped them over, sliding his hands up to her shoulders. But she was soon left wanting as Mike leaned back and gently pushed her away. “El...El, stop...we can’t...I mean, it would be <em> rude </em> … we can’t just <em>ignore</em> Will. I just...I just got here...and, um, I <em> did </em> come to see both of you.”</p><p>“What?” El asked, confusion evident in her face even in the darkened room. She thought Mike wanted to be alone with her. He’s the one that sat on her bed, and he was certainly kissing her back. Didn’t that mean he wanted this too?</p><p>“We just told Will you were going to show me your room. We can’t just...<em> stay </em> in here and ignore him,” Mike sat up, further distancing himself from El. “Why don’t we... go get some dessert?  And, um, play a game?  Or watch a movie or something, all three of us?  I’m sure we’ll have time to be alone together after I’ve been here a couple of days and spend some time with Will too.” He stood up and held his hand out to help El stand, beckoning her to follow.</p><p>El sat up and took his hand, tugging Mike back toward the bed. He stumbled forward a bit, but stubbornly remained standing. El grabbed on to both sides of his shirt and pulled his torso forward, leaning her chin against his stomach and looked up at him with pleading eyes. “But, Mike, I haven’t been able to kiss you in <em> months</em>. I’m sure Will would understand if we wanted to be alone just for tonight. Why can’t we do something together tomorrow night?”</p><p>Mike released a frustrated sigh. “I...I just don’t think that’s fair...to Will. We need to catch up too.  He’s my best friend and...I don’t want to hurt his feelings by ignoring him as soon as I got here. C’mon. Let’s go do something together.” He removed El’s hands from his shirt and stepped back, pulling her with him. “Plus, I <em> really </em> want some of that banana pudding!” Mike gave El his best puppy dog eyes, and she finally relented, climbing up off the bed and letting Mike lead her back to Will’s room.</p><p>“So, wanna get some of that dessert?” Will’s head shot up in surprise at the sound of Mike’s voice. He had already settled in on his bed with his sketch journal, assuming he wouldn’t see Mike again until it was time to go to sleep, if even then. He’d decided to distract himself with his latest project.</p><p>“Uh, yeah! Sure! What do you want?” </p><p>“You know I’d never miss out on your mom’s banana pudding,” Mike said with a grin, waiting for Will to join them in the hall and then following him to the kitchen, dragging a still disappointed El along with them.</p><p>Will went to the fridge for the pudding as El pulled three bowls from the top cabinet. “El, do you want pudding or pie?”</p><p>“Pudding is fine.”</p><p>“Where are the spoons? I’ll get them,” Mike offered, turning away from the table to the drawer Will pointed to by the sink. El turned to place the bowls on the table at the same time as Will turned from the fridge with the dish of pudding. The dish clattered noisily to the table as Will froze, his eyes wide.</p><p>Startled, El was about to tease him about his butterfingers when she realized his eyes were locked on her chest. El’s unbuttoned shirt had pulled opened as she reached up for the bowls and much of her breasts were now on full display, covered only by her lacy white bra. She quickly spun around to button up as Mike turned back to the table with the spoons.</p><p>“Dude, what happened? You look like you saw a ghost!”</p><p>“S-sorry...the dish just, uh, slipped. I thought I might have broken it, and...uh, mom would have killed me,” Will tried to cover. </p><p>“Yeah, I doubt it. You never get in trouble anymore! Remember that night right after school let out last year when we snuck out to go swimming at the lake? You were the only one that <em> didn’t </em> get grounded.”</p><p>“I didn’t either,” El said, turning back around, cheeks pink but shirt fully buttoned.</p><p>“Well, that’s just because Hop didn’t find out. I thought for sure my mom was going to call him. Me and Lucas and Max were grounded a whole week!” Mike shook his head at their luck, scooping a generous helping of pudding into his bowl.</p><p>“Oh yeah, that’s the weekend Joyce and Hop took us to see <em> The Goonies,"  </em>El recalled.</p><p>“Truffle Shuffle!!” Will said around a mouthful of pudding, laughing and wiggling in his seat.</p><p>Mike laughed at the reference to the funny scene in the film, but El cracked up and Will was <em> still </em> laughing. “What’s so funny?” Mike asked, obviously missing the joke. </p><p>“Oh, there’s just this guy at school, Mark. He’s kind of made the Truffle Shuffle his thing, like a prank, and he'll like, jump out at people and do it to scare them, it's <em>so </em>funny,” Will said, still laughing as he tried to tell the story. “Last week, he ran on stage in the middle of an assembly, and had the assistant principals chasing him all over the auditorium. It was insane.”</p><p>“Huh, guess you had to be there,” Mike said with a polite smile, but not really seeing the humor.</p><p>“It wasn’t <em> that </em> funny,” El said, sobering.</p><p>“It was at the time, El -- you laughed so hard you snorted!” </p><p>“She snorted?!” Mike grinned, now thinking the story was starting to sound a little more amusing. </p><p>“You’ve never heard her snort when she laughs?!” Mike shook his head. “She does it all the time!” Will said incredulously.</p><p>“Do not!” El denied grumpily, but a small embarrassed smile curved the corner of her lips. “Only <em> sometimes </em> if I’m laughing <em> really </em> hard,” she admitted. “Or <em> someone </em> won’t stop tickling me.” </p><p>Will’s eyes dropped to his bowl and he shoveled a spoonful of pudding into his mouth as El snapped her mouth shut, realizing she’d said too much.</p><p>Mike looked back and forth between the two of them at either end of the table as they both went suddenly silent. He was about to ask what he was missing when El spoke up.</p><p>“Is Jenny coming with us to the zoo tomorrow?”</p><p>“Uh, yeah. Yeah, she is.”</p><p>“We’re going to the zoo?" Mike asked. "I thought we were going to see your shrink?”</p><p>“Well, that’s not until four, so we thought we’d go to the zoo in the morning. We’ve been trying to go for weeks but it kept raining. Will invited my friend Jen-ny to come with us!” El teasingly sing-songed Jenny’s name at Will.</p><p>“Will! Are you and her…?” Mike asked with a quirk of his eyebrow.</p><p>Will shook his head. “We’re just friends, but she said we should hang out sometime. I just thought it would be nice not to be the fifth wheel tomorrow, so I asked if she wanted to come.”</p><p>“So, it’s like a date?” </p><p>“No...well...yeah, I guess so,” Will admitted bashfully</p><p>“Dude, that’s awesome! So, you like her?”</p><p>Will glanced at El, who was studying her bowl of pudding intently. “I don’t know. Maybe. I don’t really know her. She’s really El’s friend.”</p><p>“Does <em> she </em> like Will?” Mike asked El, obviously happy for his best friend.</p><p>El looked up from her pudding, eyes shifting from Mike to Will, and back to Mike. “She thinks he’s cute. And, I told her he was a good guy,” El shrugged. “She dates a lot of guys, and some of them are real jerks.”</p><p>“So...is she, like, a slut or something?” Mike asked, trying to figure out El’s hesitant response.</p><p>“No! Mike! That’s not nice to say about a girl. You don’t even know her.”</p><p>“No, l...I don’t! But <em>you’re</em> the one who said she dates a lot of guys, and you seem kinda weird about Will going out with her. Is there some reason Will shouldn’t date her?”</p><p>“N-no. She <em> is </em> my friend, and I want her to be happy. But she <em> is </em> kind of boy crazy, so I just...don’t want Will to get hurt either. And then, if they like, go out and then break up or something, I’d be kind of stuck in the middle.”</p><p>“So, do you not want me to date her?” Will asked, confused at what El was trying to say.</p><p>El sighed and dropped her spoon into her bowl. “No, that’s not what I said. I just want you <em>both</em> to be happy...but if something happens, then it could...make everything weird. Just...just be honest with each other, okay?” El wasn’t sure why she felt so irritated all of a sudden, standing to take her bowl to the sink to rinse. “You done?” she asked Mike, her hand out to take his bowl as well.</p><p>Mike nodded and handed her the bowl, looking over to Will who was pushing the last of his Nilla wafers around his bowl. He’d felt an odd tension between Will and El since they’d sat down at the table, but wasn’t sure if he should butt in. There was obviously something more they weren’t saying.  But, then again, they were siblings now, so maybe they were just getting on each other’s nerves like he and Nancy did?</p><p>“So, is she hot?” Mike whispered conspiratorially to his friend to try to break the tension, but quiet enough El wouldn’t hear over the sound of the running water at the sink.  Will just shrugged, but his grin told Mike everything he needed to know. “Way to go, man!”</p><p>“What do you guys want to do now?” El asked, turning back around to the boys as she dried her hands on a dish towel. “Do you want to play a game? Watch a movie?”</p><p>Will checked his watch. “It’s almost eight. Why don’t we see what movies are on? If there’s nothing good, we can play cards or something?”</p><p>“You guys got cable?!” Mike asked enviously.</p><p>Will nodded. <em> “And </em> ALL the movie channels!” Will stood to rinse out his bowl, and El put the dish full of leftover pudding back in the refrigerator.</p><p>“Aw, you suck! We still just have basic.  My dad is so cheap.”</p><p>“There have been <em> a couple </em> of perks moving here,” Will smirked, a few others involving El crossed his mind as well.</p><p>The boys dropped into opposite corners of the sofa, leaving the spot in the middle to El. She sat down and leaned into Mike's side, sliding her arm under his and linking their fingers. Will glanced down at their entwined hands as he aimed the remote at the TV and started flipping through the cable guide. </p><p>“What are you guys in the mood for?”</p><p>“No sappy dramas,” Mike groaned.</p><p>“Nothing scary please,” El requested.</p><p>“Okay, then we got Caddyshack... A Christmas Story...or Revenge of the Nerds.”</p><p>“Neee-eerrds?!” Mike tried a poor imitation of the angry jock on the movie trailer, making El giggle. “I haven’t seen that yet. Does that sound okay to you, El?” </p><p>“Sure.”</p><p>Will had already watched it, but it was stupid and kind of funny so he turned it on for his friends. </p><p>El thought nerds were supposed to be smart, but the nerds in this move seemed pretty stupid to her. And if this is what nerds were, she wasn’t sure why anyone would call the Party nerds -- they weren’t anything like these weirdos, and they were way smarter. El really hoped college wasn’t anything like this movie showed. If it was, she wasn’t sure it was something she wanted to do.</p><p>“So, fraternities supposedly have initiation ceremonies, and it usually involves humiliating the new recruits,” Mike explained to El, as the nerds entered into a cult-like setting at the jock’s fraternity house.</p><p>“Yeah, I’ve seen some other college movies where they did that, but none of them made college look like<em> this </em>,” she said distastefully. </p><p>“Oh, yeah, well, they’re trying to make it funny, I guess.”</p><p>Will shifted uncomfortably as all the boob gags and hair pie jokes started. Mike was laughing self-consciously, but El hadn’t laughed once. Knowing what was coming, Will was starting to regret watching this with El. He heard her finally gasp and giggle when the Alpha Betas mooned the nerds' party. But by the time the panty raid scene at the Pi's sorority house ended, she stood to leave the room.</p><p>“Anyone else want popcorn? I’m gonna pop some popcorn.”</p><p>“I don’t think El likes this movie very much,” Will said to Mike after she left the room. “Maybe we should turn it off.”</p><p>“Really? I think it’s hilarious! The liquid heat in the jockstrap prank was awesome. I’d love to do something like that to the jocks at school, wouldn’t you? But, I heard her laughing a few times, I’m sure it’s fine.”</p><p>The awkwardness continued through the next hour, coming to a head as the main nerd Lewis followed the pretty popular cheerleader Betty into the fun house. He wore a helmet to disguise the fact that he wasn’t really her boyfriend so he could trick her into having sex with him. <em>(If he were being completely honest, Will had to admit he'd had a similar fantasy about himself and El after seeing this the first time). </em></p><p>Will noticed Mike cross his legs and lean toward the arm of the couch away from El, a sure sign he was trying to hide a hard-on. El was watching the scene with rapt attention, her brow furrowed, yet she looked like she was breathing heavily.</p><p><em> Great, they’re getting all hot and bothered watching this, and I’m just in the way. </em>Will decided it was time to make his exit. </p><p>“Uh, hey, guys. I’m beat. I already know how this ends, so uh, I think I’m just gonna head to bed. I’ll see you in the morning.”</p><p>“Oh, uh...okay. Good night,” Mike said, barely pulling his eyes away from the screen.</p><p>“‘Night Will,” El smiled, grateful to finally get some more time alone with Mike. After she heard Will finish up in the bathroom and the door to his room close, El reached across the sofa and switched off the lamp, leaving the room lit only by the TV screen.</p><p>“You don’t mind do you? It’s getting late, and I just want to start relaxing.” She replied to his curious expression.  She sat back for a minute, steeling her nerves and remembering Jenny’s tutoring.  El stretched out her legs in front of her, leaning back on the couch and rubbed her belly. “Ugh, I really shouldn't have eaten that pudding - I’m still <em> so </em> full! I’ve <em> got </em> to get these tight pants off.”  </p><p>She unbuttoned and slowly unzipped her pants, noticing Mike had gone still and silent beside her. She lifted her hips and wiggled her jeans down her hips, letting them drop over her knees to the floor. </p><p>“Uh...El? What are you...”</p><p>“Mike, my shirt is plenty long, it’s no big deal.” She kicked her pants off her feet and curled her legs up under her,  leaned into Mike, and put her head on his shoulder. “Ahhhh...that is <em> so </em> much more comfortable,” she sighed.</p><p>As the nerds continued to battle it out at the homecoming carnival, El began to trace circles along Mike’s arm with her fingertip.  She felt him tense at first, but as she continued, she felt a shiver ripple through his body. Smiling to herself, she slowly turned her head to run her nose along the column of his neck. </p><p>“El...I…” Mike started to speak, when El placed her open mouth on his pulse point and gently sucked his skin into her mouth, tasting him as she swirled her tongue against his flesh. “Ooohhhh,” Mike exhaled, surprised by the unexpected sensation.</p><p>El continued to slowly kiss and tease her tongue up Mike’s neck, her knee crossing over his thigh as she turned to reach more of him. She felt his chest shudder and Mike sucked in a breath as El pulled his earlobe between her teeth and swirled her tongue along the outer shell of his ear.  </p><p>Mike’s hand on her knee reflexively squeezed, his response giving her the courage to finally twist around and climb into his lap, pinning him to the couch with her knees on either side of his hips and trapping his lips in a kiss. She swiped her tongue across his bottom lip in a plea for entry, but when his lips didn’t part she let her mouth trail down his jaw to his other ear.</p><p>“El, I don’t think...<em>ungh</em>,” Mike grunted as El let her tongue explore the inside of his ear. “Someone could see...<em> oh god, </em>El!” Mike gasped as El sucked on the sensitive spot behind his ear and boldy rubbed her throbbing center over his straining erection.</p><p>El loved the intense pleasure she was feeling as she continued to rub herself against Mike, her thin panties letting her feel him exactly where she needed. His hands squeezed her outer thighs and she ground down on him again, pulling his face into the hollow of her neck as he panted against her. </p><p>“El,” Mike moaned as she chased that high building and burning between her legs. “You gotta…<em>uuunng</em>… stop...you...stop...El, stop or I’m gonna....oh <em> shit, El!” </em>Mike groaned as his hips jutted forward and his whole body shuddered and then stiffened beneath her as El continued to search for her own release. </p><p>Mike’s body went limp as he tried to catch his breath, weakly trying to push El off of his lap. “El, stop...<em> stop!” </em>Concerned by his tone, El slid to his side on the couch as Mike tried to untangle himself from her. </p><p>“Mike? What’s wrong? What...what happened? Did I do something wrong?"</p><p>“What happened?! You don’t know?!” Mike’s face was visibly flushed even in the light from the TV. “Oh jesus, never mi-...I gotta...go clean up.” He rushed to the bathroom, leaving El shocked and alone on the couch.</p><p>The click of the bathroom door broke through her daze, worry overriding her self-consciousness.  She followed Mike to the bathroom and heard the water running through the door. She knocked softly, not wanting to wake Will.</p><p>“Mike,” she whispered, hearing the water shut off. “Mike, are you okay?”</p><p>“Yes, El. I’m just<em> FINE.” </em> She could hear his annoyance even in his muffled reply from behind the door.</p><p>“Mike, what...what happened? I’m...I’m sorry if I made you mad somehow. I thought we were...having fun?”</p><p>Mike was silent for a moment and El heard shuffling on the other side of the door. “I’m not <em> mad </em>...I’m...I’m embarrassed...okay?”</p><p>“But why? Why would you be…”</p><p>“Because you...you made me...because…I came in my <em> pants</em>, El!” his voice quiet but close behind the door.</p><p>“You wha-...<em> oooohhhh,"  </em>El finally caught up, her tummy flipping from the realization of what she’d done. How<em> she’d </em> made Mike feel. “Oh...um...but...didn’t that feel...<em>good</em>? Why would you be embarrassed?” she whispered back.</p><p>“Well, <em> yeah</em>, but...it’s not supposed to happen...like <em> that. </em> Not... <em> just </em> from doing...that,” he mumbled, still refusing to open the door.</p><p>El didn’t understand what the problem was. Maybe he didn’t want it to happen <em> in</em> his pants, but she kind of thought that’s where things were headed in their makeout session one way or another. <em>“Mike... </em> c’mon, it’s not a big deal. I was <em> trying </em> to make you feel good.”</p><p>“What?!” Mike hissed through the door. “You were <em> trying </em> to make me...in my <em> pants?!” </em></p><p>“Well, no not that <em> exactly</em>, but I wanted you to feel good. I’m sorry if I went too far...but...just come out so we can talk, please?”</p><p>She heard Mike sigh. “El, this...this is kind of gross. I...I just want to clean up and go to sleep, okay? Can you just...go to bed, and we’ll talk in the morning?”</p><p>El knocked her head against the door in frustration. She didn't know what the big deal was, but Mike could be so <em> stubborn </em> sometimes. She could tell by his voice his decision was final. “Okay, <em> fine</em>. I’ll leave a pillow and blanket on the couch for you.”</p><p>“Okay...thanks.”</p><p>“Good night, Mike.”  He didn’t respond.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Uncontrollable Urge</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Uncontrollable Urge by Devo: <a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7uDm5Fv2WhkpXTWUIdKH4F?si=qmpc8kkZRYmrRK3cB1Evew">Listen Here</a></p><p>And if you haven't ever seen the opening of Laverne &amp; Shirley, here's the reference:<br/><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bJzF8_df1R8">Laverne &amp; Shirley intro</a></p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><br/>El was up early the next morning, hoping to catch Mike alone before the rest of the house was up and moving. She knew Mike was probably still upset, but she wanted a chance to try to convince him that what happened the night before wasn’t something he should be embarrassed about at all.  </p><p>Her stomach still clenched with heat when she thought about it, the way his body went still and then shook beneath her with his release. She felt so <em> powerful</em>, that <em> she </em> could make him come undone like that. She thought it was <em> hot</em>, and honestly, she wanted to do it <em> again. (And maybe see if he could do it to her). </em></p><p>While she was getting dressed, El heard voices coming through the wall, telling her Mike was already up and in Will’s room. Curious what they might be talking about it, El sat back down on her bed quietly, trying to make out any words. She crawled over to the wall, and pressed her ear against it. She thought she heard a laugh, but otherwise just murmurs. <em> They must purposely be talking quietly so they don’t wake me up, </em> El thought, and then she had an idea. <em> It’s worth a shot. </em></p><p>El slipped a scarf from off the back of her door and plugged in her headphones. She placed them over her ears as she sat down facing the wall between her and Will’s rooms and tuned her stereo to AM radio static before tying the fabric over her eyes.  She slowed her breathing and pictured what Will’s room would look like from this angle. A shadowy scene began to appear as the wall between their rooms dissolved. </p><p>The connection was weak, but she could see Shadow Mike was sitting in the chair at Will’s desk, and it looked like Shadow Will was slipping a shirt over his head. She heard another laugh as Will reached out and pushed Mike’s head with his hand. “Well c’mon, at least try. I’ll even take it easy on you so you can keep up,” she heard Will’s say faintly.</p><p>“Okay, but you better promise not to laugh at me. I’ve had enough humiliation already,” Mike replied, standing to follow Will as they exited his bedroom.</p><p>El, yanked the headphones and scarf from her head and jumped up to follow. She stepped into the hallway just as they were turning into the living room and she called out, “Hey, where are you guys going?”</p><p>Will paused and poked his head back around the corner, “Oh, hey, I didn't know you were up. I convinced Mike to come out with me on my morning run. Promised I’d take it easy on him so he could keep up!” Will grinned cockily. “You didn’t want to come did you?” He glanced toward the living room, then back at El and subtly shook his head to indicate it wasn’t a good idea.</p><p>“Oh, no. It’s okay. But, if you want, I can have breakfast ready when you get back? Mike, we have syrup for your eggs!” she called.</p><p>After a pause, Mike yelled back, “Uh, cool, thanks, El! That would be great!” </p><p>Will rolled his eyes at Mike’s behavior and whispered back to El. “It’ll be fine, I’ll talk to him. You know how he gets all worked up over nothing,” he tried to reassure her with a tight smile and disappeared around the corner.</p><p>El sighed as the boys left. She wondered how much Mike had told Will, but it was obviously enough to know something happened that embarrassed him. El finished getting ready for their trip to the zoo, and then headed to the kitchen, where she found Jonathan and Nancy lip-locked in front of the sink.</p><p>“Oh! Sorry!” El turned to leave and give them some privacy when she heard Nancy giggle a breathy, <em> “Jon, STOP!” </em> </p><p>“No, El -- come back! Sorry, about that,” Nancy turned and apologized sheepishly, Jonathan’s arms still wrapped around her waist as he nuzzled her neck from behind. El’s heart sank seeing how in love the two of them were. <em> Mike and I used to be like that… </em>They were both practically glowing from their night together.  </p><p>“We were just going to start breakfast, want to help?” Nancy asked, detaching herself from her boyfriend and opening the refrigerator to see what was stocked.</p><p>“Yeah, I told the boys I’d have breakfast ready when they got back.”</p><p>“They go for a run?” Jonathan asked, retrieving the frying pan from the cabinet and placing it on the stove to heat. El nodded. “I’ll be surprised if Mike can keep up with Will. He’s really built some endurance since we’ve started running. Way more than me.”</p><p>“<em>Mike </em> went running?” Nancy asked, unbelieving. “As if! He gets winded walking up the stairs! There’s no way he’ll keep up.”  She handed Jonathan the eggs and bacon, turning back for the butter.</p><p>“Well, Will said he was going to take it easy on him.” El supplied, opening up the loaf of Wonder Bread and pulling out slices for toast.</p><p>“So, what did you guys do last night?” Nancy asked, cracking an egg into the bowl Jonathan set out on the counter for her.</p><p>“Just watched <em> Revenge of the Nerds. </em> It was awful.” El arranged eight slices of bread on the oven rack, and shut the door, turning the knob to broil and the temperature to 500 degrees.</p><p>Nancy rolled her eyes, her expression so similar to her brother’s. “Ugh, I know! It’s <em> so </em> sexist! If college is anything like that, I’ll be dropping out to become a flight attendant or a real estate agent, or <em> something </em> that doesn’t require a degree.”</p><p>Jonathan nodded, laying strips of bacon in the pan. “No kidding. I couldn’t get past the guy that kept picking his nose and burping. He looked like Pigpen grew up and became an alcoholic. I turned it off after the first 15 minutes.”</p><p>“Mike seemed to like it,” El shrugged.</p><p>Nancy rolled her eyes <em> again</em>. “For such a smart kid, he can be <em> so </em> immature. I think he’s regressed since you guys moved. You and Will were good influences on him. Dustin and Lucas? Not so much. With the way they act together, sometimes it’s hard to believe they’re in high school.”</p><p>The smell and sizzling sounds of bacon filled the room as the three got breakfast going. El opened the oven and pulled out the rack to check the toast. She flipped each of the golden brown squares and closed the door, getting a plate and butter knife ready for when the second side was done.</p><p>“Yeouch, shit!” Jonathan swore as bacon grease popped and splattered onto his hand. </p><p>“Oooh, babe -- hurry, run it under the cold water!” Nancy exclaimed, rushing to turn on the sink faucet. Jonathan hissed as the cold water hit his burned flesh. </p><p>“Damn, I hate it when that happens!” Jonathan said under his breath as he ran his hand under the water. “I think we have some burn ointment in the bathroom.”</p><p>“I got this, go take care of it,” Nancy urged, having already flipped the bacon and scooping some butter into the second pan for the eggs.</p><p>“Is it bad, Jonathan?” El asked worriedly, eyeing the angry pink mark on her big brother’s hand. </p><p>“It’s fine, El. Just stings. But it would be good to get some ointment on it and cover it so maybe it won’t blister. Sorry to leave you two to finish up.”</p><p>“No worries, babe. Just go take care of your hand.” Nancy was already stirring the scrambled eggs. “El, would you layer some paper towels on this plate for the bacon, to soak up the grease?”</p><p>El followed Nancy’s directions, then took her own plate to the oven and pulled out the rack to retrieve the toast before it burned.  She carried the plate over to the counter next to Nancy and started buttering each slice.</p><p>“So…considering the fact that you look like someone kicked your puppy, I take it my moron brother messed up again last night?” Nancy began, as she speared the bacon from the pan and piled it up on the plate. “I heard you and Will in the hall. Is everything okay?”</p><p>El hesitated, then realized how badly she wanted to talk to someone about what had happened the night before, and a more <em> experienced </em> girl like Nancy might be able to shed some light on her Mike's behavior. “Well, no, not really, Nancy.”</p><p>“Did something happen with you two? Did you get in a fight?”</p><p>“No...I don’t think so,” El shook her head, but then thought about how mad Mike seemed last night, and then about the way he seemed to avoid her this morning. “Well, sort of? I...I don’t know. I don’t know if Mike is mad at me...or, just really embarrassed? Maybe both.”</p><p>“Why don’t you just tell me what happened.” </p><p>“Well, we were watching the movie, and Will decided to go to bed before it was over. So once Mike and I were alone I-” El suddenly realized this might be an awkward conversation for Nancy to have about her little brother. “Oh, um...never mind, you probably don’t want to hear this kind of stuff about your brother.”</p><p>“El, it’s okay. I’ll just...try not to picture it. But if you need to talk to someone, I can handle it.”</p><p>“Well, if you’re sure...it <em> is </em> kind of personal…”</p><p>“Just spit it out. Did Will walk in on you boning my brother on the couch or something?”</p><p>“No! Nothing like that! We haven’t done anything even close to <em> that…” </em></p><p>“Well, then, it couldn’t have been <em> that </em> bad. So what’d he have a cow about this time?”</p><p>El couldn’t help but laugh at Nancy’s bluntness, and she had to admit that Mike <em> did </em> tend to overreact about things. “Well...okay...so, I started kissing him, and then we started making out and...I guess I got carried away and didn’t really hear him when he asked me to stop, and he...um... <em> you know </em>...uh...in his pants.”</p><p>Nancy’s hand froze with a spoonful of eggs dangling in the air as El’s words sunk in. “No way, El! You made him cream his pants?!” Nancy laughed, dumping the rest of the eggs out of the pan and on to the serving plate. </p><p>El unsuccessfully tried to hide her pleased grin as she buttered the last piece of toast. “Yeah, well, he didn’t think it was funny at all. He actually kinda freaked out. He got really embarrassed and mad at me. I think he thought I did it on purpose.”</p><p>“Well you did, didn’t you?”</p><p>“Well, no! I mean, I didn’t mean for it to happen <em>right</em> <em> then</em>, like <em> that. </em> It was just...feeling really good, so I guess I wasn’t paying enough attention to him. He <em> did </em>try to tell me to stop.”</p><p>Nancy tilted her head in thought and nodded, “Yeah, I guess I get it. You know Mike is a control freak. He may not have liked that out of control feeling you can get when someone really gets you going. And, most guys get embarrassed if they come too soon. I know Jon did our first time. Did it happen like, <em> really </em> fast?”</p><p>El nodded. “Yeah, I mean, we had kind of just started making out. It was just <em> beginning </em>to feel really good to me.”</p><p>“Get used to that, sister.  But that was probably it then. He was embarrassed that he couldn’t control it and it happened too fast. It might take him a little bit to get over it. That sort of thing can be a big hit to a guy’s ego. You just have to let him know that it didn’t matter to you and that you were into it.” </p><p>“Yeah, I tried that. He wouldn’t even listen to me. He hid in the bathroom until I went to bed, and it looks like he’s still avoiding me this morning.”</p><p>“You’re kidding me?!” Nancy scoffed as the girls moved the breakfast dishes to the table and El pulled down plates for everyone. “See...what did I tell you about maturity? He’s a <em> FRESHMAN </em> with a hot girlfriend that wants to make out with him, and he’s hung up about coming in his pants? Unbelievable! You know, even 'King Steve' was a virgin without really any experience until we dated, and he was a <em> junior. </em> Mike has no idea how lucky he is that you put up with his crap.”</p><p>“I’m not sure what else I can do. I think he talked to Will about it. I don’t know if he told him <em> everything</em>, but Will said he knew he was freaking out and would try to talk to him.”</p><p>“Oh lord, the blind leading the blind. I hope he doesn’t say something to make it worse.”</p><p>“Make what worse?” Jonathan asked, returning to the kitchen with a bandage on his hand.</p><p>“Oh, uh, El and Mike had a little...disagreement last night, and Will’s trying to help smooth things over. Think your brother has any sage relationship advice?”</p><p>“Uh, Will? Yeah, right. Although, El’s friend Jenny seems to have a thing for him, so who knows? Maybe he’s got skillz we don’t know about,” Jonathan smirked.</p><p>“How’s your hand?” Nancy asked, taking his hand and placing a small kiss next to the bandage.</p><p>“Had worse. <em> Way </em> worse,” Jonathan smiled softly at her. El looked on wistfully at the way the two of them fell into their own little world so easily. “Breakfast smells great. Thanks for finishing it up.”</p><p>“Of course,” Nancy smiled back, leaning toward Jonathan until El popped their love bubble by plunking the syrup and jelly on the table.</p><p>“What’s the syrup for? Did you make waffles?” Jonathan asked, pulling out his chair to sit and eyeing the counter for the missing waffles.</p><p>“No, it’s for Mike. He likes it on his eggs,” El supplied, causing Jonathan to grimace.</p><p>“I know, barf me out right? I can’t believe he still does that,” Nancy agreed with Jonathan’s expression, as the front door banged open and two sweaty boys entered the house, one significantly more damp and out of breath than the other.</p><p>“Jesus, Byers, were you trying to kill me?!” Mike panted, bending over with one hand on his knee to catch his breath, the other gripping the stitch in his side, his yellow long-sleeved t-shirt dark with sweat at his chest and pits.</p><p>“Sorry, I didn’t realize you were such a marshmallow. I jogged as slow as I could!” Will playfully pushed Mike’s shoulder as he passed, unsuccessfully disguising his proud smile. “Plus, we barely went a mile!”</p><p>“Yeah, but it was a mile back, too! That’s TWO miles! The one they make us run in P.E. is far enough!” Mike slowly followed Will to the kitchen, still holding his side.</p><p>“Mike, quit whining and you guys come eat breakfast before it gets cold,” Nancy rolled her eyes at her brother’s sad attempt to impress both his friend and girlfriend by actually participating in physical activity, and sat down at the table.</p><p>“What does everyone want to drink? Milk or juice?” El asked, pouring herself and Will orange juice.</p><p>“What, Will doesn’t get to pick?” Mike asked, watching El curiously.</p><p>“I never drink milk after a run,” Will shrugged.</p><p>Mike gave Will an odd look, barely containing the annoyed curl of his upper lip. “Well, then I guess I probably shouldn’t have milk either,” he grumbled as he placed a scoop of eggs on his plate and reached for the syrup.</p><p>El poured Mike a glass of juice as Jonathan poured milk for himself and Nancy, who was carefully watching the interaction between the three younger teens. She watched as Will spread jelly on a piece of toast and casually dropped it onto El’s plate, before taking another piece to repeat the process for himself. El sat down to begin eating without even noticing, the routine obviously so commonplace between them. </p><p>“Are you guys out of Eggos or something?” Mike asked, as he too watched El begin eating the piece of toast Will had prepared for her, his syrupy eggs cooling on his plate. </p><p>“I don’t eat Eggos <em> every </em> day, Mike,” she said, rolling her eyes at him. “Usually only when we’re in a hurry...or sometimes for dessert...if we have whipped cream,” she said, sheepishly admitting to her still guilty pleasure. Will grinned at El, and her eyes darted over to him, seemingly sharing a memory.  </p><p>Nancy also noticed that El and Will's chairs were slightly closer to their shared corner of the table, instead of centered where they should be. She idly wondered if they even realized how they seemed to gravitate toward each other.</p><p>The group quieted as everyone dug into their breakfast, until Jonathan checked his watch. “Will, what time did you tell Jenny we’d be there?”</p><p>“About 9:30. I’m going to jump in the shower real quick and then we can go?” Will said, pushing his chair back from the table and draining his juice before picking up his plate and dropping it in the sink.</p><p>“Oh, yeah, I need one too,” Mike pinched his still sweat-dampened shirt, unsticking it from his chest.</p><p>“You can use my shower,” Jonathan offered, as he and Nancy stood with their empty plates.</p><p>“Just give me a few minutes to brush my teeth, okay?” Nancy asked, handing Jonathan her plate and heading down to the basement.</p><p>El was still finishing her bacon and Mike had gotten seconds on his eggs, so the two were left at the table alone as the others vacated the kitchen.  Mike shifted in his seat as he pushed the sticky pile of brown and yellow around on his plate. El took a drink of her orange juice, the gulping noise of her swallows the only sound between them. Mike sucked in a deep breath as if he was about to speak, but then let it rush out as if he changed his mind.</p><p>Unable to take it any longer, El finally asked in a small voice, “Are you still mad at me?” </p><p>Mike’s fork stilled as he looked into El’s down-turned face, ashamed with how he’d disappointed her once again. He placed his elbows on the table and leaned his face into his hands, unable to make eye contact with her as he spoke. “N-no. El, I...I told you, I wasn’t mad. I was just...<em> really </em> embarrassed, okay?”</p><p>“I don’t know why. I mean, I know it was our first time to-”</p><p>“Because I let that movie...<em> affect </em> me like that,” Mike cut her off, trying to better explain himself. “I’m sorry if it made you feel like I was <em> expecting </em> something. And then, when you started...I was just so surprised, I just...I couldn’t stop you quick enough...but I didn’t know it would happen that <em> fast...” </em></p><p>“I...I’m sorry if I went to far, but I thought you’d want-”</p><p>“No! It wasn’t you! It was <em> me!” </em> He finally looked up at her, crushed to see tears of disappointment welling in her eyes. “<em>I’m </em> the one that couldn’t... <em> control </em> myself. And then…to think that I just...just <em> used </em> you like that, for my own satisfaction...it was just... <em> wrong. </em> So, look, I’m just...really, really sorry about it, and how I reacted to...everything. Can you forgive me? <em> ” </em></p><p>“Mike, you didn’t use <em> me</em>. If anything, I used <em> you,</em>” now guilty tears spilled down El’s cheeks. She felt terrible her little seduction plan upset him so much, and made him like he'd done something wrong. “I...planned the whole thing. Just to...to try to make things feel like they used to between us. My friend Jenny told me…”</p><p>“<em>Jenny? </em> The girl that’s going to the zoo with us? That was all was <em> her </em> idea?!” annoyance creeping back into Mike’s face.</p><p>“Well, only because I asked for her help…”</p><p>“Well, some friend <em> she </em> is, El. Now it all makes more sense,” Mike said, looking relieved. “I guess I don’t blame you now for acting weird about her and Will.” Mike stood up and took his dishes to the sink.</p><p>“No, Mike!” El protested, following Mike to the sink with her dishes. “Jenny is really cool, she was just trying to help-”</p><p>“Well, you don’t need friends who are going to...<em> corrupt </em> you like that,” Mike turned and pulled El into a hug. “You are so sweet and perfect just the way you are. Don’t ever let anyone convince you to be something you’re not,” he said, kissing her chastely on top of the head. “I’m going to go jump in the shower so everyone’s not waiting for me.”</p><p>After giving her shoulders a little squeeze, Mike released El to go shower. She leaned against the kitchen counter watching him walk away, trying to sort out their conversation. </p><p>Mike seemed to think that she was completely innocent in what happened between them, as if he -- or maybe even Jenny -- somehow <em> made </em> her come on to him. Even though it was <em> all </em> her idea. He wouldn’t even hear her out, and just seemed relieved to use Jenny as a scapegoat for her behavior.  At least he was talking to her again, but El was more glad than ever that they were going to see Dr. Mathews that afternoon.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Jenny was waiting at the curb when Nancy pulled up. El waved from the back seat of the station wagon, and Jenny opened the door and slid in next to Will in the middle seat. </p><p>“Hi, Jenny! This is Mike!” El greeted her friend as she buckled her seatbelt. </p><p>Jenny turned sideways in her seat toward Will, so she could also talk with El and Mike in the back. “Ah, the <em> Mysterious Mike</em>, El’s talked about you so much, I feel like we’ve already met!”</p><p>“Oh, okay. All good I hope?” Mike replied uneasily, looking at El for confirmation. </p><p>“Mostly,” Jenny smirked, always one to tease. She turned to the quiet boy next to her. “Hi, Will,” she said softly, with that shy smile El found refreshingly authentic in her so-often over-the-top friend. </p><p>“Uh, hey, Jenny. Thanks again for coming,” Will smiled back, ducking his head and rubbing the back of his neck self consciously. </p><p>El thought his bashfulness was cute, and leaned forward to whisper into Jenny’s ear. <em> “Be nice, he’s nervous.”  </em>She had already told Jenny this was Will’s first 'sort-of date' with a girl, but she just wanted to remind her to behave.</p><p>“El? What're you guys whispering about?!” Will questioned suspiciously.</p><p>“Yeah, no secrets!” Mike tickled El’s side, making her jump back in the seat.</p><p>“Eh, don’t worry. El was just reminding me to be on my best behavior. I promised her I wouldn’t bite,” she said suggestively, winking at Will, who just shook his head and blushed at her forwardness. Mike just huffed and rolled his eyes, not appreciating Jenny’s brand of humor. He already thought she was a bad influence on El, and her comment just confirmed his assumption.</p><p>“Hi, Jenny, I’m Nancy, Mike’s sister,” Nancy waved from the front seat.</p><p>“Nice to meet you. Thanks for letting me come along,” Jenny replied politely, and then murmured lowly to Will and El, “and she’s your brother’s girlfriend, right?”  Will and El nodded in unison. “Well, you guys are just keeping it all in the family, huh? Guess you feel kind of left out, Will?” she lightly smacked Will’s arm with the back of her hand, indicating the dating sets of siblings. </p><p>“Yeah, I’m <em> really </em> glad you decided to come,” Will nodded and grinned even wider.</p><p>“Should be interesting…” </p><p>They arrived at the zoo within minutes and easily found a parking place so early in the morning, the day after Thanksgiving. Although it was brisk 50° outside, the sun was shining and there was thankfully little wind, so the group were comfortable in their light jackets and scarves.</p><p>“So, Jenny, this is your turf. Where should we start?” Nancy asked the younger girl after they paid their entrance fees and stepped inside the zoo gates.</p><p>“Well, all the bigger animals are over to the right -- the tigers are right down here, and then the lions are in the back corner. There’s a petting zoo with farm animals that way too,” Jenny pointed down the web of paths leading away from the zoo entrance. “The smaller animals and reptiles are on the left side, and you can ride the train over there. But, isn’t this El’s first time at a zoo? She should get to pick where we start.”</p><p>“El, you’ll <em> love </em> the big cats," Mike insisted, falling into his know-it-all information source for El. "They’re, like, the coolest thing at the zoo. Unless there's a giant panda?! Pandas are an endangered species now, there’s only like a thousand left in the wild in China and they’re starving because there’s a shortage of bamboo. I donated all my pennies to this fundraising program at school last year led by Nancy Reagan and- ” </p><p>“Mike, take a chill pill big guy, there’s no giant pandas here,” Jenny interrupted Mike’s verbal diarrhea. The others were used to Mike’s excited ramblings, but Jenny didn’t like how he didn’t let El answer for herself.  “So, <em> El, </em> where do <em> you </em> want to start?” Jenny looked back at her friend expectantly.</p><p>“Well, you said the tigers are close, so why don’t we start there?”</p><p>“Great, sounds like we have a decision,” Nancy said with an impatient raise of her brow. “Jenny, lead the way!”</p><p>Jenny looped her arm through El’s, locked elbows and started counting, “One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.” El joined in, sticking out each heel and bopping up and down as they called out, “Schlemiel! Schlimazel! Hasenpfeffer Incorporated!” and started skipping down the path singing the <em> Laverne &amp; Shirley </em> TV show theme song. </p><p>The others laughed at the girls’ silly antics. “Are they always like this together?” Mike asked Will as the two boys walked at a normal pace behind them.</p><p>“Yeah, pretty much. They don’t spend a lot of time at our house, but when they do it gets pretty loud. Lots of giggling,” Will winced. “I usually sleep down in the basement with Jon when the girls stay over.”</p><p>“Well, I guess that’s good...that El has new friends...who are girls. Looks like they have fun together,” Mike gestured to the two girls, who had tripped themselves up trying to skip together and looked like they were barely holding each other up over their giggles. “But, are they...<em> good </em> friends? Like <em> nice </em> girls?”</p><p>“Yeah. They’re all <em> really </em> nice. They took her in on our first day of school like she had always been a part of their group. Me too, really.” Will tilted his head at his best friend, wondering what he was really getting at. “But we’ve told you that. What’s up with you?”</p><p>Mike waved his hands in the air, as if trying to dismiss the thought. “Well, I mean, it’s not a big deal I guess,” he shrugged. “But, El just seems...<em>different </em> , like, more, <em> forward</em>...I was just...wondering if it was maybe because of her new friends?”</p><p>“Mike, is this still about what happened with you guys last night?” Mike looked off into the jungle fauna surrounding their path and gave a non-committal shrug. He hadn’t gone into all the sordid details, but he had given Will some hints.  “Look, you don’t have to tell me any more, but I have <em> some </em> idea-” Mike’s head snapped back around and his mouth dropped open to ask just <em> how </em> and exactly <em> what </em> Will knew. Will held up his hand. “Don’t ask, it’s a long story and probably more embarrassing than yours -- but what I <em>do</em> know is that whatever happened was because <em> El </em> misses you and is worried about you guys. It doesn’t have anything to do with her friends.”</p><p>“Well, I don’t know about that." Mike still couldn't believe that El would come on to him like that without someone putting the idea in her heard. "El said she asked <em> Jenny </em>for advice, so...just like, be careful around her, okay?” Mike tried to warn him.</p><p>Looking at the bubbly brunette still laughing with El, Will shook his head. “I don’t think there’s anything to worry about, Mike. Jenny’s a little wild, but she doesn’t do anything <em> bad. </em>She never gets in trouble, she’s in all the advanced classes and makes really good grades. She just likes to have fun -- like she’s usually the life of the party.”</p><p>“She doesn’t seem like someone who’d be in <em> our </em>Party.”</p><p>“I guess not...but me and El are kind of in hers now. And...it’s nice,” Will shrugged, smiling as he thought about how much he looked forward to seeing everyone at lunch every day now. “School’s a lot better when you don’t hear people whispering behind your back all the time or calling you names. It’s actually...kind of fun.” He bumped Mike’s shoulder with his own.</p><p>“Yeah, I know what you mean. Did I tell you that Troy moved last month?”</p><p>“No! Are you serious?!”</p><p>“Yeah, after his dad got flayed, his mom wasn’t ever able to find a job. I heard they were moving back East to live with his grandparents. James isn’t nearly as bad without Troy around.  And there’s guys from the other junior high -- and even some sophomores -- that are like, <em>way</em> smaller and wimpier than us, so I guess the asshole upperclassmen just don’t notice us. It probably helps that we’re friends with Lucas too…”</p><p>“That’s awesome. I’m really happy for you guys,” Will clapped Mike on the shoulder and gave it a little squeeze as they continued down the path, seeing the sign for the tigers up ahead. “I, uh, I gotta admit I felt a little guilty when things turned out so well here. It kinda felt like we got to run away and start over, and you guys were stuck in Hawkins with... well, all the bad shit.”</p><p>Mike shoved both hands in his pockets and drew in his shoulders, nodding, a wistful look on his face. “Yeah, I know what you mean. School is better now, but...it still feels like that sometimes.  A lot of the time really. But, you know, we deal with it. I guess it’ll just take time, right?”</p><p>Will was about to agree when Mike picked up his step and joined the girls in front of the tiger cage, ending their tete-a-tete. He couldn’t deny the painful squeeze to his heart as he watched El’s face light up when she caught sight of Mike, reaching first for his hand and then curling herself around his arm to lean her head on his shoulder.</p><p>Jenny chose that moment to turn and look at him as well, stepping over to link arms with Will and led him to the far side of the tiger enclosure. “Geez, Byers, you look like a kid who just dropped their ice cream cone. I knew you had it bad, but you better suck it up or your best friend over there is going to figure it out.”</p><p>“Wha-...what? What are you talking about?” Will stammered, immediately going into denial mode.</p><p>“Hello, McFly?! Do you really not know how obvious it is that you’re totally in love with El?”</p><p>“I...no! No, it’s not like that. We’re just-”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah...just like brother and sister, I’ve heard it all from El too, and you’re both lying to yourselves if either one of you really believes that.”</p><p>“But, I thought me and you..?”</p><p>“Well, ya know, maybe if it weren’t for El we could have given it a shot, but honestly, I’m not sure you could handle me, Byers.” Jenny bumped his hip playfully with hers. “But you got it so bad for El, it’s actually painful to watch sometimes. I thought it was tough to watch at school, but watching the three of you is like watching a car wreck in slow motion.”</p><p>“What do you mean?” Will asked hesitantly, not willing to admit anything yet.</p><p>“What she means is,” Will nearly jumped out of his skin as Jonathan’s voice chimed in from behind them. “El’s trying to get Mike’s attention in some pitiful attempt to salvage whatever’s left of their relationship, while trying to keep her eyes off you. You’re mooning over her and Mike’s watching the two of you dance around each other like two parts of the same whole, and it’s like any second you’re all going to finally figure out what’s going on and this barely balancing house of cards is just going to collapse!”</p><p>Will glanced over his shoulder, checking to see that Mike was still enlightening El with all of his amazing knowledge about the African tiger, while Nancy was reading the placard in front of the exhibit. When he was sure none of them were paying attention, Will’s shoulder slumped in defeat.  “Do you think Mike knows?” he whispered.</p><p>Jenny and Jonathan both shook their heads. “I don’t even think<em> El </em> knows, or if she does, she’s in worse denial than you are,” Jenny reassured him.</p><p>“But they’re both going to figure it out pretty quick if you don’t cool it with the longing looks and sighs, okay? And I do <em>not </em> want to have to deal with Nancy if she figures it out, so <em> please </em> try to dial it back, okay buddy?” Jonathan pleaded. </p><p>“Don’t worry, I got this,” Jenny gave Jonathan a swift nod of confidence. “I’ll be <em> sure </em> to keep him distracted,” she said, lacing her fingers with Will’s and pulling him in closer to her.</p><p>Jonathan just shook his head and laughed at Will’s startled expression. “Hang in there, buddy. I think you’re in for a wild ride with this one.”</p><p>“Jenny...I...I’m <em> really </em> sorry. I...really wanted to give you...<em>us</em>...a chance.”</p><p>“It’s okay Will. Really, no harm, no foul,” Jenny gave his hand a reassuring squeeze. “I wasn’t sure El was ever going to really be okay with us either, so I didn’t get my hopes up. She was pretty ticked off at me last weekend. And I was pretty sure you were a lost cause after you got so mad, but I just had to make sure. You seem like one of the good ones.”  </p><p>Will glanced over his shoulder again at El and Mike, and Jenny brought her hand to his cheek. She turned his face back to look at her, stepping closer and bringing her forehead to meet his. “Every time I catch you looking at her, I’m going to do something like this, that makes it look like you and I are really <em> getting to know </em> each other, got it?” she whispered. “Mike will think you’re totally in to me, and if I’m right about El, she’s going to start getting jealous. By the time Mike leaves, I bet she's ready to kick him to the curb and will be confessing her love for you instead!”</p><p>Will closed his eyes and took a slow deep breath. “Thank you, Jenny. I’m not going to hold my breath on that last part, but you’re an amazing friend.”</p><p>“No sweat, Byers,” she said, bumping her nose to his in a playful, flirty way suggesting a quick kiss. “Plus, this will be fun -- just remember to play along!”</p><p>“Okay, I don’t think this tiger is going to do anything else other than lay here in the sun! El, you ready to go pet some goats?” Jenny called out to the other couple.</p><p>“Yes!” El squealed and pulled Mike along the trail to catch up with Jenny and Will. Jenny kept her and Will’s arms interlinked as they walked along together, stopping to look at some of the smaller animal displays. Will really did appreciate her quick wit and clever humor, and he found himself truly enjoying their time together.</p><p>“Oh, Will, can we get some food to feed the animals?” Jenny asked with big hopeful eyes, laying it on thick as they approached the petting zoo. </p><p>“Yeah, of course, whatever you want, Jenny. Let me buy some,” he offered, letting his hand linger in hers as he stepped away to buy the feed, giving it a little squeeze before letting her go. Jenny gave her own little squeal, looking up at Will as though he hung the moon. </p><p>El looked expectantly at Mike, not wanting to outright <em> ask </em>, but hoping he’d offer to get her some food for the animals as well. “Oh, yeah, uh, I’ll get some for us too,” he stammered, getting in line behind Will.</p><p>El sidled up to her friend. “So...uh, you and Will seem to be hitting it off.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Jenny sighed and smiled dreamily, not taking her eyes off Will. “You were right, El. He’s not just cute, he’s <em> so </em> sweet and really funny too. I’m really glad he called and invited me today. This is one of the best first dates I’ve had in a <em> long </em> time.” She glanced at El, who had begun gnawing on her thumbnail. Jenny bit the inside of her cheek to hold in her smirk.</p><p>“Oh...yeah? See...I, uh...I told you so! I’m glad you two are...having fun.” El smiled tightly at her friend, a slight twitch to her left eye.</p><p>“So, uh, how are things going with Mike? Did you guys have any <em> fun </em> last night?” Jenny, whispered, grinning lasciviously.</p><p>“Ugh, I don’t want to talk about it right now, but it <em> totally </em> backfired! He <em>just</em> started talking to me again before we headed over to your house.”</p><p>“What?! Oh my God, <em> what </em> <em> happened</em>? Did you do what we talked about?!” Jenny was completely surprised and upset that her suggestions might have made things worse for her friend.  But...then again...now that she had promised Will to help El realize how she felt about him, maybe it was going to work in their favor.</p><p>“Not right now, tell you later,” El whispered back, smiling up at Mike as the two boys returned with the feed bags. “Thanks, Mike! I can’t wait to feed them -- they’re all so <em> cute!” </em>El pulled Mike toward the entrance as he began explaining to El how to hold the pellets so none of the animals could accidentally bite her.</p><p>“Geez, is this guy an expert on absolutely <em> everything </em>? What a know-it-all,” Jenny muttered to Will. “How can she stand it? Doesn’t he ever let her think for herself?”</p><p>“Yeah, El seems to bring that out in him. You know, I’ve known him since kindergarten, and he never used to be that bad,” Will started to explain as he pushed the gate open to the petting zoo and held it open for Jenny to enter.</p><p>“Why thank you kind sir,” Jenny curtsied to him after she entered.</p><p>“My pleasure, m’lady,” Will bowed back, and a crafty lamb saw its chance and shoved its head into the feed bag in Will’s lowered hand. “Hey, now -- don’t be so pushy! You have to share that!” He pulled the bag away, as the fuzzy white animal bleated in protest. </p><p>“Baaa to you too. That was <em> very </em> rude. You didn’t even say please,” Jenny playfully scolded the lamb as she pet it’s thick, stiff wool. “So, why do you think Mike treats El like that?”</p><p>“I guess…,” Will quickly thought about how he could clarify without revealing too much. “I guess when he first met her, and she’d just come to live with her dad, she didn’t talk much. Where she’d lived before, it was sort of like kids only ‘spoke when spoken to.’ And Mike<em> has </em> always been a motormouth -- he can't stand silence. So, I guess when he realized that there was so much she didn’t know about, he just sort of fell into the role of helping her learn things. And while she needed that at first, it’s been over two years now.  She’s really smart, so she’s caught up fast. But it still seems to be the only way he really knows how to talk to her.”</p><p>Will’s attention had drifted back over to his friends as he tried to explain their dynamic to Jenny. Jenny looked over as well and saw that Mike, not El, was feeding the animals, seemingly showing her, but not actually letting her do it herself. “Seems to me El may have outgrown him, but she just can’t let go,” she sighed to Will. “It can be hard to get over your first love, even if it’s the best thing for you -- believe me, I speak from experience.”</p><p>“You’ve...been in love?” Will asked, offering a handful of feed to a sweet gray billy goat with a long white beard. It was hard for him to believe a girl like Jenny, who seemed to jump from guy to guy, had already been in love. They were only fifteen!</p><p>Jenny nodded. “Yup, and it sucked. Because he decided he loved someone else more. And it took me forever to let him go, but I finally realized that he would never love me back the way I loved him, because <em> she </em> was it for him. But I had loved him ever since I could remember, so I didn’t know how to <em> not </em> love him.”</p><p>“I’m guessing this was recent?”</p><p>Jenny nodded. “This summer. That’s why I’ve been dating so many different guys since then. It helps me not to think about him so much. Plus, I’m not going to find someone else if I don’t try out a few new models, right?” she tried to joke, but the smile didn’t reach her eyes.</p><p>“Is there anything I can do to help <em> you, </em>Jenny? Is it someone we know?”</p><p>Jenny shook her head. “No, it sounds really silly when I say it out loud. It was my brother’s best friend -- he calls him his ‘brother from another mother.’  He was always around from as far back as I can remember, and he was my first crush. He was always really sweet to me, told me how pretty I was -- never treated me like the bratty kid sister like my brother. I always had this fantasy that when I got to high school he’d finally see me as more than a little kid.”</p><p>“Well, are you sure there’s not still a chance? I mean, you <em> are </em> really pretty, and funny, and smart. Any guy would be lucky to have you. Maybe there's some way I could help you like you’re trying to helping me?”</p><p>“Thanks, Will, but that ship has sailed -- literally. He joined the Navy when he graduated in May, and before he shipped out, he proposed to his girlfriend.” Will saw Jenny’s lip begin to tremble.</p><p>“Damn. I’m really sorry, Jenny,” Will said, pulling her into a hug. He felt Jenny take a deep, shaky breath to calm herself and heard her sniffle. He spoke softly into her ear where only she could hear. “Maybe… maybe we should just forget this whole thing with El. Maybe if you and I could get to know each other better…”</p><p>“Ha, thanks but no thanks, Will. I already know what it’s like to <em> not </em>be someone’s first choice, and I’m not willing to risk that again right now.” Jenny pulled out of his arms and slid her hand down to his with a thankful squeeze.</p><p>“Are you gonna be okay?”</p><p>“Yeah, I <em> am </em> okay, really. I just...haven’t thought about <em> him </em> in a little while. And I haven’t told anyone else, so, can we just keep that between you and me?”</p><p>Will nodded. “Absolutely.” He took his free hand and mimed locking his lips and throwing away the key.</p><p>“Thanks. I just wanted you to know that even if they aren’t happy together anymore, it may be hard for El to admit it to herself. So, we’re just going to have to work even harder to make her see that you would make her <em> so </em> much happier. That she’s <em> already </em>so much happier when she’s with you.”</p><p>“There’s one more problem with this whole plan, Jenny,” Will sighed, handing her the bag of feed so she could offer some to a black and white calf she had bent down to pet.</p><p>“Whas wong wit dis pwan Wiwl?” Jenny asked in baby talk to the calf, looking into his big, soulful brown eyes.</p><p>“Mike is my best friend. I can’t just <em> steal </em> his girlfriend. We have...rules...that we follow, as friends. And, even though we didn’t specifically have one about this <em> exact </em> situation, I can guarantee it goes against everything we ever promised to each other.”</p><p>“Just <em> look </em> at them, Will...look at how he looks at her and tell me he’s still in love with her.”</p><p>“I thought you told me I <em> wasn’t </em> supposed to look at them.”</p><p>Jenny huffed at him. “Don’t be dense. Fine. Look at your brother and his girlfriend over there.” Will followed Jenny’s gaze to see Jonathan and Nancy sitting on the bench outside the petting zoo. They were leaning in, noses practically touching, playing with each other’s fingers as Nancy laughed quietly at something Jonathan said, stars in their eyes. “<em>That’s </em> what love looks like. Now look at El and Mike.”</p><p>Will remembered when El and Mike looked at each other like Jon and Nancy did. At the beginning of last summer, before Starcourt, they were always touching, smiling at each other like they had some sort of secret or private joke that no one else could understand. He reluctantly looked over at his friends, and what he saw actually hurt his heart.</p><p>Mike yanked El’s hand back from a goat, causing the feed to fall from her palm, a look of worry and frustration on his face as he scolded her for not following his instructions. The look of shame that crossed El’s face set Will’s blood to boil. How <em> dare </em> Mike make her feel that way, over something as trivial as feeding a damn goat! She had been so excited to come to the zoo, and he was <em> ruining </em> it for her!</p><p>Before Will even knew it, his legs were carrying him across the animal pen to Mike, who was still lecturing El on the right way to hold her hand with the feed. “Just what the <em> hell </em> do you think you’re doing, Mike?!” Will demanded, grabbing the feed bag from his hand and shoving it at El. “Why would you do that to her?”</p><p>“Because she wasn’t doing it like I showed her and she almost got bit by that goat. I’m just trying to <em> protect </em> her. What’s your problem, Will?!” Mike gave Will’s shoulder a small warning shove.</p><p>“My <em> problem,”  </em>Will pushed Mike back. “Is that <em> you…” </em> Will shoved him again, and Mike stumbled back a few steps, too surprised by his friend's rage to push back. “You act like you’re the only one who knows how to do <em> anything…” </em> another shove “...and that El can’t do anything without <em> you </em> …” Will pushed Mike back into the fence around the pen. “...telling her how to do it!  She’s got a mind of her own you know, and she's been doing just fine without you being here to <em> explain </em> everything!”</p><p>El had been watching the boys’ exchange in shock, first from Mike’s harsh treatment, then by Will’s sudden irate outburst. Will paused, his eyes filled with emerald fire, and El rushed forward, grabbing his arm and pulling him away from Mike. “Will, stop! It’s fine -- I’m fine. Just, calm down, okay?”</p><p>“Don’t you <em> ever </em> lay a hand in anger on my...sister...again,” Will practically growled at Mike. </p><p>Jenny was right behind El, and noticed several adults heading their way to see what the commotion was about. She grabbed Will’s other arm. “Will, come on, there’s people coming. Come on, let’s go before you guys get us kicked out of here for fighting.” </p><p>Will let Jenny pull him toward the exit, looking back at El who stood frozen, clearly torn as to whether she should follow them, or go to Mike. Her eyes met Jenny’s, who jerked her chin at Mike, giving El the permission she apparently needed to go to her boyfriend.</p><p>Jonathan and Nancy met them at the exit to the petting zoo, having run around the outside of the animal pen when they saw the boys squaring off. “Will, what the hell is going on?” Jonathan grabbed his younger (if no longer smaller) brother by the back of the neck and pulled him behind the nearby bathrooms where he could calm him down without an audience.</p><p>“Mike’s been an asshole to El ever since he got here, and I just couldn’t take it anymore! He was yelling at her about feeding the animals all wrong...and he’s <em> ruining </em> the zoo for her. You know how much she wanted to come here!”</p><p>“And you think getting in a <em> fight </em> with Mike is going to make things <em> better?!” </em></p><p>“Well...no...but...he’s...he’s just...he’s <em> breaking her heart </em> !” Will deflated, almost in tears. “I <em> saw </em> it, Jon! I <em> saw </em> her face just <em> fall </em> when he talked to her that way. I can’t just let him treat her like that!” His head sagged and eyes closed in pain for El.</p><p>Jonathan placed both hands on Will’s shoulders to steady him. “Okay look at me, Will. LOOK. AT. ME.” Will begrudgingly obeyed and looked into Jonathan’s eyes. “Nancy and I will go talk to Mike. But right now, <em>you</em> need to calm down. All <em>you’re </em>doing is making this worse for everybody. And remember, Mike is your best friend, and he was your friend a <em>long</em> <em>time </em>before El came around. And whatever you have, or think you <em>might have,</em> going on with El, she’s still <em>HIS</em> girlfriend, and what happens between them is none of <em>your</em> goddamn business. As long as he’s not abusing her or physically hurting her, <em>you</em> need to keep out of it.”</p><p>“But, <em> Jon-” </em></p><p>“Don’t <em> ‘but Jon’ </em> me -- I was in your shoes not too long ago too, remember? And as much as it killed me to see Steve being a douche to Nancy, it was up to <em> Nancy </em> to end it, not me. He never actually <em> hurt </em> her, he just didn’t treat her how he should have. And she finally had enough of it. But it’s up to <em> El </em> to decide if she walks away from Mike, <em> not </em>you. Or, you’re really no better than him by forcing a decision on her. Do you understand?</p><p>“Yeah, <em> but-” </em></p><p>“DO. YOU. UNDER. STAND. ME?”</p><p>Will dropped his head and slumped against the wall of the bathrooms. “Yes.”</p><p>“Okay, now stay <em> right here </em> until I get back. Got it?”  Will nodded in acquiescence.  “Keep an eye on him, will you?”</p><p>Jenny stepped around the side of the small cinder block building holding the bathrooms. “Well, <em> that </em> escalated quickly.”</p><p>Will sank down to the ground against the wall, pulling his knees up and resting an elbow on each, hanging his head down between his arms. “I...I don’t know what happened. I just...I saw her face when he grabbed at her hand like that. She just looked so...crushed. And...she’s been wanting to come here <em>so</em> badly... and she’s been so upset about Mike, I just sort of snapped. I don’t think I’ve ever been <em>that</em> <em>mad</em> before.”</p><p>Jenny eased herself down beside him. “She’s been telling me about Mike, too. And after seeing them together today, I’m more sure than ever that he’s not in love with her anymore. You don’t treat someone you love like he’s been treating her.  But, I’m sorry I pushed you. I feel responsible for what happened back there. If I hadn’t made you look at them right then-”</p><p>“No, don’t blame yourself, Jenny. It’s not your fault I lost my cool. I've been trying to fight these...feelings...for her for a while now. I mean, I didn't <em>want</em> to fall for my <em>sister. </em>But, it’s been building up, and then with the different things she’s told me about her and Mike...I guess just seeing it for myself like that was enough to tip me over the edge. Probably would have happened at some point over the weekend either way.” Will rubbed his hand over his face, unsuccessful in wiping away any of the feelings of hopelessness or frustration built up inside. “<em>Shit... </em> I’m going to have to apologize...to <em> both </em>of them.”</p><p>“Yeah, you are.” Will leaned his head against the wall, just wanting to close his eyes and start this day over. “But, I could help,” she offered. “You want to make me the bad guy? You can tell them it bugged me how he was treating El all day, and that I told you I saw him slap her hand, and so you were just trying to stand up for her? I think the protective brother angle is definitely the way to go.”</p><p>“Why do you keep wanting to take the fall for me?”</p><p>Jenny shrugged. “Can’t help it, guess I’m just a sucker for the this real-life <em> Flowers in the Attic</em>. I just want to see you and El make it.” Will lifted his head and looked at her incredulously.  “Plus, what do I care what Mike thinks about me? I don’t even know the guy. It’s more important that you guys have a chance at fixing your friendships than what a total stranger thinks about me. So, tell ‘em whatever you feel like. No skin off my back.”</p><p>“I can’t thank you enough for all you’ve been willing to do today,” Will said sincerely.</p><p>“I’m sure I’ll think of a way for you to pay me back some day.”</p><p>“Hell of a first date, huh?”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Swallow My Pride</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Swallow My Pride by the Ramones<br/><a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7uDm5Fv2WhkpXTWUIdKH4F?si=qmpc8kkZRYmrRK3cB1Evew">Listen Here</a></p><p> </p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Happy 2021!!! I'm completely ashamed of myself for not being able to stay focused on this story as I had planned when it began. I truly didn't realize what writing fiction was like -- I discovered it is an intensely emotional and time-consuming experience, begun during a time that was somewhat quiet for me both personally and professionally.  </p><p>As the school year began for my kids, work projects kicked into high gear, my father's mental and physical state began to decline more rapidly (he has dementia), my eldest's college application deadlines started hitting, our family business started getting super busy as we neared the holidays, and COVID stress fatigue finally hit me in a big way -- I just couldn't dedicate the proper focus or hours I needed to do justice to this story (as my most productive and creative writing time was typically from about 10 pm - 5 am when the rest of the house was asleep). I'd write when I could squeeze in an hour here or there, but I didn't feel anything I was creating was good enough to publish.</p><p>So, yes -- waa, waa, woe-is-me -- I know we are all overwhelmed with the state 2020 has left us in. Not great excuses, and few of us are immune to the current situation in the world, but just wanted to offer a little explanation of where I went and why.  Fanfiction has been my escape from stress for too many years, and I just didn't realize the experience of writing vs. reading would actually add to that emotional stress!</p><p>I was accused of abandoning the story by a few readers, and I just want to assure you I have not. But I'm too much of a perfectionist -- and too emotionally involved in these characters and the storyline that continually plays in my head -- to bare the thought of disappointing you with posting just any words to fill the page.</p><p>But my New Year's resolution is to carve out the time to finish this story. Life seems to be a bit simpler for the forseeable future now that we're past the holidays (or, maybe it's just my optimistic naivete borne from possibilities of a fresh start for a new year), and I've spent the last several days cleaning up this chapter and writing several new ones.  So I should be posting a bit more regularly as I continue to edit and refine what's already written -- at least until I get to the last part of the story. I do have most of it mapped out as well though, so barring any more personal crises, I honestly hope to not leave you with another crazy-long hiatus.</p><p>Thank you again to all of you who have continued to follow up and check in with me. I hope I can live up to your expectations as we continue our journey here together. Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The crunch of leaves under heavy footsteps alerted Will and Jenny to Jonathan’s return. “Okay, looks like we’re not getting kicked out of here, so you guys can come out. But you should probably steer clear of Mike and El for a while, just to be safe.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jon, I’m okay now. I really think I need to apologize. I mean, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> to,” Will said, jumping up and brushing the dirt and leaves from the ground off the back of his pants. He held a hand out to Jenny to help her up, and she did the same.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know about that,” Jonathan looked warily at his brother. “How do I know you’re not going to flip out again?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t, I promise.  I feel horrible enough as it is,” Will crossed his arms over his middle, clearly sick at his own behavior.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I’ll drag him away if he looks like he’s getting angry again,” Jenny assured Jonathan. “I just didn’t even know he had it in him to get mad like that!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You and me both,” Jonathan shook his head, still eyeing Will to decide if he believed him or not. “Okay, I guess I have to let you try to fix it. But I’ll be watching the whole time. I can’t let you beat up my girlfriend’s brother.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>my</span>
  </em>
  <span> best friend first.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, well, I wouldn’t have cared if you’d kicked his ass back then. He was always kind of an annoying little shit. But between helping us save you, and now Nancy, I guess he’s grown on me.” Jonathan shrugged as a reluctant smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think you’d have to worry about me kicking Mike’s ass, even if I wanted to. He’s still got an inch or so on me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So? What does height have to do with anything? Have you looked at the two of you?” Jenny asked Will, who wasn’t catching on. “He’s a toothpick. You have way more muscle than him. You could totally take him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, plus all the self defense moves we’ve been working on? I was really afraid we’d be headed to the emergency room if you started swinging,” Jonathan agreed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh...huh...I... didn’t think of that.” Will was so used to thinking of Mike as their fearless leader, their Paladin, it hadn’t occurred to him that he might now be the physically stronger of the two. “Well, I guess it’s a good thing you guys were there.” Will tried to look properly chastised, but failed to contain his self-satisfied grin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“C’mon, then. Let’s get this over with Rocky,” Jonathan wrapped his hand around the back of the younger boy’s neck and playfully cuffed it as they emerged from behind the bathrooms where they had been hidden. “Just, keep your cool and don’t pull any punches.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know. I know I messed up. I’m just gonna apologize,” Will promised again as he and Jenny followed Jonathan down the path to where the rest of their group sat. Nancy was off to the side watching her brother, who sat with El on a bench a few feet away.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mike had both of El’s hands in his, with his head hung down, almost as if he were praying with her. As they neared the trio, Will saw El pull one hand from his grasp and run it through Mike’s hair as she placed a kiss on the crown of his bowed head. Nancy noticed them approaching first, and rose stiffly to meet them, placing herself defensively in front of Mike and El.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What are you doing?” she hissed at Jonathan, glancing suspiciously at Will and Jenny. “I thought you were going to have them split off from us for a while?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He said he wants to apologize, Nance.” Jonathan gave Nancy his best puppy dog eyes, pleading with her to back down. “We need to </span>
  <em>
    <span>try</span>
  </em>
  <span> to let them work it out themselves.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” She looked between the two Byers boys again, sizing them up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I know Nancy. I really am sorry for how I acted,” Will said earnestly. “It was...really...immature. I just want to apologize to my friends.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nancy crossed her arms suspiciously, her lips pursing as she rocked back on her heels and studied Will. “Okay...I guess,” she conceded, shifting to the side to let them pass. “But I’m not letting the two of you out of my sight, Will.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will nodded. “That’s fair.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mike and El looked up at the sound of Will’s voice. Mike jumped up and took a step, but El held on to his hand and pulled him back, saying something quietly to him with a pleading look in her eyes. Mike turned and shook off her hand as he hurried toward Will, El quickly following behind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will stiffened and Jenny looked down to see his feet squared and fists clenched at his sides as Mike approached. “You’re apologizing, remember?” Jenny murmured from over his shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I know, but I’m going to be ready to defend myself, just in case,” Will whispered, turning his head toward Jenny, but not taking his eyes off Mike as he stalked down the path toward them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We need to talk,” Mike demanded, kicking up a small cloud of dust from the dirt path onto Will’s shoes as he abruptly halted his stride, nearly stumbling forward from the sudden loss of momentum.  Despite his big brain, heart and mouth, Mike’s lanky body still had all the grace of a baby giraffe.  “Can we go somewhere? Alone?”  Mike’s eyes darted from Jenny to El, who hovered over Mike’s left shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is that really a good idea?” El asked, once again giving Mike’s hand a small tug, as though she were really concerned she might need to try to hold him back from going after Will.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will looked into his best friend’s eyes and saw the plea held within. He knew Mike. These weren’t his angry eyes -- he’d seen those plenty of times over the years -- when Nancy was being particularly nasty to him, or when Troy pushed too far, or the time he attacked Billy outside the sauna for choking El.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>This was nervous, guilty Mike. Like when he was trying not to panic and come up with a plan. Or the time he tried to apologize after suggesting Will didn’t like girls. Will was at least 80% sure he just wanted to talk -- he just didn’t want to do it in front of the girls.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, sure,” Will agreed, jerking his head for Mike to follow as he turned back toward the bathrooms. He kind of agreed with Mike. They </span>
  <em>
    <span>were</span>
  </em>
  <span> fighting about El after all, and Jenny wasn’t even a Party member. This was between the two of them, and neither girl needed to be part of this conversation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mike gave El a small tight smile in apology and a reassuring squeeze to her hand before he let go and turned to follow Will.  El wrapped her arms around her middle and looked like she might be sick. Jenny rushed to her friend’s side to lend a steadying arm to lean on.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You okay, El?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>El shook her head. “My stomach hurts. Has been for most of the day.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, c’mon, it’ll be fine. They’re big boys, they can work this out themselves.” Jenny wrapped her arm around El’s shoulders and led them back to the bench she and Mike had been sitting on.  Instead of sitting with Jenny, El began to pace, eyes still on the retreating backs of the two most important people in her life.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know, Jenny. Neither one of them is acting like themselves. I mean, I’ve NEVER seen Will get so mad before. He actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>scared</span>
  </em>
  <span> Mike. He’d probably never admit it, but I could see it in his eyes. And believe me, Mike doesn’t scare easily. He’s seen Will at his </span>
  <em>
    <span>worst—</span>
  </em>
  <span>like, not himself at all</span>
  <em>
    <span>—</span>
  </em>
  <span>but he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>never</span>
  </em>
  <span> scared of him before,” El said, thinking back to the stories Mike told her about Will being possessed by the Mind Flayer. Even then, Mike was never </span>
  <em>
    <span>afraid</span>
  </em>
  <span> of Will, only terrified </span>
  <em>
    <span>for</span>
  </em>
  <span> his best friend and desperate to find a way to help him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Will </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> really pissed. It took him a while to calm down. He yelled at his brother too,” Jenny recounted. “But you know it’s just because he really cares about you, right? And, I mean, c’mon, Mike </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> out of line. He has been all day.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>El didn’t look convinced, so Jenny decided to just tell her what she really thought. “Um, Mike’s kind of a know-it-all, and he’s been sort of bossing you around all morning, trying to tell you what to do. I thought you said he’s always been so super sweet? Is it because of what happened last night?  What </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span> happen last night?!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>El dropped onto the bench with a sigh and squeezed her eyes shut, face dropping into her hands with a frustrated groan. “Ugh, no. Well, that didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>help</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but...he’s been...off...the last several months, and it’s been getting worse since we moved.” El looked up at her friend’s concerned face. “I tried some of the moves you showed me last night, and it </span>
  <em>
    <span>totally</span>
  </em>
  <span> backfired.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?! How on earth…?” Jenny looked stumped. “Are you sure you did it right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, </span>
  <em>
    <span>yes!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” El looked mildly offended.  “That was the part of the problem. I did it a little </span>
  <em>
    <span>too</span>
  </em>
  <span> good, apparently, because he, uh, </span>
  <em>
    <span>came in his pants,” </span>
  </em>
  <span>she whispered, still finding it hard to tamp down the little thrill that tinted her cheeks at the memory, despite the current situation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jenny’s jaw dropped. “Oh shit, no way! Go El!” she said with a congratulatory shoulder bump. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, well, Mike wasn’t quite as </span>
  <em>
    <span>enthused</span>
  </em>
  <span>, at least, once it was over. He got </span>
  <em>
    <span>really </span>
  </em>
  <span>embarrassed and, like, guilty? I guess because he couldn’t control it, or it was too fast, or whatever. He tried to explain it to me this morning and apologized, but it’s like he’s completely put the brakes on anything </span>
  <em>
    <span>physical</span>
  </em>
  <span> in our relationship since my dad died this summer. And I really appreciated that at first, but when we got closer to moving, I wanted to make the most of the time we had left, but, it was like... he just... couldn’t, for some reason? I can barely get more than a kiss on the cheek before he starts pulling away. I don’t know what changed, but he won’t talk to me about it. That’s why I asked for your help. I thought maybe if I could just...I don’t know...</span>
  <em>
    <span>show</span>
  </em>
  <span> him how I feel, it would get us past this. But, I think it might have made it worse.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh El, I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> sorry,” Jenny grasped her friend’s hand in hers. “I wish you’d told me the full story. I thought you were just worried about it because you’d been apart for so long. I didn’t know there was all this other stuff going on with you two. I might have given you some different advice.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not your fault. It was my dumb idea.” El shook her head. “We’re actually going to see my therapist this afternoon. He’s got some ideas about Mike from what I’ve told him, and thinks he can help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow, couple’s therapy for teenagers?” Jenny smirked, trying to get her friend to smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>El shrugged. “I guess, sort of, but this summer...uh, with my dad and all…was really rough on all of us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, were they really close or something?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>El thought about Mike’s relationship with Hopper. Although he had spent a good portion of the last year purposely getting under Hop’s skin as payback for the 353 days he kept them apart, she knew they had an unspoken level of respect for one another. Hop knew that despite his paternal paranoia over their developing relationship, Mike was the smartest kid he’d ever met. He also knew that Mike loved El with his whole being, and would never hesitate for a second to lay down his life to protect her and his friends. What more could a dad want for his daughter? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Mike appreciated that Hop actually listened to him and his friends (eventually) about Will’s disappearance, begrudgingly allowing them to act as team members as they battled the horrors of the Upside Down and Mind Flayer, and for always watching over El and the Party like they were all his own kids -- especially since his Mike’s own father simply dismissed him, or spent his days obliviously napping in his recliner.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>El nodded again, eyes a bit glassy from her thoughts. “Yeah, I guess my dad was kind of like a father figure to him. To a lot of the Party, really.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jenny squeezed El’s hand sympathetically. “Well, everyone processes grief differently. It’s funny, I was kind of thinking that Mike talks to you like a little kid. Maybe he feels like he needs to replace your dad somehow? But, that’s kind of messed up too. Sounds like it’s a good idea he’s going to your shrink today.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>El’s hand found its way into her curls, absently twisting one around her finger as she worried after her boys. With the motion, Jenny’s eyes were drawn to what she thought looked like a tattoo on the underside of El’s wrist, peeking out from under her sleeve. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“El, do you have ink?!” she asked, pulling the girl’s wrist toward her to get a better look.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh! Uh, no, I mean, it’s not a real tattoo...</span>
  <em>
    <span>yet. </span>
  </em>
  <span>But...I want to get one there eventually.  Will made some temporary ones for me to try out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, yeah? I want to get one too! But you know that spot will probably hurt like a bitch! My brother and his best friend got matching tattoos, and I’ve wanted one ever since. He promised he’ll take me to his guy as soon as I can pass for 18.  Wow, Will drew this?” Jenny asked, her voice filled with awe as she inspected the detailed flowers and scrollwork. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I told you he was a great artist.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I like that -- ‘Decide your destiny.’”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>El nodded in agreement “It’s from Jane Eyre. When Rochester tries that awful proposal, he tells her that her own will will decide her destiny.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought it sounded familiar.  That’s kind of funny though -- ‘her </span>
  <em>
    <span>Will’</span>
  </em>
  <span> will decide her destiny? You think Will’s got a subliminal message hidden there?” Jenny smirked, thinking it might be more true than El knew.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>El rolled her eyes. “He just thought it was a good thing for both of us to remember. That regardless of what’s happened in our past, we’re in control of making our own futures whatever we want them to be. I like it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m just teasing. I like it too.” Jenny had planned to talk up Will to El some more while she had her alone, but it was obvious now that the overall situation was more complicated than she realized. This might take a more subtle approach.  “Will </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> really talented. Maybe I’ll ask him to design some sample tattoos for me too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sure he’d love to,” El encouraged, tugging her sleeve back down. She was still worried Jenny might be able to make out the 011 if she looked more closely.  “Hey, um, I’m sorry we’re ruining your date with all this drama.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, don’t worry about it at all! Still better than sitting at home watching old black and white Christmas movies with my mom. That’s what she tries to get me to do with her every Black Friday, because she says there’s no way in </span>
  <em>
    <span>hell</span>
  </em>
  <span> you’d catch her at a store today. It’s been nice getting to know him better. He’s funny, and uh, I gotta admit, seeing him go all Hulk mode was kinda hot.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>No reason not to plant a little seed here and there though</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Jenny thought.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jenny! You’re so bad!” El pushed at her friend’s shoulder in mock outrage. “I just hope they make up quick. Mike felt really bad for upsetting him and doesn’t blame Will for getting mad. He wanted to apologize.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, Will said he wanted to apologize too. If they are as close as you say, I’m sure they’ll be fine. My brother and his friends beat the crap out of each other sometimes, and then they’re hanging out again an hour later. I think it’s a testosterone thing. As soon as they get it out of their system, it’s like nothing ever happened!”</span>
</p><p><span>El had never seen anyone in the Party get</span> <span>so mad at each other. Someone usually invoked a Party Rule and diffused the situation before it got out of hand.  “I really hope you’re right.” </span></p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>
  <span>The sound of Mike’s footsteps scuffling along the gravel path echoed behind Will as he led his friend back to the spot behind the cinder block bathrooms from which he and Jenny had just emerged.  He would recognize the sound of Mike’s gait anywhere -- a pattern of shuffles and scrapes laying out a familiar rhythm as he alternatively drug his heels and toes across the path, like he never quite got used to the length of his legs to know how high to properly lift them to take a full step. It’s also what made him so horrible at sports, and running in general. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will hoped for Mike’s sake it got better when he finally reached his full height and his brain and body finally got in sync.  Although sports had never much interested him, Will had never been </span>
  <em>
    <span>quite</span>
  </em>
  <span> as clumsy as Mike. One of the few benefits of being a bit of a late bloomer, he guessed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As they neared the small tan building, Will quickly stepped around the back corner and spun on his friend, wanting to make sure he had the chance to get his apology out before Mike’s angry word vomit spewed forth and made him lose his cool again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mike, I’m-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, Will-” They started at the same time, but Will reached out and clamped a strong hand on Mike’s bicep to stop him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, Mike, let me talk,” Will insisted, and the disconcerting perspective of having Will’s steady gaze now directly at eye level compelled Mike to pause. “I was </span>
  <em>
    <span>way</span>
  </em>
  <span> out of line back there. I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>so </span>
  </em>
  <span>sorry, man. I just...I heard you snap at El and saw you knock the food out of her hand...and the look on her face...I guess maybe I’ve gotten too used to watching out for her now, especially around some of the older mouthbreathers at school -- you know how they talk about girls -- and I just slipped into protective brother mode. But, it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>, man. I can’t believe I pushed you like that. I really am sorry -- I know you’d never really hurt her and are just trying to keep her safe-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But that’s just it, Will!” Mike interrupted Will’s rambling apology, hands flailing in the air at his sides as he struggled to make his point. “I </span>
  <em>
    <span>am</span>
  </em>
  <span> hurting her! I feel like I hurt her </span>
  <em>
    <span>every time</span>
  </em>
  <span> I talk to her!  The more I </span>
  <em>
    <span>try</span>
  </em>
  <span> to keep her safe, the more I do wrong! I don’t blame you for freaking out on me like that. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m</span>
  </em>
  <span> the one that was out of line, and I deserved it. But I just kept watching those animals’ teeth get closer to her fingers, and she was laughing like it was no big deal, and I could just see one of them biting her... ”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dude,” Will huffed a small incredulous laugh. “It was just an old goat in a little kids’ petting zoo. They </span>
  <em>
    <span>specifically</span>
  </em>
  <span> put those animals in there because they’re so gentle.  Did you think it was going to suddenly go rabid and attack her or something?” Will playfully smacked Mike’s arm to try to get him to loosen the grip his fingers had found in his own hair as he re-lived his panic.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know! I mean, no, I just...I can’t help it. Whenever I think about El, I just can’t help worrying about her. When I can’t be with her, which is like </span>
  <em>
    <span>never</span>
  </em>
  <span> now, all I can think about is all the things that could happen to her. And how I can’t try to keep her safe if I’m not with her, and she can’t protect herself without her powers. I just feel so...</span>
  <em>
    <span>useless. </span>
  </em>
  <span>I don’t even know why she would want to be with me anymore…” Mike’s legs seemed to give out as he slipped to the ground and leaned back against the bathroom wall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mike, c’mon, it’s not that bad, man,” Will dropped to his knees next to Mike and gave his shoulder a comforting squeeze with his hand. “She’s fine, really, I promise. She’s safe, and me and Jon watch out for her at school. There’s really nothing for you to worry about any more. And El’s with you because she loves you, not because she </span>
  <em>
    <span>needs</span>
  </em>
  <span> you for anything. You don’t need to prove anything to her.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t get it, Will,” Mike protested with his signature scowl and eye roll. “She </span>
  <em>
    <span>does</span>
  </em>
  <span> need someone to watch out for her. And the more of us, the better. You </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span> there are people in the government, maybe even </span>
  <em>
    <span>other</span>
  </em>
  <span> governments, that want her for a weapon!” Mike’s voice took on an urgent, ominous whisper. “And who knows if those commie bastards are still around somewhere? For all we know they’re trying to open another gate! And then what, huh?! Without her powers, she’s defenseless! We all are! We have to stay vigilant and watch for anything that might be suspicious-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whoa, Mike...slow down. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>do</span>
  </em>
  <span> get it. There’s a lot of ‘what ifs,’ but we can’t, like, </span>
  <em>
    <span>obsess</span>
  </em>
  <span> about it like that, ya know? I mean, sure, we need to be more cautious and pay attention for anything that seems out of the ordinary, but Owens said they destroyed all the records of the MK Ultra project, and even the few people with the top security clearance that know El is still alive know that she has no powers! And he sends regular status updates so they know she’s being ‘monitored’ and isn’t a threat. I know it’s not perfect, but we’ll all drive ourselves crazy if we don’t at least </span>
  <em>
    <span>try</span>
  </em>
  <span> to start living normal lives.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mike let out a dry, humorless laugh, head dropping back against the wall. “Normal lives? I don’t even know what that means anymore. Pretty sure </span>
  <em>
    <span>normal</span>
  </em>
  <span> went out the window the night you disappeared.” He let out a shaky breath, his voice dropping low and flat with shame, “You know, sometimes I think...if I had just listened to Lucas, and just told my parents when we first found El, then maybe things would have been...I don’t know...different somehow.” Mike groaned, his fingers back in his hair. “But then I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span> we probably wouldn’t have been able to find you, and El’s just so </span>
  <em>
    <span>awesome</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but I don’t know...I just...I don’t know </span>
  <em>
    <span>how</span>
  </em>
  <span> to go back to being </span>
  <em>
    <span>normal. </span>
  </em>
  <span>And with you guys gone, everything is just so </span>
  <em>
    <span>wrong</span>
  </em>
  <span> and there’s nothing I can do about ANY of it!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Mike,” Will leaned forward on his knees and placed both hands on Mike’s shoulders, giving them just a small shake as he looked him square in the eyes. “You just need to </span>
  <em>
    <span>stop</span>
  </em>
  <span> man, and realize that there’s nothing </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> can do about any of it. You’ve done everything you can, Mike. And if it wasn’t for you, we both know I probably wouldn’t even be here. There’s nothing we can do right now but take it day by day and try to enjoy the good days while we got ‘em. Just try to appreciate that we’re still here and that we all got another chance.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hopper didn’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will sighed heavily, dropping his hands back to his thighs and leaning back on his heels. “I know, Mike. But that’s not on you, man. </span>
  <em>
    <span>You</span>
  </em>
  <span> can’t carry that guilt.” Mike turned away, staring off into the foliage at nothing as Will considered his friend. “I’m, uh, really glad you’re coming to see Doc Mathews with us today. He can really...put things in perspective. I think it could help.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mike shrugged, still staring into the greenery. “Yeah, maybe,” he said noncommittally. “If it makes El happy…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It will. And hopefully you too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Mike sighed, “So, uh...are we good? We should probably get back to the girls.” A small sheepish smile upturned one corner of his mouth as his eyes cut over to Will. “Unless you still wanted to take a swing at me or something, just to get it out of your system?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dude, I said I was sorry! But do you want to take a swing at me, just so we’re even?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nah,” Mike sniffed, the smirk spreading across his lips. “I wouldn’t want to bust up your face and ruin your chances with Jenny.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dunno,” Will shrugged, a smile now dancing in his eyes as well. “Maybe it would make her feel sorry for me, and she’d want to come over and </span>
  <em>
    <span>nurse my wounds</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Well, at least he thinks I really am into Jenny.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think you were doing fine without her pity. I thought I saw some PDA before you went all ballistic on me-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, Mike, I really am sor-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, I know...I was just kidding,” Mike said, getting his feet back under himself to stand. He reached his hand out in offering to Will, his dark eyes wide and earnest. “We’re good, man.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Will clasped his hand, locking both his grip and their eyes in confirmation. “Promise?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I promise,” Mike said with a nod and hauled Will up, gripping his shoulder with his other hand. “Now why don’t we get back to the girls before they start worrying about us, huh?” Mike said, smiling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, haven’t you boneheads heard it’s not polite to keep a lady waiting?” Jonathan materialized around the corner of the bathroom after his voice.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Were you spying on us?!” Mike eyed Jonathan resentfully.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, but Nancy made me come check on you to make sure you weren’t trying to kill each other. I guess you kissed and made up?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dude, seriously?” Mike crossed his arms with his signature eye roll.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re cool, Jon. Let’s catch up with the girls,” Will pushed past his brother impatiently. With the adrenaline finally flushed from his system, he was eager to leave the morning’s drama behind the zoo bathrooms, where he’d already pissed away entirely too much of his day. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Tainted Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Tainted Love by Soft Cell<br/><a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7uDm5Fv2WhkpXTWUIdKH4F?si=qmpc8kkZRYmrRK3cB1Evew">Listen Here</a></p>
<p>This is the chapter that stopped progress on the story for so long. First, I just couldn't make myself write it. Then I kept stopping because it was simply too hard -- this actually HURT to write!! And I've changed and edited it SO many times these past few months, but it's just time to finally push past it. </p>
<p>Hang in there folks...it gets rough...</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  
</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Will’s eyes traced the rainbow light phantasmic illuminating the magazine cover rotating in Mike hands as he sat in the black leather chair across from him, seemingly hypnotized by its three dimensional incandescence. Will found the ancient skull that materialized from the holograph morbidly fascinating, curious what poetic connection <em> National Geographic </em> was making between the brightly colored image and the ‘Search for Early Man’ headline on the cover. </p><p>Although the blinding reflection was beginning to give Will a headache, it was still better than Mike’s previous circling of the waiting room as they waited for Jonathan and Nancy to come out of the doctor’s office. During his multiple laps around the small room, Mike had stopped to adjust the angle of a picture on the wall, rifled through the magazines on a table in the corner, filled his little paper cup with water at the cooler (three times) and tapped out a tune only he recognized with his knuckles across the credenza.</p><p>He’d finally sat down after he tipped over a model of the human brain perched on a bookshelf, making El hiss at him to find a seat before she tied him down to one. After spotting the prismatic colors of the periodical cover just barely visible under a stack of others on a side table, the nervous energy that began building ever since they left the zoo now seemed hyper-focused on the wonder in his hands.</p><p>The rest of their morning among the animals had been blessedly uneventful, with the exception of just one small deception in the bat house. The teens had indeed paired off and spread out a bit in their exploration of the remaining exhibits over the next hour. This made it much easier for Will to ignore El’s continued attempts to draw affection from Mike, at least until they reached the bat house, where the slow pace through the small crowded rooms allowed the couple to catch up to Will and Jenny. </p><p>Having seen one too many teenagers sneak off to make out in the shadows of the exhibit during her many visits to the zoo over the years, Jenny knew the next room had a little alcove in the corner behind the fake cave walls.  Anticipating El’s next move (Jenny <em> did </em> train the girl herself), she quickly pulled Will into the darkened corner before the other couple entered the room.</p><p>“What’s back here?” Will asked cluelessly.</p><p><em>“We </em> are,” Jenny answered smugly.  “And that will mean El and Mike <em> won’t </em> be!”</p><p>“Why would they come back here? There’s nothing to see.”</p><p>“That’s the point. And no one can see what anyone’s doing back here either.”</p><p>“Oh. <em> Ooooohhhh…,” </em> Will finally worked out her meaning. “Uh, Jenny...how did <em> you </em> know about this spot?” Although she couldn’t see Will’s face, Jenny could hear the teasing in his voice.</p><p>Deciding to have some fun with him, she stepped in close and wrapped her arms around Will’s neck, leaning in to whisper in his ear, “Everybody in South Bend knows about <em> this </em> spot. My brother even had his first kiss here--I heard him telling his friends about it. Have you had <em> your </em> first kiss yet, Will?” Jenny let her lips lightly skim past Will’s ear, and felt his whole body go stiff with surprise. </p><p>“Um...Jenny,” Will started shakily. “I thought you sai-”</p><p>“El! What are you doing? Why are you pushing me-” Will was interrupted by a confused whisper, as Mike’s back bumped into Will’s as his friend stumbled into him. “Oh! Uh, sorry…”</p><p>“Hey, this spot’s taken!” Jenny called out over Will’s shoulder.</p><p>“Mike?” Will asked, shaken from his momentary stupor by the unexpected intrusion.</p><p>“Will?! What are you guys doing back here?” Mike asked, as clueless as Will had been just moments before. </p><p>“Uh...probably the same thing you were planning to do,” Will recovered. </p><p>“Oh, uh...sorry guys!” El’s sheepish voice pierced the darkness from the other side of Mike, and the two quickly retreated back into the exhibit.</p><p>“Good job, way to sell it,” Jenny said, sliding her hands back to Will’s shoulders with a little pat, and stepping back to a more 'friendly' distance.</p><p>“How did you know they’d try to sneak back here?”</p><p>“I taught that girl everything she knows, remember?” Jenny said smugly as she stepped around Will to leave. “But I had you worried there for a second, didn’t I?” she whispered into his ear as she passed, giving him a little smack on the rear that made Will squeak in surprise.</p><p>The car ride back to Jenny’s was an exercise in awkward, with Mike fidgeting anxiously in the back seat while El tried to make small talk to distract him from the impending therapy session that obviously had his nerves on edge. Jenny finally asked him if he needed them to stop to let him go pee, earning both her and Will a trademark Mike Wheeler scowl and eyeroll, especially when Will let slip a strangled laugh at her remark.</p><p>“Thanks again for inviting me today, Will. I had a really good time,” Jenny said coyly when Nancy pulled up to her house, before leaning over and planting a kiss on Will’s cheek. “Call me!” she said as she opened the door, calling back over her shoulder, “Bye, El! Talk to you later!” She shut the door and gave Will a little wave before turning and walking to her door with a skip in her step.</p><p>“Well, well, Slick Willie!” Nancy said as she put the car in drive and pulled away. “Aren’t you full of surprises today?” she asked, her smiling eyes catching Will’s in the rear view mirror.</p><p>“No kidding! I didn’t know you had it in you, kid,” Jonathan turned to look at his younger brother, his eyes filled with questions.</p><p>“Shut up,” Will murmured bashfully, pressing a fist to his mouth and turning to look out the window to hide an unbidden smile. He knew it was mostly just for show on Jenny’s part, but she <em> did </em> make it clear she thought he was cute, and it felt surprisingly satisfying to Will to be perceived as desirable by someone of the fairer sex. It was a foreign emotion for him, but one that still made the heat rise in his chest and his cheeks all the same.</p><p>The back seat was noticeably silent, and Will was afraid to turn around to see his friends’ reaction to Jenny’s performance. He guessed Mike was still scowling, and his restless energy was inescapable with the constant tapping of his fingers, thumping of his heels on the floor, and occasional knee in the back of Will’s seat throughout the hour-long drive to Dr. Mathews’ office.</p><p>But it was the possibility of seeing El’s reaction that really paralyzed him. Was she happy for him? Angry? <em> Jealous </em>? Or, maybe worst of all, she hadn’t even noticed, with her attention fully focused on Mike and their rapidly approaching session.  </p><p>
  <em> That’s probably what’s happening. She’s just worried about fixing things with her and Mike, and all of Jenny’s big plans are for nothing. Well, at least Jenny’s cool, and fun to hang out with. And if El and Mike are living happily ever after, then who knows what could happen? </em>
</p><p>Unknown to Will, El’s mind was quietly stewing in the seat behind him. She’d given up trying to calm Mike down before they’d even gotten to Jenny’s, having slid to the far side of the car and closed her eyes in an attempt to block out his incessant fidgeting. She’d been tense since the blow up and the zoo, and had been feeling down right annoyed since the bat house when her plans to sneak into a dark corner for a few private moments with Mike were ruined when they quite literally bumped into Will and Jenny.</p><p><em> Geez, I knew Jenny liked to have fun, but it was only a first date, and a group one at that! It was almost embarrassing seeing her throw herself at Will like that! Although, I bet Mike would be a whole lot more chill right now if I’d had a chance to give him something else to think about in the bat house. </em> El sighed at her own thoughts and rubbed at her temples. <em> Who am I kidding? He was getting panicky when I tried to do anything more than hold hands, even when there wasn’t anyone around. The place was practically deserted with the holiday. </em></p><p>“Are you okay?” Mike asked quietly, having noticed El worrying her temples. She nodded, giving him what she hoped was a reassuring smile. She guessed it was good enough, because he nodded back, and turned back to watch the passing scenery out the window.</p><p>El’s eyes panned from Mike’s profile to Will’s, sitting in the seat in front of them. Unlike Mike, whose worry-filled face was drawn tight, lips pursed as he chewed on the inside of his cheek, Will’s visage looked smooth and relaxed. She could just see the edge of his lips curved upward in a small smile. <em> I bet he’s thinking about Jenny </em>, she thought dully, refusing to acknowledge the way the thought made her stomach clench. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes again, trying to push down the chill spreading through her bones as they sped down the highway that had nothing to do with the dropping temperatures outside.  </p><p>
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</p><p>Although this whole visit to Dr. Mathews had been her idea to begin with, El began seriously doubting her plan as she watched Mike fiddle with everything in the room he could get his hands on like an unsupervised toddler. Luckily, with the holiday, the doctor’s office was even more empty than the zoo. She finally threatened to tie Mike to a chair if he didn’t sit down and quit touching things when a piece of the model brain he was messing with went clattering off the shelf and hit the floor, sending the stand flying across the room. Luckily it just popped back together and he hadn’t managed to destroy it, and Mike had thankfully spotted a magazine that finally held his attention as he sat beside her. </p><p>The door to Dr. Mathews' inner office finally opened and Jonathan and Nancy emerged. “It was a pleasure to meet you, Nancy. Just give my office a call if you’d like to set up some time to continue working on what we discussed. I’ve promised Owens I would make time for all of you,” Mathews said as he shook Nancy’s hand. As Jonathan guided her to a seat in the waiting room with his hand at the small of her back, Dr. Mathews called out, “Will, why don’t you come in next? We’ll keep it short today.”</p><p>Will nodded and rose to enter, as Mike turned to Nancy in the row of chairs behind him. He heard his friend’s voice as the doctor shut the door behind them, “Hey, Nance, what was it like…”</p><p>“So, Will, did you have a nice Thanksgiving?” Dr. Mathews asked politely as he led Will to the comfortable seating area of his office, adorned with two rich brown tufted leather couches set across from each other that always made Will think of two big chocolate bars.</p><p>“Yeah, it was good. How about you?”</p><p>“Oh yes, thank you. It’s always good to have the whole family together. My two oldest are off at college now, so we don’t get to spend as much time with all the kids under one roof as we used to.  What was good about yours?”</p><p>Will tipped his head in consideration. “The food was really good this year. Mom used to not be so great of a cook, but since she doesn’t have to work as much she’s been cooking more. And it was nice having El there this year too. It was her first real Thanksgiving -- she said her and Hopper just had turkey TV dinners last year and watched football. She seemed a little sad,” Will shrugged, “but not <em> too </em> bad. Plus, she was all excited about Mike coming last night.”</p><p>“Oh yes, Mike’s visit is the whole reason we’re all here today. But it bought me one more day to delay climbing on the roof to put up the Christmas lights, so you won’t hear me complaining!” Dr. Mathews said with a wink and warm smile. “So, I heard there was some excitement today at the zoo between you and Mike. Do you want to tell me about it?”</p><p>Dr. Mathews watched Will shrink in on himself a bit, as he tucked his head shamefully. “It was really all my fault. I lost my temper and I pushed him. A couple of times. Made a real scene. It was pretty embarrassing now that I think about it.”</p><p>“But what made you lose your temper, Will? Is this something that you’ve noticed happening more often?”</p><p>Will should his head. “No, not really. I hardly ever get mad,” he paused. “But now that I think about it, most of the times I can remember getting angry had something to do with Mike.”</p><p>“Why do you think that is?”</p><p>Will shrugged again. “It’s always something different. He always thinks his idea is the best one, or the right one, even if no one else wants to go along with it. It’s gotten worse since everything happened over the last couple of years.”</p><p>“Is that what happened today? Did you have a disagreement?”</p><p>Will shook his head. He picked at a small loose thread on his jeans as he thought about what to tell Dr. Mathews<em> . </em>He decided to go with a partial truth. “It was how he was talking to El. He’s been really...off...ever since he got here. She’d told me he’s been acting weird, but I thought maybe she was just over-reacting until I saw them together. I thought maybe the long-distance relationship thing just wasn’t working, but I think it’s more than that.”</p><p>“What do you mean by 'off?’ Does he act differently toward you as well?”</p><p>“No, not really. It’s really just with El. It’s like, one minute he’s all super protective, and the next he’s mad at her. And he says it’s because he’s mad at himself because he can’t be here to watch out for her, but then when they <em> are </em> together, he keeps pulling away from her.”</p><p>“As in physically pulling away, or emotionally?”</p><p>“Both. I guess. But, I mean, you see how Jon and Nancy are? Mike and El were <em> way </em> worse. Always hanging on each other, making stupid goo-goo eyes and sneaking off to go make out or something. It was really annoying at the beginning of the summer. But since he's been here, it's obvious he doesn't want to be alone with her, and it’s always her trying to hold his hand or pull him in for a kiss, and he looks like he’s <em> so </em> uncomfortable. It’s really awful to watch.”</p><p>“And this made you feel angry towards him to?”</p><p>“No, it wasn’t that as much as the way he was talking to her.” Although, if he was honest with himself, that bothered him almost as much. “See, El’s been dying to go to the zoo ever since we saw it a few weeks ago. She’d never been to one before. And Mike just ruined it for her. First he kept trying to tell her what to do—which isn’t really anything new, he kind of does that to everybody—but then he started yelling at her in the petting zoo about feeding the animals wrong and slapped the food out of her hand. She looked like she was about to cry. And that’s when I lost it. He was being <em> so </em> mean to her, and she had been looking forward to this day for <em> so </em> long and I just couldn’t take seeing him treat her like that.” Will felt his blood starting to boil again recounting the story. He took a deep breath, rubbing his hands along his jean-clad thighs to try to calm himself down again.</p><p>“So, it sounds like you were feeling a bit protective of El yourself. Do you see her as someone that needs protecting? Someone that <em> you </em> need to protect?”</p><p>“Not usually. But, sometimes, maybe? I mean, me and Jon are her brothers now, and we promised each other we’d look out for her at school,” Will clarified. “It’s all still so new to her, and we’ve both had problems with bullies before. Plus, we hear how guys talk about girls when they aren’t around.  But it’s not something that’s really been a problem so far.”</p><p>“That’s very noble, and definitely something brothers should do for their sisters,” Dr. Mathews praised. “So, today with Mike was the first time you’ve lost your temper like that?” Will nodded. “Had you and Mike had any other disagreements since he’d arrived, or something else that you’ve wanted to address with him that’s been bothering you?”</p><p><em> Only that I’m getting whiplash between feeling guilty as hell for crushing on his girlfriend and pissed off at him for not treating her like she deserves. </em>Will shook his head. “No, not that I can think of.”</p><p>“And what about Jenny? Jonathan mentioned she was with you all today as well. Is she a...romantic interest?”</p><p>Will’s eyes went wide. <em> Why was Jon talking to Mathews about me and Jenny?! That has nothing to do with him! </em> “Um, I don’t really know yet? She’s a friend, El’s friend really, but she’s cool,” Will shrugged again, trying for nonchalance. “Today was just sort of a first date. We’ll see what happens.”</p><p>Dr. Mathews considered Will, certain he was not sharing the full truth of the matter with him. “Well, if she’s someone you feel a connection to and enjoy spending time with, I would encourage you to explore those feelings. It’s healthy for someone your age to start having deeper interpersonal relationships, including romantic ones, to help you begin developing the skills to maturely manage adult relationships.” <em> And hopefully it will take your mind off this preoccupation you have developing with the young lady who is supposed to be your sister. </em> </p><p>“Uh, sure. Okay. I’ll keep that in mind.” Will tried to smile, but it was clear by his tone that this conversation was making him uncomfortable.</p><p>“Well, I promised to keep this brief today. I see you don’t have your journal. Was there anything else you wanted to share?”</p><p>“No, sir. I think we covered everything. I should really let El and Mike have the time.”</p><p>“Very well. As always, thank you for your candor. I’d like to see you reflect on the emotions you felt and the physical reactions you had to today’s events. What really made you respond as you did, and if you think there might have been a better way to express those feelings than getting physical with your friend. Spend some time with your journal on this, and let’s review your thoughts in our regular visit next week?”</p><p>“Sure, sounds good Doc.” Will stood and offered his hand as a parting gesture. “Want me to tell Mike and El to come in?”</p><p>“Yes, please. Enjoy the rest of your holiday, Will. And try not to get into any more fights with your best friend, eh?”</p><p>“Yes, sir.” Will excused himself and opened the inner office door to find Mike pacing the waiting room floor again. He spun quickly on his heel as he heard the door open, almost losing his balance in the process. El put down the <em> National Geographic </em>he had abandoned and stood.</p><p>“Everything okay?” Mike whispered conspiratorially to Will as he approached. He looked more like he was headed to the principal’s office than a doctor’s.</p><p>“Uh...yeah? Why wouldn’t it be?” </p><p>Mike shrugged, giving the open door El just entered a dubious glance. “Mike, no one’s in trouble. Just talk to him. It’ll be fine, I promise,” Will encouraged.</p><p>“You promise?” Mike asked, squinting suspiciously at his friend.</p><p>“Yeah, man,” Will nodded earnestly. “Just tell him the truth. Go on, El’s waiting,” Will gestured with a jerk of his chin toward the door behind Mike, where El stood eyeing him curiously.</p><p>Mike relented with a quick nod back to Will and finally turned to follow El.</p><p>
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</p><p>“Mike, I’m so pleased to finally meet you!” Dr. Mathews smiled at the tall willowy boy as he and El settled onto the couch opposite him, taking note of the incongruity in body language between the two adolescents before him and the older couple he met with previously. Maybe it was just the difference in their maturity, but he suspected it was something more.  </p><p>Jonathan and Nancy had sat a close but respectable distance apart, their shoulders and knees unconsciously angled in toward each other, and the young man had quickly reached out to take his girlfriend’s hand in his to give it a reassuring squeeze. Their hands remained clasped throughout their time in the office together.</p><p>The teen couple before him sat down on nearly opposite ends of the couch, but El had quickly scooted closer to the center, crossing her right leg over her left to lean in toward Mike.  Mike however, simply tucked his legs and hooked his ankles together, nervously tapping his fingers on the arm of the couch as his eyes darted around the room before settling with his arms crossed over his chest.  When he finally made eye contact with Mathews, Mike did not return his smile.</p><p>Dr. Mathews quickly cleared his throat. “So, Mike, I’ve certainly gotten to know El quite well over the last few months. I know you are very important to her, and it was also important to her that you come here today, so thank you for agreeing to do so. Why don’t you tell me a little about yourself?”</p><p>Mike began bouncing his left knee. “Don’t you already know everything about me? Between what El’s told you and whatever’s in those files you have on me?” Mike challenged, his chin jutting out defiantly.</p><p>“Mike…” El pleaded quietly. She’d seen Mike look at Hopper just like this when he was losing his temper over one of the rules he didn’t agree with. If he was going to act like this with Dr. Mathews, there was no point in even being here.</p><p>The good doctor rubbed a hand through his beard to hide his smirk. <em> Boy did Owens peg this one </em>, he thought, fully expecting the teen’s attitude from everything he knew about him, plus what his sister had told him earlier. “Fair point. Why don’t you tell me something that wouldn’t be in the files? How’s high school been treating you?”</p><p>Mike shrugged impertinently. Then El’s hurt gaze caught his own, and he sighed in defeat at her expression. “It’s fine,” he relented. “Not as bad as I expected.”</p><p>“What were you expecting?”</p><p>Another shrug, but he continued sullenly. “More mouthbreathers...plus with El and Will not there, it just...wasn’t what it was supposed to be.”</p><p>“Mouthbreathers?”</p><p>“You know...dumb asses, <em> sorry, </em>I mean, like...dumb jocks, bullies...the guys that always gave me and Will a hard time.”</p><p>“And there’s not as many of those as you expected?”</p><p>Mike started to shake his head, but then tilted it to the side as he rethought his response. “I guess there are, but they don’t bother us as much? There are some guys they think are even bigger losers than me, I guess, so they seem to keep busy with them. And the worst one from junior high moved at the beginning of the year, so that helped to.”</p><p>Mathews nodded in understanding. “You said ‘it wasn’t what it was supposed to be’ after Will and El moved away. What do you feel is different without their presence in school with you?”</p><p>“Are you kidding?!” Mike scoffed, looking at the doctor like he was an idiot. “My best friend <em> and </em> my girlfriend left! We were supposed to go to high school <em> together.  Everything </em> is different now!”</p><p>“But you still have your other friends in, the ‘Party,’ at school right? Do you have classes together?”</p><p>Mike nodded, “Yeah, some. But, it’s...different than with Will and El.” </p><p>“How so?”</p><p>“It just is!” One of Mike’s hands gestured outwardly in exasperation. “Dustin and Lucas don’t...they don’t <em> need </em> me like Will and El did. Like we needed...each other.” </p><p>“Needed each other for what, Mike?” Mathews asked gently. </p><p>“To...to watch out for each other,” Mike’s hand flailed between him and El, as though the answer were obvious. El smiled at him sweetly, appreciating the sentiment. “I’ve been watching out for Will since we were little kids...and, it was gonna be worse this year after all the shi-...<em> stuff </em>that happened. He was going to need me to watch out for him, and El was going to be able to protect us both when we needed it,” Mike spoke softly, his eyes glossing over as he recounted how he’d imagined things being this year. </p><p>“And then me...me and Hop,” Mike’s voice caught in his throat. “We...we were going to keep El and Will safe from the bad men at the lab and the Mind Flayer...make sure we kept an eye out for anything that didn’t… didn’t...look right.” A sob Mike had been desperately trying to hold in tore free from his chest. “And now Hop is gone too! And there was nothing...nothing I could do to help.” Mike wiped the back of his hand violently across his eyes in a failed attempt to hide the tears that had gathered as he fought to get his breathing back under control.</p><p>“Mike…” El whispered brokenly, as tears trailed down her cheeks. “Mike, I’ve <em>told</em> you that none of this is your fault. And me...me and Will are fine. We don’t <em> need </em>you to watch out for us,” she tried to explain, reaching out to take Mike’s hand. “Everything is okay…”</p><p>“<em> Okay?!” </em> Mike shouted as he jumped up as if shocked by El's touch and began to pace between the two couches. “ <em> NOTHING </em> is <em> OKAY!  </em> We’re over <em> FOUR HOURS </em> away from each other! I only get to talk to you guys like, once a week, <em> at most </em> <em>!</em>  I have <em> NO IDEA </em> if either one of you is in danger or if something were to happen. <em>I</em> <em> WOULDN’T EVEN KNOW! </em>” Mike’s hands tangled in his hair in frustration.</p><p>“But Mike, what could you do even if it <em> did?” </em>El stood up and tried to take his hands from his hair, but he spun away, refusing to look at her. “What do you think you could do that we couldn’t do for ourselves? I get that when my powers are working I can protect all of you, but they don’t work! And if they don’t work, I’m not of value to anyone as a spy or a weapon or whatever, so no one is going to come after me. So there’s nothing to protect me from either!”</p><p>Mike’s hands dropped from his hair as his frame withered. “That’s just it,” he said, his voice barely a whisper. “You’re...right. There’s nothing I <em> can </em> do. And you <em>don’t</em> need me anymore. Neither one of you do.”</p><p>“Mike, look at me...please,” El begged tearfully, hand tugging on Mike’s bicep. He turned slowly to face her, but kept his eyes averted. “Mike, I don’t <em> need </em> you... but, I <em> want </em> you. You were my first friend, and now I <em> want </em> you to be my boyfriend. And Will still <em> wants </em> you to be his best friend. Isn’t that enough?”</p><p>Shaking his head slowly, Mike replied, “But <em> I’m </em> not enough. If I can’t protect you...can’t <em> help </em> you, I’m just not good enough for you.” He sank down on the far side of the couch opposite her and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. El mimicked his path and sat down on the sofa across from him. </p><p>“No, Mike, that’s not true-” El tried to protest, but Mike wasn’t listening. He cut her off, his eyes still unfocused on the carpet in front of him, his voice filled with a quiet awe.</p><p>“You’re...you’re amazing El.  I mean, you’re like...like a super hero out of one my comics come to life. You’re brave, and strong and...and powerful -- I know your powers will come back soon, I just <em> know it </em> -- and you’re beautiful, so beautiful. God, sometimes I think I imagined you,” he laughed humorlessly. “You know, during that year Hop was hiding you, and the guys were trying to just...I don’t know, forget about everything and get back to normal...sometimes I thought maybe I had. It seemed like I was the only one that still believed you existed. And I just know that any day now you’re going to realize that there’s nothing a guy like me can offer someone like you…”</p><p>“Mike!” El demanded, leaning across the gap between them and grasping both of his hands in hers, squeezing them tightly in a desperate attempt to get through to him. “<em> Listen to me! </em> ” she cried, the tears steadily dripping from her chin as she tried to comprehend Mike’s reality. “Why can’t you believe me when I tell you that I love you? That <em> none </em> of what you’re saying is true?! I’ll <em> never </em> leave you! You’re the most important person in my life and I won’t let you go. I won’t!”</p><p>Finally looking into her eyes with a sad smile, Mike spoke softly, as if El were a small child that didn’t understand and might be frightened away. “But you already have El. You’ve left me twice. And it hurts <em> so </em> much. Every. Single. Day. I can’t even think about you without feeling this physical <em> ache </em> in my chest, and I can’t breathe,” he rubbed his chest absently, as though he felt said ache even now. “And I won’t be able to take it when you leave again.”</p><p>“Mike, El has never left you by choice. As a minor, she has simply followed the wishes of the adult guardians in her life who have had her safety and best interest in mind,” Dr. Mathews finally stepped in, feeling Mike had finally expressed all that he held in his head and heart, and given him quite a bit of insight into his current psychological state as well. “I think, possibly as a means of self preservation due to the trauma of the past few years, that you are trying to proactively protect yourself from an imagined reality that could result in yet another disappointment that does not align with the expectations you had in your mind. But, Mike, can you see that this is <em> not </em> reality? Is there some reason you do not believe that El is telling you the truth when she says she loves you?”</p><p>Mike looked at the doctor quite soberly. “I believe that she thinks she loves me now. But it’s only a matter of time before she leaves for good. Nothing has ever really worked out for me before, so why would it be any different now? And let’s face it, guys like me don’t get the girl, doc.”</p><p>“So now what?!” El’s angry voice startled Mike into looking up at her watery, red-rimmed eyes, which he had been adamantly trying to avoid.  “Are you....” she was afraid to say it out loud. “Are you...breaking up with me?”</p><p>The startled teen opened his mouth, then closed it, as though the thought hadn’t quite solidified in his mind. He opened it again, but no words came out. El jumped up from the couch as her anger flared again.</p><p>“So, you just get to tell me how <em> I </em> feel? You know, Michael Wheeler, you’re not as smart as you think you are, and certainly not as smart as <em> I </em> thought you were. You don’t understand <em> anything </em> about how I feel, and if you’re trying to break up with me...I...I don’t accept!”</p><p>That familiar condescending look crossed Mike’s face. “Well, El, that’s not exactly how it works. You certainly didn’t give me a choice when you dumped me last summer…”</p><p>Before either male in the room realized what she was doing, El shot forward and slapped Mike across the face. “Wipe that smug smile off your face. That was different and you know it!”</p><p>Both Mike and Dr. Mathews sat in stunned silence, as Mike slowly raised his hand to rub the burn from his cheek.</p><p>“Now El, you know physical violence is never the solution to our problems. I think we all need to sit back down and take a few deep, calming breaths.” Dr. Mathews warned. He was disappointed in himself that he hadn’t anticipated her actions given her outburst. He had record of her temper, but had never seen evidence of it manifest before today. Plus, she seemed so hurt moments before, he never expected she’d lash out at Mike physically.</p><p>El dropped back down to the couch with a huff and petulantly crossed her arms across her chest, reflecting Mike’s original pose when their session first began.</p><p>“I think we’ve made quite a bit of progress today with each of you sharing honestly with each other, but we’ve really just scratched the surface. Mike, I would really like to continue to see you. It’s clear to me that you are struggling to accept the disparity between reality and expectation, and that’s not uncommon after experiencing such unexplainable trauma as all of you have. It is unfortunate that your parents were not debriefed on the situation, particularly this summer. I’m sure your inability to share the truth of what you’ve been through with them, and how it has made you feel, as well as the uninformed way that they have treated you and your sister in the time since, has continued to contribute to your trauma.” </p><p>Dr. Mathews turned back to El. “I know this isn’t exactly what you were hoping to accomplish today, El, but Mike has made his feelings very clear. And regardless of the validity of his perception, this is reality for him right now. And you need to respect his request.” Dr. Mathews saw the relief wash over Mike’s face.</p><p>“This is really what you want Mike? You want to...break up?” El asked hopefully, pleading with her eyes one last time that he realized he was making a mistake and take it all back.  But Mike merely nodded, continuing to avoid El’s once again tearful gaze.</p><p>“I know there are a lot of hurt feelings here on both sides, and for numerous reasons, and I want to thank you both for being honest and open with each other today. I’m going to let your siblings take you home now, but please call me if you feel like your situation is escalating and you need my help.”</p><p>Realizing this was the end of the session, El stood, and Mike followed her cue. Dr. Mathews extended his hand to Mike, and he responded with a weak handshake. “Mike, I really hope to hear from you or your mother soon. I’ll talk to Owens again about getting her clearance so that she can be an active part of your recovery. I’d like to help you remember what normal feels like, son. Or something very close to it.”  Mike nodded and turned to the door. </p><p>“El, could I speak to you for just one moment?” Dr. Mathews called to her as she listlessly trailed behind Mike toward the door. “I know this was a very difficult session for you today.  You need to remember that Mike hasn’t had the support system from his parents that you and Will had with Joyce, nor the opportunity to work through his anxieties with a trauma specialist. I need for you to promise me that you will respect the boundaries between the two of you that Mike requests, okay?” </p><p>El wiped her nose on the back of her sleeve as she nodded, “Okay.”</p><p>“If he’ll work with me or one of my colleagues, I think we can help him see how he’s distorting reality, but for better or worse, this is likely a self-protection mechanism Mike has developed, and unfortunately you have become a trigger. Although you know most of what he said isn’t true, it is <em> his </em>reality right now. You won’t be able to convince him otherwise, and pushing him could simply make things worse. It’s going to take some time, and even when we do work through it, I can’t make any promises about what his feelings for you might be when we get there. I just want to make sure you’re clear on that, okay?” </p><p>El nodded again, and Dr. Mathews continued. “If it makes you feel any better, I believe that two people who are truly meant to be together can find their way back to each other one day when they’re both ready. You’re both very young and you have plenty of time to figure all of this out, so let’s just take it one day at a time, okay?”</p><p>“Okay, thank you Dr. Mathews.”</p><p>“Thank <em> you </em>, El. It was very brave of you to bring Mike in to speak with me, and your instinct was correct that he needs professional help. But if you find yourself losing your temper with Mike again, maybe try one of the breathing techniques we practiced for getting your fear under control? Same concept applies for anger. I don’t think slapping him made either one of you feel any better, did it?”</p><p>El shook her head in shame. Her miserable expression clearly spoke her regret. “All right, you get along now. I’m glad we have a regular appointment set next week. I look forward to speaking with you again then, when you’ve had just a bit of time to sit with today’s events. I think you’ll discover the situation may not truly be as dire as it seems right at this moment, but as I said, don’t hesitate to call if you’re feeling out of control. And use your journal to help you work through your emotions and thoughts as well.”</p><p>El simply nodded again, having nothing left to say. Her head was still spinning with the turn the session had taken. She knew the conversation wasn’t going to be easy, but she’d never imagined it would end up with her heart shattered, the ragged shards stabbing ice-cold pain into her head, eyes, throat and stomach. </p><p>El turned to leave, but the room suddenly began to feel as though it were shrinking in on her, the myriad shades of brown of the wood paneling, desk, bookcases and furniture swirling together in a blur as a numbness crept across her ears, blotting out the sound of Dr. Mathews’ concerned voice as El slipped into a blissfully silent and painless abyss.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I know a lot of you aren't going to be happy with this chapter. I can't argue with you about it, so please don't ask me too -- just accept it as a necessary development that helps explain how El can eventually move forward.  I can't get into debates over this decision or I'll never get this completed! I completely understand why you may not be happy, but this is how I need to tell this story.</p>
<p>Just remember that everyone deals with trauma differently, and that Joyce and Jim were the only parents that really knew what happened with the Upside Down and Starcourt, so none of the other kids nor their parents would have gotten any professional help to cope with the aftermath. Plus, there was an even bigger stigma about mental health during this time than there was today, and without having any idea what really happened, it would have been HIGHLY unlikely people like the Wheelers -- who were so focused on 'appearances' and seeming like the perfect family -- would have ever dreamed that their kids would need help.  They'd have more than likely turn a blind eye and insist whatever seemed to be bothering Mike and Nancy was just a phase they'd grow out of (probably just upset about their 'little boyfriend and girlfriend moving away') and get over it. </p>
<p>This won't be the last we see of Mike, but he will be going on his own journey of recovery as a more minor character in this story moving forward.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. I Will Survive</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor<br/><a href="https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7uDm5Fv2WhkpXTWUIdKH4F?si=qmpc8kkZRYmrRK3cB1Evew">Listen Here</a></p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Okay, folks -- for those of you who've been patiently waiting for a more 'mature' chapter, I've tossed in some Jancy lemony goodness for you in this one.  This is about as graphic as I'll get, so let me know if you think I should up the rating for the story to "Explicit," or if you consider this "Mature."  </p><p>Thanks, and happy reading!!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Boys….boys please, give her some space,” the deep voice of Dr. Mathews echoed from far away. “She’ll be just fine. She’s already starting to come around.” His voice was getting louder, but El longed to stay in the quiet, white expanse in which she floated. There was something she needed to see here in this cold, silent space, but she couldn’t quite make sense of what it was. </p><p>“What happened, Mike? What did you say to her?” Will’s voice sounded upset in the distance. El felt the pull to comfort him, and turned toward the pinpoint of dark warmth from which the sound came. But she needed to find what she was looking for here, first.</p><p>“She was fine when I left the room! She stayed in here to talk to <em> him, </em>” Mike’s voice sounded tinny in her head, accusing. El turned back to the bleached landscape, as a frigid gust of wind sent chills through her body.  </p><p>She pushed forward, feeling as though an invisible cord was drawing her nearer to something of great significance.   </p><p>“Gentlemen, please, step aside.” El felt a warmth at her side and a pressure at her wrist. She looked down at her arm to see the darkness spreading around her, swallowing up the frozen vastness and snapping the cord that anchored her to this place.  “El? El, dear? This is Dr. Mathews. Can you hear me?”</p><p>El’s eyes fluttered open, the last of the intriguing ivory void evaporating behind her eyelids. Three faces—one kind, one concerned and one...guilty—floated above her in the rich warmth of Dr. Mathews’ office that now surrounded her.</p><p>“Ah, there you are! You gave us a little scare. El, do you know where you are?” the good doctor asked gently.</p><p>“Yes, Dr. Mathews. I’m in your office?” El asked, just to be certain, even as the frozen plane she was desperately trying to cling to just moments before dissolved from her memory as quickly as a lost dream.</p><p>“Yes, that’s right. You lost consciousness for just a few moments. You appear to have had an anxiety attack. Do you think you can sit up?”</p><p>El nodded and placed her hands on the ground to push herself up into a sitting position, as Dr. Mathews and Will each slid a hand behind her back for support. She closed her eyes again as a wave of dizziness swept over her. When she opened them, she was met with Mike’s guilty visage as he knelt at her feet.</p><p>Mike froze at the eye contact, like a deer caught in headlights, and then scrambled to his feet. “I’ll, um...get you some water,” he mumbled, and escaped into the waiting room.</p><p>Dr. Mathews rubbed her back soothingly. “Can we get you up on the couch and off the floor so you’re a bit more comfortable?” El nodded as the doctor hooked his hand under her arm near her armpit, and Will followed suit to help move her up to the couch. Dr. Mathews then pressed his fingers gently on the back of her head to feel for bumps. “I don’t think you hit your head. I sort of caught you on the way down, and the carpet helped cushion your fall.”</p><p>Now that the dizziness had cleared, El really felt okay. Maybe just a little shaky.  Mike reappeared with the little white paper cup from the waiting room water cooler and awkwardly pushed it in her face, a few drops splashing onto her hand in her lap.</p><p>“Oh...thanks,” she said, taking the tiny cup from him before he spilled it on her completely. “I really think I’m okay. This is so...embarrassing.” </p><p>“You just had a natural response to an overly stressful situation. Our minds and bodies have remarkable self-preservation mechanisms. We just need to make sure that it now knows you are safe and doesn’t try it again, before I can let you go.”</p><p>“El, are you okay?” Nancy’s timid voice drew El’s attention to the door, where she and Jonathan stood with worried expressions.</p><p>El nodded, taking a few sips of her water. “Yeah, I think I’m okay now, Nancy.”</p><p>“You scared us! One minute I saw you standing through the door, and then it was like you just disappeared!” El could see the fear still edging her eyes. When you’d seen the kind of things they had, their imaginations couldn’t help but jump to the worst conclusions.</p><p>“Sorry…”</p><p>“Don’t apologize, El. It’s not your fault,” Will piped up, eyeing Mike suspiciously. The last thing El wanted was for Will to get mad at Mike over her again and cause more trouble between the two.</p><p>“I’m just...really tired. I’d like to go home now, if that’s okay Dr. Mathews?” El pleaded, wanting nothing more than to make sure everyone quit worrying over her.</p><p>The doctor pulled a pen light from his pocket and pointed the beam into each of her eyes, giving a little nod in approval at what he saw. “As long as you don’t feel any dizziness or weakness upon standing, then I think it should be fine. And if you promise to take it easy the rest of the day. Maybe just head home and watch a movie or something with your friends?”</p><p>“Sure,” El nodded as he lent her his arm and she rose to her feet. She looked up to find both Mike and Will looking at her expectantly with an arm outstretched, as though they each anticipated Dr. Mathews would hand her over to them. “Uh...Nancy? Could you help me to the car?”</p><p>With just a glance at the scene before her, Nancy immediately recognized El’s predicament, having been in a similar one herself a time or two with both Jon and Steve. “Of course, El,” Nancy quickly stepped forward and took El’s arm in hers so that the younger girl could lean on her if needed.</p><p>“Jonathan, you take care of this bunch and get them home safely, okay?” Dr. Mathews deferred to the eldest of their group, inaccurately assuming he had driven them.  “If she seems unstable at all, help her with her breathing exercises. It will prevent another blackout.  And don’t hesitate to give me a call if you have any cause for concern.”</p><p>“Yessir. We’ll see you next week, Dr. Mathews.”</p><p>When they reached the car, Nancy tossed the keys to Jonathan so he could indeed drive them home, per doctor’s orders. El slid into the front seat between the two older teens, ensuring she wouldn’t have to sit, nor speak, with either of the two sullen boys in the back.</p><p>Nancy slipped her hand into El’s in a silent show of support. She wasn’t fully clear on what happened between El and her brother during their session, but from the expression on Mike’s face as he left the doctor’s office, El’s subsequent fainting spell, and the wall of silence between the two best friends who now refused to look at each other in the back seat, it was much worse than any of them expected.</p><p>As they turned onto the highway, El leaned her head on Nancy’s shoulder. Lulled by the drone of the road noise and the emotional exhaustion of the day, she quickly succumbed to sleep.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Upon arriving at the Byers' house, Jonathan and Nancy roused all three of the younger siblings who snoozed the majority of the nearly silent drive.  After looking around sleepily and getting her bearings, El’s eyes widened in alarm and she bolted from the car into the house, heading straight for Jonathan’s room in the basement.</p><p>“Well, I guess she wants to talk to me,” Jonathan deadpanned. He didn't know what he was walking into, but it was clear El didn’t want to be around Mike or Will at the moment.</p><p>When Jonathan and Nancy made it down the stairs, they found El pacing agitatedly behind the couch. She spun around at the sound of their shoes hitting the basement floor.  </p><p>“I’m so sorry, but they have to leave,” El blurted out, trying unsuccessfully to wipe away the waterworks that had started the moment she caught sight of Mike sleeping so peacefully in the back seat of the car. He looked so young and his expression untroubled in his slumber, so much like the sweet boy she fell in love with when he'd first found her--and nothing like the pained, miserable teen that had just shredded her heart barely an hour ago.</p><p>“What?! What do you mean, El? They just got here! They aren’t leaving until Sunday!” Jonathan protested, not nearly as attuned to what may have happened in Mathews’ office as Nancy.</p><p>“El, can you tell me what happened? I just want to understand so I can try to help,” Nancy feared the worst, and wanted to know if there was anything she could do to soften the blow for the girl in front of her <em> and </em> her brother.</p><p>“He broke up with me. That’s what happened!” El wailed, unable to hold in the hurt any longer. Nancy ran across the room and threw her arms around El as she collapsed into sobs. While she never quite understood the appeal of her younger brother, Nancy knew that El absolutely adored him, and was probably much too dependent upon him for her own good. She also knew how worried El was about his well being, and how much she was hoping today was going to help fix things between them, so it was no wonder she was crushed.</p><p>“Oh, El, I’m so sorry. He’s an idiot. I’ve <em> always </em> known that, I’m just sorry you had to find out too,” Nancy tried to comfort El as she held her. “I’m sure he’ll figure out what a mistake he’s made and come begging you to take him back-”</p><p>“Oh God no, Nancy--it’s not...it’s not that. It’s SO much worse than we thought,” El said, shaking her head as she pulled away to explain.  “He absolutely believes that <em> I’m </em> going to leave <em> him, </em> and that he’s not good enough for me... <em> or </em> Will. It’s like...like...he thinks he’s <em> completely </em> worthless because he can’t protect either one of us and doesn’t deserve our love or friendship. He said he wants to break up because he knows <em> I’m </em> going to leave <em> him </em>!” </p><p>Nancy looked confused as El continued, trying to explain what Dr. Mathews told her. “I know, I know, it’s completely insane. Dr. Mathews thinks he’s had a...a break from reality as...as self-protection from feeling any more trauma. He really thinks Mike needs help from someone like him to help him get back to normal.  But…,” El stifled a sob, “he...he said he doesn’t know how Mike will feel about me then either. That I’m might be some sort of...trigger... for him and that, that I need to respect Mike’s wishes and leave him alone!” El lamented, continuing to fail at stopping the tears that persisted in leaking from her eyes.</p><p>Not knowing what else to do with the two upset young women in his room, Jonathan dashed for the tissue box in his bathroom and offered it to El. She accepted it gratefully and blew her nose as Nancy tried to wrap her head around the explanation El shared.</p><p>“So, wait, you’re telling me he broke up with you, so that <em> you </em> don’t break up with <em> him?” </em>Nancy puzzled.</p><p>El nodded bleakly. “Even though I<em> swore </em> I loved him and couldn’t do that! But it’s more than that. He really doesn’t think he has any value to anyone anymore. I’m <em> so </em> worried about him, Nancy. <em> Promise me </em> that you’ll make your parents get him help, or sneak him to see Dr. Mathews, or <em> something! </em> He said he’s going to try to get clearance to tell your parents about everything so they can understand, but either way, Mike needs help <em> now.” </em></p><p>“Tell <em> our </em> parents?! I really don’t think that’s a good idea. They could <em> never </em> handle it. They’re still convinced Barb’s a runaway and that half of Hawkins secretly joined a suicidal cult!” Nancy disagreed. “But, I promise, no matter what, I’ll find a way to get Mike help. I’m 18 now, so I was going to follow up with Dr. Mathews on my own anyway, but with everything else they’ve covered up, I’m sure they can manage a few doctor’s visits for Mike too.”</p><p>“But, uh...they don’t <em> really </em> have to leave, like <em> now </em>, do they?” Jonathan interjected.</p><p>El’s mouth dropped open in astonishment. “You don’t honestly think I can spend the rest of the weekend with him, do you?! <em> He broke up with me! </em> And I’m positive he doesn’t want to be around <em> me </em> right now either. And from what Dr. Mathews said, it might even be <em> bad </em> for him to be around me.”</p><p>“Well...couldn’t you guys...just, like...stay away from each other?” Jonathan knew he was being a bit ridiculous, but he hadn’t seen Nancy in <em> weeks </em> and he really didn’t want to cut their visit short.</p><p>“And where do you suggest she go, Jon? It’s not that big of a house.” Nancy turned on him, siding with El.</p><p>Jonathan shrugged, hands flailing as he searched for an idea. “I don’t know...maybe...maybe she could spend the night at Jenny’s or something. Just so we have at least <em> one </em> more day together, Nance,” he begged.</p><p>Nancy sighed at her boyfriend’s pitiful face. His puppy dog eyes began melting her resolve, and despite knowing that leaving was probably for the best, she conceded, “Let me just talk to Mike, okay? And then we can figure out what’s best for everyone.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Mike made a beeline for Will’s room after Jonathan and Nancy followed El into the house. He grabbed his duffle and began quickly collecting his discarded clothes from earlier that morning.  He shoved them in the bag, not bothering to fold them in his haste.</p><p>As Will entered the room, Mike looked up just long enough to spout, “We need to leave,” and turned to gather his comb, toothbrush and other sundries scattered across Will’s desk.</p><p>Will was taken aback by the frantic look in Mike’s eyes. “Wait, what? What do you mean, leave? Where are we going?”</p><p>“Not you, you goof,” Mike said, shaking his head at Will's assumption. “Me and Nancy. We have to go.”</p><p>“Wait, Mike, what happened? I’m sure whatever it was, you and El can work it out-”</p><p>“There’s nothing to work out. There is no ‘me and El.’ We’re through.”</p><p>Will watched in stunned silence as Mike unceremoniously crammed the rest of his things into the bag and fought to zip it over its unruly contents. As the zipper caught, he shoved his fist into the bag, cursing under his breath and snapping Will out of his momentary shock.</p><p>“No...no, come on, Mike. I’m sure whatever you said couldn’t have been <em> that </em> bad. Just give her some time to calm down and then apologize. You know she’ll take you back, just like last time. You guys will probably kiss and make up before the weekend is over.”</p><p>Mike paused his efforts with the bag and closed his eyes, pinched the bridge of his nose and breathed an exasperated sigh. “<em>She </em> didn’t break up with me. I’m the one who ended it.”</p><p>“Y-<em> you </em> ended it?” Will’s stammered in his confusion. “But, you’re <em> obsessed </em> with El. She’s...all you’ve talked about since you found her. And, after all...everything...how could you…?”</p><p>Mike yanked at the zipper again in vain, the bag much too overstuffed with the way he’d haphazardly threw everything in. He groaned in exasperation and yelled, “Because I’m not <em> good enough </em> for her and I never <em> will be! </em> I’ve <em> told </em> you this. No matter <em> what </em> I do it just hurts her more, and <em> I </em> can’t take constantly failing in <em> everything </em> I do. I’ll <em> never </em> be able to keep her safe-”</p><p>“<em>Why </em> do you keep saying that?!” Will shouted back. “It’s not <em> your job </em> to keep her safe!”</p><p>“You just...you just don’t understand what it’s like!” Mike finally dropped the bag down on the bed and gripped his hair in frustration.</p><p>Will's hands raised to his hips, his tone acerbic, “No, I guess I <em>don’t</em> understand what it’s like to have an amazing, gorgeous girl be in love with me, and tear herself up trying to keep us together! She just wants to be with you, man! How can you not see that?” </p><p>“Well if you think having a girlfriend is so great, why don’t <em> you </em>try it?! Jenny seems up for it! But it’s not as easy as it looks, believe me!”</p><p>A knock at the door interrupted their feud, and Nancy’s head popped in, eyes quickly scanning both boys to check for signs of another scuffle between the two. “Uh, guys, I’m sorry to interrupt, but El thinks we should leave and, given the yelling I just overheard, I’m thinking maybe it’s a good idea?”  </p><p>Mike took in Will’s steely glare, jaw clenched and bulging, hands still on his hips in aggravation, and turned back to his sister. “Best idea I’ve heard all day,” he replied sardonically, and hefted his still half-open bag over his shoulder. “Give that to El, will you?” Mike asked with a jerk of his thumb toward Will’s desk, shouldering past his friend. “See ya.”  </p><p>Will watched Mike stalk from the room and fought the urge to follow, continue to protest. Instead, he turned to his desk and picked up a small square box wrapped in a silvery paper. He turned it over to see Mike’s messy scrawl on a tag: <em> Happy belated birthday, El. Better late than never! Mike. </em></p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>Mike waited in the car as Nancy made her way back down to the basement to gather her things.  Jonathan looked up from where he sat on the couch with his arm around El's shoulders, her tears having finally dried for the time being.</p><p>“So?” he asked, with hopeful eyes. But he could already tell from the despondent expression on Nancy’s face she didn’t have good news.</p><p>“So, uh...we’re going to go ahead and go. Mike’s already in the car. If we get on the road now, we can be home before midnight.”</p><p>“Oh, Nance, no...it’s so late already. I don’t want you guys on the road that late tonight,” Jonathan left El on the couch and crossed the room to take Nancy’s hands in his. “Why don’t you guys just stay the night, and get up and go early in the morning?” he pleaded.</p><p>Nancy chanced a glance at El, who had stood and was making her way to the stairs. “I’m just, uh, gonna head up to my room now,” she gestured toward her escape path, wanting to give the couple some privacy for their goodbye.  She paused as she reached Nancy, and grasped her forearm. “<em>Promise</em> <em>me</em> you’ll take care of him?” </p><p>The older girl nodded solemnly. “I promise, El. I’ll keep you posted on what’s going on, okay?” she offered what she hoped was a reassuring smile. It seemed to assuage El, as she gave a small nod in return and headed up the stairs.</p><p>Nancy turned back to her boyfriend, whose head hung lowly as he played with her fingers. “Hey, we’ll find another weekend to be together soon,” she offered.</p><p>Jonathan sniffed, shook his head. “When? We’re still finishing up holiday appointments at the studio, and then we’re already booked solid through March with graduation pictures. Plus, we’ve got all our college application deadlines, then finals. I bet we don’t see each other again until New Year’s.”</p><p>“Oh shoot, that’s right,” Nancy sighed. “We were going to go over your Northwestern essay this weekend.”</p><p>“Yeah,” he nodded quickly, swiping the back of his hand across the corner of his eye, trying his best to keep it together. “I really wanted your help with that one so I could make the early admission deadline. Maybe we could look over it tonight?” </p><p>“Baby, I’m sorry but I don’t think so,” she stepped in close and wrapped her arms around Jonathan's neck. “When I went up to talk to Mike, he and Will were yelling at each other, and he had already packed up all his stuff to leave. I can’t make Mike stay here another night, no matter how much <em>I </em>want to. We’ll have to try to do it over the phone. Maybe you can mail me a copy?”</p><p>Resigned to the fact that she was determined to leave, Jonathan engulfed Nancy’s tiny frame in his arms and buried his face in her neck, breathing in her familiar scent of Love’s Baby Soft mixed with AquaNet. She squeezed him tightly, then whispered in his ear alluringly, “At least we got to have some fun together last night,” and nipped at his ear.</p><p>Jonathan groaned at the memory of her hot, soft skin, the noises she made just for him, and the way their soapy bodies slid against each other in the secret shower they stole in the middle of the night in his private bathroom. “Don’t make me think about that <em> now, </em> or I’ll <em> never </em> let you go.”</p><p>She placed a slow, open-mouthed kiss at that spot on the tendon that ran from his shoulder into the back of his neck that always made him shiver, dragging her teeth along it and giving him a little love bite before soothing it over with her tongue. His hips jerked against her involuntarily, and Nancy reveled in how quickly she could feel him begin to respond to her. </p><p>“I’m not kidding, woman,” Jonathan murmured, gripping her hips and grinding his pelvis purposely into hers. “You <em> know </em> what you do to me…”</p><p>“Yes, yes I do…,” Nancy smiled and pulled back so she could kiss him properly, whispering against his mouth, “Because you do the same to <em>me</em>,” before parting his lips with her needy tongue and sinking her hands into his hair.</p><p>Jonathan moaned into her mouth, walking her back until they met the bed. Nancy sat down on the edge and wrapped her legs around his hips, pulling him in tight to grind her hot center into the urgent hardness in his pants. </p><p>“How quick do you think you can-” she whispered as Jonathan trailed his lips down the column of her neck.</p><p>“Don’t worry about me, babe. How quickly can <em>you</em>?” he asked, a hand already working the button on her tight jeans.</p><p>“Fast. I’ll help. Just get inside me, <em> now,” </em>she demanded hoarsely, deftly unbuttoning Jonathan’s pants and pushing him away to wiggle out of hers. Jonathan pushed his underwear and jeans down just far enough for his now aching cock to spring free, and stepped back into Nancy as she sat up, wrapping her legs back around his hips as he lined himself up with her slick entrance. </p><p>He rubbed his hot, swollen head up and down between her folds, sliding over her clit and teasing her for just a moment before Nancy lost patience and used her legs to pull him in on the downstroke; his thick, heavy dick sinking deep inside her dripping core in one sweeping motion. </p><p>They both moaned low and loud, and Jonathan nearly came when Nancy’s walls squeezed him tight after the unexpected sensation.<br/><br/>“You just love to be in control, don’t you?” he breathed shakily, pausing to regain some of his composure and sliding a hand from her thigh up to her still fully clothed breast to rub his thumb over her hardened peak.</p><p>“And you love it too,” Nancy squeaked as he tweaked her nipple hard, just like she liked, as she slid her hand down in between them to work her nub and speed the process. “Now move. <em> Fast,” </em>she commanded with a kick of her heel into his ass.</p><p>“<em>As you wish</em>,” Jonathan retorted, using a line from one of Nancy’s favorite books that always gave her a little thrill, as he complied and began slamming into her hard and fast. He saw Nancy’s eyes flash in recognition, and she leaned back on one hand for leverage so that she could flex her hips against his and give herself more room to rub at her clit. </p><p>Seeing Nancy on display like this, half dressed with her shoulder and bra peeking out of the top of her disheveled blouse, head thrown back in ecstasy as she moaned and pleasured herself, plus the sight of himself pounding in and out of her wet pussy was one of the most erotic things Jonathan had ever seen. He was already feeling that familiar tightening in his balls and they'd just begun. “C’mon baby, come for me. I’m almost there,” he encouraged, slowing his strokes to give her time to catch up.</p><p>“Oh, god Jon, me too! Faster Jon, faster,” Nancy begged, so he doubled his speed, as her hand increased its frantic movements. One of Jonathan’s hands gripped her thigh, held high over his hip so he could hit that spot she loved deep inside, while he slid the other up under her shirt. He pinched at her other nipple through her bra, and felt Nancy tumble over the edge as a high-pitched keening erupted from her throat. Her walls clamped down hard on Jonathan, pulling him to completion along with her. </p><p>Jonathan slowed his movements to let Nancy ride out every last ripple of her climax as she came down from her high, panting his name like a prayer. “Jesus, Jon, that was just...wow...you really know how to tell a girl goodbye.”</p><p>“Well, I’m pretty sure <em> you </em> started that, but I had to give you a little something to remember me by,” he quipped, with a little flex of his now softening cock still inside her.</p><p>She drew him in tight again with her legs, not yet ready for their bodies to part, and pulled him down by the back of his neck for a hard, quick kiss. “<em>That </em> was a totally cheesy line. I think Steve’s rubbing off on you.” </p><p>“Steve better not be <em> rubbing off </em> on anybody. Now that I’ve been lifting weights and he’s just lifting video tapes, I’m pretty sure I could take him out.” </p><p>“Wow, there is <em> way </em> too much testosterone in this house,” she laughed, reluctantly pushing him away. “But, I really do need to get going. Mike’s been waiting out in the car for like 20 minutes already.”</p><p>“I know,” Jonathan sighed, tucking himself back in his pants and zipping up. “Let me get you a towel to clean up,” he said, swiping her pants up off the floor and handing them to her.</p><p>“Always <em> such </em>a gentleman,” she said sarcastically, but the twinkle in her eyes let him know she did appreciate all his little gestures. Nancy stood up from the bed and began quickly gathering the few things she needed to pack back into her bag. </p><p>“You know, I hear they’re making a <em> Princess Bride </em> movie,” she called over her shoulder at Jonathan, letting him know she caught his ‘<em>As you wish’ </em>reference during their lovemaking.</p><p>“I’m sure it won’t even compare to the show I’m watching <em> right now,” </em>Jonathan said, coming up behind Nancy as she bent over her bag, still pantsless, giving him a full view of her perfect, heart-shaped behind and a peek at her swollen sex, still glistening with the evidence of their quickie. </p><p>“Gimme that towel.” Nancy stood up quickly, turning and snatching it from Jonathan’s hands, ignoring his playful pout at losing his view. “You’re still taking me to see that movie when it comes out,” she said as she cleaned herself and threw the towel back at him. He caught it at his chest, always a little dazed when she said something that made it clear she assumed they'd be together for a long time in the future. </p><p>She slipped her jeans back on without her panties, and instead turned to tuck the lacy scrap of material up under Jonathan’s pillow. “There’s something for <em> you </em> to remember <em> me </em> by.”</p><p>“You are going to be the death of me, Nancy Wheeler,” he laughed, pulling her back into a soft, chaste kiss. </p><p>Nancy leaned her forehead against his. “I really need to go.”</p><p>“I know,” Jonathan whispered. “I love you.”</p><p>“I know,” Nancy grinned back. “I love you, too.”</p><p>Jonathan picked up Nancy’s bag and followed her up the stairs and out to the car where Mike waited, listening to his Walkman. </p><p>“It’s about time, I’ve been waiting like an <em> hour,” </em>Mike whined as Nancy opened the driver’s door and Jonathan opened the back door to toss in her bag.</p><p>“Don’t be so dramatic, Mike. It’s been a half hour, tops. It's not like you gave me a lot of notice. I had to find all my stuff to pack up,” Nancy retorted, slamming the door.</p><p>“Where did you look for it, in Jonathan’s pants?” Mike snapped back.</p><p>“You are <em> such </em> a child,” Nancy tried to cover the red rising up her neck at having not fooled her brother for a second. “It’s going to be a <em> long </em> drive home,” she said to Jonathan through the open window as she started the car.</p><p>“You two be nice to each other. Drive safe, and be sure to call me when you get home, no matter how late it is,” Jonathan reminded with a slap to the roof of the car. He stepped back from the vehicle, calling out a “Love you!” as she began to back out. </p><p>“Love you too!” he heard Nancy’s reply, followed by Mike’s fainter, “<em>Can we just go already?!” </em> Jonathan stood in the yard and watched as the Wheeler station wagon reached the end of the driveway, turned on to the road, and drove away. </p><p>A light rain had begun to fall, driving Jonathan back inside. As he stepped onto the porch, a set of headlights panned across the house and he turned around quickly, thinking Nancy changed her mind and expecting to see the station wagon pulling back up the drive. But it was just his mother returning home from work.</p><p>Jonathan waited for Joyce on the porch so he could catch her up on the day. She knew they had all gone to see Dr. Mathews together, but wasn’t fully aware of the concern about Mike’s mental state.</p><p>“Hey, Mom, how bad was it today?”</p><p>“Oh, you know, people grabbing VCRs, stereos and Teddy Ruxpin’s out of each other’s hands all day. Tons of lost kids to deal with, but at least no one got hurt and no one quit, so it coulda been worse,” Joyce said, stifling a yawn and looking around. “What are you doing out here on the porch? Where’s Nancy?”</p><p>“They left. Sounds like your day was way better than ours. Let’s go in and I’ll catch you up. But I gotta warn you, we've got two pretty upset kids in there.”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>After Jonathan told his mom the whole story of all that happened that day (skipping over the more <em>personal</em> details of his and Nancy’s goodbye), Joyce went to check on the two younger teens.  She stopped at Will’s room first, since she guessed she’d be spending a lot more time with El that evening.</p><p>“Hey hon?” she said with a knock on Will’s partially open door. He had left it open in case El wanted to talk, but he hadn’t seen her since Mike and Nancy left. He'd only heard the somber tones of <em> Tears for Fears </em> echoing through his wall. </p><p>“Come on in, mom,” Will called from his bed. He’d taken Dr. Mathews’ advice and had been working through his emotions and thoughts from the day in his sketch journal. </p><p>Joyce entered the room and sat at the end of the bed, reaching out to rub her son’s foot. “So, I hear it was a rough day today. How are you doing?”</p><p>Will closed his journal and placed it next to him on the bed and took a deep breath. “Yeah, it was...a lot. But, I’m okay, it’s El I’m worried about.”</p><p>“I know, and that’s sweet baby, but, are <em> you </em> really okay? Jonathan said you and Mike were fighting all day today, and that you lost your temper with him more than once. That’s not like you and Mike at all. What’s going on?”</p><p>Will had been thinking quite a bit about what things had triggered his anger throughout the day, and although much of it was about El and how Mike was treating her, there was something else that was bothering him too.</p><p>“I guess...I guess being away from Mike for a while has just let me see more clearly how selfish he can be sometimes. I mean, I know he really needs to see someone like Dr. Mathews for some of the problems he’s having, but even before...everything...I can see now that it’s always been all about him, and what <em> he </em> needs and what <em> he </em> thinks everybody should do. He was <em> always </em>kinda like that. And I guess because he was looking out for me, and I kind of needed him to when we were younger, I was okay with it.” A guilty look passed over his face, and Joyce squeezed his foot in understanding, urging him to continue.</p><p>“And I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’ll be <em> forever </em> grateful that he didn’t believe I just ran away or whatever, and helped you convince Hopper to keep looking for me. If he hadn’t found El and kept her hidden, and then got her to help…,” Will shuddered at the thought, and his mother simply nodded, tears welling in her eyes as well.</p><p>“But, you know, ever since I got better, I <em> don’t </em> agree with everything Mike says, and I really don’t like the way he treats El. I just thought it was annoying before, but now that I really <em> know </em> her, it just makes me mad that he treats her like she’s stupid and can’t think for herself. He can’t seem to realize that neither one of us is just going to do whatever he wants anymore. And now that we've made some new friends here...I guess I just realized that not all friends act like that with each other,” Will shrugged, tracing the pattern of the stitches in his bedspread absently with his finger as he spoke.</p><p>“Oh honey, I hate to break it to you, but this happens sometimes with friends as you grow up, even when you don’t fight interdimensional monsters together,” Joyce said with another small squeeze to her son’s foot. “When you start really getting to know yourself, sometimes you don't get along as well with your old friends. You start to find separate interests and new friends, and not always at the same time...and feelings get hurt.”</p><p>“Yeah, I guess it really started happening when I...this summer, when I really woke up and everyone had girlfriends but me. I just wanted to keep hanging out with the guys like always, and they just wanted to hang out with the girls. It really sucked," Will glanced up at his mom, whose eyes were filled with guilt. She knew her son was struggling this summer, but she just assumed it was because he was still so fragile from getting that <em>thing</em> out of him, plus she still grieving the loss of Bob <em>and</em> she was so on edge watching for new signs of danger. She never thought Will might be down just because of something as mundane as not having a girlfriend like the rest of his friends.</p><p>Will's own guilty voice brought Joyce back out of her own thoughts on her repeated failures as a parent. "And I know what Mike is going through is...a lot more...<em>complicated</em> than that...but it’s like...it’s not <em> all </em>the trauma. Some of it’s just how he always was...only worse. I’m trying to be understanding, but...," he sighed at his inability to accurately capture his feelings into words.  Drawing is emotions was <em>so</em> much easier for him. "I think...it’s probably a good thing that we’re spending some time apart. I just...I hope he goes to Dr. Mathews or someone like him and it gets better, that he can learn to be more open to other people's ideas, so we can be friends again soon.”</p><p>Joyce felt tears threatening as she watched her son struggle with his emotions, always so easy to read in his big, expressive eyes. “I really hope so too," she said, rubbing his leg like she used to when he had growing pains during a growth spurt when he was little. "But, sometimes even the best of friends part ways as they grow up. I really hope that’s not the case with you guys, but you just might not ever be as close as you used to be when you were younger. And that’s okay too. Friendships can change over time, but the people can still be important to you. Just look at me and Hop…,” Joyce ended sadly, eyes misting again.</p><p>“I know, Mom,” Will said as he crawled across the bed and wrapped his arms around Joyce. She looked like she needed a hug as much as he did. “Thanks.”</p><p>“Of course, baby,” Joyce said, her hand sliding to his cheek as he pulled back from their hug. “Have you talked to El?”</p><p>“No, not since we left Dr. Mathews’ office. But Jon and Nancy did. I left my door open in case she wanted to talk, but she’s just been in her room listening to music. She’s pretty upset.”</p><p>“Yeah, I’m sure she is. A broken heart from your first love is pretty earth shattering at her age. I’ll take care of her. Just, leave her alone about it unless she comes to you, okay?”</p><p>Will nodded profusely. “You got it, Mom. I really don't even know what to say to her. I'm afraid I might make it worse.”</p><p>“Well, I’ll tell you a little secret about dealing with an upset woman -- just listen and agree. When a woman is upset about something that you didn't do, she’s not looking for you to fix it unless she specifically <em> asks </em> you to. Otherwise, she just wants someone to listen to her. Now, if it was something <em>you</em> did, you’d <em> better </em> fix it, but make sure it’s what she wants, or you very well could make the situation worse.”</p><p>“Um...okay? That sounds confusing…”</p><p>“Don’t worry, you’re young still. I’ll help you figure it out. Just know that right now if El wants to talk to you about Mike, just listen. Don’t try to fix things between them and don’t you <em> dare </em> take his side. Not if you want to live anyway.”</p><p>Will smiled at his mother’s warning. “Don’t worry, I won’t.  I think he's an idiot for breaking up with her.” </p><p>“Alright kiddo, I’m going to go check on El.” Joyce stood up to leave, but turned back. “Have you guys eaten?” </p><p>Will shook his head. “No, but I’m not really hungry. I’ll just make a sandwich or something if I do.”</p><p>“Are you sure? I could make something…”</p><p>“No, Mom, you’ve had a long day. Don’t worry about it, I’ll be fine, really. Go check on El.”</p><p>“Okay, sweetie. Love you.”</p><p>“Love you too, Mom.”</p><p>Joyce pulled Will’s door to and turned toward El’s room, finding the door open. She peeked inside, but there was no El to be found. She turned to see the light on under the closed bathroom door, and stepped up to knock.</p><p>“El, honey, are you in there?” Joyce called. There was no answer. Joyce pressed her ear to the door and heard the unmistakable sound of a sob. “El, sweetheart, it’s Joyce. Can you let me in?”</p><p>Joyce heard the sound of the bathroom cabinet shutting, the toilet flush and then the rattle of the doorknob as the door swung open to El’s swollen, tear-stained face. Joyce immediately opened her arms for the clearly despondent girl, who fell into her with a heavy sob, followed by gut-wrenching boo-hoos. It would almost be comical to hear, if Joyce hadn’t cried the same way over the loss of two men in as many years.</p><p>“Oh, sweetheart, I know. I know it hurts. I’m so sorry you have to go through this, and so young.” Joyce’s own still-raw heart was breaking all over again for El, knowing just how real the love felt at that age, and how confusing it all must be for a girl to lose these people she loved in such a short period of time--especially when she had so few to lose to begin with.</p><p>Joyce rocked El in her arms, just as she had her boys so many times before, and as they had held each other on many a night since they'd both lost Hopper. “But...but...I’m...<em> not... </em> <em>that</em> young!” she sobbed. “It...it’s...already happened to...to...Amy <em> and </em> Jenny...but...did it...have to...happen... <em> today?!” </em></p><p>Joyce rubbed El’s back soothingly. “I’m surprised your friends have been through this sort of thing too at their age, but either way, it’s a very personal experience. Everyone deals with this kind of pain in their own way.”</p><p>“It doesn’t...hurt,” El said through a few shuddering breaths as she tried to get control of her grief. “Well, I guess my stomach’s been hurting the past couple of days...but I thought...I thought it was just because I was...worried about Mike,” she let slip another errant sob. “I just didn’t realize there would be so... <em>much</em>... blood.”</p><p>Joyce froze in alarm, her saucer-like eyes growing even larger. <em> "Blood? </em> El...what happened? Did you...<em>hurt</em>...Mike?”</p><p>“Mike?!” Now it was El’s turn to be alarmed. “What do you mean what happened?! Did something happen to Mike? Is he hurt?!” El grabbed tightly onto Joyce’s arms as she began to panic.</p><p>“What? No...I, I don’t know? You mentioned blood. What were <em> you </em> talking about El?” Joyce was utterly confused, but trying to tamp down both her and El’s rising panic.</p><p>Suddenly, El began to laugh. Big belly laughs as deep as the sobs she’d emitted just moments before. “El, what...what’s so funny, honey? Why...why are you laughing like this? You’re...kind of scaring me,” Joyce was truly beginning to worry for the girl’s sanity.</p><p>“Funny...honey!” El guffawed again at Joyce's unintended rhyme, falling against the wall and wiping the now mixed tears of grief and laughter from her face. “You...you...thought...Mike?...Oh….oh, Joyce...that’s...that’s...crazy!” She was finally getting a hold of herself, trying to catch her breath so she could talk, but burst out into yet another fit of giggles, preventing herself from further explanation.</p><p>“El, are you...are you okay?” Joyce asked again, reasonably sure now that El hadn’t hurt Mike, and beginning to smile along with El’s infectious tittering. “What is <em> so </em> funny? Tell me what’s going on, please!”</p><p>El wiped at her eyes again and took a deep sobering breath. “No...no, Joyce. I didn’t<em> hurt </em> Mike...well, I <em> did </em> slap him, but I think it just surprised him more than hurt.” Another giggle escaped as she thought about Mike's shocked face when he realized she had struck him. “I just <em> started my period!  </em> That’s why I was talking about blood. Just when I thought I couldn’t cry any more today, I went to the bathroom and found all that <em> blood </em> and I couldn’t help it. I just couldn’t believe that it would start today, of all days!”</p><p>“Oh, honey...no wonder!” Joyce let out her own relieved laugh, and pulled El in for another hug. “Wow, you really have had one hell of a day, haven’t you?” El nodded sadly. “Did you find the pads okay, did you need any help cleaning up or anything?”</p><p>El shook her head, “Just what to do with my underwear? They’re kind of gross.”  </p><p>“If they weren’t your favorite pair or anything, just toss them out. If you want to save them, we need to soak them now.”</p><p>El shook her head. “Nah, nothing special. I’ll just throw them away,” she said, turning back to the bathroom to take care of the offending item.</p><p>“Well, this is the kind of day that calls for a drink, but since you’re still a kid...sorry, <em> young woman, </em>I guess I should say now,” Joyce said with a wink, “how about a Triple-Decker Eggo Extravaganza?”</p><p>El smiled somewhat sadly at the sweet gesture, but nodded her head in agreement. "C'mon, hon, let's go drown our sorrows in sugar," Joyce said, throwing her arm around El's shoulders as the two headed for the kitchen to mark two of life's more unpleasant firsts.</p>
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